Chapter 11: Nightmares and Comfort

"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible." -- Anon.

"Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but form itself. Love possesses not nor would be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love." – Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet)


Sydney fell asleep as well, and when she woke, she saw the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen – a relaxed Michael Vaughn…a relaxed Michael Vaughn who seemed to be breathing steadily again. She smiled as she watched him sleep. She watched his features dance while he slept; the slight movements while he dreamed; she wondered what he was dreaming about. She had dreamt about him while he was away, but her dreams were never peaceful. She wouldn't have really classified them as dreams either; nightmares would have been a much better category. She remembered one particularly bad dream she had, Will had finally come into her bedroom and woken her because he said she sounded like she were fighting a war in her room. In fact, she had been; she'd been fighting a losing battle to save Vaughn, and in her dream, she didn't wind up lying next to him in a hospital room, she wound up visiting him in a cemetery. She shuddered at the memory of a dream she would never forget. She was brought out of her horrid memory by moans coming from the sleeping form of the man next to her. She thought for a moment he was talking in his sleep, perhaps he was dreaming about frosting pies, she mused. Her amusement ended when she looked at his face. It had changed from peaceful to stormy. His features were contorted and the moans took on pleas and cries. He was having a nightmare too, and she could only guess what was taking place in his terrifying dream. She was about to rouse him when he did himself. He bolted upright in the bed, almost knocking her off. Instantly, she knew he would regret that move. He cried out in anguish as his chest and ribs erupted into a sea of fire. His breath was coming out in heaves and he was wet; in fact, his gown was soaked. She was reluctant at first to reach out to him, she wasn't sure if he was still in the throws of his nightmare, but she needed to do something for the slumped figure next to her. She moved behind him and gently eased him back so he was lying on top of her in an elevated position. She smoothed his hair and whispered soothing words to him, "Easy sweetie, easy. It's ok…you're safe…you're here with me, ok? You're not with them anymore, they can't hurt you…I won't let them hurt you again…"

He relaxed into her touch, but she knew that he was far from calm. He allowed her to lull him to a semi-conscious state, but when she tried to lay him back on the bed he latched onto her and wouldn't let go.

"It's ok Vaughn, I'm not leaving, I'm just going to lay you down and go get a cool washcloth, ok?"

She moved quickly and came back with the cloth. She sat down on the bed again and gently wiped the sweat off his face and neck. She took a few extra minutes at the spot where the evil nurse and her troll orderlies had attacked him and then she let the cloth rest on his forehead. He watched her intently, watched her gentle movements and calming smiles.

She smiled down at him, "You're gown is soaked through, Vaughn, we should get you a new one…"

He nodded his consent and attempted to sit up. Bad move, because all of the pain resurfaced, and his already over-sensitive ribs were brought to the pit of fire again. She had moved to get the gown, and had no idea he was going to try to sit up on his own.

"Oh God, Vaughn! What are doing?" He looked at her with injured eyes. "That's not the way I meant that to sound…I just mean, you have to remember that you're hurt here…you can't do it all alone, ok? It's not bad to ask for help, or to wait until I help you sit up…ok?"

He nodded resolvedly. She had some trouble getting the gown off, there were so many wires and tubes to maneuver though and under and over and around, that by the time she got the new one on, he was just as sweaty as he was wearing the first one. She also noticed that he seemed to be in more pain, probably due to the amount of time I've made him sit here, she thought. God, I can be so stupid, she also thought.

"Let's get you settled again, ok?" She eased him back and watched the pain ripple across his face and body. Once he was lying down again, she retook her position next to him, and laid a hesitant hand on his ribs. He flinched and moved away slightly. "Does it hurt that much now when I just touch it?" she asked quietly.

He nodded yes and she could see the tears brimming. She took a moment to realize that in the last few hours, she'd seen Vaughn cry more than she had ever see him cry in his whole life. He must have been in utter agony to get him to the point of tears.

"God Vaughn, what can I do? How can I make it better?" Tears began to fall from her eyes as well as she watched him.

She racked her mind for ways to alleviate his suffering. She watched helplessly as the figure next to her began to writhe on the bed. His legs moved in an unceasing rhythm, dancing to the music of his pain.

She tried to steady him by rubbing phantom light circles over his chest and ribs, but it only worked for a few minutes, and then the dance began again. She tried to put pressure on them, but again that only alleviated the pain for few fleeting moments. She was rapidly running out of things to try.

"I'm sorry Vaughn, I don't know what else to do. What can I do for you? Can you think of something I can do to make it better?" She thought and dismissed things for several minutes and then her mind stopped on one thought. She was reluctant to try it though, because he was in such a weakened state. She didn't want to cause him further fatigue, but at the risk of causing him more stress by bringing in another stranger to administer medications, she decided her idea was at least worth a try.

"Hey, I have an idea…should I give it a try?"

He looked at her, emerald eyes filled with a torrent of agony. The windows of his soul pleaded with her to aide him in some way. One more look into the storm that was raging inside him was all it took for her to decide. She gently moved him back to the middle of the bed and raised herself over his body. She looked down at him as he looked up at her somewhat confused, and then she prudently lowered herself down on top of him. Her body covered his and her whole weight was pressed on him. Astonishment filled his eyes, but then relief and finally an intense gaze of love followed. He looked at her with all the affection he could muster and she returned every gaze abundantly. He seemed content at last and moved to place his good arm on her back. She moved down delicately and placed her head under his chin. The last thought he had before he slipped off to sleep was how wonderful the woman was that was laying on top of him and how much she must truly care for him if she was willing to go to these lengths for his comfort.