A/N What's this? An update? Why, yes it is! :D Sorry for the long wait, guys. University has been at my throat for the past few months. You know how it is. Also, I had a recent medical emergency that has left me unable to drive until October, which makes me kinda sad (but if anyone's wondering, I'm totally fine now :)). Another sad thing is that I'm taking a summer course at a community college, because that's a lot cheaper than university. But it's actually been going pretty well, so w00t. :D

And this has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but I recently had a dream where I found myself wearing a Japanese schoolgirl uniform. It was horrifying. Feel sorry for me.

ANYWAY. This chapter revolves around all the gratuitous swearing I see constantly. Swearing can add to a story if done properly, but not if you're just doing it because you think it's just so awesome. Seriously people, that invariably backfires on you. It makes it painfully obvious that you're just trying and failing to look cool. So please, stop.

Also, WARNING: As you may or may not have guessed, this chapter contains swearing . . . and lots of it. Might I add, however, to any religious people out there: I NEVER take the Lord's name in vain, even when I'm writing (my atheist brother would be most unimpressed, I'm sure). So most of you should be fine with this. If you're still not, you can just read all my other stuff instead. :) *wink wink nudge nudge*

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, I swear!

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Gosh Darn it to Heck!

It was a beautiful day today. The sun shone brightly in the cloudless sky, and a cool sea breeze raced across the large ship headed for Kanto, providing the passengers some respite from the summer heat. Twenty-year-old Ash Ketchum leaned against the railing of the ship, lost in thought. Pikachu, his ever-present companion, was perched on his shoulder, staring out across the deep blue ocean. They were visiting Ash's old home in Pallet Town. They were both looking forward to having an actual roof over their heads. Why, you ask?

Because they were fucking tired of being on the fucking road all the fucking time, sleeping in shitty tents in shitty weather, and they wanted a fucking break for once.

Ash took off his hat for a moment to run his fingers through his hair, which looked and felt absolutely shitty right now, thanks to the fact he hadn't fucking washed it in a fucking week. He sighed as he put on his hat again (which looked like complete shit—he really needed a new one). He leaned more heavily against the railing. He was so fucking tired.

"Pika!" Pikachu said loudly all of a fucking sudden, right in Ash's fucking ear, scaring the fucking shit out of his poor fucking trainer.

"Fuck, Pikachu!" his master exclaimed, annoyed as shit. "What the fuck was that for?"

Pikachu silently pointed directly in front of him. Ash squinted out into the distance, trying to see what his pokémon was so fucking excited about.

"Oh, shit! Fucking land!" he practically shouted. He grinned broadly, suddenly in a much less shitty mood. "We'll be in Kanto in no fucking time at all!" He spread out his arms, almost knocking Pikachu off into the fucking ocean in the process. "Home sweet fucking home!" he said happily, while Pikachu gave him a slightly pissed-off look.

Not too long afterwards, the ship reached the docks at fucking last. Ash tried to leave as fucking quickly as he fucking could, but a shit-ton of people blocked his way, all trying to get off the fucking ship at the same fucking time. Ash found himself practically fucking crushed in a fucking living traffic jam. Pikachu, meanwhile, sat atop his trainer's head, wearing a shit-eating grin, safely out of the fucking way. Ash couldn't help but feel fucking pissed that his pokémon was free of the fucking crowd while he himself was being fucking crushed to death.

Finally, though, they were off the fucking ship, feeling relieved as fuck. Ash scanned the crowd, hoping to find any face that was fucking familiar to him. Instead, he only saw people he'd never met in his fucking life. Where the fuck were his fucking friends? Where was his fucking mom?

"Hey, Ash! Over here!" a voice called out of fucking nowhere.

Ash looked around, trying to find where the fucking voice had fucking come from. Naturally, Pikachu was the first to find the source.

"Chu!" he said over the sound of the noisy-ass crowd, pointing to Ash's left. Ash finally got through the fucking flock of people, feeling really fucking excited. He quickly spotted Brock and Misty waving at him. He smiled broadly. He hadn't seen his friends in what, two years? Two fucking years!

"Hi, Brock! Hi Misty!" he called out to them, hoping they could hear him over all the other people, who all seemed to be trying to be as loud as fucking possible.

