Chapter 72: Elevator Chatter

"Said a philosopher to a street sweeper, 'I pity you. Yours is a hard and dirty task.' And the street sweeper said, 'Thank you, sir. But tell me what is your task?' And the philosopher answered saying, 'I study man's mind, his deeds and his desires.' Then the street sweeper went on with his sweeping and said with a smile, 'I pity you too.'" – Kahlil Gibran

"The mainspring of creativity appears to be the same tendency which we discover so deeply as the curative force in psychotherapy, man's tendency to actualize himself, to become his potentialities. By this I mean the organic and human life, the urge to expand, extend, develop, mature - the tendency to express and activate all the capacities of the organism, or the self." – Carl Rogers


"That's ok…I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing," Sydney said, closing the file folder.

"How is everything going?"

"It's going well actually…we have bumps in the road of course, but…overall, I think it's going quite well."

"I thought it would…and you? How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Sydney said quickly.

Dr. Barnett smiled knowingly, "Hmm…"

"What?" Sydney asked.

"Do you have a few minutes?"

"Uh…well…"

"I would really like to figure out a time when it would be suitable for me to see Agent Vaughn."

"Oh, yeah…sure…I've got a few minutes for that."

They waited in silence for the elevator to reach Dr. Barnett's floor and then they got out of the elevator. Sydney followed her to her office.

Sydney sat down in the chair across from Dr. Barnett's desk as she got out her appointment book to write down the time.

"So…what day would work best for you?" she asked looking over to Sydney.

"Well…any day really…we're always home, so any day would work…"

"How about sometime later this week…how does Friday sound?"

Sydney thought a moment about a date that near, it was Wednesday already, "Well…yeah…I guess that would work…does it have to be this week?"

Dr. Barnett looked over at her, "Well, no…is there something I should know about?"

Sydney tried to chose her words carefully, "No, it's just this has been a hard week for Vaughn."

"Why?"

"Well…it started off good, but it went down hill from there…he had a small set back, overdid it…got sick…"

"Oh…"

"It wasn't anything terribly bad…" Sydney said backpedaling.

"What happened exactly?"

Sydney sighed, "Well…he overdid it one day and that night he got a fever. He was pretty delirious for that night. He had a nightmare…and actually he fell out of the bed…"

Dr. Barnett raised her eyebrows, "I see…so it was physically taxing on him then?"

Sydney smiled; she knew what Barnett was trying to get her to say, "Look, he had a bad night and a subsequent bad morning. We made a mistake, and yes, it was physically taxing on him, but it was emotionally as well."

"I thought as much."

"So, what…is one mistake really that important to you?"

"One mistake can make all the difference Sydney, especially with someone in such a delicate state."

"What do you mean delicate state?"

"He's physically and emotionally injured Sydney…you of all people should know what emotional torment can do to a person."

"Vaughn is fine…" Sydney said, but even she didn't think she sounded very convincing.

"I'm sure he is…I don't mean to scare you…he's not on the verge of a breakdown or anything, is he?"

There was a pause, "No," Sydney said.

Barnett raised her head further, waiting for Sydney to continue.

She looked away, out the window, "I might as well just tell you what happened then…"

Barnett nodded.

"As I said, he overdid it, got a fever, had a nightmare and then fell out of bed. In the morning, he didn't really remember anything…I was scared, I thought of calling the doctor, but it wasn't because I couldn't handle it or anything. I just got scared…but I didn't handle it well at all, and Vaughn knew something was wrong. Since he didn't remember anything, it didn't help matters. I gave him a bath, and he knew I was holding something back, so I went out in the hall to compose myself enough to go back in there and tell him. In the meantime, my friend Will went in there and said he'd talk to Vaughn. Well…we didn't communicate well at all, and Vaughn was pretty much convinced that I was calling the doctor and he was going back to the hospital…" she stopped, talking a deep breath, "he basically had kind of a breakdown in the bathtub. He was totally terrified of going back, but he didn't want to hurt me or anything, so he was totally gonna do it. Once I had him calmed down, he had himself so worked up that he started vomiting and Will was worried, so he called the doctor. I just had Vaughn calmed down when the doctor walked in the door and we basically went through it all again…"

Sydney stopped, waiting for a reply from Barnett, but she just looked at her pensively from across the desk.

