Wow, this take a lot less time than I anticipated. Finished this in one day...Specifically three hours. I guess typing 1k word scripts makes things a billion times easier. I apologize for the filler chapters, I really do, but this is just my way of making this last longer. I assure you that in the next one or two chapters, the ball will start rolling again. If you find any errors, please do point them out the me so I may go back and fix them at a later time. Thanks~ Heh, anyway, enjoy!~
Chapter 17: We Become Ninjas
Yawn…
There's nothing to do around here anymore. Why can't Emm get captured already? Er, I guess that was in bad taste, considering that she dies then. Well, that is if we don't save her. Which we totally will because we're a league of badasses. I looked down at the book I was reading, trying to find where I left off when I had thrown my head back. We've been here for over three months and still nothing, so reading, pranking bitches and writing in my journal had gotten boring. Like, who would want to read my repetitive accounts?
Oh, we were in the tactics tent by the way. A meeting had just ended—one I hadn't been paying attention to due to the fact that I didn't give a shit about it anymore. We basically had been going over the plan various times. I could tell you the exact coordinates of where the forces in the three pronged attack will come from—90 degrees west, 25 degrees north for the first, 95 degrees west, 22 degrees north for the second and 92 west and 19 north for the third—and the troop distributions—5270 Ylissean soldiers, 8013 West Feroxi and 1028 East Feroxi. East Ferox lacked forces for some reason. They must have a Snipe problem.
"Erin, who fucked with my shit?" Robin was looking over the pins in the map and the chess pieces that resembled our forces. He seemed to be contemplating something; probably why he just asked that question.
"Um…I dunno." I didn't care enough to give him my full attention; my book was too good, but it was also boring. Eh, this really isn't helping my explanation. "How should I know? Do you suspect me or something?"
The tactician shook his head, placing a few pieces on the map. "My reeking boxes; they're missing."
Well, gee, I have NO idea where they went! Now shut up and let me read. That's what I'd say if I weren't such a nice person. "Maybe because you used them all in the Trials." I deadpanned, turning a page. Jesus, Robin…You really do need to get that memory of yours checked out.
"I bought more with the cash we got from all that bullion," he said as if it were nothing of importance.
"You wasted all of our GP on stupid reeking boxes?!" Robin, the great tactician of Ylisse, everyone!
"Yes, but," Robin grabbed a bunch of paperwork from the outer edges of the map, putting them in a pile and tapping it against the table to even it out, "that gets us even more money and experience. I am Master Tactician."
"Master Tactician or not, what if we run out of weapons before we defeat said Risen?" I stood, closing my book and awaiting the debate to come. I had accidentally picked the illogical side, I was sure of it, but I was still willing to defend it.
"That is why we do it one at a time, but that won't happen because someone stole them," the tactician said matter-of-factly. I was about to respond with my claim, but Lucas entered the tent, interrupting.
"Hey, you guys?" he asked, looking around the tent and sighing. "Have you seen Olivia anywhere?"
I had seen her actually. She had been at the meeting earlier with Basilio and Flavia going over the Feroxi infantry's fighting style. While claiming to not be very good with a sword, she had an amazing memory when it came to styles of dancing and fighting alike. She helped Frederick pick it up rather quickly, so if our troops blended with the Feroxi ones during the battle that will most definitely take place, they'll know how to be synergetic. After the meeting, she had left, muttering something about becoming stronger.
"I'm pretty sure she went out to train," I said after my moment of thought.
"With what?" Robin asked, apparently suspecting that Olivia was the culprit.
Shaking my head, I crossed my arms. "She's not ninja enough to take your reeking boxes, Robin."
As if answering the unspoken question, Lissa ran in in the same state Lucas was in. "Have any of you seen my good-for-nothing bodyguard?" she inquired, looking to Robin, because who wouldn't when a problem arised?
"Well, I guess that's how she got the boxes…" I murmured, waiting for Robin to get what I was saying.
Surprisingly, it took about two minutes, when it should've taken less than one. "Wait, Noah and Olivia training together?" Yes, genius. Took you long enough. I'm supposed to be slow. "Stop them," he said, shoving Lucas towards the exit.
"How?" Lucas questioned the tactician. "I don't even know where they are."
