After the first full day of school,the rest of the week flew by rather quickly—for which I was grateful. Enjoyable as going to classes and learning new things were— I still struggled to get into any kind of happy state for long. I missed Harry and Ron terribly. I saw death and devastation everywhere in the castle and its grounds— every damaged area served as a reminder. Even the most innocent and untainted of places did not spare me—because while no sign of war was visible, my memories were enough. Every night I would go to bed and lose myself in nightmares reliving the battle, my torture at Malfoy Manor and every other wretched thing that happened to me recently.
Even during those hard times and directly after—I was no where near as depressed as I am now. I suppose there was no time to really reflect. I was always busy fighting, planning, taking care of the boys, fetching my parents, dealing with Ron—to dwell on anything but the present and what I needed to be doing in that moment.
Being back at Hogwarts is really making me deal with everything I had put off for so long. I guess because this is the place where the war ended and my new life started. New life meaning: No more helping Harry save the world. No more fun and silliness at Hogwarts with the boys or anyone for that matter—those days are gone. A strained and almost broken relationship with my parents.
Now that I am here it has all become very real to me. My childhood is past—I spent it saving the world and it left me behind without a second glance.
Gone. Completely and irrevocably. Adulthood is upon me and I have no desire for it—I am not ready for it.
It is funny to me—Voldemort is dead and gone—the time to be carefree and happy is upon us and I am a miserable mes barely holding on. Strange as it may sound, I was happier back in the dark times.
I was doing something back then then. Living life on the edge and fighting for something I believed in. Now my life is an empty void filled only with school-work.
I never thought I'd see the day when I preferred danger and rule breaking to order studies. Yet in this moment, I do.
I know that things would be much better if Harry and Ron were here with my —try as the might, Ginny and the others just cannot be to me what the boys are. We've always done everything together and now I'm alone while they're off Auror training with each other.
I guess that I've spent so much of my life with them that I don't know what to do now since we're separated. It's a weak thought and I hate myself for it.
Hermione Granger does not do weak and pathetic but yet here I am being just that. Pull yourself together,Granger.
With that thought I heaved myself out of the comfy arm chair and left Gryffindor tower. It was a Saturday and a walk was in order. I needed to clear my head.
I walked and walked all over the castle until I found my way out onto the grounds late in the afternoon. I made my way down to the black lake. The place was deserted— or so I thought.
Though I could not see anyone, I heard the distinct sound of heaving sobs. I was only too acquainted with it.
I wondered who it was so I too a few steps forward and the sound only grew stronger but still I saw no one—until I looked behind one of the giant trees.
Even though I could not see his face, which was buried in his folded arms—I could recognize that shock of blond hair anywhere. The crying boy—or I should say man, was Draco Malfoy.
The sensible thing to do would be to turn around and leave before he noticed me. I remembered all too well the reaction Harry got from him the time he found Malfoy crying in Myrtle's bathroom during 6th year— an attempted Crucio. I most definitely did not want to experience that.
Naturally I went closer, intending to talk to him. I couldn't help myself—I felt the need to help him somehow.
"Malfoy." I called out softly when I got close enough.
His head snapped up instantly and the look on his face when he saw me was murderous. I gulped. Time to run away now.
Instead, I persevered and knelt down in front of him.
"Draco, are okay? What's the matter?" I asked gently. He looked utterly confused by my questions. "What?" Was all he said to me.
"I said are you okay."
"I'm fine, Granger. What is it to you anyway? I don't need your pity if that's what you think." He said through gritted teeth.
"Well that's just great because I'm not offering you any and as to why I care— I care because I can see that you are clearly struggling with things. I noticed that you looked unwell the first time I saw you on the train last week and it seems you're no better since then. That's why I was staring at you in Potions the other day—I wasn't trying to be rude or judge you or anything like that. I don't know exactly what's going on with you but I do know that you need help and despite our differences in the past I'm offering it to you. Just let me in—I promise I will try my best to make things better for you."
I don't know what possessed me to say all that but once I started I couldn't stop. Malfoy just looked so alone and helpless. It made me so sad to see the once proud boy fallen so low.
"You want to help me? Why? We hate each other remember?"
"I don't hate you, Malfoy—you don't hate me either. All that stuff is best left behind—it was a different world back then. I want to help because I don't like seeing anyone this way. Though you may not know it, I'm having a really hard time at the moment too. I guess I can relate to you and whatever it is that's bothering you. I haven't been able to share my troubles with anyone. Truth be told I don't know who to tell. I don't want to worry my friends so they're out. I bet you haven't talked to anyone either." I finished.
He only nodded in answer. It was as I had suspected. He was alone in his turmoil as I.
"Well, how about we help each other out then? You can talk to me and I can talk to you. Together we will pick up the pieces of our shattered lives. Just say yes, Draco."
I could see that his resolve was wavering—he was desperate for help but didn't want to admit it. Least of all to me. My offer was just too good to pass up I suppose because he nodded and gave me his answer in a whisper.
"Yes."
