A Darker Side of light: Thank you for reviewing. We're really glad you like our fanfic.
Disclaimer- I don't own the rights to any of the 'Lord of the rings' characters, but Legolas has my heart in the palm of his hand.
Chapter 2- The Reason for the Title.
"Actually, no. In fact they're conscious but, alas, definitely poisoned.....and there's no-one here named Jim."
The servant looked sheepish. "Sorry, I just got carried away with the excitement of it all."
Bard, Lord of the Lake-town, stood up. "We need a ridiculously long meeting. All of the lords of Middle Earth must be there, plus all of the greatest warriors, and all of the members of the fellowship."
Haldir also stood up. "And during this meeting the history of several of the characters must be explained"
Elrond nodded. "Very well. I hear by call a Council."
"You like your councils don't you Elrond," said Eomer, who was standing by the door.
"Indeed," replied Elrond "When I call the council, it means I get to be in charge," he raised his voice, "The council will consist of the Valar, all the lords and great warriors gathered here, the Fellowship....and Gaurbrith."
Gaurbrith was startled. "Me?"
"Yes, you," said Gandalf, standing behind him holding a rope.
"No, no. I'll come quietly," said Gaurbrith, clutching his ankle.
As everyone filed out Gimli came up to Elrond.
"Elrond, you are a great healer, aren't you?"
"Look, it's a very unusual poison, with special magical properties," he snapped defensively.
"What? No, you don't understand. I was wondering how much you knew about.......cloning." He looked straight ahead, but he was fingering his crystal-confined lock of Galadriel's hair.
When they reached the council chamber, they found it was not quite ready for them. There were paper plates lying around everywhere, and half empty glasses. A couple of party-goers were passed out on the floor. The bouncers were busy trying to teach Tom Bombadil to 'play dead'. Elrond looked pissed, as only Elrond (and possibly Agent Smith) can.
"Why is this room not prepared?"
"Haven't we been holding the feast in here?" asked a human clan chief who, for the sake of originality, was dressed in a costume indistinguishable from a Viking.
"No, we were in the banquet hall," said an indignant dwarf.
"Well nobody told me!"
"Hang on, when did we change?" piped up a confused Gaurbrith, "We were in here, and suddenly we moved."
"Oh it's just a plot inconsistency. You get used to them after awhile," said Frodo.
"It will take too long for the servants to clear up this mess, My Lord. Perhaps we should use the river-barge," announced Erestor.
This produced a generally positive reaction, especially from Cirdan and the Lake-town party. So, the procession rushed to the barge in the hopes of getting to the steering seat first. On the way, Gimli came up to Gandalf.
"A great wizard like you must know some good cloning spells," he said casually.
"I know many spells, young dwarf, none of which are to be used lightly."
"Haven't you said that before, Gandalf?" asked Bilbo.
Gandalf looked irritated. "No! Come along Gaurbrith!"
Aragorn walked beside Elrond, his face carrying a perplexed expression.
"Ada, I must confess to being surprised to find you here as I thought you had travelled to the Grey Havens and then passed into the West."
"There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for that," said Elrond, trying desperately to think of one.
"And what would that be, Ada?"
"I, er...left a light on in Rivendell, yes, a light on in the bathroom, I think. You know how these bills mount up."
Aragorn nodded sagely. "I know what you mean."
(&)
Legolas, fleet of foot, reached the barge first and headed straight for the bridge. He was intercepted, however by Merry, who had swum across to the barge (with Pippin just behind him).
"Surely you young ones do not wish for the great responsibility of this craft."
"Yeah we do," said Merry cheerfully, splating into the seat.
"Surely I am stronger and wiser and better qualified then you to steer this boat."
"Nah, we're fine."
"Yeah. Sod off, bishie!" added Pippin lifting himself over the side. Legolas grabbed Merry by the back of his collar and raised him two feet off the deck.
"Oi! You can't do that!" protested Pippin. Merry bowled into Pippin, which caused them both to tumble over the barrier and into the water. Legolas took hold of the wheel, seated himself and sighed.
The seat was damp.
