Chapter 3: I fall in love too easily
I fall in love too easily
Remus' foot drummed impatiently as he waited in the garden, the sun having long since dipped below the horizon. Despite the various lanterns warming the atmosphere, his breath wisped out in front of him like smoke but he didn't seem to care about the icy chill of the early December night. His mind had wandered far from his body, to a state where butterflies raged in his stomach and every fibre tingled with anticipation.
Though the full moon was less than three days away, he didn't feel his usually sense of foreboding nor the constant sickness that preceded his transformation. This was mirrored in his complexion, no longer tired and pale but ruddy and alive. Even his clothes were the best he had, short of dress robes, and well suited to him because he had spent ages picking them.
And now all he had to do was wait.
I fall in love too fast
And never in his life had waiting been so hard.
All he wanted was to hear her step on the patio, her voice calling 'Wotcher' loud enough to wake the neighbours, and her various hair shades all designed to captivate him.
He played her entrance over and over in his mind; how she would smile as she sat, accept her glass with a gracious thank you. Remus smiled foolishly, the sensible part of his brain forgetting the age difference and all his faults, his reservations. It was almost as if he had fallen head over heels in love in the blink of an eye.
I fall in love too terribly hard
At last he heard the door open behind him and a footstep on the concrete, such a welcome sound. In an instant the old Marauder was on his feet, seizing the bottle from the table.
"I hope you don't mind," he said busying himself with the cork without looking round. "But I thought, seeing as we have had red and white, we might as well try some rosé." The cork burst off with a satisfying pop.
"That would be lovely Moony," a definite masculine voice replied.
Remus almost dropped the bottle as he spun round to confront this unwanted intruder. For there standing on the patio was not his midnight nymph, but Sirius Black with his shaggy mane of unkempt hair and a face that had lost all its good looks, grinning back at him.
For love to ever last
The dreamy thoughts evaporated from the old Professor's mind and the smile slipped from his haggard features. In fact he felt his face beginning to turn the same shade as the wine he held in his hands. Shaking his head, Sirius moved first, taking one of the glasses from his old friend's hand and settling down on one of the chairs, at the same time gesturing towards the one opposite as though Remus had disturbed his evening. He downed more than three quarters of the glass in one gulp and immediately set about refilling his glass.
Surprisingly it was this movement that sprang the werewolf into action.
My heart should be well schooled
"That's not for you," he snapped haughtily, snatching the bottle away just a Sirius was about to pour and holding it close to his chest in the same way a small child would. Padfoot stared back at him with a hint of amusement mixed with annoyance at having an alcohol source snatched away from him. Such a look unsettled his old friend, making his cheeks turn a deeper shade of pink. "A… and… and you can't stay here," Remus stuttered, desperately trying to put his foot down. "I'm expecting someone."
Sirius laughed at his attempt of control and did not stir from his seat. In fact he made himself much more comfortable, snuggling into the pillow Remus had lovingly placed there and placing his feet, clad in their usual shabby boots, on the table.
"Looks like you've been stood up old pal," Sirius yawned, stretching out to place his hands behind his head. "How long have you been waiting out here?"
"I have not been stood up," Remus retorted angrily, though a small part of his mind whispered that Tonks had found someone else to spend this freezing night with. "She is just late." Yes, an hour late to be precise. "And get your feet off the table."
Begrudgingly, Sirius lifted his feet from the table but he did not allow such a rebuke to sway him from his line of discussion.
"Her mother was the same you know," Sirius said helpfully.
"Well I don't know, I have never met her," Remus replied with a sneer. Nevertheless, Sirius continued as though he hadn't spoken.
"Lovely woman is Andromeda but oh so scatty when she was younger. Flitting this way and that, then back again. I wonder what she is like now?" Padfoot paused for a moment, wondering how his favourite cousin was after all these years. Though Tonks reported on her often, it wasn't the same as being able to see her. In that instant Remus felt sorry for his friend and the many years he had lost behind bars. Then he reminded himself that he was supposed to be angry.
"What, pray," Remus muttered, trying to catch Sirius' attention again. "Is your point?"
"Well," Sirius said, leaning forward onto the table, his usual position when telling a story of some sort. "As you know Andromeda was forever being fixed up with this wizard and that wizard and she hated every one of them. But she couldn't exactly tell them to sling their hook. So instead she got all crafty, not turning up to meetings and when she did, being hours late and looking a state. Anyhow, she got into the habit of it, not telling people she didn't like them but just didn't turn up."
'Cause I've been fooled in the past
"And you think that this is what Tonks is doing to me?" Remus asked, his anger evaporated to be replaced with paranoia. To his question Sirius gave a shrug but this was barely registered as Remus sat down with a thump.
"It makes sense," Remus whispered. " She is never late, never for this and, well the last couple of meetings she's been really tired and acting really oddly," Sirius took advantage of the situation by swiping the rose wine from his friend's limp arms and filling his glass to the brim. "I s…suppose she may not like me as much as I like her," he stuttered.
"So you do like her!" Sirius, cried delighted both at the revelation and that he had possession of the wine bottle.
"Keep your voice down!" Remus hissed desperately, looking around to ensure no one was in earshot.
"But you do like her," Sirius said more seriously. Remus ignored him, preferring to look into the middle distance. But Sirius knew what this silence truly meant, more than anyone in the world, he knew.
And still I fall in love too easily
"Oh Remus, not again."
"What do you mean again!" Remus asked angrily, rounding on his friend and half rising from his seat. "Don't make out that I have a habit of falling for people!"
