Now, the first draft of this chapter was mostly written by my brother! I merely edited it into this version. So if it seems a lot more humorous than the first, than it's probably because my brother did it. So, enjoy!
Chapter 2: Spider!
"Dark in here... Luckily you glow in the dark, though. No need for torch. Say Villiam, do you have any idea vhat's in this cave?"
"Nothing too much I suppose, if we haven't been attacked already!" William says, looking over his shoulder as he leads the way with an illumination spell. He continues, "Yet I do suspect some demons, specters and arachnids lurking about somewhere..."
"Arach-vhat?" Replies Thora, confused.
"Oh, just-" William halts his answer when he hears a large thud in front of him. The wizard turns from Thora to the discover the maker of the sound, illuminating a large-
"SPIDER!" Thora yells as she leaps over William onto the arachnid, repeatedly smashing it's thorax with her hammer. Each mighty blow splays the spider's insides on the ground, and William for that matter, and soon the only remnants of the insect are a few legs.
Seeing her foe vanquished, Thora steps back, chest heaving in her armor, and brushes the hair from her face.
"Was that truly necessary?" Inquires William as he shakes spider mung from his hat. Continuing to rid himself of the goop, he chuckles, "Of all the demons and undead we have encountered, it's the arachnids you fear. I admit I'm not comfortable around them either, but I've never seen you react so."
"You never asked, I never told. Just the same as you neglect to tell me of this cavern."
"Well, I wouldn't have assumed-" The wizard started, but jumps at a hissing noise from behind him, and with a rather womanly sounding scream flings himself into Thora's arms. William explodes the hissing being into a glorious display of blue and white light with a single lightning bolt, which reveals to the duo they have been surrounded by spiders!
Glancing around at the spiders in terror, Thora says "I thought it vas the voman who are to jump into men's arms."
"If that were to happen love, you'd crush me. Now... What say you we find an exit?"
"Good idea. Hold on."
"Wait, hold onto wha-haa!" William is suddenly thrown behind Thora's back, finding his place inside her treasure pack, only his head exposed as he sees they are being chased. He then pulled out his wand and conjured arcane missiles in an attempt to hinder the beasts for a clean escape. "Run Thora RUN!"
His companion nods as she begins to sprint, scream, and swing her hammer wildly, clearing a path for their retreat. "Die! Die! DIE DIE DIE!"
After a long time being chased around the winding caverns by a plethora of arachnids, smashing or zapping any that got in the way, William and Thora finally enter the main chamber. There, they found a woman stuck in a thick spider web. "It's horrible, she sucks the innards from her victims... Oh no, I hear her! The spider queen is coming!" She said.
Suddenly, a huge spider crawled up from behind them. William was able to melt some of her face with a disintegration beam before Thora turned around and took out the queen's front legs with one mighty swipe.
"To hell vith you!" The barbarian smashed her hammer against a rocky pillar, making it collapse onto the spider queen.
"S-she's dead, correct?" A small trembling voice asks.
"Yes," Thora said, out of breath. "Yes Villiam, she's dead. She fell surprisingly easy... But as long as she's dead, I don't care."
"Splendid!" The wizard hops out the pack sounding instantly chipper. His bravado return. "Come, let us free this poor soul!"
Thora simply smiles, patting William on the head and slightly crumpling his hat. "Yes, says the trembling pack dweller." She walked over to the woman, grabbed her ankles and freed her with a snap of the wrist, also dispersing the web. "Let us leave this vretched cave." Slinging the woman over her shoulder, Thora and William exit into daylight with sighs of relief.
Yes, I'm aware that you actually have to use a venom pool to free Karnya in the game, but I found this somewhat fitting. Not too logical, but funny nonetheless. Did this at least make you smile? Stay tuned for whatever other shenanigans I might conjure next!