(&)
"I, Lord Elrond, Half-Elven of Rivendell, hereby call this meeting to order." Everyone who was going to be there was there, and everyone who was there ignored him.
"I said ORDER!!" shouted Elrond, thumping the table with a magical dwarf hammer which sang "Twinkle, Twinkle little star" as it was used. The noise level decreased fractionally, but this may have been because someone had finally managed to knock Boromir out. Manwe tapped Elrond on the shoulder and said "Mayhap, thou wouldst permit me . . .?"
Elrond bowed deeply. "You're the Valar."
Manwe lifted his hand and lightning came down out of the clear blue sky and lit the end of Orome's enormous cigar.
"Why thank you, old chap. I was just about to ask if anyone had a light."
"Fruit, anyone?" asked Yanna, Giver of Fruit, offering a bowl round.
"They're all mine. I'll fight anyone who wants one," challenged Tulkas, snatching the bowl.
"You can't eat them. Fruits have feelings too," wept Nienna.
Elrond cleared his throat impatiently.
"As I was say..." He paused "You lot by the steering wheel: SIT DOWN!"
Brand was in the driver's seat. "But you have never steered a boat in your life!"
"That maybe true" replied Cirdan. "However, I have millennia of experience with the construction of ships."
"Well I'm in the seat now, so push off"
"I told you to SIT DOWN!"
Cirdan took a seat and sulked.
"As I was saying, the illness is indeed grievous. The victim will die...soon. It will be long, drawn out and painful."
Someone put their hand up. "How soon?"
"Somewhere between tomorrow and in the five years time."
"That's accurate enough for me."
"The poison is beyond even my incredible skill to heal, which is remarkable, as everyone knows I am the foremost healer in Middle Earth. There are but two cures. The first is for the wonderful and most high Valar to heal them by a miracle."
Everyone turned towards the Valar.
"Heads up everyone, they're looking at us," said Mandos.
Manwe took the initiative as spokesperson.
"We could do that," he said reasonably "but then again, we could not."
"Why are we still here, anyway?" asked Ulmo.
"We were supposed to leave before the poisoning."
"The party's gone all boring now, let's get out of here."
"Yeah, parties are so much better in Valinor."
"Everything is so much better in Valinor."
And with that, the most powerful beings in Middle Earth left.
Ulmo dived head-first into the punch bowl. For several hours afterwards, the sounds of giggles and hick-ups could be heard from it.
Varda tapped her chest and said "Beam me up Scotty," and disappeared in a shimmering and strange noise.
Tulkas sprinted off across the lake, Nessa hitching a 'piggy-back' ride.
Este gracefully floated away on a passing breeze.
Mandos faded way on a passing glance.
Lorien jumped into a conveniently sleeping hobbit, who was rather startled (but not so startled that he woke up).
Vana skipped away, happily humming a strangely familiar tune. If someone had asked her the name, she would have said 'Into the West'.
For the sake of 'originality', Orome disappeared in a puff of smoke. This may or may not have come from his cigar.
Aule created a pit right through the centre of the boat, and jumped in. The pit remains.
Nobody saw Manwe leave. When they turned back to look at him, he was no longer there.
Yavanna walked into a wardrobe, which nobody remembered bringing onto the boat. Most thought that was it, but she came out again and said, "No, Gimli. We won't make a replica of Galadriel for you!" Before she slammed the door they could hear the roar of a lion and a cackle of a witch.
Nienna was left alone. "Why has everyone left me?" she cried, and she fell to pieces, literally.
After some time (and another change of pilots), Elrond managed to bring the meeting to order again. "The other cure of which I spoke is a herb found only in the distant land of Kyryalya, which has been strangely omitted from all standard maps of Middle Earth. A party must go to Kyryalya and bring the herb back to me."
"I assume this quest will involve lots and lots of danger," Frodo said.
"Of course. That's why I'm not going. Neither is Arwen."
"Aw, Ada. You are, like, soooo mean," said Arwen, before storming off to sulk in her room.
"Rrraaawk!" said the Eagle lord.
"That is a very good point," said Gandalf, "and one that needs to be remembered in these discussions."