A shiver ran down my spine as another presence made itself known to me. It was a power that all Hosts had developed from being in contact with our divine counterparts. Not seeing anyone, I automatically assumed that it was Kellam. "GUYS!"
"What do you want, Kellam?" I said, earning odd looks from everyone but Lucas, since he had been aware of Kellam's presence as well.
"As I have said three hundred times, I just saw them heading in from the north road." The enigmatic, illusive Shepherd explained. "Something about Borscht?"
Robin cupped his chin in thought, analyzing the asinine situation. "Then they're probably at that place with the 'World's Greatest Borscht' sign."
"What do I do?" Lucas asked.
"Um...I dunno, state your business?" Though I said it, it came out like a question. And thus it went unnoticed by everyone else.
"Tell them I sent you to charge them for Ship Destruction," the tactician said, grabbing his tome and ushering us all—excluding Lissa—out of the tent.
"Charge in like a maniac? OKAY!" I do not think that is what he meant, Lucas….He meant that you were to press charges, not charge…Gods, this will be a long day.
And then we snuck through the streets of Ferox, searching for 'the Disobeyers of the Shipping Lord's Law', whatever that means. It didn't take long to find the tavern; the big sign on the front was a huge giveaway. The structure stood on top a stone brick foundation and the wood it was made of was rotting, barely supporting it as planks hung loose. We entered the estate without hesitation and ninja'd our way to the dark corner, where a table with just the right amount of chairs was situated.
I hid my face behind a menu and put on some shades as Robin and I watched the two 'offenders'—I still didn't know why Robin was making such a big deal out of this—that sat it the center of the room, the torchlight illuminating them so that we had a clear view.
"See?" Noah said, turning to Olivia with a smile. "This is nice. You got a pegasus, and an idea of a new way to fight."
Olivia hesitantly nodded, murmuring a "Y-yeah."
"I hear the borscht here is good," Noah continued, pointing at the menu as he spoke. While he was calm, Olivia was rather fidgety looking anywhere but at him; probably feeling like a traitor or a lovesick school girl. It's probably the former, but you never know.
She gasped, looking at him in awe. "How did you know that that is my favorite food?" Well, other than the fact that it was one of the few Feroxi delicacies, probably a very good guess.
"Lucky guess." Bingo.
Robin felt that things were getting too 'iffy', as he put it, so he sent Lucas in. Lucas, still having the completely wrong idea, charged in like a barbarian would charge an enemy.
"RAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Noah immediately looked at him with the most pronounced 'What the actual fuck?' face you'll ever, and I mean ever, see. "Excuse me?"
Liv was in a similar condition, but not quite extreme. "O-okay?"
"Stop," he said. "She is having a perfectly good time without you. Besides, there is nothing romantic going on." Olivia nodded furiously at this. "She worked hard in training, so I am buying her lunch."
Now, you see, when put in awkward situations, my awkward friend gives the word a whole new meaning. So, as predicted, he went into Weird McWeirdo mode. "Master Robin sent me here because of a disturbance in the shipping force. I am merely a pawn in his little game." Lucas paused, going over what he said. I heard a snicker escape from Robin, making me feel like he knew something we all didn't. "Um…Did I just say that?"
"And you just said the issue with this whole situation out loud. Robin sent you. Robin. Until you represent yourself, I cannot respect you." Hmph, you and me both, Noah, you and me both. He just made a complete fool out of himself.
"U-um…I…Right." Why is my friend such a dork sometimes? This is really irritating to watch. I am dying from secondhand embarrassment here. "If it's just a friendly outing…I apologize…"
"You want to join us?" Noah asked, gesturing towards an empty seat. Lucas gladly took it. "I hear the borscht is good here. After all, Liv deserves the best for all the grinding she did." Lucas's gaze hardened for a moment before he realized that he did not mean….that, but exp gaining. Olivia waved it off as if it were nothing.
"…So what are you doing here, Lucas?" Olivia asked, as she had apparently not listened to Lucas's psychotic yelling…Thank goodness.
"I just so happened to pass by…" Lucas instantly became calm, probably trying to hide what happened before and not repeat it. "So how was your day?"
