Disclaimer: Don't own.
Title: Willow Waves
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing: Levi/Petra
UNEDITED UNEDITED UNEDITED
'Do you enjoy reading, or are you doing so simply because you are bored?' Petra asked one evening, finding Levi seated at the dining table with a book in hand.
'I used to enjoy reading,' he acknowledged neutrally. 'It has been years since I've picked up a book, however.'
'You are almost finished with it, I see,' she said, noting that he was near the end of the novel. 'My father's bookshelf in his room has many books. Something might peak your interest.'
'Thank you, Miss Petra.' Their eyes met, and Petra felt as though she was being absorbed, the grey hue drawing her in. Clearing her throat, she smiled. 'I'll make tea.'
He stood, 'I will help you.'
'No, please, no need. You read your book.' She urged, and he hesitated slightly. 'I'll be back shortly,' with a final smile she turned to the kitchen.
-X-
When she finally had the courage to ask, it escaped her as quickly as it came. 'What was your life like in France? Before you were...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked.'
Silence. 'I was a weapons master.' He said simply.
She had known as much. 'Like a blacksmith?'
He paused. 'Yes. But I wielded the weapons I made. I often protected those who paid for my services, and trained disciples.'
'You were a teacher then! Could you possibly teach me? To wield a musket perhaps,' she asked eagerly. However, his face tensed and immediately put an end to her bubbling excitement. 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked.'
'If it is what you desire, I will teach you, Miss Petra,' he replied, but the tension in his muscles hadn't relaxed.
'It is alright. I will not force you to teach me when you do not want to. But may I ask why?'
He was silent, and she watched him, ready to open her mouth and apologise once more for prodding him further. However, he spoke before she could. 'You need not know how to wield a weapon. It only brings heartache and pain,' he said quietly, voice a soft murmur. 'And I will protect you from danger, should the need arise. You do not have to worry.'
It was a silent promise, one that made her heart swell. 'Thank you. I...thank you.'
-X-
By the end of Levi's first year in the Ral household, Petra knew she had fallen deeply in love with him. Lemoi, old and emotionless he may be, but unloved, he was not. She awoke every morning with renewed energy, only increased further when she saw him at breakfast. They spent almost every waking moment together, and Petra never left the house without him by her side. The city folk soon knew to look for the other part of the pair should they spot one, for they were never far apart.
They often helped Mrs Ral prepare dinner together, did the laundry together, shared books they thought the other would be interested in. The thought of him leaving her in less than half a year caused her great grief, but she chastised herself for being upset at his freedom. It was his right, and it was only selfish of her to want him to stay with their family.
'You must be counting down the days,' she said cheerfully when they spoke of it.
'I am,' he agreed, drying the dishes she washed with a dry cloth, and although his emotions were never clear, she understood he did not seem particularly happy. Dismissing it as a figment of her hopeful imagination, she handed him the next plate. 'Do you have any plans? I imagine you have a future mapped out for yourself.'
'I do not know,' he admitted. 'Perhaps I will begin making weapons again, or protect those willing to hire me.'
Stay here, she wanted to say. 'Sounds wonderful,' she said.
-X-
The first person to find out her feelings for Levi had been the apothecary. She visited him with Levi one evening when her mother was suffering from a rash and sent them to the apothecary to purchase an ointment.
'You look at him the way I used to look at my wife in our youth,' he said when Levi had his back turned. Petra turned several shades of red.
'I do not understand,' she said meekly.
The apothecary smiled at her, as though sympathetic. 'It is best you forget your feelings for him, my dear. Those slaves, they are only human shells of what were once people. Levi is one of them, Petra. He is not like you and me, he has no humanity left in his soul. Don't look for it.'
She wanted to deny his observations, tell him he misunderstood, that she was only Levi's friend, and that he was not a slave but part of their family. And yet, the words died in her throat.
'Thank you,' she said when he prepared the ointment. As they left, she glanced at Levi, whose hand was steadily placed on his musket at his hip. His eyes stared straight ahead, mouth grim as it always was. She yearned to reach out and smooth out the lines around his lips, his eyes. Make him smile, laugh. If she lifted her hand, she would touch him, and yet, the distance between them felt so wide.
