Disclaimer: Inuyasha and its wonderful characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Viz Communications, Sunrise, Yomuri TV and its associates. It does not belong to me. I am only borrowing the characters of the series to write this story; no money or profit is being made from this.

Rating: M

Italics – thoughts, emphasized words, and flashback.

Disclaimer: Karanmaru, miko Amaya, Daichi, Ryokan, Mizuki-hime Sara-hime are my creations.


Chapter 5: Broken Emotions

Some centuries ago:

"I'm concerned for Sesshoumaru. Will he never choose a mate to spend the rest of his life with?" A young female inquired. Her golden-yellow eyes and her two silvery-white silk ponytail-ed hair, that went slightly past her shoulder, glittered in the darkness of the room. "I'm concerned about him as well, dearest," a deep male voice, responded back. "I thought he would have chosen at least one female demon at today's social gathering. But it seems I was wrong."

"You know since Sara-hime died, he had never allowed anyone to come close to him." The female said in a troubled resonance. "Did you see how detached and cold he had been when Mizuki-hime approached him, even if she wanted to talk with him? It's as if he doesn't like anyone to be close to him"

"I noticed."

"Something must to be done?" Sesshoumaru's mother uttered. "I don't want my son to spend the rest of his life alone, without his mate or children."

"Yes. I was thinking the same thing." Inu no Taishou replied. "I think we have to visit miko Amaya tomorrow, then"

"Do you think she will help?" the female asked. "As a miko, I don't think she will like helping us, will she?"

"She is friend of mine and Totosai." Inu No Taishou replied. "Are you alright, my dear?

"Yes." She answered. "I'm only worried about my son."

"Tomorrow we will know whether Sesshoumaru has a mate or not." Inu No Taishou said. "Don't worry!"

"How can you say that?" Sesshoumaru's mother said. "A mother's job is to worry about the well-being of her son."

A gentle male laugh resonated within the room.


Sesshoumaru, the cold and stoic, first-born son of Inu no Taishou, sat in a prone stance, with his eyes half-closed, on his divan. He wore a cream yellow haori with some pink floral design up his sleeves and silvery-white hakama A silk red eiderdown was crinkled around the base of the coverlet; deep angry scratch marks and tearings were visible at some parts of that silk coverlet. Slowly he opened his honey-ambered eyes he sat up on his bed. Like Inuyasha's his bed also depicted several illustrations. On a closer look, it depicted the images of dancing women and flowers on the four deep auburn coloured bed stands.

Something feels wrong. Sesshoumaru deliberated

Letting his lengthy silver hair spread all over his crimson-red silky-smooth bed linen, he brought his knees close to him and parallel to his face. Then he brought his two pale arms, which were embellished with two long magenta stripes, forward and around his knees to close up the space sandwiched between. Subsequently he brought his face forward and placed it above his knees and then closed his eyes. The bangs and the waist-length hair and flew in front of his face as the gentle wind drifted into his room through the long open windows. Sesshoumaru didn't care.

"I will never love you. Do you understand?" When Inuyasha said that to him, a feeling of utter grief and gloom washed over him, he wanted to grieve as well as lash out and break something, but he couldn't do that. He could not again lose control of his feelings and emotions. After all, Ryokan-sensei, his martial arts teacher, did say too much emotion kills judgment and rational thinking. His personal dictum was emotion themselves are weak, but it can also bring a strong person down rubbles. Sesshoumaru remembered distinctly when Ryokan sensei had said that. He also clearly kept in mind the events leading up to it. By human years, he had been eight or nine years old when it took place.

Flashback:

"Chichiue-dono…" a young Sesshoumaru said. "What is love?" Sesshoumaru wore an indigo blue haori and hakama with silver at the edges; the haori was tied in the waist with silvery-white obi with glittering stones embroidered in it. His waist length hair was tied in a snow-white top knot

"What!!?" Inu no Taishou asked and looked astounded. He was presiding over his favourite chair, designed with peacock feathers at the pinnacle, and was writing a letter; both the writing desk and the chair legs were adorned with various illustrations. His silver haori sleeves, which were at his sides, blew as the breeze wafted through the room from the open windows. He looked at his young first-born pup with shocked eyes, his quill-pen falling from his clawed-fingers on to the white manuscript dripping black ink on the half-written letter.

