A/N: I wish I had a good excuse, but it's been regular old, garden variety writer's block that has kept me away from this story. If you are still reading, I greatly appreciate it and I promise that the end is in sight. Thank you for all of your kind comments and reviews.
A/N 2: As in previous chapters, dialogue that is italicized and in double quotes is dialogue lifted directly from the Season 8 episode Threads. Any italicized dialogue in single quotes is still internal thoughts, and dialogue that is in quotes but not italicized is original dialogue.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to my beta, Amara, you've truly helped me grow as a writer!
Oh, yeah...Stargate is still not mine. I'm just playing with Sam and Jack. I promise to have them home in time for supper.
"Only it is so very lonely here!" Alice said in a melancholy voice; and at the thought of her loneliness two large tears came rolling down her cheeks.
"Oh, don't go on like that!" cried the poor Queen, wringing her hands in despair. "Consider what a great girl you are. Consider what a long way you've come today." - Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll
She stared out the window at the empty swimming pool below, wishing she could take a late night swim to help clear her mind and relieve some of the mounting tension she now felt. Jack had busied himself with reviewing the takeout menus provided by the girl at the front desk and was currently trying to decide between pizza and Chinese.
She felt his eyes on her and she turned back toward him smiling. She'd caught him looking at her and he couldn't help but grin back at her. She knew that he watched her a lot, he always had. They both seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to the other. Sometimes he just needed to make sure she was alright when he knew things were a bit off. Sometimes he'd lock eyes with her in a silent plea for understanding or conciliation. But mostly, she knew he watched her because he just couldn't help himself. In the same way she watched him, worried about him, and sought his support. He couldn't keep himself from letting his eyes confirm that she was there, that she was real, and that she was actually okay when she said she was "fine."
She started unpacking her bag, figuring if a swim was out of the question, a hot shower would have to suffice. She found the things she needed and looked up to find that he'd crossed the room and now stood just a few feet away from her on the opposite side of her bed.
A familiar awkwardness fell between them as she gathered her nightclothes and toiletries.
She gestured toward the bathroom. "Um, I'm going to take a shower."
"I'll order us some dinner. Any preference?"
"No. I trust you."
Before she turned toward the door, their eyes locked for a moment and a much deeper conversation took place in their depths.
Jack smiled as she turned to go. He knew he had to be careful over the next few days. He didn't want to treat her with kid gloves, but he knew she was still reeling over her father's death and felt guilty about breaking her engagement. He didn't want to be the catalyst for her making any rash decisions right now. He needed them to figure a lot of things out while they were at the cabin this week. Mainly, where would their next steps take them?
Both of them were facing sudden and potentially huge changes in their careers. And while he knew taking over for Hammond was the right thing to do for himself and the program, he also knew that she was the perfect candidate for the job at Groom Lake. Nevermind his selfishness in wanting her off of the frontline if he wasn't there to watch her six, both moves created a 2100 mile hurdle between them.
She stood under the stream of water letting the heat beat down on her neck and shoulders. The water pressure was impressive for a roadside motel and it did help ease the tension. This place wasn't the Ritz, but leave it to Jack to find the nicest place in the area to spend the night. Despite her reaction at the diner, she had to admit that she'd really enjoyed the day they'd spent together. It had been refreshing to talk about normal, everyday things and learning more about one another. She'd always thought she'd wanted normal, everyday things. That was a huge motivation behind her relationship with Pete. But, although he was able to make her happy for a time and feel like she might fit into a more normal lifestyle, she found out that she really preferred her crazy and unpredictable life. But, after today, she thought maybe it wasn't so much about the type of life she was leading, but having someone with whom she could truly share it.
She sighed, grabbing her shampoo and thinking back to what Jack had said just before her father had died. The moment she felt that perhaps her world wasn't as shattered as she had thought during that car ride to the mountain.
He sat down beside her in the observation room where she'd been watching her father speak with the Tok'ra who had come to pay their respects.
"You okay?"
She didn't know if she had it in her to lie and knew that he'd see through her response if she did, but she couldn't break down in front of him, not now.
"Actually, I'm fine. Good even, strange as that sounds. I thought I'd lost him four years ago. Since then we've been closer than we ever were my whole life. In a way, Selmak gave me the father I never thought I'd know."
He watched her for a second, trying to size up her appearance and the words she had spoken. He knew she was not quite being honest, her pain not as hidden as she thought it might be.
"C'mere."
She couldn't help but reach up and grab his hand when his arm slid around her shoulders. She lay her cheek against their joined hands as she struggled against more tears.
"Thank you, Sir."
"For what?"
"For being here for me."
She thought she'd been alone through all of this and it tore at him. His own voice thickened as he took but a heartbeat to reply.
"Always."
Sam turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, taking her time drying off and getting dressed. Her stomach rumbled as she towel-dried her hair. It'd been at least 20 minutes if not a half hour since she'd disappeared into the shower and she hoped that dinner would be waiting when she stepped back out into the room. She wasn't disappointed.
"Feeling better?"
"Not as good as I'll be feeling after a couple of slices of that!"
Jack grinned and flipped open the pizza box that had been delivered just a few minutes earlier.
"Mmmm...everything but anchovies?" He knew that he could get away with more toppings without Daniel around to complain, but she still drew the line at putting salty little fish on her pizza.
"Yup."
"Sweet." She sat next to him on the bed and pulled a greasy slice out of the box. A few bites later, she broke the silence opening her soda. "You have a knack, you know that?"
He raised an eyebrow in a very Teal'c-like manner. "For?"
"For knowing exactly what I need, even when I don't have any clue myself."
He shrugged. "Well, I've had a lot of practice."
She thought of all the times when his strength was what had kept her going, kept her alive. "This is good."
Her words hung there as they finished their pizza, both knowing that she wasn't talking about just the food.
"Jack?"
"Yeah."
She grinned shyly, suddenly unsure how to ask her next question. She didn't want this closeness to end, to sleep alone. They hadn't talked about sleeping arrangements before checking in but Jack had asked for a double room and she'd inwardly sighed with relief. As much as she knew that she loved him, loved the idea of them, she was nervous and a little scared. She wasn't sure she was ready to jump into bed with him so quickly. 'Quickly!? It's been eight years!' That thought was not helping her tonight. 'C'mon, it's not like you've never slept in the same bed before, just ask him.'
She remained sitting on his bed as he got up to dispose of the pizza box and soda cans. When he stepped back over to the bed, she gazed up at him and cleared her throat.
"Um, Jack, can I stay with you tonight?"
He smirked at her. "I think you already are, Carter."
"Jack."
"What? Do you think I'd turn down a hot blonde who's asking to share my bed? Let alone the hot blond I've been dreaming about for years?" He tamped down the surge of passion he felt gazing into her gorgeous blue eyes and climbed into bed beside her.
She snuggled in beside him and it only took a few minutes for their hearts to synchronize beats and for each to match the other's breathing rhythm. Neither were sure which of them sighed in contentment, but they both smiled as they closed their eyes.
He was floating, teetering on the brink of a very serene and satisfied sleep when he felt her breath against his neck and heard her whisper.
"Thank you, Jack."
"For what, Carter?"
"For being here for me."
He wrapped his other arm around her, and placing a kiss on the top of her head he whispered his promise again, "Always."
