I thought that this story was only a one-chapter story. Turns out I was wrong. :) And, I had hoped to post this next chapter over a week ago, but my Mac cord died and I had to wait to get a new one.

Thank you to those who've been reading. I'm new to writing fanfiction and am having a great time with this story and have already started another. Please review if you can. Thanks!


"I wonder if I've been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!" -Alice Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


Puzzle indeed. As Sam lay in her infirmary bed waiting to be released, she wondered at what had transpired during their short mission the day before. 'I don't think I can do this anymore,' she thought to herself as she continued to contemplate the ceiling tiles. It'd been so late when her team got back that she'd had to stay in the infirmary over night. The pain in her ankle was now down to a light throb and the doctor had promised she'd be released soon, but SG-8 had come in hot just after dawn from an ambush on P3Y-116 and now Sam had to bide her time until things calmed down enough for the doc to get the chance to let her go. Unfortunately, this only gave her more time to do one thing…think.

Ugh. She was so tired of thinking that her head was starting to hurt.

She rubbed her eyes and then threw one arm over them as she lay there thinking about what had been said the day before. She'd been unable to respond to the General's comment as they walked back to the gate, in fact, she felt like he had punched her in the gut when he'd said it and she'd had to stop to catch her breath under the guise of readjusting her pack.

She knew that her engagement to Pete had always felt a bit off. So had her engagement to Jonas. There was always something that kept her from feeling like she thought you were supposed to when you were getting married. The joy was there, at first, in both relationships. But, she'd been so wrong about Jonas that it had taken her a long time to trust another man with her heart. It wasn't the physical abuse that had shocked her with Jonas. She'd watched his personality darken as their relationship wore on and she'd learned how to diffuse his temper more often than not. It was the horrible things that he'd said to her that had taken her by surprise and that she'd never forget. It was the way he manipulated her by using her own thoughts and insecurities against her, the way he bashed her dreams and was able to make her feel like she was nothing that cut her to the bone and that was unforgivable. She still marveled at how she had been so smart and yet so very stupid all at the same time. How did she let him control her like that? He'd proven again just how easy it was when she'd had to confront him on P3X-513. Because of that, there was a part of her that was glad he was dead. If only her insecurity would have died with him.

Things had been very different since she was with Jonas. Oh she'd had crushes and even a tryst or two over the years, but she refused to open up to another man and let him hurt her that way again. So she hadn't had a serious relationship in years.

But Pete was different. She couldn't believe that she'd actually fallen for someone who her brother had set her up with. And, it turned out that he was the first person she'd dated in a long time that she was able to be honest with. Despite his actions early in their relationship, he'd come clean about having a friend at the FBI do a background check on her when she told him she couldn't reveal more about what she did for a living. Once she was able to get him some clearance, after seeing Osiris use her hand device, she was able to at least talk about her job even if not in specifics and that made things so much easier between them.

Pete was sweet, kind, loving, there was definitely physical chemistry, and he not only made her feel like a woman again, but put her first and made her a priority in his life. He'd even put in for a transfer to Colorado Springs to be closer to her. With Pete, she'd been able to get dressed up, go dancing, be sexy and flirty, and feel like a princess on more than one occasion. She was able to go out in public and show affection and act like a couple and not feel ashamed of showing that she cared about him. And, she didn't feel like she always had something to prove around him like she did around the men at work. Pete understood that she was under unusual stress and strain with her job at the SGC and that is probably why he was content to wait two weeks for his girlfriend to answer his marriage proposal.

'Who does that?' she thought with another groan. 'Why did I say yes? Why didn't he try to stop me?'

A tear slipped down her cheek before she even realized it was there.

Though she wasn't a deeply spiritual person, her mom had taken them to church when she was younger and there were still times she found comfort in reading her mother's bible. And since she'd always had a knack for memorizing what she'd read, she remembered a scripture that talked about lusting after someone with your mind being just as bad as if you had physically committed adultery. She realized now that that was the problem with her in this relationship with Pete. It's what had bothered her for all this time. She'd been cheating on Pete. Not physically of course, she'd never do that. No, but emotionally she had never fully been in their relationship. Her thoughts were never fully on Pete. Her thoughts, and she now realized her heart, had always been with someone else.

"I'm sorry sir…"

"For what Carter, not being able to see what's right in front of you?" he sighed, "It happens to the best of us."

How had she let things go so far? How could she treat him like this? He deserved so much better.

As she put her head in her hands and pulled at her hair in frustration, she heard his voice.

"Hey, Carter."

"Hey, Sir." She moved her good leg up so that she could wrap her arms around it. She laid her head on her arms and looked up at him blushing slightly with embarrassment. "How's the knee?" She still felt guilty about his injury. If she had been paying attention, she wouldn't have tripped and he wouldn't have fallen.

"Oh, it's alright. Nothing some ice and a little T3 won't handle." He smiled at her as he pulled a chair closer to her bed. "What about you? How's the ankle?"

"It's sprained, but not as bad as it could have been. The doc has already cleared me to go but I got stuck waiting for the chaos to die down before she can spring me." She sighed. "I've got to use crutches for a couple of days but I should be back on full duty within a week or so." She forced a smile to her face but he could see it didn't reach her beautiful blue eyes.

"You sure you're okay?" he asked.

"Truth, sir?" she asked hesitantly.

"Um, yeah, sure," he said rubbing his hands over his face uncertainly.

"I really don't know." She looked down as she said it, tears threatening to fall again.

"Well, is there anything I can do to help?"

She looked up into his eyes and found that she could not look away even as another tear slid down her cheek. She could see the hurt reflecting back at her from those deep brown pools. 'Geez Carter,' she thought to herself, 'can you make anyone else miserable today?'

She didn't realize that he was thinking the same thing.