Olivia instantly began rhapsodizing the events of the day, not leaving out the smallest detail. "Noah taught me how to do all these cool things with a sword, and showed me good tactics on how to fight enemies, and I learned how to fight and dance at the same time!" Be nice if she did that in the game…
"That's great," Lucas mused. "Glad you enjoyed your day."
"Ummm…." Olivia stuttered out some gibberish that sounded like, "N-Noah said s-something about tr-trying to fight i-in a trio."
"A trio?"
Noah picked up where Liv left off. "Yeah. They have double teaming, so why not bum rush the asshole trying to kill us?"
"Surprised Robin never thought of it…" Robin scoffed at Lucas's comment, taking notes in his…. 'Death Tome'? Oh gods…
"I beat this game on Lunatic + without losing a single man…Granted I had to reload a lot, but that is something a stupid person can't do." Woah…I-I can't even beat the damn game on Luna-Class….I need to kidnap this guy sometime and make him teach me. Hell, if he doesn't I'll just pull the senpai card that seems to work in Haikyuu.
"Right. I'm sure that'd be interesting." Lucas looked to Olivia. "Your thoughts, Olivia?"
"I-I told him that I wanted to fight with you…" Olivia glanced up hesitantly, looking back and forth between both guys. "Even if it feels so natural fighting with Noah, I like fighting with you at my side."
"Just how it winds up sometimes…" Noah said sadly. I don't know why, but I felt something in my heart shatter. This was…Damn it. I'm not even involved and this is making me feel depressed.
"Um…Are you going to join us next time then?" Olivia asked meekly.
Lucas nodded, plastering a grin on his face. "Anything you wish. It'd be fun."
"Three swords tend to get in the way of one another, so if we flank the enemy like this…" Dude, stop being so contradictory. One moment you're for it, the next you're dead set against it.
Robin noticed this and slammed his fist against the table, letting out a low growl. "Grrrrrrrrr..."
"Dammit." I said halfheartedly, agreeing with Robin to prevent the worst, but keeping my normal sarcastic tone all the same. "He's sinking the ship…It's burning and it's g—"
"There is no guarantee anything is sinking." Kellam's voice came from the darkest part of our dark corner. "Look at the magical pocket device thing."
"…I'm being dramatic, shaddup." I procured my 3DS from my pocket, scrolling to their supports. "…They have A's. All three of 'em. Aw, cute—Er, I mean…Plan has a chance." I replied, returning my focus to our stalkees for a moment.
Lucas had taken up a Phoenix Wright stance, now in a heated debate with Noah. "…Yes, but if we do that then that leaves your right side open for a strike…"
"What the hell?" Robin gaped at the group. "I am the tactician here! They need me."
I shushed Robin, watching Lucas apply his nerd skills. "He's a nerd too. Let him be tactician for now."
Robin laughed humorlessly at that. "OH SURE! Let's all just be Tacticians! Let's just call ourselves the Tactician Knights instead of the damn Shepherds. I AM TACTICS GOD! DO—" I punched him in order to shut him up before he yelled out more things.
"SHADDUP. People are staring." I glared at all of the mofos that looked at us. Thankfully, our stalkees were still in a heated debate and did not notice us.
"And people still don't notice me…" Maybe if you got rid of the armor and stepped out of the dark, creepy corner it'd help.
"You get used to it." I muttered. "Well, you should know that. Anyway….Let's see. What are they up to now?" Once again, I returned my attention to our targets.
"Okay…" Noah said, looking at the others at the table. "So, why do you think Robin only lets us operate in pairs when we have proven that larger groups are more effective?" Yeah, that's had me wondering for ages as well. Why must we fight in pairs?
Lucas shrugged at this, while Robin—he'd somehow already recovered—snickered again. "I guess it's because he thinks he's some almighty shipping lord or something, so he puts his ideal ships together. Fire Emblem: Ship Simulator." Indeed, Lucas, indeed.
They finally agreed on something; Noah had nodded in agreement. "Precisely."
"Why are w-we talking about naval vessels?" Olivia asked, clueless as to what the guys were talking about. It's funny how she interpreted it as shipping people. Always brings a good laugh.
Lucas shook his head, chuckling. "Because….." He cleared his throat to stop a foreseen rambling. "It's an Ylissean thing."
