Chapter 17

"So, um… how are things in there?" Rin asked doubtfully. He was standing at the end of the corridor and Gou had just quietly exited Kaori's room. He waited as his sister approached him, looking a little frazzled. "What? Is she okay? Sousuke's really worried."

Gou hesitated and bit her lip. "It's pretty bad."

"Define bad."

"Well, it looks like she got a little hysterical. The bedside lamp's shattered; I think she threw it against the wall. Now she's just curled up in a corner and sniffling. She won't say anything to me. I really didn't know what to do. It's not like I can push her to talk. Technically, it's none of my business."

Rin rubbed the back of his neck as they both walked towards the elevators. "I guess we should go tell Sousuke. Hey. Do you think it was wrong of him to hide it from her for so long? I was horrified when I found out he'd been lying, too. I mean- things wouldn't have gotten this bad if he'd told her sooner, right?"

Gou blinked and frowned. "Probably not. If I was her, I definitely would have wanted to know."

"But I can understand why he did it."

"You can?" Gou asked quietly.

Rin nodded, as he pressed the button on the elevator. The doors slid shut in front of them. "It might have caused her to give up on her dream. And no matter what, you don't ever want to be responsible for destroying somebody else's dream."

Gou shook her head. "Maybe he was part of the dream."

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Kaori was curled up on the edge of the bed. Her right thumb was bleeding, and she sucked on it gently as she held in quiet sobs. A few moments after Sousuke had left, Kaori had felt so furious that she'd grabbed the table lamp and flung it across the room. The action had cleared her head a little; now that bubbling anger and frustration was gone, replaced with a deep, calmer sense of despair.

I knew this was going to happen. She'd been worried about it for so long and now that she looked back and connected the pieces, she wondered how she had never realized it before. How Sousuke was so different. The clues. Avoiding talking about Tokyo. The shoulder brace in his bathroom. How he would insist on her studying, but he would also get upset when she overworked herself. He didn't want the same thing to happen to me.

And then it struck her. For the first time since she had found out the truth, Kaori was able to clear her mind and think about something besides the fact that he'd lied to her. Sousuke's dream was shattered. He'd never wanted to do anything but swim. And now he couldn't do that, simply because he'd been trying too hard. Kaori imagined everything that Sousuke must have gone through. The pain. The fear. Pushing himself, denying it. Finding out that he couldn't swim anymore. Her own problems suddenly felt so small and insignificant. His entire life came crashing down around him, and I'm being a baby about a few white lies.

The door opened. Kaori was still for a moment as she heard footsteps. She thought that Gou had already left. The girl had tried to talk to her, but Kaori hadn't wanted to say anything to her. Her head was hurting too much. She blinked and opened her eyes, and saw Sousuke sanding awkwardly near the bed.

"Sousuke?" she asked hoarsely.

He nodded. His own eyes were slightly red, and his shoulders slumped. He looked miserable. Kaori's heart wrenched. Did I do this to him? Is he this upset because I kicked him out? How could I do that? He's going through so much already! "Hey," he said quietly. "Look, I'm sorry. I'll leave again if you want me to. But Gou-chan said you weren't speaking and I just had to check if you were okay."

Kaori stared up at him, sniffing. She nodded. "Y-yeah."

"Okay," Sousuke looked a little relieved. He glanced to the side and noticed the shattered lamp near the opposite wall, but kept silent about it. "Okay. I'm sorry. I'm going-"

"Wait. Don't leave." Kaori's voice was quiet and raspy as she uncurled herself and slowly stepped off the bed. Her body felt numb and she was a little unsteady on her feet. She used her uninjured hand to wipe away a few tears that were stuck on her eyelashes. Sousuke froze and watched as she approached him. "C-can I see it?"

Sousuke blinked. "What? See what?"

"Your shoulder. Can I see it? Is the injury visible?" she asked hesitantly.

"I guess; a little." Sousuke blinked for a moment, before reaching down and awkwardly lifting his shirt over his head. It had gotten much worse after he'd forced himself to swim at regionals. There was a dark reddish-brown bruise and Kaori let out a soft gasp as soon as it came into view. Sousuke looked down at Kaori. She didn't seem angry anymore. Her purple eyes had softened and tears pooled in them as she looked at his beat-up shoulder. One hand came up to cover her mouth as she let out a soft sob. "Oh-Sousuke…" She looked up at him, torn. "Does… does it hurt?"

Sousuke paused. He wanted to say no. He wanted to lie and tell her that it was all right. But something in her earnest expression wouldn't let him lie. He could be honest with Kaori now. He could show his pain. Sousuke bit his lip and turned his blue-green eyes away from her before giving her a small nod. Yes. It hurts. A lot.

Kaori's breath hitched and she let out another sob, before rushing forward and throwing her arms around him. She was careful to stay on his left side, avoiding the injury and pressing her face to his left shoulder. Sousuke was shocked as he felt her soft skin and wet tears against him. "Kaori…" he said softly, as the girl sobbed against his chest and clutched his torso. "Kaori… hey. It's okay. Don't cry."

She shook her head against his chest. "D-don't comfort me."

"What? Why-"

"I'm not the one who needs to be comforted," Kaori choked out. She loosened her grip on him and looked up. "Y-you listen to every single stupid problem that I ever have, but… but you were going through something so huge and I wasn't there for you. Y-you were alone. You must have felt… so alone."

