He wasn't meant for this life. He might have accepted the fact later, but that doesn't changed the fact he was dragged kicking and screaming into a 3DMG harness. It doesn't define his life in the Survey Corps, but whenever he sees Petra, he becomes painfully aware of that fact. He starts acting stupid, thinking they could have a life outside from this. He sees little children and cottages far away from both humans and titans. It is idiotic. He never was one for unrealistic idealism, yet he can't help but become endeared to the idea. It lives on in the back of his mind throughout the years, slowly growing with each day.

He is ready to burst when Petra asks him about running out of the blue on the night before an expedition. His first reaction is let it all break out from the deepest darkest recesses of his mind, to ramble on about how we wants to grow old and get to live a life where he might be able to be happy. But his tongue knows better so he only drawls out, "That's traitor talk."

"I can't help it," Petra sighs. "I can't help but imagine everyone has thought of it before."

"Deserting equal death. If the titans don't get you, they'll hunt you down instead."

"Why does it have to be that way though?" Hazel eyes bore right into his soul. "I made my decision to dedicate my life to humanity. I'm not wavering in the slightest..." She toys with their sheets, boldness fading into timidity. "I just sometimes wonder 'what if?' and all. Haven't you ever done that before?"

"Of course not," He lies. "I don't have time for regrets."

She must have thought herself to be clever. In the end, she became his biggest what if to wonder about while he grows old alone in his cottage he built after everything was said and done.


A.N. And so kicks off Rivetra Week Fall 2015, I got a lot going on in my life with school so I might not be able to participate in everyday, but I will try at the very least