She stopped in her tracks, Levi halting also as soon as he noticed, several steps ahead of her.
'Is something the matter, Miss Petra?' He asked.
Everything. 'Levi, I—' A creak sounded above her, as though straining, and suddenly, Levi's eyes sharpened and he was pulling her against him so hard she tumbled into chest as he spun her around. A crash sounded, and when her eyes regained focus from the momentary shock, she realized the shattered wood over Levi's shoulder, where she had been standing only seconds ago.
'Good Lord! Are you alright, child?' A woman shrieked, approaching them with quick steps.
Shaken, Petra pulled away from his fierce grip, catching his eye for a moment, and what she saw shocked her more than the possibility of injury had. Fear. Raw, wild fear burning in Levi's eyes like a raging flame.
'I'm okay,' she responded shakily, unable to look away.
'That roof has been unstable for weeks! I told Mrs Jonson to have it fixed but she didn't listen!' the woman went on, attracting a larger crowd. 'You are lucky you haven't been harmed.'
'Indeed,' she said, her skin burning where Levi's hand was clutching her arm.
'Are you okay, Miss Petra?' he asked frantically, voice filled with more emotion than she had ever seen him express. Her blood hummed in her eyes, heart pounding in her chest as she clutched at his shirt. 'I am.'
-X-
Later that day, she couldn't help but notice how he seemed particularly tense in his movements, as though unable to move. 'Are you feeling alright?' She asked as they were preparing dinner.
'Yes, Miss Petra,' he replied, but when he turned his back, she didn't miss the faint streak of blood down his back.
That night, she came to his room with a healing ointment. 'Let me look at your back,' she said gently. 'The wood must have scraped it badly.'
He wanted to protest, she saw it in his eyes, but his submissive days had yet to be in the past, and so he removed his shirt. Seated on the bed, she tended to the wound, cleaning it and applying the ointment. It was not deep, but ran along his spine, which explained why he seemed to be in pain.
'You should have said earlier that you were injured,' she chastised, 'although I am at fault for not asking.' His skin was warm beneath her fingers as she gently smoothed the ointment on.
'I am only glad you were not harmed, Miss Petra.'
'I would rather be injured then you, Levi,' she confessed softly. His shoulders tensed, and she panicked, instantly regretting her words. But he did not move, so she finished her work and stood from the bed. 'Let the ointment dry a little before you put on a shirt. Try not to sleep on your back otherwise it will smudge.' She instructed.
She turned to go, but he said her name before she could reach the door. 'Before the incident today, you were about to say something,' he said.
In the dimly lit room, she prayed he could not see her blush. 'It does not matter.'
-X-
It was easy to pretend that Levi didn't have nightmares. Easy to forget. Mostly because his whimpers couldn't be heard from her room in the dead of the night, only audible when she is up to get a glass of water. She'd heard him scream once, back when he had first arrived, and she had been too caught up by fear to rush to his room. After that, he suffered from nightmares quietly, but it wasn't uncommon to sometimes hear him moan incorrigible words on her way passed his room. It made her heart ache, to know there was nothing to do for him, nothing she can do, except listen and hope he awoke soon. She often wondered what it was he dreamed about, but she imagined it was his time as a Lemoi, the period in which he was stripped of his freedom, drugged, tortured, made into something not completely whole. But she didn't think of such thoughts during the day. Only at night, when she can hear his cries, moans and whimpers that sounded like a result of pain and rough treatment, she wanted to sob. The next day, she gave no indication that she heard him, and they went about their lives. It was why it was easy to forget, to pretend.
But it was one night, when she woke up feeling thirsty, that she saw him, squatting in the corner of her room, a tortured expression painting his features as he stared at the floor. Her heart sped up, thumping against her ribcage like a bird trying to escape.
'Levi?' she voiced, sounding scratchy from sleep.
He looked up, dazed, eyes glassy. 'Miss Petra,' he acknowledged tiredly.
'What are you doing here at this time? Did something happen?' she asked softly, sitting up and pushing the covers aside.
