January 1st, 2000.

I woke up on new years day feeling nothing but cold. Inside and out. I honestly wanted nothing more than to lay in bed forever. How could I face the world now? How did it all go so wrong? Why did I push him away? These questions kept running through my mind and I had no proper answers. All I knew was that I made a ridiculous decision because I was scared and confused. Now I would have to live with it for the rest of my life because I wasn't about to go and beg him to take me back. The damage was done. He must have already told his parents too so I just couldn't walk in and ask him to take back his words. It would just make everything even worse. There was no going back now. I had to move on. It might kill me but I had to. I owed it to Draco—to myself.

Easier said than done of course.

I heaved a huge sigh and dragged myself out of bed. Time to face the cold and dark world. Crookshanks slithered out of bed and followed me. I fed him and then moped around my place all morning. I didn't know what to do with myself—there was no work to distract me so just ended up crying my eyes out until lunch time when my stomach rumbled. I decided on the spot to go out for lunch—anything was better than being here alone and crying. I fixed my face and went to one of my favorite muggle places. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone so it was a perfect choice. I ate without tasting the food but at least I wasn't hungry anymore. I lingered in muggle London for a few hours—there wasn't much to do or see because it was a holiday and most places were closed but I walked around the city anyway and it cleared my head somewhat. I considered popping in on my parents to wish them a happy new year but decided against it. They would definitely notice that something was up with me.

I went home to find an agitated Harry and Ginny in my living room.

"Hermione! There you are. We were getting worried." Said Harry in a relieved voice.

"Why?" I asked in confusion.

"We've been over here for an hour—we came to check on you cause you left the party early last night because of a headache and we were wondering if you were alright. You weren't home though so we've been waiting ever since. I even called your parents but you weren't there. You weren't at the Burrow or my place —obviously and there's no work today so we thought hat maybe you were kidnapped or something." Finished Harry, sounding slightly ashamed at his overreaction.

"Oh. Well as you can see, I'm fine and I definitely haven't been kidnapped." I said lightly.

I was trying to seem as normal as possible—I didn't need the two of them snooping around.

"We can see that. Where were you though?" Asked Ginny,her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Oh, just out and about in muggle London. I went out for lunch and just thought it would be nice to walk around the city for a bit." I replied calmly.

"Seriously? You were wondering muggle London all by yourself on new years day?" Ginny pressed on with much skepticism.

"Yes. So what?" I asked a little rudely.

Ginny was getting to me and my mask was slipping. My nerves were frayed and I couldn't handle her questions. She must have sensed that she hit a nerve because she tensed up instantly. I was sure she remembered how I reacted the last time that she pushed me too far.

"Nothing at all." She said with a shrug.

Taking notice of the rising tension in the room, Harry took action.

"Ginny and I will be going now. I'm happy to see that you're safe and feeling better." He said and gave me a quick hug.

"Thanks. I appreciate you coming to check on me." I replied and returned his hug.

"I don't suppose you're coming to dinner?" Ginny asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry Gin but I think I'll just stay here and have a quiet time." I told her.

"Alright. If you change your mind though..." She trailed off.

"I know." I said.

"Well, bye then." She said—we hugged and then they were gone.


The rest of the day went by incredibly slowly. I tired to read but couldn't concentrate. I did some chores but they were finished rather quickly. I ate. I cried. I went to bed. I berated myself for being a fool for letting him go. I cried again. Then blissfully—I slept.

Morning again. I felt marginally better. Today was back to work so I would definitely have a much needed distraction—I was not one to slack off at work and I wouldn't start now. I got out of bed and went through my daily routine. A few minutes before I was ready to leave for work, my copy of the Daily Prophet arrived. I collected the paper, paid the owl and then unrolled it.

In the few seconds it took fro me to look at the front page and take in what was on it, my world went black. My knees went weak and I fell to the floor. Hot tears started pouring down my cheeks and I couldn't breathe. Smacked right in the middle of the front page was a large picture—of Draco and a woman (a girl really) who could only be Astoria Greengrass. The two of them had their arms wrapped around each other and looked every inch the perfect couple. He was handsome and confident, she was gorgeous and blushing. They looked good together—the huge diamond ring on her finger looked right at home too. I hated to admit it but it was true. On the exterior I couldn't imagine anyone doubting their validity as a couple—the perfect rich pureblood match. The headline read: Malfoy heir engaged to the youngest daughter of the Prestigious Greengrass family. The article that followed divulged the details surrounding the announcement at the party held at Malfoy Manor last night as well as gushing quotes about the happy couple from family members and friends—including the bride and groom to be. Draco's few words lacked any true emotion—they were generic but he got his point across. It also mentioned the Malfoy's murky past and how they were now reformed and all the good work Draco and his family were now involved in.

So the Prophet is sucking up to the Malfoy family now that they're regaining their social standing. Where were all of you when Draco was falling apart after being treated like trash by the very same 'friends' who were now congratulating him on his engagement? I thought bitterly.