"It's so great to see you, Ash!" said Misty, as she and Brock ran up to him. "And you too, Pikachu," she added, upon noticing that the pokémon looked really fucking pissed at not being fucking greeted like the fucking sentient being he was.

Brock nodded in agreement. "I'm glad you guys were able to come back after so long," he added, making sure to address the both of them so that Pikachu wouldn't beat the shit out of him later on.

"And we're glad to be back," Ash said happily. "Damn, it's been really fucking long, hasn't it?"

Misty and Brock both froze, staring at Ash as though he had grown another fucking head.

". . . What?" Ash asked, wondering why they looked so fucking surprised.

"Um," Misty said hesitantly, "it's just that, well, I don't think I've ever heard you swear before."

Ash rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, I suppose you haven't," he said, shrugging. "It's sort of a habit I've picked up, I guess." Then he grinned. "It's just that it's really fucking fun to do. Not to mention it makes me sound cool as fuck."

His two friends looked really fucking inclined to disagree. "Well," Brock said slowly, "just don't do it in front of your mother."

"Yeah, I guess that's probably a good idea." Ash rubbed his chin again, hoping it would make him look smart or some shit. "Do you think she'd mind if I said 'damn' or 'hell'?"

"Yes," said Misty and Brock in unison. In fucking unison.

Ash sighed. What the fuck was their fucking problem? He was just being fucking awesome and shit. But apparently that fucking illegal now. "Whatever. I'm gonna go visit her now. You guys coming?" He turned around and walked away before Misty and Brock could respond with either a hell yes or fuck no. Nonetheless, they followed without complaint.

Pallet Town was really fucking near the sea, so they were at Delia Ketchum's home in no fucking time at all. Well, not exactly no time. Just a really fucking short amount of time. Okay bitches?

Ash went up to the door, and before he had time to even fucking knock, Delia opened the door, which tempted Ash to pretend to accidentally knock on her fucking face, just to prove a point. Just what point he would be proving, he had no fucking clue.

"It's so great to see you, sweetie!" Delia said happily, throwing her arms around Ash, completely forgetting about the fucking electric rat sitting on Ash's shoulder. Pikachu, tired of all this shit, jumped to the ground and scurried inside. Maybe, he thought, he'd hide under the couch or something, and see how long it took for someone to start to wonder where the fuck he was. Seriously, was Ash the only one who paid any fucking attention to him?

"It's fu—uh, fantastic to see you too, Mom," Ash said, looking over his mom's shoulder just in time to see Pikachu run into the living room and stuff himself under to ottoman. What the actual fuck.

Delia ushered them all (sans Pikachu) inside, telling them to make themselves comfortable while she brought out her homemade cookies. Saying the cookies were homemade was actually complete bullshit—she had actually just picked them up from the local supermarket. But did anyone truly need to know that? Fuck no.

"Wow, Mrs. Ketchum, those smell delicious," said Misty, as Delia placed the not-homemade cookies on the kitchen table. She, like Delia, was bullshitting—she couldn't smell a fucking thing.

"Hey," said Brock, smiling like a dumbass, "those look just like store-bought cookies!" Brock was not bullshitting.

Before Delia could say something to dispel any possible suspicion of her cookie-baking skills, there came the sound of a huge-ass explosion right outside the fucking house. That's right, a fucking explosion.

"Team Rocket!" everyone (minus Pikachu) shouted, as though that shit was fucking obvious. It could have been a shit ton of other things, but they immediately assumed it was fucking Team Rocket's fault.

"Prepare for trouble!"

. . . Shit, they were right. That's a fucking first.

The three trainers shot up out of their seats and ran outside like the fucking house was on fire. Pikachu, still under the ottoman, watched as they passed by. The electric rat considered his options. Should he stay in a bitchy mood and hide in the house until the whole fucking thing was over? Or should he just give a mental shrug, run outside, and hope he wouldn't get his ass beat?

He went with the second option. Whether it was because he was really fucking brave or just a complete fucktard, he had no fucking clue.

Meanwhile, not a hundred fucking feet from the fucking house, the infamous Team Rocket trio stood with their arms crossed, surrounded by post-explosion smoke.

"What do you want here, Team Rocket?" Ash shouted, feeling really fucking angry. He was really getting tired of their bullshit.