'I,' he swallowed, closing his eyes. 'I didn't mean to frighten you.' He ended lamely, sounding half hearted.
'Is everything okay?' she stood up, padding softly towards him and kneeling in front of his form. 'Look at me,' she murmured, taking his hand that was cradling his head into her own. His eyes opened, stormy grey orbs finding mine. 'Tell me what happened.'
'I,' his tongue darted out, staining his dried lips. 'I had a nightmare. I just needed to make sure you were safe.'
A nightmare? Of her?
'I'm safe,' she confirmed. 'Remember? I'm safe because you'll protect me. You promised.'
He squeezed her hand softly, and he released a sigh of defeat. 'I did.'
'How long have you been in here?'
He hesitated. 'I'm not sure. It feels as though it's been hours.'
She reached out somewhat reluctantly, letting go of his hand to wrap her arms around his shoulders and pull him towards her. He stumbled forward onto his knees, unresponsive for a heart-stopping moment that made her regret ever touching him. But before she knew it, his arms were coming around to tighten across her back. She could feel his heart, beating like a drum, and she knew he could feel hers. It seemed to calm him, as his shoulders lost their tension.
'You'll protect me,' she reminded. 'And I'll protect you.'
That night, she pulled him into her bed, no matter how inappropriate it would be for her to do so. She tightened her arms around him and he fell asleep against her chest, comforted she knew, from the sound of her heart beating. For the rest of the night, he didn't appear to have any nightmares, and by the next morning he wasn't there when she awoke.
It was meant to be a onetime comfort that she offered him, but that night set itself as a precedent for the future, and every time he had a nightmare, he came to her room in the dead of the night, lightly touching her hand, her face, her hair, until she awoke, sleepily pulling him in beside her and throwing the covers over them and comforting him until he fell back to sleep.
'When you come to me, is it only when I'm in your nightmares?' she asked quietly one night, her hand caressing his hair soothingly as he lay against her.
'At times,' he confirmed softly. 'I need to know you are alive. That you haven't been killed or tortured. That no one stole you from your family to turn you into a Lemoi,' his voice wavered. It was illogical on many levels, beginning with the fact that Lemois were French slaves, and nobody would steal a merchant's daughter, but logic didn't matter when a person's truest fears flash before their very eyes every night.
'Just from my family?' she asked.
His grip on her hip tightened. 'From me.'
In a spur of bravery, she pressed her lips against his forehead in a chaste kiss, and she felt his lids close in response, eyelashes fluttering against her neck.
She wanted to tell him she would go nowhere without him, that she needed to be with him to know that he was safe as well, but it would be all for naught. There was only a month left of his time as a Lemoi, when he would be free to leave her and her family, this town and this country. He could go back to France, back home where he truly belonged, and she wouldn't be able to utter a word. So instead, she said nothing.
-X-
She didn't realise that the time had come until his final night, or rather, refused to think about it. Her family had never spoken to Levi about what would happen after, but tonight, her father did. They were having dinner, in silence for the first time in months when he cleared his throat.
'Now Levi,' he began, looking him firmly in the eye. Levi returned his gaze. 'This is possibly the last dinner we will have together, but it does not have to be. You know that we see you as a son, don't you? You are in free liberty to leave after tomorrow, but we just wanted you to know that you do not have to.' He glanced towards me. 'I am sure Petra feels the same as we do.' Her mother smiled at Levi warmly.
Levi looked, as he did these days without looking emotionless, calm, and he put his spoon down. 'Thank you Mr Ral. I cannot thank you enough for taking me in and treating me as your own, nor can I ever repay you for the kindness you have shown me. But I do not want to intrude any longer in your home.'
'Intrusion? You do no such thing. It has been our greatest pleasure to host for you,' he paused, 'we cannot stop you from leaving, but you must know that this will always be your home, and our door will always be open to you.'
Levi nodded. 'Thank you, Mr and Mrs Ral.'
No one added anything else, and the topic closed itself. Later, Levi and her father locked themselves into the study, presumably because Levi had something he wanted to say. She didn't eavesdrop as she usually would, nor did she care, because the day had exhausted her ability to do so.
