Phew. I got this done. Finally. There will be more explanation at the bottom. I apologize for the time it has taken. I really do.
Chapter 15: The Trials: Part One
I let out a sigh as I sat perched in a tree in the Feroxi training grounds in East Ferox. Miyaji was shooting at targets, whipping out arrows in rapid succession. I sure pity anyone who gets between her and...and whatever she likes. "She's so good with a bow...WHY CAN'T I DO THAT SHIT?!"
"It takes practice," she said without stopping her volley, her sudden speech causing me to jolt out of the tree.
"GYAH!" I landed hard on my rump. "How'd you know I was there? I thought my camouflage was impeccable!" Yes. I was wearing full camo. I even had face paint and the fancy bush hat that I may or may not have stolen from Donnel. Why he had it? No idea.
"I didn't see you," Miyaji elaborated, getting another bullseye and splitting the several other arrows. "I sensed you. Manaketes have heightened senses." Because that makes sense...
"Oh. Right." I dusted myself off. "So...Yeah." We were in this awkward silence, so I could only assume that this was a barracks convo and we couldn't support.
"Good day."
"Right. Bye…" I decided to take a trek through the lovely training grounds. Maybe spot some handsome soldiers training...PFFT. As if.
Oh, speaking of soldiers, there's Dylan. I decided on striking up a conversation since we hadn't spoken much lately. "Oh, hey, Sunshine. What've you been doing lately?"
"Not much," he sighed, tapping his right temple. "Mostly Capricorn's been a real ass lately."
I nodded in agreement, crossing my arms habitually. "Yeah. Aquarius is a lil' bitch too sometimes."
Ahem. You do realize that we're both right here…
~How rude of you not to notice my presence.~
Dylan smirked, earning scoffs from both celestial beings. "That was the whole point."
~Fuck you, too.~
They're mere mortals, Capricorn. They cannot comprehend our greatness.
~Tru-~
{HEY, GUYS! PARTY! WOO-HOO! *throws streamers and presents at everyone's face...somehow* FREE GIFTS!}
*facepalm*
"And when he comes, she's soon to follow." I began to tick off numbers on my fingers. "3...2...1…"
At that second, making me feel all badass, Dusty dropped from the sky on Iris. "OH YEAH! PAR-TAY!" ...My ego deflated when something that felt like a gift-wrapped rock hit my face. "HAVE A PRESENT! WOO!"
Geez, who am I? Goliath? I rubbed my face to relieve the pain, plotting ways to kill that….cute, adorable little kid...GODSDAMMIT, I CAN'T DO IT. "...You're lucky you're cute...and essential to the world's safety. Or I'd kill you."
"Really?~" she sang happily. "Yay! Best friends forever!" Dusty then gestured to Iris, directing my attention there. "Did you know my badass pegasus can talk?!"
"...She can?" I don't recall pegasi being able to talk in the game...
The black pegasus bobbed her head, a voice sounding even though her mouth did not move, leading me to believe that pegasi are telepathic. "Sup, bitch."
WOAH. She speaks my language. "I like this horse….Er, pegasus."
She stamped her feet happily. "Finally! Thanks! Gods above, I hate people who call us horses. They usually end up dead, in pieces and in Dusty's bag."
"I have a horse," I thought of Amph who was currently alone in the stables… "but only I can understand her...And it's normally just snorts-WAIT, WHAT?! Dead?"
"Godsdammit, Iris!" Dusty scolded her companion. "They weren't supposed to know where I kept my curse supplies! NOW I CAN'T CURSE ROBIN!"
Actually, that, at the time, sounded very fun. "...Wait, play pranks on our lovable, Master Tactician? I won't tell!~ Lissa will enjoy this!~"
"Great! I WILL BECOME THE NEW SHIPPING LORD AND-" She stopped herself there before she gave anything away...As if she hadn't already. "I mean... I'mma go burn his muscles from the inside out now…"
"Wow, you go above and beyond…" I muttered, making a mental note to not get on her bad side. "Good luck with that." Dusty shrugged noncommittally.
"I try~. Now, have you seen any dark tomes I can use?" What? She can use those?
"Dark...You have Shadowgift? Hm...Well...I think Robin may have some lying around." Well, apparently he would in Smash...but this isn't that...So... I saw Dusty shake her head.
