Chapter 26: Barnett
"The key to wisdom is knowing all the right questions." – John A. Simone, Jr.
"These things he said in words. But much in his heart remained unsaid. For he himself could not speak his deeper secret." – Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet)
Dr. Barnett and Dr. Tom stopped in front of Vaughn's door. They waited for Sydney and let her go in the room first. Vaughn smiled when he saw Sydney enter the room, but the smile faltered slightly when he saw her two companions. Sydney gave Vaughn a sympathetic look and went over to his bedside. She sat in the chair to the left of the bed and took Vaughn's hand. Dr. Tom and Dr. Barnett both smiled as they entered the room. Vaughn turned off the TV.
Dr. Tom was the first to speak, breaking the silence that seemed to hang in the room, "Well…uh, Dr. Barnett, this is Michael Vaughn and Sydney Bristow, but of course you already know that. I just stopped in to see Dr. Barnett to your room, Mike. I'll leave you guys alone, and I'll see you later," Tom quickly exited the room, leaving Dr. Barnett alone with the couple.
Sydney took inventory of the women in front of her. Even though she thought Dr. Barnett a capable therapist, she was still reluctant to let her talk to Vaughn.
Dr. Barnett smiled at Sydney's rather obvious scrutiny. "Well, it's nice to see you both again. I wish it were under better circumstances of course, but…well…I guess it's never really 'better circumstances' when we meet, is it?"
Neither of the pair said anything in reply, but Sydney managed a small smile.
"Ok, well, let's get started. Do you mind if I sit?" Sydney felt better already. If Barnett was asking personal space questions before anything else, this had to go better than the last one.
Vaughn spoke up, "No, go ahead, it'd be pretty uncomfortable to stand through the whole thing."
Dr. Barnett smiled, "Well, I don't anticipate this taking long anyway…"
Vaughn looked over at her and smiled, "That's good."
"Ok, I understand you've been through a very difficult ordeal, compiled with a few nasty hospital visits, I don't blame you for wanting to go home. I'm just here to make sure that you're emotionally and psychologically ready to make that transition. I'm not here to judge you, and we don't need to discuss what happened to you right now, ok?"
Vaughn sighed a sigh of relief, "Yeah, that's more than ok…"
"Good. Now, do you feel comfortable with Sydney staying in the room, or would you prefer that we be alone while we discuss some things?"
Sydney smiled at that; Tom must have alerted her to Vaughn's unease about Sydney leaving the room. She had to hand it to Barnett; this was going far better than she thought.
"Actually, Dr. Barnett, I'd rather have Sydney stay if that's ok…it won't be anything she hasn't heard already."
"Alright, that's fine with me. Why don't we start with a really easy one – how do you feel? And while I mean physically, I also mean, what evidence can you give me so I know that you're ready to make the transition? And I want to add, although I don't think I really need to tell you this, that I would really like your honesty. Don't worry about my seal of approval on this matter; just try to tell me the truth, ok? Let's not worry about going home for the moment, let's look at this conversation as having no bearing whatsoever on my decision…"
Damn, Sydney thought, that was good!
Vaughn thought a moment, "Physically, I pretty much feel like crap. I can't move, and if I do, it hurts. I also have the added benefit of knowing that I get to be in pain for the next three months. So, I'm good if I don't move. However, I can not move just as easily at Sydney's than I can not here, so…"
"And what about emotionally?"
Vaughn was silent again before saying quietly, "I don't know how to answer that…I think about what happened a lot, but I try not to. Sydney really helps a lot…she has a way of keeping my mind off of that…but she's also there anytime I need to talk about it…she's great…she doesn't push me to talk, but she's right there when she knows I need to. I've had some nightmares, but again, Sydney's helped with that…she's kind of my life preserver here…"
Sydney was smiling with tears in her eyes after that.
Dr. Barnett smiled too, "Ok…what about other people? How do you think you'll react to others if you're going home?"
"Well…I'm not particularly fond of strangers at the moment, you could say I have an aversion to people that I find threatening…if they're people I'm familiar with and comfortable with it's ok…it wasn't really in the beginning though. Sydney was pretty much the only person that didn't scare me to death. I'm not fond of being touched right now either, unless it's Sydney. My friend came the day I woke up and he hasn't been back since, so I'm pretty sure I scared him off," Vaughn was smiling slightly, but it wasn't a smile of happiness, it was a smile of angst. "I feel bad because I didn't want him to approach me really, but since then I think I've been better with people I know…I haven't sent anyone running since Eric…"
Dr. Barnett smiled, "Why do you think that Sydney's is a better place for you than the hospital?"
Vaughn smiled, "Well, I don't think anyone at Sydney's house is going to terrorize me…" he chuckled, "that's like asking anyone why they want to be home instead of somewhere else. Would you want to stay in a hospital with stuff that wasn't yours, a bed that wasn't yours and strange people coming in to poke you for the next three months? I guess I have a general aversion to hospitals at the moment too…while this one is much better than the last one, I'm more comfortable here than I was there – I know people here…but it's still a hospital…"
Dr. Barnett laughed softly, "No, I wouldn't want to stay either."
