Author's Note:
I apologize for the delay in my posting this chapter. I was nearing the end of my second pregnancy when I started this story. Now that my son is sleeping through the nigh and I'm back to work, I have more free time to write. This chapter isn't nearly as long as I would like, but I felt like where it ends is appropriate. (Some of you may beg to differ when you realize I've left you with a cliffhanger and a somewhat dark one at that.) I have written more, but it just doesn't fit well with this chapter. The good news in all of this is I will be able to update it sooner! Enjoy!
Dear Agony
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly
Is this the way it's gotta be?
Don't bury me
Faceless enemy
I'm so sorry
Is this the way it's gotta be?
~Breaking Benjamin~ Dear Agony
" How's Owen doing?" Meredith asked as she approached Cristina who had just exited the locker room.
" I wouldn't know," she replied as she turned and walked towards the nurse's station.
" He's been asking for you."
" Has he now?"
" Cristina! You can't keep running from your problems."
" Why not? It's not like you've never done it," Cristina answered with a snarky tone.
" Cristina! It's been almost two weeks since Derek diagnosed the ataxia. How many times have you been to see him?"
" I really need to go check on a patient…" she stated, attemping to change the subject
" Your intern can do that. You're going to go check on Owen even if my pregnant ass has to drag you, kicking and screaming every inch of the way." Cristina sighed. She knew Meredith was right. She couldn't keep avoiding him.
Fifteen minutes later Cristina found herself on the ground level of the hospital just outside the physical therapy room. She took a deep breath then pulled open the door, ducking just in time to narrowly miss a metal crutch that was flying towards her head.
" That's it. I quit." A tall muscular man named Aaron grabbed the crutch and handed it to Cristina.
" Good. I don't need your help," shouted Owen angrily, his back turned to Cristina. Aaron exited the room, leaving Cristina alone with Owen.
" What in the hell was that?"
" I don't need a damned therapist teaching me how to walk," he spat.
" Apparently you do or your stubborn ass wouldn't be glued to that wheelchair," replied Cristina as she carried the crutch back to where Owen was sitting. The other crutch lay abandoned at the foot of the wheelchair he was in.
Get up. Now." Owen looked at her quizzically.
" I…I can't."
" You can't? Or you won't?" asked Cristina as she grabbed the other crutch and thrust them at Owen. He glared at her, his blue eyes full of anger and frustration.
" Don't."
" Don't what?"
" Don't waltz in here after I haven't seen you for almost two weeks and pretend like you give a damn. I'm fine."
" That's a matter of opinion," Cristina muttered.
" What was that?" Owen asked.
" Nothing. Look, when you decide to stop wallowing in your pity, come find me. Until then, I'm through." Cristina turned and stormed out of the room, leaving a stunned Owen. He stared at the crutches in his hand, wondering what had just happened as a pit began to form in his stomach. Had Cristina just left him?
" How'd it go?" Meredith asked as she approached Cristina outside of the ER.
" How did it go when the Titanic sank?" she challenged.
" That bad?" wondered Meredith.
" I walked in on him nearly shattering the glass in the door with a crutch he threw across the room followed by his therapist quitting."
" Oh."
" Don't worry though. He insists he's fine."
" I know what will make you feel better," Meredith stated.
" Bloody carnage in the pit?"
" EMS just brought in two drunk guys that got in a sword fight."
" I love you Meredith Grey."
" I just got off the phone with Aaron Prescott," Derek stated as he entered the physical therapy room to find Owen sitting on a stationary bike, pedaling it at a slow pace.
" What did you say?" he asked as he pulled out a set of ear buds that were plugged into his iPhone.
" I said that if your therapists keep quitting…"
" I don't need any help," Owen angrily interrupted as he put the ear buds back and cranked up the music he was listening to in attempts to tune Derek out. Derek sighed before he took off his lab coat and sat on the bike next to Owen's and began pedaling.
" After the plane crash, there was a point where I didn't care if my hand was ever fixed. I had lost my best friend. I shut Meredith out. I was more or less an absent father to Zola. There were days that I didn't care if I ever operated again." Owen pushed the pause button.
I woke up one morning and literally looked in the mirror as I was getting ready. I didn't recognize the stranger looking back at me. My whole adult life I had identified myself as a top-notch surgeon and once Zola came into our lives, a loving, caring father. Here was this guy, staring back at me that didn't give a damn about his career or being a good dad." Owen sighed.
" What changed?"
" Meredith told me she was pregnant," said Derek as he got off the bike.
I get it Owen. I get where you're coming from. It sucks. It feels like your life is over. Just talk to her. Let us help you." With that, he picked up his lab coat and turned towards the exit.
" Have you ever wondered how many times a person can cheat death?"
" What do you mean?" Derek asked, stopping in his tracks.
" Look at Meredith. She almost drowned. She also mentioned something about the bomb squad."
" Yes," he replied, wondering where this was going.
" After you had been shot by Gary Clark, when you were on the table, Meredith stepped in between you and the gun, challenging him to shoot her instead."
" I used to wonder if she had a death wish," remarked Derek jokingly.
" I should have died in Iraq. Every single one of my men was killed in an attack that I managed to avoid and survive. I nearly tackled Gary Clark myself in an attempt to distract him from shooting Meredith."
" Tackling gunmen seems to be your forte."
" My point is…we both cheated death several times. Why are we still here? When is it once too many?"
" Are you saying you wished you would have died?" The room grew quiet as the weight of Derek's question hung heavily in the air.
" I'm saying… you can only cheat death so many times before death cheats you. When is the universe going to say enough?"