"Meh... I can probably forge some with the blood of my enemies and the bones of Risen. ...What else do you think makes those things?" Slightly disturbed... Just slightly.
"Well, I'm sure Scorpio would know. He's, according to a bunch of random shit, one of the darkest in the Zodiac. Random shit being Aquarius."
I do not appreciate you calling me... "Random shit."
...What? Do you want me to bow down and treat you like...Dr. Coconut?
Is this Doctor Coconut a god?
Yep...He's saved many lives...With his coconuts.
Then yes. I would not mind at all.
Dusty interrupted the mind argument. "This feels stalwart! We need more parties! And candy!"
"We can't do that today." I sighed at her childishness. "Robin is testing pairs…"
Dusty shook her head, really wanting to go through with this. She started pulling random ideas for parties out of her mind. "We can celebrate your's and Chrom's marriage. Make a powerful Lucina with great skills!"
"...What marriage….?" I felt my face heat up at the idea. When was that ever mentioned? Did I miss something? "I don't recall...Wait...We're not even...What?"
{Dustmaster, you gave our surprise party plan away!}
"WHAT THE HELL, GUYS?! Where are you getting this idea from?" I yelled, earning glances from the nearby Feroxi soldiers. I glared at them and they shuddered, muttering something about 'crazy' and went back to what they were doing. "We don't even have an A Support yet!"
Dusty made a 'woops' gesture before turning to Iris. "So...Iris? Isn't that Sumia's pegasus over there?" She pointed at the white winged horse who was eating the hair out of an unconscious soldier's head.
Iris immediately looked at Sumia's pegasus and started asking something I never thought a horse-Ahem, pegasus would ever think of asking. "Is that Caeda? Partner, how's my mane? Should you braid flowers into it? Is my coat clean?! Gotta do my best to impress the ladies."
"Huh." I let that sink in. "I didn't know pegasi rooted for both teams….Neat! You're unique and special!"
"Oh, that's because most Pegasi that root for the opposite team are killed and shunned." She pounded her front hoof into the ground in indignation. "'Cause we can't continue our family line."
Wow….Brutal…
From what I've learned of your world, this isn't a foreign concept in some cultures. Apparently in A-
Let's not call people out, Aquarius!
I wasn't. I was sharing f-
SHH!
"Oh, so family lineage is important in your society?"
"You better believe my great-great-great times 56 grandpap fought in Marth's army! Family is what drives pegasi society... Partner has the notes, if you're interested."
"That's so cool! I love all that shit. Give em here~" I'm a history nerd, okay? She swatted Dusty with her tail as if calling a maid.
"My papers have been stolen by Miriel," she said with a frown, then glared at the place where the Shepherds were staying. "and TIMMY, the dead body in my closet."
"I hate TIMMY," Iris agreed, stamping the ground with her front right hoof once more.
"Oh….Okay then. So...yeah." ….DEAD BODY?! "WAIT. Why do you have a dead body in your closet?" I was met with a silence that was only broken when Iris cried out.
"They're onto us!"
They both made a break for it as Dusty yelled, "RUN!"
"I was going to say…." I sighed as she hopped on Iris and threw Thunder spells everywhere. "...Never mind. They're gone."
Getting bored of watching generic soldiers train, I walked over to where the rest of the Shepherds were. Well, more specifically Robin, as he was forcing them to face Risen in the space that the East Khan had provided us for training. It was a wide area with cushiony grass, so it was as safe as gym mats, basically. The kind you just want to curl up and sleep-
"I WILL NEVER WORK WITH THAT STUTTERING, USELESS BITCH AGAIN!" Fearing for my life, I climbed up the nearest tree. Sully barged off the flat and began swinging her lance around, trying to hit something that was, evidently, not there.
...Wonder what I missed…
"H-Hey! I was fighting with you-" I heard a small voice be cut off, but couldn't pinpoint its location.
"NOW WHERE'S THAT COWARD SO I CAN BEAT HIM UP?!"
"SULLY NO! SWINGING YOUR LANCE THROUGH THE AIR-" Robin yelled before being cut off as well because screams filled the training yard. No one was to be seen, so I just assumed Sully was psychotic. "... Okay then. Shipping Lord needs new shipping tactics..."
