Thank you to Dirtkid123, AlienGhostWizard14, Sarcasmisinmyblood, and LRW for the reviews! My apologies, guys. The replies won't come 'til later because I'm kind of in a rapid fire mode in the posting department. :P
Day nineteen's entry is from a prompt given to me by ABEDFAN. I was given a summary to work with, a part of which was used as the summary for this story, and I really hope this meets what was in there. Thank you for this!
Onto day nineteen!
/day nineteen/
Prompt: (from ABEDFAN) fight the tears
Featured LR character(s): Bree, Leo
"Enough"
'So they try their hardest, not only to save the world, not only to be good people, but to fight the tears as well.'
She doesn't tell them, but there are some nights when she goes to sleep wondering what tomorrow will be like.
The thoughts keep her up often, but no one knows that. She always closes her eyes when it's time to sleep, but the darkness doesn't give her any peace. It only motivates her worries, her thoughts, and even her deepest fears to rise to the surface, and this leaves her constantly fighting a battle that she rarely ever wins. She doesn't ask for help, because she knows she shouldn't. She's a warrior, trained to protect others. Doesn't that mean that she should be strong enough to deal with these things on her own?
It scares her sometimes to think that despite all the good she has done, others still won't accept her. This only worsened once everyone found out about her and her brothers. Many people showed admiration and love for them, but there are others who hated them for no apparent reason. She knows she shouldn't pay attention to them, her parents and her brothers had told her so, but many times her ears incline her to listen to the bad rather than the good. She's tried her hardest to turn away from the noise, but there's always a part of her that forces her to listen. She supposes it's her insecurities lying to her, telling her that what they say is true.
That she's unacceptable, that she's dangerous, that she's a kid who's too stupid to handle the heavy responsibility she's been given.
She didn't really believe that last part, at least not until her younger brother brought up again what she had done ages ago. Until now, he hasn't taken back what he had said, so maybe it is true. She's too reckless.
These lead her to question whether what she's doing is enough. She knows the others are not aware of it, but, except for a few instances, whenever she helps others she puts her heart into it. Her father has raised them to fulfill this honorable lifetime occupation, and throughout the years, for her, it had gone from being a job to being a purpose. She's grown to love the thought that because of the things she and her brothers do, the people they save have the opportunity to go home and see their families again. She may not know them personally and they may not know her, but that one act of kindness is remembered for a long time and causes a ripple in the water that hopefully travels an extensive distance.
However, there are days when she wonders if anyone at all sees the affection she shows through her works, whether they understand how much of herself she has poured into the things she did just for them. It's a difficult thing to consider, that maybe despite her efforts to show kindness, show the best of what she has, no one cares.
These worries carry onto her dreams and turn them into nightmares. She had woken up in tears before, one time from a dream where people walked by her and refused completely to address her existence. She screamed loudly, begging them for help from a problem she can't even remember now. This, however, didn't bother her as much as when she saw her family and pleaded for them to listen, and they ignored her, too.
She's also had a recurring nightmare about a woman walking away from her. It started when she was younger, and though she's grown up now, she always remains a little girl in that dream. She calls her several times, but the woman doesn't look back. The woman keeps walking, and she's never fast enough to catch up to her.
She knows why she dreams this, but she doesn't want to acknowledge that reason.
When she comes to, she silences her sobs. She doesn't want them to know she's crying. So, she only wipes the tears, tells herself to calm down, reminds herself that it isn't real, and then goes back to sleep.
Hours later, as the sun emerges from the horizon, she wakes up and wonders whether her best and her heart will be enough.
. . .
He doesn't tell them, but there are some days when he wakes up wondering what today will be like.
Even after being with them for years, it still feels like he doesn't belong. There had been times when he opens his eyes and wonders what he's doing there as he stares at the ceiling. He knows this is his family now, that Donald Davenport is his father, Douglas Davenport his uncle, and Adam, Bree, and Chase Davenport his older siblings, but it's still strange. Facts remind him that he's technically not a part of them.
Not a part of anything anymore, really.
Probably.
This longing for what used to be before his mother got married weakened considerably during the first two years he spent with them, but lately it's been regaining strength. He guesses it's because many things had unraveled, as if a loose thread had been methodically pulled to break each tightly woven chain in the fabric and resulted into a gradual but sure falling apart. He thought at first that the hurdles they had jumped over only caused them to get stronger, but apparently he was wrong. It only caused their bond to become so strained that they stumbled many times and sustained wounds.
Then again, time has passed, and those wounds have healed. They have come together again since the last fall.
Just them, because he sees that they had kept going and left him behind.
Sometimes he finds himself laughable because of the extents he will go to just to get their approval. He had done so much just to be accepted, but now it's becoming clear to him that it was just a waste. He doesn't regret saving them on those times he did, because he didn't do those to impress them. He did it because he loved them. He was not afraid to die because he knew that even if he did, the people he cared about will be safe.
It just stings whenever he realizes that those may not have been enough. To them, he's still the guy who tries so hard to be a part of the group.
As it turns out, his life and his heart are insufficient to earn even half the amount of their respect and affection.
He's not angry or bitter, because despite these he still loves them. He's just…disappointed, of them, of himself – and that hurts more. Maybe it's just pride, but he doesn't like the fact that he has to beg for acceptance nowadays. He doesn't like the fact that he has degraded from being so sure of himself to being so lost and dependent on others to tell him what kind of a man he is.
This is not what he wants to become.
And so he spends his waking hours putting together what he is and what he wants to be outside of them. He thinks of his weaknesses, his strengths, and he ponders over those. When the answers come, he yanks the thread loose to destroy the last chain that holds him to them.
He now knows what he has to do – and he does it out of his devotion for them and out of respect for himself.
Hours later, as the moon glows brightly on the sky, he settles down on a strange bed at a strange place and wonders whether his worsts – and this mistake – will ever be forgiven.
Just to be clear, that last part doesn't imply suicide. Leo ran away.
Reviews are appreciated. :)
