I lay in bed that night really happy, I'd been there to help Emma with a big moment for her, even if she didn't know it yet. She was a woman and I was there watching her grow up. My phone started to buzz and when I picked it up I saw it was Christina calling me, then it occurred to me, I had experience this with Emma but her mother hadn't. I answered the phone "Hi Christina."
"Hey Jessie, how were my little monsters today?"
"They've been great... quiet but great."
"Quiet? Well that's not like them."
"Yeah... well it was a big day... for Emma anyway."
"Really, Why? Oh God I didn't miss another school show did I?"
"No no, don't worry. It's just she... she got her period. She actually had no idea what it was... but don't worry I helped her with everything." There was silence on the other end of the call. "Christina?" And then I heard the sound of gentle crying through my phone. "Christina, what's the matter?"
"I'm such a terrible mother Jessie." She cried,
"What why would you say that?"
"I missed my little girl's first period... well she's not so little anymore I guess..." More crying.
"Christina, don't cry, she's fine really! I told her everything." The crying only increased with my last comment.
"I didn't even talk to her about periods! What kind of mother am I? Jessie what am I doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm so distracted by my work and being away that I'm missing my children's childhoods. Emma's already a woman and I've missed nearly all of it."
"Christina, do you want me to go and get the kids? You can talk with them."
"I don't want them to hear me cry." My heart started to break and suddenly I felt really guilty. I was raising this woman's children, even if it was her choice, I still felt as though I was robbing her of part of her life. Then I heard Zuri calling me.
"Jessie, can you come hereeeeee?" yelled Zuri. Suddenly Christina stopped crying
"Is that little Zuri?"
"Yeah, she's calling me."
I heard the drop in Christina's tone and as she started to speak I could tell she was trying not to cry.
"Jessssiiiieeeeee! I need you now!" Zuri repeated.
"It's okay Jessie" Christina choked "Go see Zuri, thank you... for being there for them." And with that Christina hung up and I... started to cry.

I left to tend to Zuri. I found her waiting at the top of the stairs. "Sweetie, it's late what are you doing up?"
"Emma's crying."
"Well what's wrong with her?"
"She won't tell me. She says she wants you."
"Okay, thanks Zuri. Go to bed sweetie." I went to Emma's door and knocked, I made sure not to barge in, in case of a repeat of this morning. "Emma it's me can I come in?"
"Yes." I opened the door.
"Zuri said you were crying."
"Jessie I don't know what to do."
"Sweetie what's wrong?"
"Well you know Phoebe?"
"Sure."
"She invited me to go swimming in her pool tomorrow."
"That's great!"
"No! It's not! My period! Remember?"
"Oh my God Emma I'm sorry I just had a difficult conversation with... a friend... and it just slipped my mind."
"I can't go swimming... can I?"
"No... well at least not wearing a pad. You could always wear a tampon?"
"What's that?"
"Emma you really don't know any of this? What the hell do they teach in your school."
"Jessie."
"Right, right I'm sorry. I'm just feeling a little run down."
"You're not the only one..."
"Okay well a tampon is like a pad, it just... goes inside you instead of in your pants."
"What!?"
"Sweetie, they're really not that bad. But I don't know if I should be letting you... you're only 12, you need to be careful with tampons."
"Jessie what am I supposed to do? If I tell Phoebe I can't go she'll wanna know why, and she doesn't have her period yet, I'm too embarrassed to tell her I have mine."
"Why are you embarrassed? It will happen to her some day, it happens to every girl. Some just develop earlier than others, heck I got my period when I was 10."
"10?!"
"Yep. It wasn't easy. But I was also the first in my class to get boobs so I guess it wasn't all bad. All the other girls were jealous."
"Jessie I'm just embarrassed about... developing... when none of my friends are yet."
"Emma, I love having these talks with you, I love that you trust me... but maybe you should call your mom and tell her about this."
"Why? Do you not want me to talk to you about it anymore?"
"No it's just.." She cut me off
"You said I could talk to you about this stuff but you were just lying."
"No I wasn't I just thought.."
"Get out of my room Jessie! If I can't even talk to you about this how am I supposed to tell my friend!"
"Emma please.."
"I said get out!" I stood up and walked out her room, Emma followed me and slammed her door in my face. Puberty was hitting this house fast and with full force. Luke came out of his room laughing
"Well somebody has their period hahaha."
"Luke what did you just say?"
"Nothing I just... the guys at school say it to girls who are in a mood so I just..."
"Don't ever say that again, it's so disrespectful to women! You're... you're grounded!" And I stormed into my bedroom and slammed the door. I instantly regretted being so hard on Luke but the truth was Emma wasn't the only one of her period and my mood swings were in full power.