"I asked what is love?" young Sesshoumaru asked shyly.

"Shouldn't you talk about this with your okasaan?" Inu no Tashiou responded back.

"I wanted to talk to you, chichiue-dono." Sesshoumaru replied, now no longer gazing at his chichue in the face.

"Do you like someone?" Inu no Taishou teased his son when he noticed that his cheeks and face was scarlet colour. "Who is it that stole my son's heart?"

Suddenly Sesshoumaru thought how fascinating his small white boots were. He couldn't look at his father's golden-yellow shimmering eyes.

"So. Who is it?" Inu no Taishou

"Sara-hime…" Sesshoumaru replied.

"Karanmaru's daughter." Inu no Taishou spoke strangely and softly. He was perturbed and troubled. He heard and knew about him quite well. Sara-hime was his only child.

Karanmaru was ahuman ruler in the eastern lands. He hated and abhorred demons as if they were the scum of the society; he didn't like human demon relationship of any form, and was known throughout the eastern lands for killing hanyous and demon children.

"Yes, chichiue."

"How long have you known her?"

"Three months." Little Sesshoumaru replied.

"I can't allow you to meet her, Sesshoumaru." Inu no Taishou said in a concerned tone. "I don't want to see you get hurt, or worse get killed. You know that her father doesn't like demons."

Sesshoumaru wanted to protest but he didn't. His sensei taught that children weren't suppose to disobey their parents. Disobeying parents were akin to comitting crime. Moreover, his father's command were more like orders, and he had to obey them, even if it hurt him. Henc, he left his father's private chambers so that he could be alone. He often stayed in his room for long time without doing anything, but sulking.

Therefore, after seeing his pup's sadness and somewhat lonliness, Inu no Tasihou gave him the permission to visit, albeit somewhat reluctant. Though he gave Sesshoumaru a strict lecture stating that he should meet Sara-hime in the neutral ground, where Karanmaru wouldn't intentionally harm anyone. Soon they met, talked, and played with each other the whole day. They convened at the Forest of Sorrows and near the other woodland areas.

Needless to say, when Karanmaru came to about his daughter, Sara's companionship with Sesshoumaru, he was beyond angry. He tried to force his daughter into betrothing with Prince Toran, of the northern lands, so that she couldn't meet him anymore.

In Karanmaru's province, there was an ancient decree declaring that a betrothed girl or woman could not meet or make acquaintance-ship with other males aside from her husband, father, and brothers. Except girl's brother or father, and husband, getting together anyone else was considered to be infidelity to the husband and was liable to be punished by death. The girl's family was castigated by making them social outcast.

But Sara-hime defied her father by frequently trying to run away from her father's palace and coming to the Forest of Sorrows. It was one of her most favourite places. The forest was a complete contrast to the name it bore. It was filled with lush and vibrant green trees with dark brown barks; some of the trees had white and pink flowers on it. Delicate scent of the flowers drifted through woods and the flower-meadows of the forest; chirping of the birds, rushing and gurgling sounds of the small creek at the edge of the woods, rays of the sun coming on the meadows, made the Forest of Sorrows a vibrant place. She covertly met his Sesshoumaru here, since not many people liked to come here for the apprehension of wild animals. Unfortunately, one day one of the palace guards saw her in the forest with him and informed Karanmaru about it.

"Go back to the palace, Sara!!" Karanmaru said in a barely suppressed anger. Karanmaru, the ruler of the Eastern lands, looked around in his forties. His plain protracted black hair contrasted with light cream haori and hakama. The waist was tied with a cobalt-blue obi depicted with long thin black lines. His deep brown eyes, light dark-tanned skin stood out against the attire he was wearing.

