Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh
Things you never say to me, oh, oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
~Pink feat. Nate Reuss~ Just Give Me A Reason
Author's Note: This is the chapter I've been struggling with for awhile. It was clear to me a few chapters ago that I was writing this story in a different sequence of sorts than I had originally intended. It just happened, a fluke of nature, thus throwing off the rest of the story just a bit. I've had the next chapter after this planned out in my head since nearly the beginning, but I had no clue how I would get there. Therefore I kind of pulled this one out of thin air, but I think it works. I hope you enjoy! (Feel free to check out my other story, "Always" which is of course a Cristina/Owen story.)
" You're an idiot," Meredith bluntly stated as Owen awoke with a moan.
" What happened?" he asked groggily, vaguely aware that he was hooked up to an IV pole and oxygen again.
" You managed to tear out half of the remaining staples you had in your chest. Seriously Owen. What in the hell were you thinking?" The room was silent as Owen closed his eyes, doing his best to block out the pain and Meredith's line of questioning.
Sooner or later, you're going to have to deal with this. I'm not going to let you take Cristina with you in this downward spiral."
" Are you done yet?" he asked with a sigh.
" You know, she was the one that found you. She sat by your side as I stapled your stupid ass back together. She loves you Owen. If you won't let anyone else in, at least talk to her." Without another word, Meredith turned, letting the door to Owen's room slam shut. After placing the iPad she was holding onto a charger, she headed for the closest on-call room, in desperate need of a nap. The room appeared empty as Meredith entered, turning on a light switch to her left. She was shocked to see Cristina sitting in a lounge chair, her dark blue scrubs still obviously stained with Owen's blood.
" Cristina! How long have you been sitting here?"
" I don't know," she answered blankly as Meredith sat beside her.
I can't keep doing this Mer. It's like he's giving up again. We fought so hard to get to where we were and now none of that matters to him."
" Go see him. Talk to him. Don't take no for an answer," replied Meredith with a yawn.
Take a shower though first."
Cristina fidgeted nervously as she sat on the couch in Owen's room as he slept. As much as she wanted to avoid Owen all together right now, she knew it wasn't the right thing to do. They needed to talk, to sort things out. More importantly, Owen needed someone by his side to support him, to pull him out of the darkness he seemed to be wallowing in.
" What are you doing here?"
" Knitting a sweater…what does it look like I'm doing?" she challenged.
" I meant…what are you doing here, with me? I've been an ass to you. Frankly I wouldn't blame you if you ran in the other direction."
" You have been an ass…" Cristina stated, stopping in mid-sentence as she attempted to organize her thoughts.
Believe me. I wanted to run in the other direction. There's a reason I haven't been around."
" I…"
" Let me finish. Do you remember that night at Joe's when you told me you wanted to be around another forty years?" Owen nodded, the memory fresh in his mind.
And then a few days later…when you had one of your…episodes."
" Unfortunately."
" You spent the better portion of your day avoiding me until I confronted you as you did your paperwork. I told you then that you didn't get to decide for me when I'd had enough."
" And then I choked you."
" That's not the point. The point is, I get to decide when I've had enough, when I want to run," Cristina said as she hesitated.
I haven't had enough Owen. I don't want to run." A smile crept across Owen's face as his eyes became heavy with a medication-induced haze.
" You have no idea how much I needed to hear that," he murmured as he fought against the sleep that was beckoning him.
" We still have a lot to sort out, but it can wait. You need sleep." Cristina placed a kiss on Owen's forehead then exited the room. Owen sighed as he closed his eyes, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Maybe, just maybe thing would turn out all right.
" Royal Flush," Cristina announced triumphantly a few days later as she and Owen played poker in his room. She sat cross-legged at the end of Owen's bed, a smug grin on her face.
" How? You suck at poker. I've always won."
" Because I let you…plus we were always playing strip poker. I lost on purpose," she replied as Owen laughed, wincing briefly at the pain, which was still fresh in his chest.
I miss those days," Cristina stated nonchalantly as she shuffled the deck of cards.
" So do I," Owen said with a sigh as he lay back against his pillows.
" Have I ever told you how I learned to play poker so well?" she asked sporadically as she dealt out another hand.
After my dad died, I became fascinated with science. I obsessively listened to medical textbooks I'd check out of the college's library. I was the nerd who would sneak copies of medical journals into parties at the country club and study them in the bathroom stall when I was supposed to be rubbing elbows with my mom and stepfather's rich friends. As punishment for being 'anti-social,' she shipped me off to a stuffy, uppity summer camp for rich kids. Instead of learning about advanced biology and physics, I was supposed to be learning etiquette skills, riding horses, and eating caviar for dinner." Owen laughed again as he tried picturing a pre-teen Cristina learning how to be a proper young woman.
At night, all of the girls would sit around, reading fashion magazines as they gave each other makeovers. I met this girl named Laura who was just as miserable as I was, being forced to attend the camp against her will. She taught me how to play poker after all of the other girls had gone to bed. It wasn't long before I was hustling all of the little rich kids for their parents' money, which was intended for weekend trips in the city."
" So you were running an underground poker ring at summer camp?" he asked, amused but not surprised at Cristina's confession.
" Until Laura got caught giving a counselor money in exchange for beer and pot."
" So what did you do with your portion of the money?"
" I paid for a subscription to the New England Journal of Medicine," she replied smugly.
" Your mom didn't seem that awful the few times I met her," Owen pointed out.
" The longest you ever spent with her was twenty minutes that one time she insisted on visiting me while she was in Seattle. Trust me. You never had to live with her."
" True," Owen replied.
" Sometimes I wonder if I would have turned out any different if I had a mother like yours…"
" What do you mean?"
" I never came home to find my mother in the kitchen making dinner. We rarely ate dinner together as a family. There were never homemade cookies waiting for me after school," Cristina stated. The room grew silent as she set the deck of cards down and took a deep breath. She could talk about her mother's shortcomings until she turned blue in the face. Deep down Cristina knew they couldn't forever avoid the fact that she didn't want children.
" How is it that we never talked about having kids in the beginning?" she asked. Owen could feel his heart grow heavy as her words spilled out. He wanted desperately to avoid the conversation that could very well end their relationship, but knew it needed to be discussed sooner or later.
" I think it's safe to say that I wasn't looking for love that night when my car crashed into the limo. I was supposed to be flying back to Iraq the next evening. I had just dropped my mom off at her house after taking her out for dinner. All I wanted to do was go back to my hotel room and watch the end of the Seahawks game before I went to bed. Instead I wound up gashing open my thigh on impact and then proceeded to trach a guy with the random ball point pen I just happened to have in my car…."
" And then you stapled your thigh shut with no anesthetic," interrupted Cristina.
" I wanted to kiss you then…but then Callie burst through the door and ruined it," Owen stated with a smirk before his face became serious.
As I watched the rest of my unit get torn to shreds, I couldn't help but wonder why I had been spared. A few days later as I sat on the plane with the bodies of my men resting in the cargo space below, I called Richard Webber and accepted his job offer. I may have told you that you were in the 'before,' but I wanted nothing more than to return to Seattle to see you. To see where that kiss would lead us. I needed that. I needed you…and I still do." Cristina sighed nervously, unsure of what to say in response to Owen's confession. Thankfully her cellphone chose to ring at that precise moment.
" It's Mer. We'll talk later, okay?" she said as she awkwardly rushed out of the room leaving Owen to contemplate their conversation.