I then watched as everyone's favorite blonde ball of destruction walked up to Robin. "Hey! When's it gonna be my turn?" Rei asked, poking the tactician repeatedly. I had to give it to Robin; he didn't flinch or try to slowly murder her like...some people I know. Hey! Don't look at me!
"...We've been waiting a while." Stahl led Pancake over by the reigns, waiting for some form of an answer.
Robin sighed, flipping through his Ship Tome and crossing off their names. "Fine. Shipping Lord says you go next."
"YAY!" Rei yelled as Robin nonchalantly dumped over Reeking Box, because shoe boxing it is for nerds, apparently.
Rei jumped up and down happily and took out her Arcfire tome. "C'mon, Stahl! It's easy! Look!~" She leafed through its pages until she came to an unused page, gathering all the power into her right hand. "ARCFIRE!"
"W-wait!" Stahl tried to stop her since she was so close to his horse. "D-don't! You'll-" Before he could get anymore words out, they were both launched across the training field and into its outer walls, leaving a trail of blazing, dead Risen.
Robin simply facepalmed, looked up at the sky in my direction and seemed to ask the gods why he had to shoulder the burden of the Shepherds. He stood like that for a moment before asking, "Erin, why are you hiding in that tree?" He then looked around the tree at another rock. "...And Chrom, hiding behind that rock does not make you a ninja."
"Dammit…" Chrom said, apparently hiding from the chaos like I was except Robin will kill him for ditching him and not me because Robby's my homeboy. … "You said it'd work!"
He was referring to what he had asked me earlier that day. If you hadn't guessed, it was how to avoid Robin's rage when he realized how incompetent some of the Shepherds were, and that Chrom wanted no part of that chaos. "No, I said if you were ninja, it'd be badass. But you aren't so…"
Robin smiled at our bickering, though it wasn't a "sigh, children…." smile, it was an evil one that sent chills down my spine. "Reeking box for our favorite lovesick couple!" Which was a fact he neglected to mention. "Hello and welcome to Robin's Daily Shepherd Match-Up!" What have I...climbed...into?
"….Oh, so this'll be a dai-" I started before an axe tried to cleave me in two. "WOAH! THAT'S AN AXE! THAT'S AN AXE" I narrowly dodged, throwing off my camo anime style. I stabbed it through the heart and let out a sigh of relief, muttering, "Ninja skills on point~"
Now, Chrom, trying to be a cool kid, I assume, ran at a Risen, yelling out his attack Naruto style. "FAAAALLLCHIONNN!"
Hm. This wall is a nice place to rest your face. I stood there for moment, until I remember I was in the middle of a mock battle. So I jumped off the wall, decapitated a Risen, emasculated one, turned another into a unicorn and cut the next one's limbs off one by one. Needless to say, this was starting to become pretty fun. ...And that fact scared me quite a bit.
After we had finally finished off all the Risen, Robin grinned evilly again. "We need more couple-y lovesick moments!" He called over to his assistant Jimmy (who the hell?!) and pointed at the convoy, that had been brought into the training grounds earlier that day. "BRING IN THE DOZEN REEKING BOXES!"
"W-what…?" Realization slowly dawned on me as Robin opened them all, one after the other. "MORE?! WHAT THE HELL, ROBIN?!"
He laughed and hid behind a rock. "Have fun!~"
Oh, it was a slaughter.
"Okay! Let's see...about 200:2 ratio…" I muttered, trying to pull a Robin and think of a plan, not that one was really needed. "So. Plan is….We wreck their shit, got it?"
Chrom sweatdropped and nodded at my weirdness. "Would you like to take the lead or shall I?"
"Muh?" I processed that for a minute and immediately detested it, thinking of all the ways I could die. "Nah, you should. I'll watch your back, since I'm more adept to that."
"Are you sure? The best way to learn is through experience," he pressed, clearly biased.
Now I'm starting to think I don't have a choice in the matter. Is he seriously Sumia-ing me right now? Well...I guess there is some truth there. "Not giving me much choice, are you? Fine...But only because you want me to." I hesitantly ran forward, not used to taking the lead in a pairup. "L-lets wreck their shit!"