"The road is long and treacherous," continued Elrond. "On the way to Kyryalya you must pass through, Lothlorien, Mirkwood, the Misty Mountains, Gondor, Rohan, the Lonely Mountain, and possibly Mordor.
"But won't it be quicker-" commented Boromir, picking seaweed from between his teeth.
"NO! This route is definitely the most direct."
Glorfindel stood up. "By the by, Milord, could you tell us who was poisoned?"
"We don't have time for that! However, we do have time to argue for several hours about historical side-issues."
"Rrrrrrawkkk" put in the Eagle lord, moving the plot along.
"As you wish, O Wind Lord. We shall decide the adventuring party immediately." said Gandalf.
Eomer stood up and said "I suggest we send The Fellowship."
Legolas leaped up, with his fist over his heart, and struck a manly pose. "It would be my honour to join such a noble quest."
"I go where the elf goes," added Gimli. "He's my bestest friend in the whole wide world."
"I'm going as well, to prove I'm a better friend than Gimli," put in Aragorn.
Merry and Pippin jumped up. "We'll go 'cause we have nothing better to do."
"Sure, whatever," said Boromir. "It can't turn out any worse than the last one."
"It's decided then," concluded Gandalf. "Any objections?"
"I have an objection," said Dain, King Under the Mountain.
"Is it selfish and obstructive?" asked Gandalf
Dain looked embarrassed. "Yes."
"We'll ignore it then. The party will consist of the nine members of the Fellowship, plus Lord Kanolhachkirraukoturgilarsergedhelthalion and Gaurbrith."
Gaurbrith almost fell off his chair. "Hold on, why me?"
Celeborn looked startled. "Did you not heed the wise words of the Eagle lord?"
Lord Kanolhachkirraukoturgilarsergedhelthalion rose to his feet. "I must question the wisdom of my participation. I am the ruler of a realm, and it needs my attention."
"Just leave it all in the hands of some lackey." said Aragorn "That's what I always do, and it usually turns out fine."
----Meanwhile, in Minas Tirith----
Steward Faramir was seated in the crowed throne room, looking extremely stressed.
"My lord, the southern cities have just declared independence-"
"Lord Faramir, a shipment of explosives has gone missing near the city prison-"
"Now if ya don't want me to be back here in six months to shore up that cliff face up there again, ya gonna have to pay for quality-"
Faramir took deep breaths and muttered "I can do this. I MUST do this. King Elessar trusted me. I must, show my quality."
*BOOM*
*CRASH*
"HELP! EOWYNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" *sob*
(&)
Back in Rivendell, several hours of boring debate had passed, and still the identity of the poisonee had not been revealed. Elrond stood up, having donned a pair of shades and an ear piece, with a curly wire that disappeared into the collar of his robes.
"So, all is decided. The party shall leave in the morrow. I wish them all the speed and protection that the Valar can provide. Council adjourned."
The few who remained in their seats stood, filed down the gang plank and towards their sleeping chambers.
After everyone had departed and all was still, Manwe appeared from his hiding place beneath a table. He dusted himself off, and strolled into the West.
End of Chapter 2
R/R please.
I'm really sorry guys for the delay. I sent it and then there was the backlog, and then it there were too many grammar errors for some reason, then i had to sent it to just bob to recorrect and he's just sent it back. I'm really sorry. (Thank you beautiful and wonderful reviewers)
Lego_My_Legolas: *hugs* your the first reviewer (and my first on CoE), thank you! I'm afraid I don't quite understand what context your question is in through.
Ireth_Telrunya: Just Bob came up with Lord K's name. We were looking through the translations at the back of the Sil. And making weird names (that's were Gaurbrith came from) and Bob tried to come up with a really long name.
AryatheGolden: *hands over more munches* there you go.
Gilraen_Elensar: well I like my life so I better keep 'em coming. :D Thank you for reviewing, espaically as you don't usual.
WhiteFeather: good to see you think it's a neat idea.
jeral0: I know, lol. Hope you enjoyed this one.
Telquareiel: Yes, there will definitely be more chapters. I CAN'T TELL YOU WHO'S BEEN POISONED.
Sathiel: You've just read it. LOL ;p
