A/N: This chapter continues directly from where the last one left off.
"Yes."
Even though I was expecting him to, I didn't think he would acquiesce this quickly. Lucky me.
Now that he's agreed I have no clue what to do next. Despite what I had just told him, we're not friends. How are we supposed to talk about our deepest and darkest fears when we barely know one another and what we do know does not exactly endear us to each other.
He's looking at me —waiting for me to say something, so I just suck it up and dive right in.
"Well, what's got you so upset that you're out here all alone crying?" I asked as I adjusted myself and sat down opposite him.
Malfoy bristles at the bluntness of my question but does not leave. Instead he takes a gulping breath and answers me.
"I... it's just that I fucking hate everything, you know? The last two years have been pure hell— everything is so messed up and I don't know what to do." He chokes out.
He's crying again. What am I supposed to do now? Without thinking, I take his hands in mine and I know it was the right thing to do because he grips them back hard. He's so far gone that it appears a 'mudblood' touching him is just fine. Or maybe that doesn't matter to him anymore. Either way I'm grateful that he let me do it.
"Look at me." He does and I cans see the pain in his eyes shinning through so clearly that it stops my heart for a moment.
"Now you listen here Malfoy, I know things are really bad for you right now. I know you feel helpless and lost but those feelings won't last forever, you hear me? Things will get better—they always do in the end."
"Really now? How can you be so sure? What makes you think I won't die alone and miserable huh?" He said bitterly.
"Because you silly boy, I'm here now and I won't let that happen. I promise you."
He just stares at me so I continue speaking.
"So tell me, in detail if you don't mind, what is it that you hate so much."
"Alright then. I hate that the Dark Lord ever existed. I hate that my Grandfather and father followed him. I hate that my family name is mud these days. I hate that all my so called friends abandoned me when I need them the most. For what? Because my name holds no value to them anymore? I hate the way everyone looks at me with so much contempt—as if they know anything about me or what got me to this point. I hate that my mother had to suffer and is still suffering because of my father's choices in supporting that madman. I hate that you got tortured by my deranged aunt right in front of me and there was nothing I could do. Have you heard enough yet? " He's breathing so hard now, having gotten all worked up just now.
I don't trust myself to speak so I just nod.
"Good." He says.
"There is one last thing though." He rolls up his sleeve up to his forearm and points to the faded dark mark printed there.
" This is what I hate the most. This evil,horrid mark emblazoned on my flesh for all eternity. I was so eager to get it too, you know. Thought I was doing something good—something worthwhile. I would follow in my father's footsteps and do what he could not. I would be the dark Lord's trusted servant and restore the Malfoy name to it's former glory in his eyes by killing Dumbledore. Such a fool I was—so proud to be picked to carry out such a monumental task. All the while he expected me to fail and in doing so die and allow my parents to be killed by his hand for failing. His only motive in selecting me was to punish my father for his failures. Now whenever I look at this mark all I can see is the evil it represented. I see everyone who I hurt or who I watched get hurt. Most of all I see the awful boy that I was—the boy who tormented you and your friends and I wish everyday day that I can go back and change it all—that I could have been a better person and did things differently. Who knows how my life would be today if I did. It's too late now though. All I see when I look at my mark is a life full of wrong choices and regret." He finished.
Wow. That is a lot of baggage he's carrying around. I can't even imaging how hard it must be for him.
"I'm sorry." I say. I know it's inadequate but nothing else comes to mind.
"Don't be. It's not like it's your fault."
"I know. I guess what I was trying to say is that I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of this awful stuff. I's not your fault though. You were a child who was being used by adults and you had no choice. It was either comply or die. Most people would have done the same as you if they were in your situation so I don't see why anyone has the right to judge you."
"You make me sound like some innocent little boy. I agree that I hated what I was doing but I went into it with open eyes all the same. I could have ran or sacrificed my life rather than do all the terrible things I did. Let's face it Granger, I'm not a good person. Maybe I deserve everything that's happened to me. Who am I kidding? If it was someone else in my house who did what I did I would probably shun them too. That's the Slytherin way. Fight for yourself only."
"Maybe everything you said is true but it still doesn't change anything. You were a child and it was wrong for Voldemort to do what he did to you. As for your friends and housemates shutting you out— it's their loss. You don't need them. One day you will overcome all this and come out on top and then they'll be scurrying back to your side. Then you can be the bigger man and forgive them. You will show them that things don't always have to be done in the 'Slytherin' way."
"Okay, Granger, whatever you say." He said while chuckling softly.
I just smiled and shook my head.
"One more thing. I don't think you are a bad person. Misguided and prejudiced in your younger days? Yes, but that was how you were raised. I see a different man in front of me today. You've changed so much in such a short time and it's all for the better. I bet you're still an annoying git but that's just how I like you anyway." I finished jokingly.
"You wound me so, Granger." He replied but I could see that he wasn't serious.
We both laughed for a little while after that. It felt good.
"Granger?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you. For saying that I'm a good person. I know I still have a long way to go but it feels nice to hear it from someone—especially someone like yourself who is so kind and wonderful. It's nice that somebody's noticed the effort I'm making to become a better person you know? It makes me want to do it all the more."
"Anytime Malfoy." I answered.
I checked my watch and saw that it was nearing dinner time. Had we really been out here all that time?
" It's almost dinner time, we should get going." I told him.
"Yeah, sure."
We both got up and stretched— after sitting for so long it was necessary.
"Well, Malfoy, it was really good talking to you. I hope we can continue some other time."
"Of course, Granger. Next time it will be my turn to listen." He said and smiled at me.
"Definitely. I'll owl you the time and place. It wouldn't do to be seen in public together just yet. Hogwarts rumor mill and all, you know. We don't need to fend off any unwarranted accusations right now. We have quite enough to deal with as it is don't you think?"
"Very true."
"Well see you later then. Bye." I told him.
"Bye, Granger. Thanks for listening."
"You're welcome. " I replied before I started walking back to the castle.
During dinner I caught his eye over at the Slytherin table several times and was pleased to see that he looked in better much spirits than before. He even smiled at me slightly once or twice.
I went to bed with a lighter heart that night.
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