"O-okay…."
After what seemed like ages of waiting, the waiter finally came back with the food on a silver platter. He took off the lid and placed the three dishes in front of each person at the table. "Borscht!"
The waiter then left and the group began digging into their food. The moment each of them took the first bite, a look of disgust washed over their faces and they forcefully swallowed.
"This is shit." Noah stated, not caring to mince his words.
"Yeah." Lucas nodded. Hah! They agreed twice in one day! A bloody miracle! "This is really bad borscht."
Olivia nodded as well, pushing the plate away. "E-ew…."
"Maybe we could go somewhere else…" Noah said after a while. "Like a place where Robin and Erin can't follow." Wut.
He noticed us? I thought we were invisible! Ninjas! How? I-I don't understand….We did everything that the group does in the movies, so how?
"How…" Robin muttered.
"DAMMIT!" I exclaimed, gaining the attention of many, many more people. "I thought my shades were disguise enough….Kellam. Attack. ….Kellam? Where'd you go?"
"Hot springs probably. He is looking for recruits." Noah hypothesized as Robin raised a brow in confusion.
"Into the Shepherds?" the tactician asked.
"No, into his harem." A silence swept through the room as we all processed this information. Kellam…He had any perverts dream power, when you think about it. He could sneak into any hot spring and…
"I knew it. He does take advantage of his ninja skills. Hot springs will never feel safe again."
Another silence took hold of the room, lasting for minutes until Lucas pushed out his chair and stood. "Let's blow this pop stand."
Olivia looked over in confusion, so Noah elaborated. "That means leave, Liv."
"O-Okay…" She murmured and then looked to us. "Good luck, Robin!" With that, they all left.
Robin laughed. "I don't need luck. I'm the Master Tactician."
"Pssh. Then I must have high luck to not be on your bad side…" I muttered, but my words went unheard as Robin mused.
"How will this play out?" he asked thoughtfully. "This just became wild and unpredictable."
I raised a brow, shaking my head at the tactician's random daftness. "But isn't life always wild and unpredictable?"
"The ship can go either way," Robin continued, "and for once, I don't think I can control it."
Taking that as a victory, I decided to be all poetic and wrap up our epic tale with some philosophy. "A great thing has happened today. Robin has understood that he, a control freak, mustn't be in control of everything, but let the beings of this fair land make their own choices and—"
"BUT I MUST!" Robin interrupted me. I dunno what was going on with him, but I think he realized that he earned himself a death wish. Well, at least I hope that he thinks that. I have power fantasies, you see…
"NO!" I yelled at him, wanting to get my point across. "You listen and let things happen, Robin! You can't play with us like puppets and expect us to tolerate that! You hear?! We are people. Treat us like it." Robin froze for a moment, hopefully preparing to concede. I was ready to accept my victory, but he opened his mouth to respond.
"But I am the Shipping Lord!"
"I don't care if you're Naga!" I began my rant; one that I've been holding in all day and just had to talk out. "I don't want you messing with my or anyone's life! …Let it just happen…"
"But some marriages are tactical and some aren't!" Robin insisted, not looking at this in the right way. I guess he was more 'robot' than human. A genius, yet a fool.
"You've set it up." I glared at him, forcing my point across once more. "Let it play out. Then you'll see how successful 'your' marriages were."
"But this one…Olivia could go either way…" YES. I NOTICED, GENIUS! NOW WILL YOU STOP MENTIONING THAT EVERY FUCKING FIVE SECONDS?!
While my mind was just a fiery inferno, I forced my demeanor to appear calm. "Okay. She could go either way. So. What."
"But we ship Lucas. What if it happens for Noah?"
"Whatever. I don't care anymore. As long as everyone's happy in the end. Then I'll be fine. With any ship."
"Whatever." Robin echoed. "You and Excellus."
Phew~ All done! Welp, you know the drill! If you enjoyed fav, follow or leave a review! See if you can catch the references I made! I know this isn't much of an AN, but meh. And it's not as long as usual, I see that...Well, I might not get any updates next week due to Spring break starting and I'll be away doing shit where THERE IS NOT INTERNET. ...Yep. The caps was necessary. But-uh-yeah!~
