Chapter 60: Communiqué
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." – Cherie Carter-Scott
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." – Mahatma Gandhi
"Life is a long lesson in humility." – James M. Barrie
"How are you doing?" Sydney asked Vaughn as she made her way back to the bed.
He smiled weakly, "I'm alright..."
She sat down, "Are you really?"
"Yeah, I'm really tired..."
"Are you hungry? You need to take your pills again, and you should eat something with them..."
"Not really, but I'll eat something..."
"Ok...just sit tight, I'll be back in a few minutes."
"I wasn't planning on going anywhere..."
She smiled sadly and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before leaving the room.
She glanced in the living room on her way to the kitchen. Will and Francie were sitting on the couch, the TV was off, and they quieted down when they knew she was there. They both sat on the couch unsure of what to do or say, so they decided to let Sydney take the lead.
Sydney meanwhile was deciding on something for Vaughn to eat and getting his pain medication ready. She looked briefly out towards the couple and debated whether she really wanted to get into this now, with Vaughn waiting for her. However, waiting would only make things more awkward living in the same house.
"Will?" Sydney said quietly.
He and Francie both walked into the kitchen. Will's eyes were downcast and Francie just seemed extremely uncomfortable.
Francie finally said, "I think I'll leave you two to work this out...I'll be in the bedroom..." she walked off without waiting for a reply from either Will or Sydney.
After Francie left Sydney figured Will was just waiting for her to start, "I'm sorry I hit you..."
Will met her eyes but didn't say anything.
"I'm still angry at you...I stand by what I said before...I don't think you had any right to call Tom over my head especially after I told you that I didn't want you to. And I'm offended that you thought I would jeopardize Vaughn's health. If something was really wrong or I knew that I couldn't handle it, I would call myself. That said...you were only concerned about Vaughn and I should feel flattered that you care that much about the man I love. You've been nothing but supportive and caring and helpful up to this point, so thank you for that," she paused gathering the rest of her thoughts, "We are both to blame here, and Tom was completely right when he said that a lack of communication was responsible. I didn't communicate well enough...and I'm sorry."
Sydney looked up at Will again letting him know that she was finished.
Then Will began, "I'm sorry too...while it's nice of you to say that we've been helpful and all that, I should have trusted you enough to know that you had it under control...you take wonderful care of him, and I'm sorry I went over your head...I totally overstepped my bounds. And I didn't handle the whole tub scene well at all. While I've had time to think about it, I gave Vaughn every indication that you were sending him back to the hospital...so we're agreed when it comes to responsibility." He stopped and then looked at her seriously, "Do you forgive me?"
"For my part, yes...for Vaughn's part, that's an entirely different matter...do you forgive me?"
Will smiled, "Of course," he pulled her into a hug.
"Is your face ok?" Sydney asked delicately.
Will smiled touching his cheek, "Yeah...you sure know how to arm a slap...seriously, I would never want to cross you if you were extremely angry. It's like the Hulk...so mild mannered and unassuming and then BAM! you're on your ass cause the big green monster came out to play."
Sydney chuckled, "I'm sorry..."
"Nah, I deserved it..." Will smiled, hugging her again.
"Will?"
"Yeah?"
"Can we try to communicate better?"
"Yeah, we won't try, we will..."
"Will?"
"Yeah?"
"Before I totally, positively forgive you..."
Will looked alarmed, "What?"
"I think you should apologize to Vaughn..."
"I will...is he ok for me to do it now?"
"I think so..." she said moving towards the door.
"No...can I go in alone?"
Sydney looked at him unsure, "I don't know if that's such a good idea..."
Will looked at her imploringly, "Please? I'll be super nice, and I won't make him think that you're making him go back to the hospital."
"Well...alright...I guess...but I'm not too comfortable with it either...he's really kind of...jumpy right now...he's dealt with a lot in such a short span of time..."
"I think it'll be ok..."
Sydney nodded and Will pushed the door open. She went back to the kitchen to finish preparing something for Vaughn and then waited. She only hoped that behind the door chaos was not going to break out again.
Vaughn wasn't expecting Will to come through the door, and he tensed when it wasn't Sydney. Will moved slowly, trying to be unassuming.
He smiled at Vaughn, "Is it ok if I sit?"
"Uh...yeah...where's Sydney?"
Will smiled again, "She's in the kitchen, I'm not here to freak you out again..."
Vaughn managed a weak smile.
"I owe you an apology Mike."
Vaughn looked over at him again.
"I called Tom...Sydney never had any intention of sending you back to the hospital and I did a piss poor job of letting you know that when we were in the bathroom. Everything that happened because of that was partly my fault, and I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to scare you or anything and I'm extremely sorry that I didn't trust Sydney enough to know that she'd never do or not do anything if it was going to cause you harm. I really hope that I didn't really screw up with you now...cause I value what you mean to Sydney and the friend you're rapidly becoming for me too..."
Vaughn looked slightly shocked, "Rest assured, you're allowed mistakes...and I want you to know that even though at the time Tom's presence totally screwed with me, it's nice to know that you care so much to call him when you think I'm in trouble...that took guts..."
Will smiled.
"Did Sydney hit you?"
"Uh, yeah, she slapped me..." he said slightly embarrassed, "but in all honesty, I don't blame her..."
Vaughn smiled too, "That's my Sydney."
"Yup..." He shifted uneasily, "Uh...since there isn't anyone else in the room to get the wrong impression, would it be copasetic if I gave you a strictly guy-friend hug?"
