Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter posted. My house got hit with a stomach flu twice in a 2-week period :P
All of the "spoken" dialogue (the dialogue in double quotes) between the characters in this chapter is taken from the Season 8 episode Threads (all of the dialogue in single quotes is still internal thoughts). This chapter and the next are basically tags for that episode.
Stargate, not mine. Characters, not mine. Oh, how I wish they could be.
Review please! Do you like where this is going?
"My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere you must run twice as fast as that."
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
It would seem that the universe was trying to tell her something. And there's nothing like facing your own mortality and the possible destruction of the world, to really help you gain perspective. So, when Pete took her to see the house he bought, Sam was breathless for all the wrong reasons. How could she have ever believed that this would be what she wanted? She barely heard Pete's comment about the dog before she found herself retching on the lawn. She apologized profusely and made an excuse about something she must have eaten as he helped her to her feet and back into the car. Pete drove her home and at her insistence, left a few minutes later insisting she was just going to go back to bed and get some rest. But as soon as his car was gone, she grabbed her own keys and all but ran out the door.
It's amazing how little the impending destruction of the planet could take her mind off of the problems her heart was facing. Sam was thankful for the distraction, but the truth of the matter was that the closer they came to annihilation, the more she thought about Jack O'Neill.
She tried to pretend she didn't know where she was going. So she rolled down her windows, blared the radio, and let herself lose all track of time as she drove around Colorado Springs. It was such a beautiful day that it was hard to believe how wrong her world seemed. It was several hours later when she found herself parked in Jack O'Neill's driveway. She turned off the car, but sat unmoving. 'I don't think I can do this,' she told herself yet again. 'But if you don't do it now, you'll regret it.' She glanced at the ring on her hand and climbed out of the car.
The drive back to the SGC was a complete blur. She knew she should've realized sooner that something was wrong with her dad. His entire demeanor during their meeting with Pete the day before and his attitude afterwards had been too somber. She could tell he wasn't sure about what to think of him and that had only added to her own doubts about her engagement. Now though as she sped toward Cheyenne Mountain, she couldn't help but dwell on the scene she'd just witnessed and couldn't stop it playing through her mind.
She was finally seeing straight after the incident with the house.
She was ready to lay everything on the line and tell him how she felt.
She had to know before she took the trip down the aisle once and for all where things stood with him.
"Look, is this okay? I mean, I could have called first."
He stammers a bit as he replies, "No, yeah. I mean…it's fine. So, um…" he glances uncomfortably toward the back door, "what brings you to this neck of the woods on such a fine day, in my backyard?"
"Well actually I've…ummm," she pauses clearing her throat before continuing, "been sitting in your driveway for the last ten minutes, trying to work up the nerve to come and talk to you."
The General just looks at her, eyebrows raised.
"The truth is I've been trying to work up the nerve for a lot longer than that." She desperately tries to keep her voice in check as she struggles to keep breathing evenly and takes another deep breath.
"Oh?" The look of confusion on his face spurs her on.
"Pete put a down-payment down on a house," she hears herself blurt out.
"Well, that's great!" he says with a little too much enthusiasm.
"It's a beautiful house." She can't help but hear the trepidation in her own voice.
"But…"
"The… the truth is, I'm having second thoughts about the wedding." She can barely believe she'd said it out loud, let alone the fact that she had just said it directly to Jack.
"Why?" he asks softly his surprise laced with concern.
"See, the thing is, the closer it gets, the more I get the feeling that I'm making a big, huge mistake," she swallows hard and tries to breathe evenly as she speaks.
Though desperate to know why she is telling him this now and wanting to know more, he can't help but glance uncomfortably toward the door, again. If Carter notices, she doesn't let on.
"Look, Carter, I don't know what…"
She cuts him off and continues knowing that if she doesn't finish what she has to say at this moment, she'll lose the nerve.
"I'm sorry to bother you with this, but uh, see, there's actually a very good reason that I'm bothering you with this, and if I don't tell you now, I might never…"
That was when her world slowly started to crack.
And she knew it was stupid, but she'd never expected to find another woman at the General's house. It wasn't that she couldn't believe that he'd gotten involved with someone; it was that she couldn't believe that he'd really let go. Of her and of what they might have had.
It was so unfair.
'No, Sam, it's not,' she scolded herself. 'You tried to move on with Pete and Jack tried to move on with Kerry. Yes, it sucks but you have no right to say it isn't fair…you took the first step away, he just followed your lead thinking that your feelings had changed!' She shook her head trying to calm her nerves and get her thoughts in check. 'You need to think about Dad right now, Sam,' she reminded herself. She brushed the tears from her face as she stopped the car.
She had no idea what was in store for her once she reached the infirmary.
TBC