For the rest of the night, Petra remained silent, refusing to think of it as Levi's last as it brought too much pain. Later, when she couldn't sleep, tossing and turning until she turned her bed into ruins, she left her room and approached Levi's. Her hands shook as she opened his bedroom door, and closed it softly behind her. The floor creaked no matter how softly she treaded to his bed, where his eyes opened immediately, as though sensing her presence. There was only a moment's pause between them before he shifted slightly, opening the covers for her. She slid in beside him, relishing in being surrounded by his scent. His arm and the cover closed around her and she leaned into his chest.
'So you are leaving,' she murmured against his skin. He shivered, and she wanted to believe it wasn't the cold that made him so.
'I do not have a choice,' he replied.
'But you do. You can stay here. You can,' her voice caught. You can stay with me. 'Where will you go?'
'I wish to go to London. Mr Ral spoke of a blacksmith who will be willing to accept me into his practise. I will start from there.'
'What of France?' She asked.
He stiffened slightly. 'I don't have a life in France anymore. If I return, I won't remember my old life. Only what I suffered after I was captured.'
I nodded, understanding. 'London is as good a place as any to start,' I said, attempting to be light but only sounding strained. 'Don't forget me, Levi.' I whispered. 'I know I won't forget you.'
His arms tightened. 'I can't forget you, Miss Petra.'
When she awoke the next day, she was in her own bed, and Levi had already left, the only proof of his previous presence in the house being his room, and a letter he left on her bedside.
Miss Petra,
You might believe it is cowardly that I left without a goodbye, and perhaps it is, but I never did accept that I was a cowardly man, and so I leave you this letter in hope that it would ease your pain as it has eased mine. I will be back, Miss Petra, and this is my promise to you as it was to protect you. I thank your family for your hospitality, and while it has never been my wish to leave your side, instead, it has been that I serve you until my last breath; my departure is for the best.
There are no words to encompass how grateful I am to you, and there will never be enough that I can do to repay what you have given me. My time as a Lemoi is one that I've never spoken of, not out of lack of wanting to, but out of humiliation. The degradation of my existence, while it has broken me, has brought me to you. They've broken my body, but my spirit remains whole, and that is what you have given me.
Upon my rrturn, it would be my greatest fear to see you marry another man, but I cannot stop you, and should you take upon yourself such a decision, I will support you wholeheartedly, and serve you until you wish me to no longer do so.
I never thought I would be able to feel again, and yet, it is what my time with you has given me. I love you, Miss Petra, and while I do not expect you to feel the same, it is your right to know the extent of my feelings for you. I beg your forgiveness for the lack of structure in this poor excuse of a letter, but perhaps I have been able to relay what I wanted to. If not, I promise to show you, when I return. This isn't goodbye.
Yours truly,
Levi
-X-
Much like his letter, Petra's life no longer had any rhythm once Levi left. It was difficult to leave the house, play with Bessie, go to the market without him, but after many months of trying to piece her heart back together with the hope of his return, she managed to return to her old self. Her father reassured her he'd return soon, which was comforting during the first four months, but when four months turned into five months and five turned into eleven, and before she knew it she had turned twenty, with no prospects of marriage because everyone knew she was waiting for Levi to come back.
In a way, she knew it was for the best, not for her, but for him. It was time for him to find his own two feet and settle back into a life of independence where he didn't need others to support him through the trauma he'd been through. It was her greatest fear to confess so, but she prayed he didn't find another woman who could replace her. One that made him realise his feelings weren't love, but gratefulness that had been blinded by the hope for love that she exuded. This way, if — when— he returned, she would know for sure that their feelings were real, their love wasn't a mistake.
He sent no letters, and all she had to trust in was blind faith, until the fateful day she had come home from the market with a basketful of groceries. 'I'm home,' she called into the house, distracted as she made her way into the kitchen. When she heard no response, she went into the living room, ready to ask her mother why she wasn't replying when she saw him.
'Levi,' she breathed, frozen to where she stood as she absorbed the image before her. Levi, dressed formally, sitting across her father. Her father smiled at her, 'say hello to our guest.'
