A/N; Now I feel very proud for my updates lately, I give credit to world championship in hockey though, games are fun but also very good to write while watching, lol. Anyway you don't care about my writing habits so on to the chapter.

I have also recently been told that maybe I should get a Beta so if you feel like you want to help me on that apartment let me know. It would basically mean reading my chapters before I post and help me with spelling and other wrongs I might do…and of course that gives you first dibs on reading the new chapters…

So….on with the story…

11. Stumbling on

Breathing.

In and out, In and out.

Slow yet affective ways to know you are still alive. Just one breath after another, feeling the air filling her lungs and knowing she was still there. She had been sitting for so long she couldn't feel the hard floor under her anymore and the roughness of the wall against her back seemed to be just an extension of her body. The tears had long ago subsided, leaving only small thin streaks alongside her cheeks.

Her hands were no longer clutched in fists and her earlier shallow breaths had turned deeper and calmer. Her heart no longer racing…but she still felt it.

The problem was that she didn't know what 'it' was…

Lily was sitting in the platform on the third floor next to the stairs…

--

"Dr. Karev" Derek hurried out of his office just in time to catch Alex by the nurses station. "You're making a big mistake right now. I understand that you think you have to do this but you don't."

"If my choice is to betray a trust or keep my job I am all for giving up the latter" Alex stated and gave the older man a confident look.

"You're giving up your career here" Derek said. "You do realize that, right?"

Alex paused for a moment and glanced up at the man he had once not only seen as a mentor but also a friend. But he saw nothing of that now, in that moment all he saw was his boss trying to save his ass…only he did not need to be saved. "I know" Alex said and turned around, heading towards the elevators with slow steps.

"Alex!" Derek called but the younger of the two didn't answer, he simply walked into the elevator and disappeared out of sight as the doors closed.

Alex leaned against the back of the elevator and closed his eyes, fighting back the urge to slam his fist into the wall beside him. An urge that was still quite there as the elevator stopped and the doors once again opened, this time letting on the two last people he wanted to see.

"Hi Alex" Izzie said happily before she pressed the number five on the panel beside her.

"How are you feeling? Beaten down any other guys lately?" Meredith was trying to make it sound funny but he could hear the undertone in it.

"Would you please just back off" He mumbled quietly and glanced up to see how far he had to go – still only on the third floor, he couldn't help but let out a sigh.

"You know Alex an explanation would be good" this time Meredith felt the need to turn around and actually look at him as she spoke. "You were never the one to just beat someone up, there has to be some kind of story to it."

"Can't I just be the guy who beat someone up and got suspended?" Alex shot back just as the small bell signaled them hitting floor four and the doors opened. He pushed his way past her and Izzie.

"Wait you got suspended?" Izzie shot out an arm to make sure the doors stayed open.

"Why do you care?" Alex shot her a quick look before he turned the corner heading away from them.

"Something's definitely up" Meredith said once Izzie let the doors close.

"Yes but what?" the blonde leaned against the wall and watched her friend think.

"We need to figure it out" Meredith stated. "We should ask Christina."

"Why, you don't think we can figure it out ourselves…?" Izzie started but as she heard herself talk she stopped. "You're right, we need Christina…"

"For things like this we always need Christina" Meredith nodded…

--

When Addison woke up she was alone. She hadn't really expected Ben to be there, sure she had the fear he might but the real fear was that Lily was not in her room. She tried to use her hands to get herself up but failed miserably as a wave of pain shot through her body. She gave up and instead reached for the tiny control panel on her side and by that managed to move the top of her bed up until she was sort of sitting up.

She was just about to buzz for someone when the doors opened and Derek walked in, wearing a face that showed her just how much it pained him to be there.

"Addie…what are you doing here?" he walked past the chair and sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Oh you know, every doctor should do some patient research" she tried to laugh but was cut short as it only brought on more pain in her chest.

"You're not joking this away" Derek stated firmly. "Now who did this to you, and don't even pretend this is caused by a staircase or a damn door" his voice rose more for every word.

"Okay" she took a breath as deep as she could. "I was walking home from the grocery store and like always my keys were in the bottom of the bag, you know how those things always seem to hide from me" she gave him a weak smile. "And well this guy asked if I could tell him the time, he had snuck up on me from out of nowhere and yes I know, I should have hit him and run, right" she added.

"Oh Addie…why didn't you say something" Derek could feel his through go dry, sure it had been a long time but she was still family to him and anyone hurting her was on his list to hurt back.

"I didn't really get a chance" she answered. "Now how bad is it, when can I get back to work?" she nodded towards the chart in his hands, the one with her name on it.

"This…" Derek opened it and let his eyes go over it. "You were lucky, Addie."

"Lucky as in I can go home with a bottle of aspirin or lucky as in I can go home at all?" he let her blue eyes meet his, not trusting his words as much as the look on his face. The face that right now didn't tell her much so she reached out and grabbed the chart.

"You can't read your own chart" he exclaimed but she just held up a hand as to tell him to shut up.

"…that bastard…" she mumbled as she read just what he had done to her. "He punctured my lung and broke two ribs…"

"You'll be fine" Derek assured her. "Only mild injuries, except for that concussion which is the major reason why I want to keep you here a while longer… oh and Callie will be back later to get change the bandages on that wrist of yours…"

"Thank you" she handed the chart back to him. "Oh by the way, have you seen Lily anywhere?" she added once he rose from the bed.

"Last time I saw her one of the nurses took her to get some breakfast" Derek answered. "She should be back soon."

"Thanks again" Addison said but to her surprise he stopped in the doorway and turned around. "Does Alex know anything about this?" he asked.

She could feel her heart do a double take but she tried to keep a straight face. "No why?"

"I just thought…" Derek ran a hand through his hair. "He flipped out earlier, I just hoped there was a reason…" he let out a sigh. "…I guess I just want a reason why I shouldn't let him quit…"

"Quit?" Addison asked confused. "Why would he quit?"

"Never mind, I shouldn't be telling you this" Derek replied. "I will be back to check on you later" he gave her a smile before he escaped from the room, leaving a very confused Addison behind wondering what on earth she had put Alex into…

--

Breathing.

In and out, In and out.

Slow yet affective ways to know you are still alive. Just one breath after another, feeling the air filling his lungs and knowing he was still there. The floor underneath him was starting to numb away and his back hardly ached anymore from the contact with the wall behind him. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there anymore. All he knew was his thoughts…

He was trapped in a corner with no way out, it was as if changes kept happening out of his control and he just desperately needed for the world to slow down – for him to catch up. But there was something else in there as well, a feeling of warmth that he had not felt in a very long time…and it scared the hell out of him…

His hands were no longer clutched in fists and his earlier shallow breaths had turned deeper and calmer. His heart no longer racing…but he still felt it.

The problem was that she didn't know what 'it' was…

Alex was sitting in the platform on the fifth floor next to the stairs…

--

But since you've been gone. I can't breathe for the first time, stumbling on