It was a whirlwind of swords. Every time I were to strike, he's was there with the next. Every time a Risen came too close, he was there to block it. And any time a Risen proved to be too difficult for me to beat, he easily finished it off. Always. It made me believe I could actually handle being in front. The Risen didn't stand a chance. We were in sync while they flailed about, dying as soon as they were spotted. So this was what it was like to fight as a single unit….It was like nothing could stop us. Eventually, all the Risen were gone. In a matter of ten minutes, which Robin told us later.
I looked to Chrom briefly, nodded and turned my attention towards Robin, coughing and catching my breath. That was brutal. Robin applauded, having left his hiding spot.
"Good show!" he said, grabbing his Ship Tome and scribbling. "Do you know how long that took?"
"N-no…" I held my side and bent over a bit, trying to crush a cramp that was a result of not enough exercise. "How long?"
"Ten minutes. About two hundred Risen in ten minutes."
"Ten minutes?" Chrom asked, looking duly surprised and unphased by the amount of physical activity. "How about that…." He looked to me and smiled a bit, saying, "See? I told you that you could handle it. We make quite the team, huh?"
"Y-yeah…" I coughed again, berating myself for not being more fit than this. "I think I may be overheated...I'm just going to sit in that shade over there..."
"Let me-" Yeah, no. I don't need help.
"I'm good!" I limped over to the bottom of the tree and gave him a thumbs up, earning a sigh. I relaxed until I realized that I forgot my damn water flask...Oh...never mind, it was here the whole...time. What? "THANKS KELLAM." I said, because I'm pretty sure he did that, and drank a drought.
After a few minutes, Robin made his way over to me. He was apparently reviewing the performance. There were checks and a good paragraph or two on the page he was one, so I just assumed that. "I thought you guys would die! Anyways, good job!" He held it up so I could see. Wow. It simply said:
"OMG. MY SHIP. MY SHIP IS SAILING. OH GODS. OH GODS. SHIPPING LORD IS AWESOME!"
Except the letters were ten times that size, hence the "looks like two paragraphs."
Disregarding how he was playing with our lives, I took that moment to bathe in the glory. "Of course, we would! Do you doubt me?" I feel like I shouldn't have asked that because he looked like he was about to start a whole lecture on how much he doubts my competence. "…..Don't answer that. I don't need more shit to cry myself to sleep."
Robin opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a loud roar. I was immediately on my feet and looking around the area. Over near the convoy was a bear. That bear was chasing Rei. Rei was firing at it. It did not look pleased. The bear was about ten times the little demon's size. Robin sighed and looked over to Chrom and Frederick, who had joined the former while I was taking a break. The prince nodded and made his way over to the bear, probably going to kill it. Words cannot describe how wrong I was.
"Hi, Mr. Bear!" he said in an overly cheery and disturbing tone. Freddy simply facepalmed, something I thought I'd never see him do when it involved his charge.
The bear let out another roar, turned from Chrom and began to maul the faces off some Feroxi soldiers. Thankfully, it was harmless scratching, rather than full blown slaughter.
"So, you want to join the Shepherds?"
I stared in shock, thinking of the various different ways to handle this situation. Of course, my mouth didn't quite agree with what my mind wanted to say, resulting in the usually throw around of profanity. "...What. The. Actual. Fuck. Are you high?"
"..." Robin looked from Chrom to the bear and then to me. Oh no….What do you want me to do now, Robin? Make it go away with my badass powers? I honestly don't think that I can use them w- "While you deal with Chrom, I'll test our next pair!" ….Fine. I'll save the idiot.
"Oh! Oh! Can I go next!" Ricken popped out of freaking nowhere and pestered Robin. And then he realized that he had no one to be paired with. "...But with who…?"
Robin tapped his chin in thought and looked around until his eyes came to Dusty, who sat in the corner playing with Risen parts… "We need to match you with someone who's underage so this won't be wrong! Dusty!"
"...Yes? What?" She looked up from the severed limbs.
The Shipping Lord smiled evilly and grabbed a Reeking box, pulling off the lid. "Reeking boxes. That's what. Now go younguns!"
Iris shot down from the heavens and landed next to Dusty. "Fuck yeah! DEATH AND BATTLE AND GLORY!" The existence of this horse was seriously making me doubt my sanity. Though I guess it's just Naga sending us some comic relief...