"But Father…"

"Guards take her back," Karanmaru barked. "Use force to restrain her, if need be. Guard her room until I come. Understand!"

"Yes master." The sentries answered. They had taken Sara back to the royal citadel, even though her eyes and feelings told she wanted to be with him.

Karanmaru then turned towards Sesshoumaru and looked at him contemptuously, as if he was something aberrant and deviant. Sesshoumaru, in turn, looked directly in his eyes and glared.

"How dare you hold my daughter's hands, you loathsome fiend?" Karanmaru declared spitefully.

"I like her." Sesshoumaru replied.

"An aberration like you is not fit to like anyone, much less a human." Every word he spoke oozed venom and malice. "Your kind is not welcome here. The only thing you all can do is to destroy things; that is why demons are nothing but trouble. In fact your kind should be eradicated from the world."

"First, we're much more than a simple aberration…" Sesshoumaru replied coldly, never once faltering from the other's vision. It was as if a locked staring contest was taking place between Karanamru and him. "… Second…" before the young Sesshoumaru could say anymore, Karanmaru interrupted. Some of the sentries put their hands in their sword's hilt and grip, ready to bring their swords out to protect and defend their ruler and king.

'Then what do you consider yourself, vile demon." Karanmaru said. " You youkais are nothing more than the devil's spawn."

"Just as you humans are inferior to us."

"I know you think very highly of yourself, but you're nothing more than a mere child. And I don't think you're strong enough to fight and win a mêlée, like your father." Karanmaru asserted derisively. A few guards scoffed at him. "Am I to presume that you have been taught how to fight?"

Sesshoumaru remained hushed, and he could hear the snickers and scoff that were directed at him.

"After all the tales I have heard about your so-called omnipotent and unstoppable inu-youkai father…" Karanmaru mocked, '… It's a shame that he is not here at this moment to protect you from my horde soldiers that will soon rain down upon you. The only thing he will witness is the pieces of your body that I will send in a waste casket

"Guards kill him!!" Karanmaru barked. Smirking maliciously he left the battlefield to meet with his daughter.

Around forty-fifty, that accompanied their ruler, guards surrounded him; five and six of them brought out swords and spears and assailed him from the front and rest of them assaulted from the sides and back. Swords clashed and clanging sounds were heard. Besieged and beleaguered by the soldiers, Sesshoumaru unexpectedly vanished from the middle of the battle, leaving the remaining guards confused as to his whereabouts.

"Where did the youkai go?" One of the guards questioned.

"Toxic flower claw!" he huffed.

"I think…" the second voice stopped when they heard a painful scream behind them.

"Daichi!!" the third guard yelled. "It got Daichi!"

Suddenly Seshoumaru whimpered as a sharp spear cut deeply along his shoulder to the right arm; he fell on the ground.

"Kill him!" another guard declared. Then all of the guards encircled him once more thinking it would be easier to kill him that way. One guard almost thrust his sharp silver-edged sword into Sesshoumaru to kill him but

"Wind Scar." A powerful animalistic voice resonated behind the guards and some screams were heard as the yellow arcs of the demonic attack slashed through them.

"Chichiue!" Sesshoumaru startled at the sight of his father and the power he displayed with his legendary sword Tessaiga. Inu no Taishou didn't look like the composed, peaceful, sociable, and fatherly demon that Sesshoumaru knew all the years of his life. Instead he looked like a dangerous beast; it was as if the true inu-nature in him had woken up and revealed itself. There was no trace of humanity or kindness. He looked enraged and furious; a desire of bloodlust materialized in his crimson-red eyes. Angry aura ran off in waves from his body, powerful breeze made his strength surrounded him. Inu no Taishou growled, and his four of his front canine sharp fangs became enlarged and showed itself; the guards were terrified at the scene of the approaching demon.

Some of the guards tried to flee from the combat field, whilst the others tried to put on brave face and tried to charge the irate demon head on but were unsuccessful as Inu No Taishou screamed another "Wind Scar."