James flicked a lock of hair away from his eye, smiling imperiously and doing his best to look cool. Unfortunately for him, he just looked the way he always did; like a fucking bitch. "We came here for the pikachu, of course," he said, as though it were fucking obvious—which it was. Seriously, how often did they fuck with them for any other fucking reason? Not fucking often!

"And we knew just where to find you!" Jessie said triumphantly, looking just as imperious as James, though somewhat less bitch-like.

"Yeah!" said Meowth, not wanting the two bitches-in-arms to take all his fucking limelight. But unfortunately, before Meowth could say anything beyond that single fucking word, Pikachu chose that moment to appear at Ash's feet, which in turn prompted Jessie and James to get really fucking theatrical.

"Ah, our little prize is here! Now we can do our motto!" said Jessie delightedly, as though they couldn't have done their stupid fucking motto beforehand. She took a deep breath. "Prepare for troub—"

"No! I'm not putting up with any more of this fucking bullshit!"

The Team Rocket trio ceased all movement. Then, very slowly, their eyes settled on Ash, who was staring at them, looking royally pissed. Misty and Brock, who were standing rather uselessly behind the mad-as-shit trainer, kept quiet, waiting to see what would happen next. Would Ash run over to Team Rocket and try to tear their fucking eyeballs out, like the dumbass he was? Would Team Rocket pull some big-ass bomb out of nowhere and blow them all to shit? Would Pikachu suddenly turn into some kind of poké-Zeus and send down fucking lightning bolts on them all?

"Twerp?" said Meowth, sounding really fucking astounded. "Was that really you? 'Cause I'm almost sure you would never—"

"Yes, it was me, you dumbfuck," said Ash, looking more and more pissed by the second. "I just want you to shut the fuck up with the fucking mottos! Like seriously, what the fuck? Can you stop bitching around with that motto shit for one fucking second and get to the fucking point and try to steal my fucking pokémon and get your fucking asses fucking handed to you and get fucking blasted off to fuck-knows-where? Fucking fuck!"

Team Rocket, for once, didn't know what to say.

There was a long, tense silence. Besides Team Rocket and the twerps, everyone was hiding in their houses or otherwise safely removed from the general area. Shit, even the fucking mosquitos kept their fucking distance.

Finally, James broke the silence. "You know . . . maybe we should all just go home."

Ash gaped at him. "Are you fucking serious right now? You come all this fucking way just to fucking leave? What the fuck happened to the Team Rocket I once knew?"

Jessie had the gall to look pissed off. "Well!" she said haughtily. "If you get to be OOC, then we do too!"

Ash stared. Did she just fucking break the fourth wall?

Shit just got real.

Then, before anyone else had a chance to blow shit up or something equally fucked up, Jessie spoke up again. "We can't work with this. We'll just go find something else to steal. See you later." And with that, Jessie, James, and Meowth turned and walked out of town.

Shit just got unreal.

There was another long pause. This time, it was Ash who was the first to speak up. "Well," he said, "I guess that shit's over with. I'll go see how Mom's doing."

As it turned out, his mother was just fine. Unfortunately, however, she had also heard everything that had gone on outside. Everything.

The bitter taste of soap would linger in Ash's mouth for days.

The Fucking End

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A/N Hope y'all derived some sort of amusement from that. I would have done a chapter involving a cliché suggested one of you folks, but I wanted to have the time and energy to make it as good as possible. So I threw this monster together, hoping it would make you at least give a small inward smile. Maybe just a little?

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm currently serving as a beta for manga-neko-96's story, Actions Speak! She told me she got the idea from my story Soundless, which makes me feel really honored and special. :D So please, go check out her story! Just check out the review section of this story, click on her name (you should be able to find it pretty easily), and give her story a look-see! It currently has only one review (though it's a very nice one!), so it'd be awesome to see more. The lovely Neko is one of the sweetest, nicest people I've ever met on this site, and she deserves more reviews (in my not-so-humble opinion)! :D

Also, who else is looking forward to the Hoenn remakes?! I have been waiting for these games for years. YEARS, I tell you! And this has nothing at all to do with Pokémon, but I can't wait for How to Train Your Dragon 2 to come out. Less than a month, guys!

Okay, I think I've bothered you enough for one day.

Bye! :D