"Yeah...What the scary pegasus said!" Ricken piped up, running over to Iris.
"Hey! Shortie!" Dusty yelled, even though Ricken was several inches taller than her. "...Shortie! Get on the peggy with me! Safest strategy! Hardly any damage done!"
"And I can fire at the Risen from all the way up here," he agreed.
She nodded, pulling out an Arcthunder. "Try to severe limbs so I can collect them for my hexes."
The expected happened. Shit blew up. Dusty flew her badass demon-beast and threw thunder spells at the Risen while Ricken assisted her, whipping out Elwind like the shota badass he was. Need I say more? No? Good, you've got the gist. While I was pleased, Robin didn't seem like it, especially after the next twelve or so trials we watched.
"Can I say so far this has been a disaster?" He ran his finger through his hair, sighing, and throwing his tome at the now dead bear. I'll never understand his thought patterns. I think everyone did rather well….Evidently, not in his eyes.
"How so? I'd say that Rei and Stahl did well..." I inquired, trying to pinpoint where exactly everyone fucked up. And then it hit me. "...Even though she blew up his horse."
"Yeah. Most of you definitely have predetermined pairs." Okay...So what exactly is the problem, Robin? "Rei and Stahl, Dusty and Ricken, you and Chrom…"
"...Wait, what?" Has the Shipping Lord set down his gavel? Has his decision been made? Is this his ship? I thought he was kidding before, but...Now he seems to be dead serious. Me and Chrom? A prince and an unemotional, rebellious, hero/god-complex (Okay, sometimes), egotistical, short tempered, bitch? He's being serious here? "Sorry, but how'd you come to that conclusion, Robby?" We're complete opposites; at least in my eyes. We may have good teamwork, but that doesn't mean...Well...I guess we're fighting for the same thing and want the same thing at our cores…
"Thou dost protest too much methinks." Robin shook his head dismissively. Besides. I am not worried about you guys; you guys have great teamwork. I am worried about…"
Yelling interrupted the tactician."Why the heck did you trample me?" An irate Noah asked Sully as he limped off the battlefield.
Sully let out a huff of annoyance, brandishing her lance. "Why the fuck did you get in my way, prick? I was charging!"
They continued to bicker as they made their way over to Robin. "Yeah, but I had the advantage in that situation!"
Robin nodded sagely and held up an image of the weapon triangle with simple you-have-to-be-stupid-to-not-know-this facts, including, field type advantages. "He is not wrong there."
She glared at Robin before looking at Noah once more and spat. "Well, you're mother fucking pathetic jackass that I wouldn't even use to clean my ass, stay out of my way!"
"That is a no."
I looked over and sighed, having to deal with this for hours. "Who else then? There's only...Lissa and I doubt Chrom would allow that."
"Two more," he corrected, reading his list. "Lissa and Olivia."
Oh, that's right. We're in East Ferox, but with both Khans. Basilio left a delegate in charge and came over with Olivia and Lucas. The former being a real surprise. "Oh, right. I keep forgetting that she's here."
"Yeah, but after the show that she and Lucas put on, Noah is going to have a tough time convincing me."
"It can't hurt," I nodded. See? I'm not as biased when it comes to my ships as Robin, "even though I'm on board with that ship."
"The only one who doesn't is Kellam." Kellam? Hm...I wonder where he is…
"...Where is Kellam anyway?"
AN: Initially this was supposed to be longer, but realizing how long it was taking me to write and how the word count would equal two chapters, I decided to break it up into two chapters. I decided this would be the send off. I apologize for the wait, I truly do, but life's been a bit busy lately and filled with wonderful people that, frankly, are more important than this. (But this is pretty high up there, love you guys!) So really, the script was way too long. I guess we got a bit carried away. That's right. I said we. I'd like to thank Noah (ThatOneSelfInsertGuy) and Dusty (DustedWithStars) for helping with these past few chapters.
I've been thinking of going back and rewriting the first few chapters as well, as I've realized, they could be a million times better. So that may also delay the next few chapters. But don't worry. I have part of a few chapters already typed up, so that's good, I guess. Anyway~ If you can or haven't already, don't forget to fav, follow and review!~