I didn't mean to hurt Emma's feelings. I really did love her trusting me, I wanted her to fell like she could trust me. With my Mom I couldn't go to her for anything. I had to figure everything out myself. I always wanted a woman I could go to with these types of things and it hurt so bad that I didn't. I really wanted to be that woman for Emma. But I also wanted Christina to have the chance to be that woman for Emma too, even if she wasn't always there physically Emma should know that her mom is always there for her. I decided to go back and talk to her. "Emma it's me."
"Go away."
"Emma I'm coming in." I walked into her room and found her sitting on her bed.
"I'm on the phone to Sadie, get out."
"Look I know you're in a mood with me but I'm still your nanny and you will do as I say. Now hang up I need to talk to you." Emma scrunched up her face and hung up, then she folded her arms. "Emma" I sat down next to her "It's not that I don't want you to talk to me about everything you're going through; I'm here for you no matter what. All I meant was I think your mom would really like to be part of it as well."
"Why? She's not here."
"Maybe not physically, but she loves you Emma and she wants to be part of your life."
"If she loves me so much how come she's never home to spend time with me?"
"Emma I know your mom works a lot, but the reason she works so much is because she wants to be able to provide you all with this lifestyle that you know and love. She thinks you deserve the best because she loves you." Emma started to cry.
"Jessie, I would give up everything I have in a second if I got to spend every day with my whole family." I'd never seen that side of Emma before. All she ever talked about were her clothes and money and stuff like that. It never even occurred to me that she would be hurting; in my eyes she had everything she wanted. But maybe not.
"Oh sweetie, why don't you call her, talk to her about all this."
"I can't. I don't know her. Why should she get to know me?"
"I spoke to her earlier, all she wants is to know you all."
"All I want is for her to come home." I wiped the tears from under her big eyes with the pad of my thumb then pulled her in close. I stroked her long blond hair whilst she cried. "Jessie, I want my mom to hug me like this."
"Then maybe you should tell her that." I handed Emma her phone. "Just tell her what you're comfortable with. She already knows you got your period, I told her.
"What if she's grossed out by me?"
"Honey don't be silly. She's eager to hear from you. She was so upset earlier that she missed this moment. The least you could do is tell her about it."
"You're right, Jessie. Thanks. I'm sorry for being mean earlier, I don't know what happened I just got so angry."
"There's a lot more where that came from, you've hit puberty haha." I hugged her again and she laughed too.

I went back to my room and waited for Emma to make the call. This whole experience had been a learning moment for all of us. I was happy to know that Emma was getting closer. It all made me think that I might want kids some day.

An hour later Emma knocked on my door. "Hey Sweetie."
"Hey." I pulled up my covers and she climbed into bed with me, then I wrapped a blanket around both our shoulders. Her face was wet with tears and her cheeks were a rosy pink.
"How'd it go?"
"Great, she said she's going to come home tomorrow. She's gonna get the first plane to here and then when she arrives we're going to go to lunch to celebrate me becoming a woman."
"Emma that's awesome! Are you happy?"
"I'm so happy."
"Aww, sweetie." I kissed her head and we hugged.
"She told me to thank you, for helping me."
"It was my pleasure." She smiled "What are you going to do about swimming tomorrow?"
"Mom told me how to use a tampon. She said maybe you could go with me to buy some in the morning?"
"Of course Emma. I'll give you as much help as you need."