Sousuke froze. She was right. There were days when he would just stay in the shower and clutch his shoulder as he slid down against the wall, wishing the pain would go away. He had felt alone. He had felt crushed and suffocated, because there was no one to take away the pain. No Rin, no Kaori. Sousuke could feel his own eyes itch, as Kaori slid a hand up to his face. "It-it's okay. I was fine," he said softly.

"I always knew you were strong," Kaori said quietly. Tears were streaming down her face. "I just… I never realized how strong you were. Every-every lie that you told must have broken you inside. And the thought of you, all alone at Tokitsu, scared and in pain, I…" Kaori choked out another sob. "Just the thought of it is so unbearable, I don't know how you went through it by yourself…"

Sousuke closed his eyes and let out a dry chuckle. "That's just because your imagination is too wild for your own good."

Kaori looked up at him, gently sliding her hand across his cheek and into his dark hair. He was looking down at her. Even now, Sousuke was trying to blink back his tears and pretend like he was fine. He took a deep breath and looked down at her quietly. "I'm sorry I lied. I never wanted to hurt you," he added quietly.

Kaori shook her head quietly. "Most people lie because it's the easier way out. But lying to me must have been so much harder than telling the truth. I'm sorry I overreacted and got mad."

Sousuke chuckled and brought his left arm around to press Kaori to his chest. "It's okay. Even in your anger, all you did was throw a pillow at me. I'll survive."

Kaori blinked up at him, suddenly seeming to wake up. She glanced towards the other side of the wall and looked ashamed. "I-I broke the lamp too. I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me, I just lost it and I grabbed whatever was closest, I… I'll pay for it."

"It's okay, Kaori. It's just a lamp." He glanced down and noticed a small streak of blood smudged across her cheek. "Hey- where did that come from? Are you bleeding? Let me see." He grabbed her thumb and noticed the gash across the top of it. "You idiot. You tried to pick up the broken glass, didn't you?"

"Sorry," Kaori mumbled. Her lips had stuck out in a small pout, and Sousuke leaned down and pecked them softly, before gently pushing her to sit on the edge of the bed. She sniffled a little and sat, as Sousuke hurried into the bathroom. He had seen a first aid kit in there somewhere, and he came back with the white box, placing it on the bed.

"You should be more careful," Sousuke said gently, as he kneeled on the floor and placed Kaori's hand in her lap, pulling out some cotton and antiseptic to clean the small wound. He paused for a moment and sighed. "I guess it's a little silly for me to be saying that. You didn't bust your own shoulder."

"You always did try too hard," Kaori said gently. "Sousuke, it's just a cut. Stop overreacting."

Sousuke sighed and shook his head as he gently wrapped a band-aid around her thumb. "I don't make the same mistakes twice." He looked up at her and kept her injured hand in his own, holding it. His deep eyes were staring at her earnestly. "I have one thing left to apologize for," he said quietly.

"What's that?"

"Ruining your dream. I know how much both of us studying in Tokyo meant to you. We've been dreaming about it since middle school. You must have had everything meticulously planned out and ready for when we would both be together. And I ruined it all just because I didn't know how far I could push myself. So, I'm sorry that I destroyed your dream, Kaori. I know I can never make up for that."

There was a gentle smack and Sousuke blinked in surprise a he felt a light sting on his cheek. Had she just slapped him? It wasn't very hard, and yet… he looked up from his crouched position to see Kaori's eyes had welled up with tears again. He was shocked. "Kaori…"

"You idiot!" Kaori grabbed and pulled Sousuke closer so that his head was pressed against her chest. She wrapped her arms around her head and rested her cheek on his dark hair. "Don't say things like that! I love you so much and when you say things like that, it only makes me love you more, my heart can't take it! I'm not as strong as you, you know!"

Sousuke was surprised, but her let her hold him against her soft body. She was warm and trembling "Sorry."

"No, you- you have to make it up to me," Kaori sniffled.

"Okay."

"You can't- you can't be this strong and self-sacrificing. It's making me feel too inferior. I'm starting to feel like I don't deserve you. So you have to stop being putting up such a strong front, okay? Otherwise I'll just keep feeling inferior and you don't want that."

Sousuke smiled. "Okay," he replied gently.

"And you-you can't keep hiding things. You have to start showing me how you really feel so that I can see how weak you are and feel better about myself."

"I will."

"And you have to start relying on me more so that I don't feel bad about relying on you so much."

"All right."

"And you have to love me."

"I already do." Sousuke leaned up and kissed her gently, sliding his hands into her soft hair. He could feel the wet tears from her eyelashes brush across his face. Kaori returned the kiss eagerly. She could feel him relax against her. There was something different about the kiss; there was nothing holding either of them back, no more hiding or suspicions. Kaori looked down at Sousuke and for the first time, she felt like she was seeing all of him. He gently pulled away and pressed a hand to her cheek. "Are those all the conditions, my lady?" he teased her gently.

Kaori frowned. "Shut up. Apparently you never think about yourself anymore, you only do things for other people. So do them for me, you big idiot, if not for yourself."

Sousuke nodded.

"I promise."

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Rin and Gou Matsuoka were standing near the door, which Sousuke had left slightly open. Rin was silent, his face stiff while Gou looked a little teary-eyed.

"I can't believe they made up!" Gou whispered happily. She turned and glanced at her brother. "Isn't it great? They're so amazing together!"

Rin frowned. "Yeah. Come on, let's stop eavesdropping."

"What's your problem?"

"Nothing," Rin said with a sigh, pulling his sister away from the door and leaving Sousuke and Kaori alone. "It's none of our business, that's all."

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