"But, my dear Moony," Sirius said calmly, remaining laid back and untouched by his friend's sudden outburst. "That is exactly your problem."
Remus' mouth worked wordlessly, leaving him looking somewhat foolish. Abruptly he sat down.
I fall in love too fast
"I really don't understand my friend," Sirius continued, filling the silence. "Why do you do it? You fall hook, line and sinker every time someone shows you just a little kindness."
"I don't," Remus protested weakly but knowing that it was all true.
"Oh really," Sirius replied. "Then I shall remind you of Gabby Renalds in second year. She sat next to you on the train to Hogwarts and gave you some chocolate. You were obsessed with her for a good term."
"That was an isolated incident," Remus answered, cringing inside. He remembered the day very clearly. Gabby had been in Hufflepuff. He could still remember her long blonde hair and clear blue eyes. She had smiled so sweetly as she handed him a piece of chocolate frog, and had laughed so prettily at his altogether lame jokes. He hadn't been like James and Sirius, constantly surrounded by a female fan club. This was the first girl who had looked at him the way all the others looked at his friends. In truth, she had been honouring a bet to talk to as many boys as possible on the journey to Hogwarts, with bonus points if she managed either James or Sirius. He was just a stepping-stone.
"Yes, you are right," Sirius continued. "That was an isolated incident… in second year. In sixth I recall Kelly Hegden, Blossom Heath, Eleanor Atkeith-Adams, Adrienne Popwood and Xena Quezec." At each name a vision of each seventeen year-old girl popped into his brain, their scent, their laugh. Had he really confessed to have loved them all? It seemed quite impossible.
"Be fair Sirius, Xena and I dated for six months," Remus ventured.
"But you declared undying love in the second week!"
My heart should be well schooled
"It was the way I felt!" Remus shouted finally. "I couldn't deny it." It was true, at seventeen he had loved each one and a few of them had said they had loved him too. He had been young but did that mean that he was wrong?
"Yes Remus," Sirius said kindly, topping up his glass and adding some to Remus'. "I do believe that you loved every single one of them but don't you see, you are so rash with your emotions. Look what happened with each of these girls. It always ended terribly."
"Just because I was rash didn't mean I was wrong," Remus pointed out, taking a swig of his drink. "We were young, hormones raging, emotions everywhere. I wasn't like you, I couldn't just switch off with a girl. And I wasn't like James, I never truly connected with one special person. More than anything I think I was in love with the idea of love so I jumped at every opportunity. And those girls, they were there. I won't say they fooled me, but I didn't truly know them. I just saw them the way I wanted to, with rose tinted glasses, faultless, perfect."
'Cause I've been fooled in the past
"But do you really know Tonks?" Sirius asked. "How is she any different from Blossom, from Kelly, from Xena?"
"Don't you see," Remus said enthusiastically, leaning forward and his eyes glinting with an inner light. "She has sat opposite to me so many times, asked so many odd questions that she has seen part of me that no one, not even you, have ever seen. I don't know how she does it but she makes me feel alive and that this world is beautiful. She laughs so freely and makes me laugh. She doesn't care that I am broken and I don't care either, not when I'm with her. I feel as though I can fight the world, move the world, should she ask me to. We agree, we disagree, we match, we oppose. Nothing is ever simple with her but I wouldn't mind spending forever working it out. But above all, above all she is under no illusions. She knows I am not perfect and I love that she knows that. Whats more she is imperfect too but I see her, Sirius, I see her perfectly."
And still I fall in love too easily
Remus halted his tirade, allowing his mind to catch up with what he had just said. It seemed to slow down in his mind, each word hitting into him over again as though he had only just realised that all he had just said was completely true.
Sirius stared at him over the table, his expression unreadable. He just stared. For a moment Remus felt a twinge of fear. This man was Nymphadora's second cousin and he knew that to Sirius, this bond to a part of his family was very important. Had he overstepped the mark? After what seemed an age, Sirius broke into a grin.
"You know what," he said. "I'm almost jealous, almost."
Remus smiled, relieved that his fear was uncalled for. Sirius drained the last of his wine and rose to leave. Halfway to the back door he stopped and returned to the table where bemused Remus sat, his mind still trying to catch up. Reaching into his pocket Sirius withdrew a letter.
"This came two hours ago. I believe it is yours," he said, holding it out to Remus.
Hesitantly he took it and read the front. There, as clear as day, was his name scrawled in Tonks' characteristic messy scrawl. It had been opened. He glanced up at Sirius frowning.
"I was curious," Padfoot explained with a shrug of his shoulders. "And I had to be sure."
"Sure of what?" Remus asked, beginning to pull the letter open.
"Of nothing," Sirius replied. Again he made a move towards the door and again he stopped. "Oh and Remus." Moony tore his gaze from the letter to glance at his friend. "Break her heart and I'll break your legs." And with that he disappeared into his house.
Remus chuckled as he unfolded the letter, desperate to know what it said.
"Remus
I am so so so so sorry, I won't be able to make our little meeting tonight. It appears that I have been ignoring some important paperwork and it desperately needs to be done or we will both be unemployed. I'm really disappointed; I've been looking forward to tonight all week. I hope we can reschedule. Anyway I'm sure you can convince Sirius to join you and you can talk about manly stuff. Think of me buried under a pile of paper. See you soon.
Yours,
Nymphadora."
Yes, Remus thought tucking the parchment into his robes, close to his heart, smiling wistfully. I will think of you Nymphadora, I always will.
I fall in love too fast
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Frank Sinatra version, not mine. Same for characters. Not that they belong to frank Sinatra.
