Chapter 58: Reconciliation
"The more severe the pain or illness, the more severe will be the necessary changes. These may involve breaking bad habits, or acquiring some new and better ones." – Peter McWilliams
"A Hospital is no place to be sick." – Samuel Goldwyn
Sydney went out into the hall and almost fell into Will.
"Jesus, Will, what the hell?"
"What's going on?"
She stared at him a minute and then looked down."He doesn't remember anything…and I was this close to calling Tom and having him take him back to the hospital. Vaughn can totally see that…I was scared and I feel so bad because I…"
"Because you couldn't handle it?"
"No…because I could handle it, but I didn't want to…or I thought it didn't want to…I don't know…it's been going so well…but half of this is my fault. I pushed him to walk, or at least I didn't protest enough that he shouldn't and he got sick because of it. He won't let me take any blame for it, even though half of it rests with me…I just can't look him in the eyes right now…and I hate feeling like this…I feel so guilty because I was about to pawn him off to the hospital, the place he hates, not because I couldn't handle it but because he was having a hard night. I should have been there for him and instead I was thinking about sending him back…" she broke down into sobs and fell into Will's arms.
"Hey…it's ok…" he held onto her for a few minutes and then moved her back so she could look him in the eyes, "Sydney…you're doing a great job…it's not a crime to think about sending him back…you didn't…that's the important thing…you didn't send him back…but if you did, that wouldn't be bad…if you can't handle this…than it's better he be at the hospital…"
She looked at him in a panic, "Will…I promised him…and I promised Tom that I could handle this…I can't send him back…seriously, it would destroy him…it would be no better…I might as well just send him back to Sloane!"
"Syd…I think you're being a little overdramatic."
"No, I'm not…you didn't see him in the hospital…"
"Ok…Francie and I are here if you need more help then…why don't you stay out here for a few more minutes, just…assemble yourself…splash some water on your face…I'll go talk to him."
"No Will…I don't think he's gonna like that…and I don't want you to talk to him about it."
"Why? Are you?"
"I will…ok?"
"I'm going in…and I'm going to talk to him."
"Will…please…"
"It'll be ok…"
Will didn't wait for an answer; he just walked in. Vaughn hadn't moved, although Will wouldn't have known that. He looked over to Will; surprised it wasn't Sydney.
"Will…where's Sydney? Is she ok?"
"Yeah…she just needed a minute."
"Why? What the hell's going on? What did I do last night that's got her acting so weird, 'cause I can't remember?"
"You didn't do anything…she just got scared, and she feels guilty because she didn't know what to do and she almost called the hospital."
Vaughn nodded, "To send me back, that's what I thought…"
Will didn't know what else to say, so he just sat with Vaughn, waiting…giving Sydney some space.
She came in a few minutes later, "Thanks Will…"
"Sure," Will said as he got up and left the bathroom, "Later Mike."
She sat down on the edge of the tub.
"Listen," she started, but Vaughn interrupted her.
"You don't have to say it…"
"Say what?"
"It's ok…I understand…"
"Ok…"
"When is he coming?"
"Who?"
"Tom."
"Tom? Tom's not coming today…"
Vaughn turned to look at her, fear evident in his eyes, "You called someone other than Tom? Who? Kerns?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Sydney…can I get out of the tub? I'd like to be dressed if I'm gonna be making a trip."
"What do you mean?"
"I want to be dressed when I go back to the hospital…"
She sat dumbstruck on the edge of the tub. He actually thought that she was sending him back. "Vaughn…"
"NO…I don't want to talk about it, ok? I just would like to get out of the tub," he took a deep breath, rapidly losing any composure he had left, "if I'm going, I'd like to leave with a little bit of dignity here."
Sydney watched as he broke down quietly in the bathtub. She just sat there, trying to figure out how they got to this point. She took off her clothes and got in the tub.
Vaughn started to move away, groaning as he twisted out of her grip.
"Stop…" she said forcefully, pulling him back into her arms. "Will you listen to me now?"
He didn't say anything, but she could still feel the quiet sobs as they escaped. Even though he thought she was sending him back to the hospital, he latched on to her for support.
"Will you still come to see me?" he said in between broken sobs.
"Shh…let me explain…I'm not sending you back…I didn't call anyone…you're not going anywhere."
He cried harder and she started to cry too, "Vaughn…I'm sorry…I don't know how we got here…I…I was scared last night…I didn't know what to do…and yes, I contemplated calling Tom or the hospital…but I couldn't do that to you…I won't…it was just a bad night…and I felt extremely guilty for even thinking of calling last night…that's why I was acting the way I did this morning…it wasn't you…I never had any intention…I pushed you to walk yesterday, or at least I didn't stop you when I should have…it's partly my fault…I'm sorry…I want to take care of you…I don't want you to go back…please forgive me…"
Vaughn didn't stop sobbing for quite some time…and Sydney didn't either. The water was getting cool and Sydney realized that wasn't a good thing.
She moved slightly and he grabbed on tighter. She gave his arm a reassuring squeeze and leaned them both forward so she could pull the drain and start adding warm water again. He grimaced when she moved him with her, but he wouldn't let go. She wondered if he really had hurt himself last night, but decided it could wait a little longer.