"Exactly. I feel safe with Sydney; she'll take good care of me at her place. I don't have any doubts that my medical care will decline because I'm not in a hospital bed. I think I'd be more comfortable there, with people that I know and trust already…oh, and the food sucks here…"
Sydney snorted with laughter, and Barnett took a minute to think before she said, "This is what I think Agent Vaughn. I think that before this whole ordeal, you were a well-rounded, healthy individual. You were quite healthy psychologically. I think you're still all those things, but you've just had a setback. That may sound like a trivial way of saying you were tortured, but I don't think this is going to affect you for the rest of your life. Like most things, like most wounds, it will heal with time. You've dealt with loss and hardship before, and I think you'll get through this just fine as well. I sympathize with your aversion to hospitals, I really don't think there are many people that like them, and I understand your desire for comfort at home. You seem to have a handle on what's going on with you…you know what weaknesses this ordeal has brought on for you, but I think you're well on your way already to strengthening them. I'm not going to lie and say that you'll be 100 in a few months; in fact, you'll probably have nightmares for far longer, that's pretty standard. I have no fear that Sydney won't take care of you physically, and in my honest opinion, I think she's terrific for your emotional well being as well. It's not hard to see that emotional bond that you two share; it was evident even when I first entered the room. I also have the benefit of knowing some of both of your past histories as well as past sessions, and I think it's natural that Sydney would be the one you'd open up too. Proper therapy does not force the patient to reveal things they don't want to…that doesn't mean that therapy doesn't compel a person to delve into unpleasant subjects, but it all has to happen in time. For now, I'm satisfied that Sydney is capable of helping you to delve as far as you need to function properly. My only concern is that at some point, it may get to be too much for Sydney to handle on her own, and then someone else would need to step in to help you. When you come back to work of course, you'll have be subjected to a psychological evaluation and I'd be happy to assist you during the time you're recuperating and I could also perform the evaluation…This is all about comfort, Agent Vaughn. We want you to be as comfortable as possible, now and when you come back. However, you need to work through these issues before you'll be considered healthy and fit for field agent status and you need to be healthy to be active. Not everything has to be done at once, and it doesn't all have to be completed, in fact it probably won't be, by the time of your return to the CIA. We just need progress, and I'm confident that you're already making some. You have all the time you need…ok?"
Vaughn was slightly taken aback, "Uh, yeah…ok."
Sydney was smiling at Dr. Barnett and her assessment.
Dr. Barnett got up to leave, "You give me a call anytime if you want to talk…that goes for either or you," she added looking poignantly at Sydney, "I should be available whenever you'd need my services, and in this case, I could make a house call…"
Sydney said, "Thank you, Dr. Barnett."
"It was my pleasure, you take care of him now…"
"I will." She said as she looked at Vaughn.
Vaughn looked at Sydney and then back at Dr. Barnett who was at the door, "Dr. Barnett?"
"Yes?"
"Does this mean I can go home?"
"I would say so, Agent Vaughn. I would say so."
"Thank you…"
"You're welcome, Agent Vaughn." With that, she walked out the door and shut it quietly behind her.
Vaughn let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. Sydney looked down at him. "We're going home Vaughn…" she said in an almost astonished voice.
"Yeah…home…" Vaughn smiled a wistful smile and looked up at Sydney. "Thanks again Syd."
"You're welcome, Agent Vaughn."
"Get down here," he replied.
She complied at leaned down to kiss him. After, she hugged him as well, and settled in the chair to wait for their departure. Vaughn looked over at her, "Wanna watch TV?" he asked like a little boy.
"Sure, Vaughn, turn it on…"
He turned on the TV again, and ESPN was still the current channel.
"So, what'd I miss while I was gone playing telephone?"
"Uh, well…let's see, in the time I was gone, I missed a whole helluva lot of hockey…the Kings lost one game, but they won two others…oh, and you missed the scene where the Zamboni zoomed across the ice and hit a referee…"
"The Zamboni did what!"
Vaughn chuckled, "Yeah, some idiot thought he'd have his 15 minutes of fame, but didn't really know how to work it, and totally creamed a ref with his out of control driving during intermission…"
"You're not serious…"
"I'm totally serious…it was hilarious, for a minute, I thought I broke another rib cause I laughed so hard…"
"And I missed it…" Sydney pouted.
"Well…maybe they'll show it again…" he smiled at her with that little boy gleam in his eye.
She smiled back and kissed him. She decided that she would never tire of kissing him, and that she had him back after so much waiting and fear, and that she was getting to take him home, she was going to take advantage of every single spare second she had, and kiss him.
They chatted and laughed as they waited for word of when Vaughn would be released. There was no apprehension this time; Vaughn was going to be home…where he belonged