"The rest of you are going to meet the same fate." Sesshoumaru said as resumed in the fight with his father; he then brought forth his long flexible poisonous green whip from his right hand; the deadly luminous green whip crisscrossed and encircled around the remaining guards and several screams and shrieks were heard. In the end, Sesshoumaru and Inu no Taishou were the only one that remained standing with bloodlust still evident in his crimson eyes, in the blood splattered and corpse-filled battleground.

"Chichiue-dono?" Sesshoumaru, though scared and anxious, went close to his father and caught his silver coloured hakama with small little clawed hands; Inu no Taishou bend his head lower to look at his precious little pup who was just about to be killed. As soon as he saw his pup's fear and dread, the crimson-red from his eyes disappeared; the inu in him had gone back into the deep recesses of his mind as he on to held him tightly for the unknown fear that he might lose his precious child.

"Who did this to you?" Inu no Taishou inquired quiet furious tone as he looked onto one of the deep angry gashes in Sesshoumaru's shoulder and right arm.

"Karanmaru."

Inu no Taishou looked everywhere in the battlefield; Karanmaru was nowhere to be seen. He sniffed the air around him. A crimson glint flashed through the honey-amber eyes as soon he located where Karanmaru had gone.

"Coward!" Inu no Taishou said out loud, with abhorrence apparent both in his voice and now honey-amber eyes.

Some miles away, in the remote northeastern part of the fortress, one livid voice was heard, whist the others felt like crying and pleading.

"I gave you everything you wanted, didn't I? Or was something lacking in the way your mother and I raised you. Tell me!" Karanmaru declared angrily.

Sara looked down at her feet, and bowed her head down in an acknowledgment that implied no for the latter query.

"Then why did you humiliate me in such a way? What satisfaction did you get in disobeying my commands? Have you forgotten that you're are affianced with Prince Toran?"

"I haven't forgotten anything father." Sara looked into the eyes of her father.

"Then why did you meet that abominable fiend? Especially, when I warned you not to meet him, didn't I?" Karanmaru inquired furiously. "

"I met him because he is my friend and…." Sara said tearfully, "… more than that I love him." She tussled as her mother held her side arms tightly.

"I will never allow my daughter to fall for a vile dog demon. Do you understand?"

"Even your anger, or my marriage to Prince Toran, cannot stop my love for Sesshoumaru-sama. Only death can separate us." Sara declared, with tears running from her eyes. She looked up bravely at her father. "Yes, Father, I will rather choose death than to give my love."

Karanmaru looked at her daughter with distaste. How is it that my precious child came to love a dog demon? He fumed and seethed at the thought. Didn't she comprehend that demons and humans should live in separate worlds? They are never meant to be together. When did she change and grow up that much I have never noticed until now.

"You'll rebel against your father for the sake of a Demon!!" Karanmaru declared scathingly, every word dripped with venom.

The three or four sentries and guards, who were watching over Sara-hime's room, went few paces back, because they were very familiar with their king's fury. And right now the Karanmaru's eyes blazed with fire. Only one raven-haired and black-eyed woman was clutching to Sara; she was looked frightened and helpless.

"Then, Sara, you're already dead to me. From today, I have no daughter."

"No! Father." Sara begged. "Please don't say that." She cried

"Please, forgive Sara, my dear." A beautiful, yet sad-looking middle-aged woman pleaded. "She doesn't know what she talking about. I will see to it that she doesn't disobey you anymore."

He didn't heed the woman sayings; instead Karanmaru brought out his gleaming silver sword from his left hip and placed it on the neck of her daughter.

"Please, forgive my daughter." Sara's mother cried. "Please, pardon her my Lord, please. I'm beseeching you don't do this, my Lord"

Sara's mother imploring went on deaf ears, instead Karanmaru, devoid of any fatherly feelings, affirmed, "Sara, you do know what happens to a betrothed girl who meets another person, do you not?"

"Yes." She looked up at her father finally knowing her fate.

