"Alice came to a fork in the road. 'Which road do I take?' she asked.
'Where do you want to go?' responded the Cheshire Cat.
'I don't know,' Alice answered.
'Then,' said the Cat, 'it doesn't matter." ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
"Sam, I spoke with General Hammond today."
"Is everything okay?"
"Yes and no." She frowned at his cryptic reply and waited for him to elaborate.
"He is being taken out of his role at Homeworld Security and moving to an advisory role at the White House."
"Wow. That's great…for him I mean." Staring down into the murky darkness of her drink she asked, "So how's this going to effect the SGC?"
"Things are going to be changing," he paused before adding, "a lot. I've been asked to replace Hammond at the Pentagon." Sam looked stricken as she processed this information. "And, you should know that I've already accepted the position."
"What?! Why?" she couldn't help the note of hysteria that crept into her voice. How could this be happening just when things seemed to be falling into place?
He watched as she processed the news of his transfer. A small part of him couldn't help being glad that she was upset. 'That's a good sign, right?' But as her gaze became more distant, he knew he needed to bring everything a out this new situation they'd found themselves in to light.
"Sam, I want you to know that I didn't make this decision lightly. I love my job at the SGC and you know how I feel about paperwork and politics." His attempt at humor fell flat. "But, there were other things I had to consider when I decided to do this."
"Yes, Sir," she couldn't help switching to soldier mode.
He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair before continuing, "Sam, there's more."
She shook her head. She really didn't want to hear anymore. She put down her mug and wrapping her arms around herself, she once again stared out the window. What more could there be? She gazed at the backyard longingly. Only yesterday they had been out there, together, wrapped up in silent understanding. She'd finally felt like things were falling into place and now the universe was mocking her, again. She blew out the breath she never realized she was holding and glanced back at Jack.
"Last week I received a transfer request."
"But you just said..."
"This request wasn't for me," he paused, " it was for you." He once again checked her now schooled features for a reaction and watched as a look of surprise broke through.
She continued to stare at him waiting for him to continue. "They want you to be the new head of Research and Development at Area 51. Something about the X-302s and some new spaceships that need to be designed." He never thought he'd hear himself utter those words and he couldn't help but grin as he told her.
"Head of R & D? Me? Wow." She turned back to the window. Part of her was immediately excited and her brain started thinking about all of the alien tech she would get to play with if she took the position, but she just couldn't keep her mind, or her body, from the lingering warmth and security she'd felt with him last night.
Reality struck her in the face once again. "Damn." He was moving half way across the country and she might be going in the opposite direction.
Hearing the hurt in her response, Jack couldn't take any more. He got up from the table and walked over to where she was standing. He placed his hands on her shoulders, too apprehensive to wrap them around her waist and gently turned her around to face him.
"Sam, look at me," he asked when her eyes remained focused on the floor. Reluctantly, she gazed up at him and immediately felt her eyes start to burn. "I know this is a lot to take in, especially considering everything that has happened recently, but you don't have to decide anything right now. SG-1 is still on down time until I say otherwise. I want you to take this week to relax and think things through."
She leaned into him, took a deep breath, and wrapping her arms around his waist, told herself that everything would be ok…somehow.
They'd been standing there for several minutes, her face resting against his chest, when Sam heard herself whisper, "I want to go to the cabin."
"What!?" was all he could manage to sputter in response to her statement.
She gazed up at him with a grin, "Your cabin. I want us to go. That's where I want to spend our down time this week. If it's alright with you, S...Jack."
He grinned back as she once again struggled to let herself use his given name. He grinned even wider as his mind began flipping through images of her in jeans and a flannel, curled up in front of the fire, sleeping in his…'Stop right there, Jack,' he warned himself again. 'You still haven't had that conversation.'
He was quiet so long she began to fear his response. "Jack?"
He realized that he'd once again allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts. "Sorry, Sam. Yes, I would love it if you, and by you I mean Daniel, and Teal'c, and you, of course," he cleared his throat, "would take a trip to my cabin this week."
She smiled, a genuine Carter light-up-the-room smile, refilled her cup and then sliding the door aside, she stepped out onto the deck.
She left Jack standing alone in the kitchen and sought out one of the chairs from the night before. She curled her feet up under her and closed her eyes.
It was a gorgeous Fall day. The leaves had just begun to turn and though there was a slight chill in the air, the sun still shone with warmth. Though now tinted with sadness, it was her favorite time of year. She wished she could truly enjoy it today. If she could only just turn her brain off for a little while. No thoughts, no fears, no reservations about her actions. She wanted to feel absolutely nothing or absolutely everything and right now, she really wasn't sure which but she didn't want to think about it any longer because now she was more confused than ever over what she should do.
"If you don't know where you're going, any road can take you there."
Hmm. Perhaps the Cheshire Cate was right, what's the difference if you take this road or that one? Even when you think you know what lies at the end, sometimes things are not always what they seem to be. 'Everything sure would be different in a world of my own,' she mused. This strange, twisted rabbit hole she'd found herself in offered too many twists and turns for her liking these days. Adventure was one thing, but she was starting to feel very much like Alice, trapped in a world of chaos and misunderstanding where nothing was what it seemed to be and the way home became more and more elusive.
A/N : "If you don't know where you're going, any road can take you there," is a quote from the Cheshire Cat and from a George Harrison song called Any Road.