After reading the article, I took another look at the picture—really studying it this time. It was clear for anyone to see that she was very young and innocent. She looked excited and nervous—exactly how you would expect a teenager just out of Hogwarts who was marrying into one of the oldest and richest pure blood families in existence. Bad past and all—Draco was a catch. He on the other hand looked proud and distant—just as expected too. Everyone knew that he was not an emotional person.

Everyone but me that is. I knew him all too well. While his face was an excellent mask—giving nothing away. To someone like me, who knew the real Draco—his feelings were clear as day. It was all in his eyes—they were troubled and sad. In that moment—looking into those eyes—I hated my self. It was all my fault that he was in so much pain. I did what I though was right but it has hurt the both of us tremendously.

I got up off the floor, wiped my eyes and gathered all my strength. There was work to be done and I couldn't afford to fall apart now. No matter how much that article and picture hurt me. I knew that Draco wasn't doing this because he wanted to but how would others know? How would they knew that he loved me and no one else? I was being a childish and pathetic mess but i couldn't help it. I couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh. I was jealous. Me. Confident, strong, no nonsense—Hermione Granger—was jealous. I was so embarrassed but it cemented the fact that when it came to Draco, I was capable of feeling anything. If I didn't hurry I would definitely be late for work so I put aside my feelings for the moment and went to the bathroom to clean up my tear stained face before apparating to the Ministry.

I arrived at the Ministry with the hope of things getting better. Surely the article was the worst that would be thrown my way today. I was at work, what else could go wrong? Those were my uplifting thoughts as I hurried to my office—intending to start working right away. It would get my mind of things for sure. I spent a couple of minute sorting through my papers before I stared to work in earnest. So far so good. I was engrossed in my papers and Draco was at the back of my mind.

I didn't last though. Obviously. My day was doomed from the start—I should have known. I had not even been here a half an hour before one of my co-workers burst through my office holding a copy of the Prophet—waving it around excitedly.

"Have you seen this Hermione!?" She shouted excitedly.

"Seen what?" I asked cautiously.

"This!" She showed me the Prophet and pointed to the article about Draco and Astoria.

I groaned internally.

"Yes,I saw it this morning." I replied nonchalantly.

"Isn't it so exciting and romantic? I mean she's just out of Hogwarts and is already engaged to one of the richest and sexiest guys around." She gushed.

"I suppose so." I answered with barely concealed distaste.

She didn't seem to notice because she went on prattling about how lucky Astoria was. I shooed her away with the excuse of having a mountain of work to do. She seemed put out that I wasn't sharing her exuberant reaction to the news but left anyway. I couldn't fathom why the news about someone's engagement would excite her so much but then again she had always been on of those ridiculous lovesick girls. That must be it. Merlin I was bitter today.

The morning passed without further incident but when lunch time rolled around it all changed. For one thing, Ministry employees were all talking about it—I heard them when I was walking through the building to go out for lunch. Why was it such big news? Had the nothing else to do? People got engaged all the time. It must have to do with the fact that Draco was a former death eater and his family's past indiscretions. The Malfoy name was an influential one when all things were said and done. Things were finally looking up for them—marrying into the Greengrass family was a step in the right direction. His parents were right—this union would do the a world of good. I ignored the stabs of pain whenever I heard anyone mention the engagement and mad my way resolutely out of the building.

After a quick lunch, I made my way back to work. More misery awaited. I found Harry and Ron waiting in my office.

"What are you two doing here?" I asked in surprise.

"I assume you've read the Prophet and saw the ferret's big news?" Ron asked with a nasty smirk on his face.

"I have. What about it?" I asked tersely

"Nothing, just wondering how they managed to get themselves back into the good graces of the pure blood elite so soon. His family must be over the moon. They're finally getting back their social standing." He replied.

"I don't know Ronald. Why do you care anyway?"

" I don't. Not really. It's just interesting that's all." He answered.

"Well Hermione doesn't seem to think so." Said Harry teasingly.

"Harry. You know I'm not into gossip." I moaned.

"I told Ron you wouldn't care but he insisted on coming over and sharing it with you."

"Yeah, well we have so let's go now Harry." Announced Ron abruptly.

"Bye,Hermione." They both chorused.

"Bye." I returned.

After the left I buried my head in my hands. This day just kept getting worse.

By the time I was ready to leave work, people were still talking about Draco and Astoria. Would it ever end? This was going to be a long week.

Just to prove that things get get even worse—on my way out I spotted Draco talking to the head of the Auror department and surrounded by a knot of people who wee no doubt waiting to congratulate him. His eyes me mine before I could turn away and I saw the shock and pain on his face at seeing me. I just looked away quickly and ran about of the building. I made it home just in time before the tears came.

I had no idea how I would survive this ordeal without losing my mind.

Yet I must. At all cost.

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