Levi looked...so different. His face was as stoic as it had always been, but there was a hope in his eyes that she knew was reflected in her own. And nerves. He was nervous. Before she knew what she was doing, she launched herself forward and he stood up to pull her into his arms, embracing her as tightly as he could. His scent filled her nose, and her eyes were stinging because it was so familiar and she missed him so much.
She could hear her parents quietly leave the room, and she should've pulled back and apologised for behaving so inappropriately in front of them, but somehow she knew it was okay.
'I missed you so much,' she gasped against his neck, and he sighed. 'As did I.'
Pulling back, she looked into his eyes, where the previous nerves had transformed into untamed happiness. 'I love you,' she confessed through the blur of her tears. 'It's been so long but I love you as much as I did the night you left. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm so sorry,' he pulled her back into him, arms wrapping around her torso as though afraid she would disappear if he let go.
'I came back for you,' he said, voice rough with emotion.
'Are you here to stay?' she asked wildly, 'tell me you're here to stay. Don't leave again.'
'I'm not here to stay,' he said, and she felt her fear creep back into her, and she held onto him tightly. 'I'm here to take you with me.'
Later, when she was calm and the euphoria of the moment had passed, they sat with her parents, and Levi asked for her hand in marriage. He explained that the night he left, he had asked her father for his blessings, and promised to return when he was financially able to provide for her.
'And I agreed. The best son in law is the one that makes my daughter happy. If you wish to marry Levi, my dear Petra, I give you my blessings.'
She accepted without hesitation and they celebrated the engagement, just between themselves.
-X-
Later at night, she crawled into his bed where they held each other until the sun dawned.
'Why didn't you ever write to me?' She whispered.
'I feared that any news from you will make me come back prematurely. I wanted to be ready to be your husband, and I couldn't do that until very recently. I had nothing to give you.'
'I just wanted you,' she confessed. 'But what did you do there?'
He explained his time in London, how the blacksmith her father recommended to him accepted him and helped him earn enough money until he could begin his own business where he made weapons. French weaponry that couldn't be found here. It was a slow start but it steadily grew until he had made a decent income. He trained apprentices for almost seven months before he deemed them ready to handle the business while he had come to ask for her hand in marriage.
'It sounds wonderful,' Petra murmured.
'It is. I wanted to open a branch in this town, to be close to you and your family but it will make no profit since weapons here are not in demand. That is why I will take you to London. If it is what you want.' He sounded reluctant.
'Anywhere with you is where I want,' she grinned, and he leaned forward to kiss her nose, a silly yet the most intimate gesture he'd ever initiated. It left her breathless, and she pressed her lips against his. He responded softly, and then hungrily, until they were clinging to each other like the other was their lifeline. When they pulled apart for air, he kissed her cheek and they settled back against the pillows.
'I believed you would come back, but sometimes it was hard,' she admitted. 'I thought you'd find someone else, or you'd realise that I wasn't worth it.'
'I realised no such thing. You have been the greatest gift God has ever given me, Petra Ral.' It was the first time he called her by full name, with no 'Miss' attached to it to suggest distance. 'I love you.'
'And I love you,' she smiled.
They spoke of his nightmares. While in London, they had been mostly of her, less of his time as a Lemoi, and he confessed to not knowing which was worse. 'Only the hope of coming back to you made me go forward. Your father had given his blessings before I left, and the only obstacle standing between us was myself. I'm sorry, Petra. I hope you can forgive me.'
'I've forgiven you long ago. I know you needed to find your own path, needed to begin a new life without us. Without me. It was truly for the best, and I believe that.' Her understanding seemed to have touched him, and he kissed her again.
'We'll visit often. So we can see your family.' He assured.
'That's all I need.'
It was hard to believe that not a day ago she was a single, lovestruck young woman who only believed in a promise. Not when she was laying here with the man who was so broken, and yet made her so whole. Their future lay ahead, somewhere far away and foreign, but it was okay, because she had never felt so content.
Done. A two week project turned into several months worth, and I'm so sorry. Exams and school and certain family situations have gotten in the way of my writing. But I hope I've delivered
Thank you to everyone whose reviewed and favourited, and hopefully you'll let me know you're thoughts!
Love you guysss
xxxx