Vaughn managed a wide smile, "Yeah, that'd be just fine...I'm secure in my masculinity."
Will laughed and leaned down to give Vaughn a gentle hug.
Once they parted, Will said, "Well...Sydney's done making you something to eat I'm sure, and she's probably like standing with her ear to the door making sure I'm not scaring the shit out of you again, so I'll leave you guys to it."
"Actually Will, can you ask her to come in here...you stay too..."
"Uh...yeah," Will said unsurely, but he went out into the kitchen. "Syd?"
"Yeah? Is everything ok?"
"Yeah...we're good, but he wants us both to come in there..."
"Why?"
"No idea," Will said honestly.
"Ok." Sydney said and followed Will back into the bedroom. She looked to Vaughn, "Everything ok?" she asked reassuring herself.
"Everything's ok...I want you both to know that while you blame yourself, a lot of what happened is just because I'm extremely disgruntled."
"Vaughn!" Sydney said.
"No, let me explain, I'm not dissing myself here...seriously, if I was just normal, old, three-months-ago Michael, this wouldn't have happened. My emotional state is variable, so things that are completely trivial aren't to me sometimes anymore. And that's not your fault."
"But it's not your fault either," Sydney pointed out.
"No...but the way I react to things now is different..."
Sydney and Will exchanged worried glances.
"You don't need to apologize for your reactions Vaughn. Given the circumstances, they were quite appropriate. Where are you going with this?"
"I have no idea, I just don't want me to come between you two."
Sydney's face went from contorted worry to compassion, "Oh sweetie...God, don't even think that."
Will echoed, "No...it's not you, man."
Vaughn held up his hand, "If I wouldn't be here, you two wouldn't have ever had this happen..."
Will fielded this one, "Mike, it would have come up eventually. What happened between Syd and I really had nothing to do with you..."
Vaughn smiled, "If you say so, but don't let me get in the way..."
"You don't honey," Sydney said sitting on the bed.
"Really, Mike you don't," Will added.
Vaughn smiled a small smile, looking down at the comforter on the bed, "It's just...well...life would be a lot easier for everybody if I wasn't here..."
"Vaughn...how can you say that? None of us think that..." Vaughn didn't look up at Sydney.
She glanced at Will and he added, "Mike, you don't make things harder or anything...we all love having you here..." but that didn't get a response out of Vaughn either.
Will looked at Vaughn staring at the comforter and then yelled, "FRANCIE!" making both Sydney and Vaughn jump.
She ran into the room, with a look of confusion and fear on her face, "What? What's going on?" she said.
"Mike thinks everything would be easier if he wasn't around..."
"What!" she said exasperatedly, "Michael, how can you say that? We love having you here...you're just one of the family now...I for one love having someone here...so I'm not bothered with Will all the time..."
"Hey!" Will said a moment later after punching in.
That made Vaughn smile, but it was only a small one, "Maybe...maybe..."
"What honey?" Sydney urged.
Vaughn took a deep breath, and struggled to get his thought across, "Maybe it would be better for everyone if I wasn't...here...if...if I went...back..." he picked at a loose string on the comforter, a feeling of uneasiness and fear rising in him. What would I do if they actually agreed, he thought...
Sydney didn't know what to say, "Vaughn...I don't understand...do you want to go back now?"
Vaughn didn't answer at first, "I just don't want to be a burden, and I don't want to cause rifts between friends either...I don't do anything here...everyone else does all the work, plus take care of me...I just...maybe it would be better..." he couldn't finish the rest...he couldn't bring himself to say where they should take him back to...
Sydney's brow furrowed and she let out a sigh, "See...this is what we did...we've made you question everything...made you feel like you're a lot of trouble to take care of or that you don't belong here...this is what I meant...this shouldn't have happened Vaughn...you shouldn't have to feel this way."
Francie added, "You're totally welcome here, and I don't think of you as a burden. I enjoy helping out and you're not hard to take care of either."
"I love having another guy in the house, it's great not to be outnumbered, and I don't mind helping out either...I like having you around..." Will said.
Francie continued, "Michael, you make Sydney happy, you bring your personality to the house...it's great having that here...I don't want you to go back."
"Me either," Will echoed.
"And I certainly don't..." Sydney finished.
Vaughn was still focusing on the comforter. Sydney reached out and grabbed his chin, forcing him to make eye contact with her, "I want you to stay...stay and make us all happy...you're not a burden...I want to take care of you, I don't want anyone else doing it, I don't trust anyone else to do it. I'm completely capable and actually, I won't let you go, so...there..."
Vaughn was teary, but he smiled for her. She leaned down and kissed him and then hugged him too. Before either one of them knew it, Will and Francie had joined in the hug as well. It was one big pile up on the bed.
Once they all moved off, Will asked, "So...you'll stay then?"
Vaughn didn't think he could really form words at the moment, but he nodded. They all launched themselves at him again, smothering him with affection.
Once they parted again, Vaughn managed, "Jesus, if I'd known you'd shower me with that much love, I would have suggested I leave sooner."
Sydney hit him gently on the arm, "Your food is probably so cold," she realized, "and you totally need to take your pills."
Francie offered, "I'll make him something, you guys chill here." She ran off to whip something up, leaving the other three occupants in a somewhat awkward-affectionate stance.
She came back in with a world-class meal and his pills in hand. Sydney took her place on the bed next to him and Will and Francie sat on the foot of the bed.
It seemed that all was well again in their household; they had weathered another storm – together...