Once the water was warm again, she moved back to hold him and she lost track of the time.
Will knocked on the door and asked through it, "You guys ok?"
Vaughn jerked and Sydney held onto him even tighter than she had been, "We're fine Will…just relaxing…"
"Ok," he said and she heard his footsteps get fainter.
Vaughn moved away from her abruptly.
Sydney was concerned in an instant, "Vaughn? Are you ok?"
He shook his head no.
"What's wrong?"
"I…I think I'm gonna be sick…"
"Oh God…WILL!" Sydney screamed, haphazardly throwing a robe over herself just before Will entered, Francie not far behind.
"He's gonna get sick, we have to get him out of the tub!"
Will moved instantly, and he and Sydney moved Vaughn out of the tub and onto the floor, resting him next to the toilet. Sydney hastily threw towels around Vaughn. Will moved away slightly, unsure if he should stay or go, looking to Francie, but she shared his uncertain look.
Sydney didn't pay them any attention; she had more than enough to worry about with Vaughn. He sat there for a few minutes, just looking rather nauseous and Sydney wondered if maybe he'd be all right, that he wasn't going to get sick. A few seconds later though, he moved himself closer to the toilet and any questions she had were gone. When he sat back up, agony was written all over his face. She moved to support him, since the rib wrap and oxygen were in the other room, and tried to console him through the obvious pain that the bout of vomiting had caused. His left arm hung loosely at his side and the right was hugging his ribs. Sydney had a fleeting thought of more broken ribs due to stress from the vomiting, but when he started again, she decided that it should wait until later since there wasn't anything she could do to stop the heaving. She tried to ease some of the pain that the retching was causing, but there wasn't much she could do for that either. Vaughn was now singing a song of endless moans and groans, and they weren't music to Sydney's ears by any means. She realized that there was no way he could keep this up much longer especially not without the oxygen and the support the rib wrap provided.
"Will…we have to get him back to the bed…Francie, get a bucket or something, he can't stay here…"
Francie ran off to find a bucket and Will and Sydney tried to move Vaughn as gently as possible. Francie showed up with the bucket just as they were easing Vaughn into the bed, and it was just in the nick of time, because Vaughn had another vomiting bought right when she handed Sydney the bucket.
After that one, Sydney replaced the rib wrap quickly and dressed Vaughn's limp form so he was at least wearing something. Sydney took a moment after she was done to just look at Vaughn, his face was a horrid shade of white and he was sweating again, obviously in overexertion due to the continued vomiting. She smoothed his hair back and tried to get him to calm down, but she found it was rather futile, especially since Will and Francie seemed to be taking in the show. Vaughn was breathing laboriously and any pain medication that he had taken surely came back up. Suffering filled every pore of his face, and Sydney moved down to hold him in an effort to ease any of the pain that he was experiencing.
Will picked this moment to finally speak, "Syd…maybe we should call–"
She refused to let him finish, already feeling the tension rise even more in Vaughn's wilted form. He seemed unable to move, completely drained of any energy that was stored in his damaged body.
"Can you guys just leave us alone for awhile?" Sydney pleaded.
Will seemed reluctant to leave, but Francie finally pulled on his shirt to get him out of the room, and Sydney thanked her silently for that.
Once they were alone, Sydney moved up so she could see Vaughn's face. He hadn't gotten sick again and it seemed that some color had returned to his face. His eyes were distant and unfocused and he seemed extremely exhausted.
"I'm sorry Vaughn…this is all our fault." He didn't reply and that worried Sydney even more. However, he moved slightly and let out a groan of agony and Sydney realized that apologies would have to come later, because at the moment all that mattered was Vaughn's comfort.
She lay with him silently, just trying to give him some of her strength. He calmed a bit, and his breathing returned to a normal state. She could tell he was still in an immense amount of pain though…
"Vaughn?"
He didn't say anything, but he turned his gaze to her.
"I'm sorry."
He tried a weak smile.
"Are you ok?"
He nodded, "I…I think so," he said shakily.
She nodded, "Ok, don't freak out or anything, and it certainly doesn't have to be today, but eventually, Tom should come over to check you out…make sure that the fall last night and the subsequent events of this morning didn't hurt you more…"
Vaughn tensed at the sound of Tom's name.
"Easy…I'm not going to send you back…just relax…it's ok…but you should be looked at…just to be sure…you don't have to go back…"
Vaughn relaxed and seemed to settle into Sydney's arms. He didn't close his eyes or attempt to sleep, but Sydney figured the pain probably had a lot to do with that. She was just starting to relax herself when there was a soft knock at the door. Vaughn tensed, and Sydney cursed, knowing that the party on the other end was just concerned, but wishing they had better timing.
"Yeah…" she said somewhat irritated.
The door opened and Vaughn clutched Sydney as he broke into sobs again.
"Damnit! WILL!" Sydney shouted as the figure in the doorway froze. "Just get out for a minute!" Sydney yelled and the figure retreated back into the hall.