"Vaughn and I are totally ok though…and the doctor was ok to leave him there…he didn't like make him go back or anything…"

Dr. Barnett said nothing as she studied Sydney from across the plane of the mahogany desk.

Finally, Sydney couldn't take anymore, "Could you say something? Because I was just totally honest there, and now I'm starting to think that maybe I shouldn't have been…because I did it so that Vaughn could stay, not vice versa."

Barnett smiled, "I have no intention of pulling him out of your house Sydney."

She breathed a sigh of relief.

"I do want to start seeing him though…the nightmares are probable and understandable, but he needs to start working through this…"

"He talks to me…"

"I know that, and that's wonderful, but you are not a trained professional, and he needs that too…I'm not undermining your role, Sydney, I don't think Vaughn would have come this far without you…but he still needs to have professional help."

Sydney nodded.

"Now…how are you handling all of this?"

"I'm fine…I'm not the one who was tortured…"

"No, but you get to live it through him…so…let's try again…how are you handling all of this?"

Sydney sighed, "I don't know…I think I'm handling it fine. I don't have nightmares or anything. I don't think about it a lot. I'm usually focused on Vaughn, so I don't think it affects me in the same way."

"Well, no I'm sure it doesn't, but I'm sure it affects you in some way."

"Of course…"

"How so?"

Sydney sighed again, "Um…it bothers me to see him like this. He's always been my rock, you know? And I'm glad that I can be that for him too, and it's not that he's not for me anymore…it's just a different time now."

"Mmm hmm…"

"When I sit and really think about it, it makes me furious."

"What does?"

"That he was tortured…that they did it to him…that he did it to Vaughn."

"Sloane?"

Sydney winced at the name; it was like acid to her ears, "Yes," she said through clenched teeth.

"I was at the gym today, and I almost broke the punching bag imaging that it was him instead of the bag."

"You were that angry?"

"Yes."

"Have you had an outlet for the anger before today?"

Sydney thought a moment, "Well…no, I guess not."

"Then I think that's more than understandable. You're not going around hitting pillows every chance you get are you?"

"No, of course not."

Barnett smiled, "Then I think it's completely normal…you've been so focused on Vaughn, you really didn't deal with your own feelings on the subject until today."

"Yeah…I guess so…" Sydney paused, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"I was thinking about this before at the gym. If I've been concealing my anger, couldn't Vaughn be doing the same thing?"

"Yes…in fact, I'm sure he is…he's had a lot to deal with…I don't think anger has really come up yet."

Sydney nodded, "I should warn you…he's probably not going to be real talkative…I don't think he's really told anyone anything besides me. I know pretty much everything…well…no one will ever know everything, but…"

"We'll see how it goes Sydney, don't worry, I'll be careful with him."

Sydney smiled, letting out a sigh of relief.

"Well…I should really get going…"

"Vaughn isn't alone is he?"

"Oh no…no…of course not, I wouldn't leave him alone…he's with his mother…"

"Oh, that's nice…she came to visit…"

"Well…actually no one really bothered to tell her that Vaughn had been injured, so she was quite worried. She came down to see him yesterday, and stayed the night."

"I'm sure that was nice for him to see her…"

"Yeah, I think it was…"

"Well, then, Friday, shall we say about 2:00?"

"Sure…that's fine…"

"I'll call early Friday just to confirm, ok?"

"That sounds good," Sydney said getting up, "I'm sorry if I had an attitude earlier…I kind of go into protective mode now whenever it's about Vaughn."

"I understand," Dr. Barnett said, smiling, "I wouldn't want it any other way…I'm glad he has you to fall back on."

"Me too," Sydney said, "I'll see you on Friday then…"

"Yes…see you then."

Sydney walked out and shut the door, leaning on the wall for support for a moment before leaving the hallway. For a minute there, she thought it was all over, that she'd blew it and Vaughn would be in the hospital again, but she was glad everything seemed to work out. Now all she had to do was explain it to Vaughn.

She sighed, shifting the folders, and trudging back to the elevator. She pushed the down button and this time, made sure she could see any occupants in the elevator. There weren't any this time and she was thankful for that. She leaned against the back railing, waiting for the elevator to reach the parking garage.

She got out of the elevator, walked to the car, placed the folders on the seat and backed out. Only one more stop before home; the grocery store.