Where are you?
Chapter Fourteen
Dean is in position; He sits uncomfortably on the hospital chair, wriggling to try and get into a comfortable spot, his legs aching, his ass cheeks numb.
His fingers are stroking, gently, over Sammy's wrist. His brother is still, too still and he hasn't yet shown any signs of regaining consciousness. The doctors are positive, they explain that Sam's body needs time to heal, that the longer he lays still and quiet, the better chance he will have to recover.
The bruises are healing and the scars fading but Sam's face is still blue and swollen; his lips puffy and parted. Dean could see the gaps where Sam's front teeth used to be and he wonders, randomly, if their fake insurance might run to bridge work. He knows that Sam might not show it, but he used to be quite vain about his appearance.
He is half dozing when he feels a slight pressure on his fingertips and he jerks back into consciousness suddenly, his eyes immediately focussing on Sam.
He can see the glitter of pupil beneath Sam's bruised and swollen lids. He leans in, peering closer, his eyes searching for something, anything, a reaction of some sort. "Sammy?"
"Dean" Sam's voice is fuzzy, weak and the name sounds smushed and blurry "M'sorry"
"It's ok Sammy" Dean kept his voice neutral "How do you feel?"
"Drink" Sam coughed a little and blood seeped slowly from the corner of his mouth
"Not a wise idea" Dean grinned a little to show that he was teasing "You're not supposed to touch the stuff – remember?"
"Jus – water" Sam groaned "Please"
Dean filled up a beaker with water and placed a soft straw in the top. He leant over his brother and slotted the straw as gently as possible into his abused mouth "Take your time there" he spoke softly, stroking the back of Sam's neck. Sam sucked slowly; his throat working and Dean continued to hold him, his fingers gently tangling in Sam's too long hair.
Dean watched his brother. He was silently overjoyed that Sam had regained consciousness, but he was worried that his brother was broken beyond repair. "Hey Sammy" Dean ran a finger over Sam's cheek "Hang on in there ok"
"Hurts" Sam stared at his brother, his dark eyes so filled with pain that Dean felt his breath hitch and his heart pound
"I know bro – you were beaten up pretty bad"
"Own fault" the only indication that Sam was trying to smile was the dent on a dimple on his swollen cheek "Too drunk too know better"
"I thought you were done with all that Sammy" Dean swallowed hard
"You – sent me away – all this – m'fault"
"No Sammy – I – I – when the memories came back it was just hard dude – I had to cope with it – I just over reacted is all"
"Need you" Sam's voice was weak, childlike and Dean felt his heart contract again, hot tears welling up in his throat, a hard, painful lump.
The 'old' Dean – the Dean he now remembered – the Dean he had always been – would have brushed off that simple statement. The 'old' Dean would have rejected a possible 'chick flick' moment, would have told Sammy to 'suck it up'. The 'old' Dean would have cared inside but outside he would have maintained his 'game face', supported physically but not emotionally. The 'new' Dean was a different animal, the 'new' Dean wanted nothing more that to cling on to his brother, hug him, hold him, keep him grounded and protected. He stared down at Sam – at the ravaged battered face, the swollen pleading eyes and he choked back on a sob, his hands reaching out and clutching Sam's shoulders, feeling them shake under his own, none too steady, hands. "I need you too Sammy" he ground out "But I need my old geek boy Sam – I need the Sam that will ride shotgun – I need the Sam that'll always have my back – I want my old Sam back – what do you think?"
"Demon?" Dean saw the fear in his brother's eyes and he shook his head
"I'm back now Sammy – he ain't gonna get you as long as I'm around – I've got you Sammy – I ain't going anywhere – I swear to you"
"Dean" Sam's eyes were growing heavy and Dean let the grip on Sam's shoulders loosen "Stay with me"
"Always Sammy" that he could do "Always"
Sam chewed on his food gingerly; drool staining his chin. Dean suppressed a smile and launched himself forward; stealing a fry from his brother's plate "You'll be on steak before you know it bro"
"Jerk" Sam swallowed, his throat contracting painfully
"Bitch" Dean shot back and Sam smiled, the gap in his teeth making him look, absurdly, like a naughty schoolboy
"My bridge should be ready next week" Sam picked at his food, trying to sort out the softest morsel on the plate "I'll be able to bite you then"
"You could give me a nasty suck in the meantime bro" Dean stole another fry, dipping it into the tomato mush on Sam's plate "Now eat up – you ain't getting out of here till you've put on some more weight – so its up to you"
"You don't have to spend every day here with me" Sam smiled again, his eyes bright "I mean – you must be bored out of your brain"
"Nowhere else I need to be Sammy" Dean grinned "Eat your mush and shut up"
It had been almost two months and Sam was looking better. The bruises had all but faded and the various tears and breaks were healing well. Sam was on strong medication to control the shakes and he was also on a strict diet, with plenty of proteins and vitamins to help his body to recover. The doctor's prognosis was improving daily – but there was still the sticky issue of Sam returning to rehab and Dean knew that his brother was desperate not to go back there again.
Dean knew that he still had unresolved issues and needed some form of rehabilitation too. They had tried friends and they had tried the best clinic that they could afford. He huffed – it seemed that the Winchesters didn't do rehabilitation. From his newly formed memories, it appeared that the Winchesters didn't do hugging or emoting or heart to hearts. God they needed help, he needed help, Sam needed help. But where were they going to go? Who was going to help them?
Dean sighed; Sam had nearly finished eating now and was quietly wiping the drool away from his face; running his tongue along his gums and wincing. All of a sudden, Dean understood everything, understood why Sam clung so tightly to him, understood why Sam had taken him to the Grand Canyon to recover, understood why he wanted to hold Sam, why Sam wanted to hold Dean.
If the Winchesters were going to recover they really only needed one thing; Each other.
TBC
