Some nights he thinks of her, the soldier that ran away all those years ago. Petra Ral, 5'2", killed 52 titans, and stole his heart. She was brilliant, he hadn't realized how brilliant though til he lost her.
Sometimes he dreams of her. Of the last time he saw her, all those years ago. They had been arguing, about what he forgets now. She was pissed as hell and stormed out in a huff afterwards. Levi thought he'd see her the next morning, but she was nowhere to be found.
Sometimes he thinks he should have been less stubborn, more gentle, and a million other things. She loved him and he pushed her away. Though in those long nights, sometimes he realizes it was best she left. His entire squad was wiped out on the 57th expedition, but because of that argument she survived. Besides now the wings of freedom won't burden her like him and the others with the fate of humanity. She's the one who's really free.
Sometimes he worries he forgot what she looked like. The faint freckles that came out in the summer, the curve of her lip when she smiled at him. On bad nights he forgets her name. Panic overruns his mind til it comes back to him. Petra Ral, Petra Ral, Petra Ral. He mutters it like a chant, a prayer. Her memory is one of the only good things he has left in his life.
Sometimes he wonders if she's still alive. For a minute he's a fool and imagines finding her and apologizing till she came back to him. How stupid could he get? Shit like that only worked in fairytales. Knowing her, she probably found a nice boy and started a family. It's for the best he supposes. She should be happy.
But most nights, he imagines what life could have been like if he had ran as well. He imagines bells and white dresses, of her with a round belly. The Survey Corps own him but he wonders what life would be like if he was a normal person. Would he be content with a simple life? It does not matter in the end, he already made his choice, there's no room for regrets. So he remembers her, for that's the closest he can get to the happiness he's never had.
