Peeta's POV:
The cannon boomed.
She was lying on the ground next to me, not moving.
I collapsed feeling the berries that had been in my hands fall out.
Tears were streaming out of my eyes, how could this have happened.
A hovercraft came at some point to pick me up, I was numb.
"Peeta!"
Haymitch shook me.
"Peeta, it's going to be okay."
I looked at him shaking my head, "No it's not, she's dead and it's all my fault."
He looked sad, "It's not your fault she is dead."
"Yes it is, she ate the berries."
"You were about to eat them too."
"Well I chickened out and she actually stuck some in her mouth."
Haymitch was just shaking his head, "You are alive that's all that counts."
"I'm an idiot, a fucking idiot. I let her die for me."
The tears were coming again.
"Stop it Peeta you are alive and you are going to be okay."
"Look at where okay got you! You won but at what cost? Your girl? Your sanity?"
"Peeta shut up! You are alive, can't you even be slightly grateful!"
"No! She is dead!"
"Okay."
"Don't you get it? She is dead and it is all my fault!"
"If you say that one more time I will hit you over the head with this bottle."
I scowled at him.
"You have to go on to talk to the nation soon, you should look somewhat decent."
I walked out of the room in the hovercraft and brought me a shirt and pants.
"Now get your ass up and do something, you cannot mope around."
I changed reluctantly and Haymitch walked back in.
"We are almost to the capital. You need to not speak about any of this bullshit that just went on and talk about the games. Do not speak about the berries and do not bring up anything about Katniss unless you are directly asked."
When he said her name I felt like crying again.
"Peeta man up you little cry baby."
"How drunk are you! Do you still not understand! She killed herself because of me! What about the girl that you liked when you played the games! Huh, now how do you feel?"
He chucked the bottle at me, ducking it barely missed me.
The hovercraft landed right then.
He grunted as me as I walked out and into the newsroom. Stylists of all sorts met me inside and started doing different things. I sat perfectly still not wanting to think.
I was instructed to walk out onto the stage in five, four, three, two, and one.
"And here is our special guest Peeta Mellark."
I tried to smile and walked over to the chair and sat down.
"Hello Peeta."
"Hi."
"Peeta how does it feel to have just won the 74th annual hunger games?"
I tried to smile, "It's been a long couple of days but I am glad that it is all over."
He smiled back at me, "We understand, watching you survive has been an amazing journey. You sure did have a lot of help from your friend Katniss."
My heart sped up, I did not want to have to talk about her right now.
"Ya Katniss was a great help and I am sorry she could not have been the one to be sitting here."
He smiled at me, "Yes but we are glad that we have you here. So would you like to tell us a little bit more about Katniss, I think we both know she was more than just a friend." He winked at me and the camera.
I paused for a minute, "Well Katniss and I were more than friends but it took her awhile to warm up to me. When she did we had a great time together considering the circumstances but I really did love her." I paused again and felt a tear run down my cheek. "I loved her so much and I am so sad that she cannot be here right now, I should have died not her."
He turned and patted me on the shoulder, "I am very sorry for your loss but we are glad you are here sitting with us today."
"I am sure we will see you again soon." He smiled at me and I walked off the stage.
Haymitch met me as I walked off the stage.
"What the fuck do you think you just did! You did everything I told you not do to!"
"I'm sorry Haymitch, but can we just go."
He nodded,"You need to get your tracker taken out of you and have the doctors check on you and then we can go home."
We got back into the hovercraft and were taken to what looked like a hospital. I was ushered into a room and suddenly there were five or so doctors bustling around me.
About ten minutes later they told me that I was free to leave. I walked out of the room to where Haymitch was.
"You ready?"
"I think so." I replied.
We sat in the hovercraft for a few hours and then it started slowing down.
"Are you ready for this Peeta?"
"No. How am I going to face all of them? Her mother, sister and Gale?"
"Bravely, do not be a coward."
I nodded and the hovercraft came to a halt. It stopped in a field and Haymitch, Effie and I stepped out. We started walking into the town and everyone looked out of their houses staring at me. When we got into the square a bell rang and everyone started walking into the square.
When everyone had arrived Effie walked over to the microphone, "Hello people of district 12, here is your victor, Peeta Mellark."
I walked over to where she was standing and looked out into the audience of people. Most people cheered but then I saw Katniss' family and Gale, all of them looked sad and Prim was crying.
I took the microphone from Effie, "I may be standing here today but I do not deserve it. Katniss should have won, she was brave and I was a coward. She should be standing here today not-"
The microphone was ripped out of my hands and two peacekeepers grabbed me.
I put three fingers up just like Katniss had done, "She will live on" I screamed.
The peacekeepers kept pullling me away and the townspeople looked bewildered for a few seconds before everyone slowly stuck the hands in the air with the sign.
I was pulled into the building just as I heard the shots go off.
"Peeta what the hell!" Haymitch yelled.
"I told you, she should be here right now not me."
He shook his head, "You have no clue what you are doing."
They pulled me into a room and awhile later Prim and her mom walked into the room.
"Hello Peeta."
I looked at them and felt tears in my eyes again, "I am so sorry Mrs. Everdeen, Prim."
She shook her head, "It is alright I understand."
Prim walked over and sat on my lap.
"It is not alright, she should be alive."
"That is not what is important now, the important thing is that you are."
"But."
"I know it's hard but you need to look on the positive side now, like you said she will live on."
I nodded.
Prim turned to me and started whispering, "I know you really loved her."
I smiled at her, "I am sorry I couldn't protect her better."
"It's alright, I have you now right?"
"I cannot promise you anything but I do love you."
She smiled at me and walked over to her mother.
"I want both of you to have all my winnings from the games, the food and money so that I know you will always be okay."
They smiled at me, "Thank you Peeta."
I nodded and they walked out of the room.
I felt a little better having done that but it didn't change the fact that she is still gone.
Gale walked into the room a while later without knocking.
"You son of a bitch, why are you here, why are you alive!"
I shook my head, "I don't know."
"Did you even actually love her?"\
"Yes."
"Well so did I, when she volunteered for Prim my heart dropped. I knew she wouldn't make it back but I was really hoping she would."
"I'm so sorry."
"I should have volunteered to take your place and then I could have protected her."
"I tried."
"Yeah well you are the one sitting here right now not her!"
"Gale I'm sorry."
"Sorry is not enough, she is dead!"
"I know that and don't you think I'm not just as sad as you are?"
He looked at me, he had tears streaming down his face, "I loved her so much and I just let her go."
"I loved her and I let her die for me."
"We are both pretty fucked up aren't we?"
"Yeah.."
He walked out of the room.
Two hours later….
Two men have been found hanging in a tree. After further investigation we have identified the bodies to be Peeta Mellark and Gale Hawthorne. Both have committed suicide.