Karanmaru slashed his sword through Sara's between neck and throat, and cut her head off from the rest of her body. Blood spilled everywhere, from Karanamru's cream haori to the yellow coloured wall. A screech echoed from Sara's mother, as the she cried and wept realizing that the father killed her daughter just because she loved a demon.

--//--

Sesshoumaru came out of his painful and doleful daze. Sara's death had left a big hole in him; he felt empty, void after demise. He couldn't even cry or grieve for her. Gradually, he began lag behind his studies and other activities. A concern broke out amongst Inu no Taishou's council members regarding Sesshoumaru's behaviour. They questioned the king about Sesshoumaru future role as the ruler of the Western Lands. After a lot of talking and discussions amongst the council members and Inu no Taishou, it was decided Ryokan-sensei would tutor Sesshoumaru.

Ryokan-sensei, or Ryokan-sama by few, was a regarded as an elder as well as an osensei by the royal demon families throughout the feudal Japan. He was an ancient humanoid demon with bulky white hair tied in a ponytail. He taught a lot of royal demon princes. Though he was known for martial arts, he also knew how to deal with grief-stricken demons.

Demons don't cry or show emotions. Sesshoumaru contemplated. Ryokan-sensei told him that. That was the first lesson he taught him; he also told him that if he wanted to exceed further as a demon prince and ruler of the Western lands then languishing around for the sake of mortal girl wasn't good thing. Furthermore, he stressed that others would take advantage of him because he wouldn't think clearly with a rational and lucid intellect. Sesshoumaru remembered the exact words that Ryokan-sensei used.

"Sesshoumaru, always remember…" the ancient looking demon, who sat in front of him in a mat, asserted, "… if a demon or even a person can't reign on his emotions, it can bring him to brink of madness and devastation."

Sesshoumaru memorized this saying by heart But that didn't man that he was completely detached and impassive; he had just meticulously trained and taught himself to keep his feeling inside; locking it in the recesses of his mind, keeping a calm and detached countenance in front of everyone and. He didn't want anyone else to question if he was fit to be a ruler.

But today, as Sesshoumaru was trying to contemplate, something happened; he felt something trying to come out of him, something very old when he had seen Inuyasha's reaction towards him.

Why did this Sesshomaru tear the silk red cover? Sesshoumaru couldn't come with the answer as to why he did it. He valiantly and nonchalantly tried to be emotionless, but he failed. What is it that I'm experiencing right now?. Slowly, the answer dawned on him, which completely shocked him to his core.

I'm feeling pain and heartache again. Sesshoumaru said out loud. The same pain when I lost Sara. This is not supposed to happen again to this Sesshoumaru or is it?


Japanese Terms:

1. Sensei – teacher

2. Miko – priestess

3. Okasaan – mother

4. Hime – princess.

5. Chichiue – old Japanese term meaning Father.

6. Youkai – demon and spirits

7. Osensei – the elder teacher

8. Haori – hip or thigh-length kimono coat; were reserved for men, until the end Meiji period

9. Hakama – pants

10. Hanyou – half demon

11. Youkai – demons or spirts.


Author's Notes: This is the longest chapter, I've ever written for any of my fanfics. Moreover, this is a two-part chapter, the other half of Sesshoumaru's contemplation, I will write in the next chapter. The other chapter will deal with Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha's relationship. Furthermore, I know Sesshoumaru is depicted as an OOC as a young child, but I tried to portray in IC as the older demon, which he is at present.

Sara-hime: Her age is around ten years and has short raven coloured wavy hair. Sara has a pale skin and likes to wear floral designed light orange kimono.

Betrothing Facts: you see, the country I come from, in certain states girls as young as four-five years old are engaged to boys, but the marriage takes place when they become adults.

Request: I've a hard time writing Sesshoumaru's personality, will anyone give me some pointers as to how a little more believable. As I told, he would slightly OOC in the first chapter, but I don't want to make him exceedingly OOC. I want to keep some balance with the way Rumiko Takahashi has made him and other Inuyasha characters. Little help would be welcome.

Review please