*Author's Note- First off I want to apologize for the delay in posting. It was not my intention to take so long with posting the chapter. Thank you for being patient with me. I kind of wrote myself into a corner with these last two chapters- I had a mental vision of how I wanted them to go and the end result isn't were I was originally headed. It's not such a bad thing, but it made it that much more difficult to write as I had to re-plot the rest of the story. Enjoy!
Hold on, hold tight
Make it through another night
Everyday there comes a song with the dawn
We push and pull and I fall down sometimes…
~Mat Kearney~ Breathe In, Breathe Out
" Have you seen Cristina?" Owen asked as Derek entered his room the next morning.
" No, but I just got out of surgery," he stated as he grabbed Owen's chart and took a seat on the couch.
" She mentioned coming by last night after her shift ended, but I haven't seen her since."
" There was a big trauma that came in a little bit ago. She might be down in the ER."
" Who's running things?" Owen asked as Derek stood.
" Kepner has unofficially taken over the emergency department for now. As far as the chief of surgery position, Webber and I have been sharing the duties. We're having a board meeting tomorrow to come up with something more permanent until you're back on your feet."
" Glad to hear that they haven't replaced me yet," he replied with a smile.
" If you hadn't woken up by the end of the week, we were going to begin discussions about finding a replacement…" Derek said, trailing off as his pager began beeping.
I need to take this. I'll be back later though. I want to re-evaluate your motor responses now that you're more alert."
" I'll be here…don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon."
" Cristina!" Derek shouted as he spotted her and Meredith in the midst of the chaotic ER. He quickly crossed the room to where they were standing near the nurse's station.
" What's going on McDreamy?"
" Hunt is looking for you."
" He'll have to wait. They're bringing in a critical cardio patient soon," Cristina replied bluntly.
" I'm going to be re-testing his motor functioning as soon as I'm finished operating. I'll page you and let you know," Derek said, planting a kiss on Meredith's cheek before running towards the elevator.
" What's going on?" Meredith asked as the two exited the ER in anticipation of the incoming ambulances.
" Nothing," replied Cristina as she turned from Meredith.
" You seem…upset. On edge," she observed as the sound of sirens grew closer.
" It's nothing. I'm just tired. I haven't slept much."
" You're a horrible liar Cristina Yang."
" I don't have time for this," Cristina responded as an ambulance pulled in.
" I don't know what's going on with you right now Cristina, but this isn't over," Meredith stated as she turned and went back into the hospital.
Derek: Just finished surgery. Want to grab lunch after I'm finished with Hunt? (Sent at 12:32 P.M.)
Meredith: Getting ready to go do a consult. I'll text you when I'm done. (Sent at 12:33 P.M.)
Derek: Will do. (Sent at 12:33 P.M.)
Derek smiled as he pocketed his phone outside of Owen's room. He lightly knocked on the door before opening it. As he stepped into the room he found a pale, sweating Owen standing on shaky legs, one hand gripped firmly around an IV pole, the other desperately clutching the edge of his bed.
" What the hell do you think you're doing?" Derek asked, his arms shooting out to encircle Owen's waist as his legs collapsed.
" Thought…I'd go for a…jog," Owen jokingly replied, the few steps he had taken leaving him winded.
" You're just full of bright ideas lately," responded Derek as he helped Owen back to his bed.
" I was actually coming to look for you," said Owen, his breathing returning to normal as he reinserted the oxygen tubing into his nose.
" You found me," Derek remarked, pausing to note the look of concern on Owen's face.
What's wrong?"
" So what's your deal? Why are you avoiding Owen?" Meredith asked hours later as Cristina approached the table she was sitting at in the cafeteria.
For a few moments, the two were silent as Cristina ate part of her sandwich.
" Owen is alive," she remarked as she sipped the water she had bought.
" And that's a problem?" Cristina sighed.
" I almost lost him Mer. He almost died. More than once. Do you know what that's like? To almost lose someone you love? I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest."
" I felt the same way when Derek got shot," Meredith explained.
" We were supposed to be figuring out what we wanted. We were supposed to be discussing our problems…and then Owen almost died. Now it's like we're back where we started. It's like all of our problems have been swept under the rug while he fought to stay alive and now that he's alive…they don't exist."
" Have you talked to Owen about this?"
" I don't want to overwhelm him…"
" Cris…" Meredith started to respond, but found herself stopping as a worried looking Derek approached the two.
" Derek, what's wrong?"
" I need you two to come with me."
" Where are we going?" inquired Cristina as they followed Derek out into the hallway.
" Radiology. Bailey is on her way there with Owen."
" What's wrong?" asked Meredith.
" He's showing signs of ataxia in his lower extremities. I ordered an MRI to check for any traces of brain damage that we might have missed the first two times."
" How bad is it?" Cristina asked worriedly as they entered the radiology department.
" As of now, he's experiencing numbness and tingling in his legs which is obviously affecting his ability to walk," explained Derek in a somewhat grim manor.
" Everything is ready to go," Bailey instructed as she approached them and the four of them entered the control room.
He's been asking for you Yang." Cristina sighed as she looked through the window at Owen in the MRI machine. She found herself holding her breath as the machine scanned his brain, afraid of what the results might be. She pushed all of her uneasy feelings aside, knowing that he was surely worried just as much as she was right now, if not more. The room was silent as a beep signaled the end of the scan; the results slowly appeared on the screen. Cristina entered the next room as a million different medical scenarios ran through her head as to what the results showed. Despite being worried, Cristina found herself putting on a smile as the gurney holding Owen's body came out of the MRI machine.
" Is it bad?" he questioned as Cristina helped him to a sitting position.
" Shepherd's still looking at the scans," she explained as Owen stood and fell back onto the bed beside the machine. Cristina watched him wince as he laid down, the pain from a simple task such as standing evident on his face. After arranging his blankets, she rolled him into the hallway where Derek, Meredith, and Bailey were intently studying the screen of the iPad in Derek's hands.
" It appears as if there is a miniscule spot on your cerebellum which would definitely explain the ataxia you're experiencing," Derek explained as he handed the iPad to Owen, pointing to a spot on the scan.
" That's it?"
" I told you it was small. I did a comparison between the three MRIs we've administered since you were admitted. It's no surprise that we couldn't see it the first two times. It can likely be attributed to the lack of oxygen your brain experienced during the two cardiac episodes," clarified Derek as they approached Owen's room.
" So what do we do?" Cristina asked as they got Owen settled in.
" I'd like to give you a few more days to rest and then we'll start intensive physical therapy. Hopefully you'll be able to regain most of, if not all of your strength back and your brain can learn to re-wire itself."
" And what if that doesn't happen?" Owen asked skeptically.
" We'll cross that bridge if and when we get there. I'll check in later. Get some rest." Cristina watched as Derek exited the room, her heart heavy as she turned back to a frustrated Owen.
" We'll get through this together. You'll be back to your old self in no time," she stated, trying to be optimistic as she pushed the uneasy feelings she had earlier aside.
" And what if I'm not?" Owen challenged defensively as he turned away from her. An awkward silence filled the room as Cristina fidgeted beside him. Several minutes passed before she bent over and whispered,
" I love you." And with that, she left Owen to himself, unsure of how to comfort him any further at that point.
