Millie
Max used to be engaged to someone? He was supposed to be getting married? Why didn't he tell me this? When we spoke about past relationships I was so open with him and I told him everything. Max told me that he had been in a couple relationships but nothing too serious. He lied direct to my face. Was he hoping that I wouldn't find out? What was he scared about? I don't mind if he had been in a serious relationship in the past, that doesn't bother me. It's the fact that he lied direct to my face about it. It just doesn't make sense why he lied about it and I was so confused. I wanted to confront him and ask him why but another part of me wouldn't believe what he told me, I always thought Max would be the one to tell the truth… I just don't understand.
I sat there and replayed the message a couple of times just so that I knew I heard her right and it wasn't a mistake but it was true. Max used to be engaged to this Helena and by the sounds of it she was close with Paulina and it sounds like she still was. I couldn't sit here and torment myself anymore so I went to Max's room and packed up all the stuff I had there and put my jeans on, I didn't care if they drink spilled down the them I just wanted to go. I made sure I had everything before calling a cab and leaving a note for Max, I took one last look at Max's apartment not sure if I was going to be coming back again… this was a big betrayal and it would take a lot to forgive.
When I got home I changed into my baggy comfortable clothes, grabbed some wine and ice cream before slumping on my sofa with the TV on. I really didn't care that it wasn't even midday yet and I was opening my wine, I was stressed out and in a bad mood, besides I have just received some shocking news. There was only half a bottle in there so I couldn't exactly get really drunk off it. I also hear that the best way to get over a hangover was to drink some more and that was what I was going to do! How dare Max lie to me and think he can get away with it? What made him think that I would never find out? I bet Paulina can't wait to see me again so she can rub it in my face how in love they used to be.
Helena. What a stupid name I thought as I drunk some wine and washed that down with some ice cream. I bet Helena was Polish and beautiful and the perfect match for Max. I bet she was the type to be a housewife to him and wanted to have a couple babies. I even bet that it was Paulina that set them up, you could tell in Helena's voice that she had an accent, obviously it was Polish. Just how long ago where they together? What made them split up? How did they meet? Did Max love her more then he loves me now? Could I ever compare to this Helena? I hated this! I need to know why he lied to me about her.
I finished my half bottle of wine by 1pm and knew Max would be going for lunch about now. Should I call him and confront him with what I know? Should I just leave it until he goes home and sees my note? Shall I go back to his place and wait for him to come home? What should I do with this? I was so stressed and confused, I hated it. I couldn't even call anyone to get some advice on what to do, no one knew about us and I totally regret the decision I made to keep it quiet. Right now was the right time that I needed a friend to talk to, this was huge and if I sit in the apartment on my own any longer then I will go crazy.
After much debate with myself I dialled Max's number and he answered straight away "Hey, are you ok?" He said as he answered.
"Your ex fiancée, Helena, called. She wants the two of you to get back together" I stated.
"Millie please before you jump to any conclusions, let me explain" He pleaded.
"There is nothing to explain. You lied to me and told you hadn't really been in a serious relationship. Being engaged to someone is pretty damn serious" I argued back.
"I know and I am sorry I lied to you… I didn't plan it but I didn't want you thinking I still had feelings for her or anything. I am so sorry Millie, really I am" He said to me.
"It's not the fact that you were engaged to someone that bothers me, it's the fact that you lied directly to my face about it. I had to find out about it through your answer machine, you think saying sorry is going to make up for this! You lied to me and for no reason at all" I exclaimed.
"I didn't love her" He told me.
"You were going to marry her, you must have loved her a little bit to put a ring on her finger or does marriage not mean anything to you?" I questioned.
"Karolina had just died and Helena showed up on the scene, we dated and I brought her home. My parents loved her and my mum kept telling me how perfect she was for and how well we were together, my mum wanted us to get married so I proposed. As the wedding got closer I realised it would be unfair for me to marry her because I didn't feel for her what she felt for me. I never was madly in love with her" He explained to me.
"I just don't know what to believe anymore Max" I replied.
"Millie I promise you that I never intended to hurt you with this, I just wasn't sure how to tell you that I nearly became someone's husband. It's not an easy thing to tell someone, I'm sorry I lied to you and I will do anything you want me to so I can make this up to you" He said to me.
"It's going to take more then saying sorry this time Max" I stated and hung up the phone.
I don't know why I even bothered calling him. He doesn't seem to understand how much he has hurt me with his lies, I can't believe I had to find out over a voicemail message! I just want to know why he didn't tell me about her. He said on the phone that he didn't love her but he was going to be her husband, he was going to say vows in church for crying out loud. He must have had some feelings for her, he brought her home to meet his family… you don't do that unless you care for and have feelings for someone. How am I supposed to trust Max if he lies direct to my face?
Ten minutes later the door knocked and I sighed in annoyance, I really didn't want to speak to anyone right now. I dragged myself to the door and opened it to see Max standing there looking all sorry for himself, I just walked away from him and into the living room leaving the door open for him to come in. I sat on the sofa and heard the front door close and heard Max walking towards the living room "Millie I… I don't know what you want me to say or do. I am sorry for not telling you" He said but he just stood in the doorway of the living room facing me.
"You lied to me. When we spoke about our pasts I was completely honest with you! I have never lied to you and to hear on a voicemail that you used to be engaged to someone" I said to him in frustration.
He walked over to the sofa and kneeled down on the floor in front of me "I didn't love her, she was just someone who was there in a bad time. My parents convinced me that Helena was as good as it was going to get and I accepted that" He said to me and grabbed my hands "Please believe me when I say that I have never loved anyone as much as I love you… nowhere near. Helena is nothing to me and I don't want her, I want you" He told me.
Tears started falling down my face "I bet your mum can't wait to rub it in" I stated and pulled my hands out of his "You lied to me and because you've said sorry I'm supposed to forgive you? How would you feel if the roles were reversed? What if it was me who used to be engaged and I kept that a secret from you? How would you feel?" I questioned.
"Probably like you do now" He answered.
Max got up from the floor and sat on the sofa next to me, neither of us spoke. Max had explained his reasons for lying but it still didn't even make sense to me "If I hadn't heard that voicemail, would you have ever told me?" I asked him.
"I don't know… probably not" He answered truthfully.
"At least your being truthful now" I commented.
"Millie I have always been honest with you, it's just this one thing. I promise you that I have never lied about anything else, just this. I know that doesn't make up for what I did but I promise you I love you and I will do whatever I can to make this up to you" He said.
"How can I trust someone who lies to my face?" I questioned.
