Chapter 83: Breathless
"Silence is a text easy to misread." – A. A. Attanasio

"I am open to receive with every breath I breathe." – Michael Sun

"A friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart, chaff and grain alike. Knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away." – Unknown


She ran over, gently trying to turn him without hurting him, "Vaughn!" she shouted again.

His eyes were closed and his breathing was strained. In fact, she couldn't hear him breathing. She checked the oxygen tank, thinking it might be empty, but it was still at a reasonable level.

Will and Francie ran into the room, "Syd?" they said.

"Vaughn!" Sydney said again, turning him over on his back.

She stopped, looking at him, but there was no change.

"What's happening?" Francie asked.

"I don't know…I came in…I found him slumped over…" she put her ear to Vaughn's chest, listening.

"His heart's beating…" she felt at his neck, "he's got a pulse…"

She put her ear near his nose and mouth, "he's not breathing right," she said.

She straightened him on the bed, and then came back to his head, tilting it upwards, so his chin was perpendicular to the bed. She opened his mouth, checking for obstructions, but there weren't any.

She should feel breath coming out, but none going in. She placed her mouth over his and blew a breath into his lungs. She watched as his chest rose and he let the breath out shakily. His eyes fluttered and she sighed in relief, but when his eyes met hers, she knew that there was still something wrong. He shook his head, trying to tell her something, but he couldn't make the words come out. He closed his eyes tightly, and she could tell that he couldn't breathe again.

His chest was on fire, he couldn't make himself breathe in, no matter how hard he willed it; it just wouldn't happen.

Sydney stilled his head and placed her mouth over his again. She blew a breath in and watched again as his chest rose and fell with the breath. But the same thing happened; he struggled again after she had helped him.

Her brow furrowed, trying to figure out what was wrong.

She placed her mouth over his again, tilting his head again, and keeping one hand on his neck and the other moved to his chest. She left her mouth over his as he let the breath out, and then just continued to breathe with him. She started to press on his chest when the breath needed to be let out and then she would elevate him slightly when he needed to take the breath in. She continued her process until the fear left his eyes and he seemed to be struggling less. Then she carefully moved her mouth away from his, but stayed close enough to start again if he needed it. She kept her hands firmly planted where they were in a comforting gesture.

She smiled when she noticed that he seemed to be breathing on his own again. She kept up her motions though, pressing gently on his chest on the exhale and elevating his head on the inhale.
She gave him a few minutes to relax and just breathe and then asked softly, "What happened?"

"I'm sorry…" he said in a raspy voice as tears sprung to his eyes.

"It's ok…you're ok…" she said, not understanding why he would apologize for her helping him.

"No…" he said, "about before…I'm sorry about before…I don't know what was wr–"

She placed a finger over his lips, "Don't…I didn't handle that well…we'll talk about it later…what happened after I left?"

"I fell asleep…I must have leaned over too far…and I couldn't push myself back up…my shoulder hurt too much…ribs hurt…and I couldn't breathe…"

"So you couldn't call?"

"Un uh…"

"Ok…it's ok…are you ok now? Does it feel like you can breathe ok again?"

He nodded, "I don't know what happened, it's like I forgot how to breathe in…"

"It's ok…don't worry about it…"

They spent a few minutes just relaxing, he getting used to breathing again.

Will interrupted them; "Uh…guys…I hate to disturb you…but is everything ok?"

Sydney smiled, "Yeah, I think we're ok…you wanna stick around though? We have to come up with some way that Vaughn can lay comfortably and I only have one idea left…but I'm gonna need your help I think…"

"Sure," Will said moving closer.

"Why don't you just give us a few more minutes, K?"

"Yeah, sure…" Will said, moving towards the door, "Just call…"

Sydney looked down at Vaughn; he looked worn out. "You ok?"

"Yup," he said, but he wasn't very convincing.

"It's ok if you're not Vaughn," Sydney assured him.

"Can I have some water?" he asked.

"Sure…" she got up and ran to the bathroom, grabbing a glass of water and returning, taking the seat she had just vacated. She lifted him up and helped him sip the water. Once he was finished, she placed the glass on the nightstand.

"So what's this new idea you have?" he asked.

She smiled, "Well…I thought maybe we could try me sitting up and you leaning, and we'd just position you so you wouldn't be putting pressure on your back."

"But then you'll never get any sleep Syd."

"I will sweetie, don't worry."

"No," he said.

"Vaughn," she warned, "you have to get some sleep…"

"Not at your expense," he refused.

She sighed, "Well…then…the only alternative is for you to lay on your stomach…"

"That doesn't work well Syd, I can't breathe…"

"Well, we tried it with your head just on the pillow and nothing else under you…"

"Yeah…"

"Well, we're gonna put something else under you…"

"What?" he asked confused.

"Me."

His eyes shot up to look at hers; she was smiling.

"Syd…" he started.

"Let's just try it, ok?"

He looked uncertain, but he would have done anything she asked. She removed his sling and set it aside.

"Will?" she called when she knew she had his consent.

He bounded in, Francie not far behind.

"K, here's what we're gonna try…We're gonna turn Vaughn over, but he can't touch the bed, and I don't want to have him lay on either one of his sides, cause I think he's been through enough of that tonight…anyway…once we have him rolled over, I want you to pick him up and lay him on me…"

Will looked at Francie, "On you?"

"Oh come on Will! Get your mind out of the gutter, we're both clothed!"

He smiled, "Let's do it."

They both lifted Vaughn gently so that he was turned over and then Sydney made sure Will had a firm grip and slipped underneath Vaughn, supporting him with her hands pushing up on his chest. Then she instructed Will to lower him, and he did so with careful agility. Vaughn sunk into Sydney's arms and winced.

"Syd," he rasped, "I don't think this is gonna work."

Will was about to move again to get him off, but Sydney stopped him, "No, Will…go grab a few pillows…"

Will and Francie both ran off and came back with an armload of pillows. Sydney rubbed Vaughn's back as they waited, trying to keep him calm through his somewhat difficult breathing.

"Ok, now I'm gonna push up, and you put a few pillows under my legs…"

"Isn't that just gonna put more pressure on his chest?" Francie asked.

"Just do it, ok?" Sydney asked.

They both shrugged, but did as Sydney requested, putting the pillows under her legs.

Once they had the pillows under her, Vaughn seemed to settle, and his breathing slowed.

"All we need is a free airway," she said, stroking her hand through his hair and rubbing his back with her other hand, "the pillows give us that, and he's already used to the pressure on his ribs, aren't you?" she asked.

He mumbled a sleepy reply from where he was perched on Sydney's chest.

"Actually, with the pillows under our legs, he's about level. Remember the pillow under my head makes that part more elevated than the rest of the body…Leave the other pillows here though, in case I need to elevate us more…"

"Sure," Will said, moving them over to the bed, "Just uh, call if you need us…"

"Thanks, Will. Thanks, Francie," she said as they waved goodnight.

Vaughn's breathing had picked up a normal rhythm and he was resting comfortably on Sydney.
She smiled, feeling his body relaxing; the muscles that had been so tense today, finally giving into her touch.

He winced slightly and Sydney shifted him so that he was comfortable again.

"You ok? Think this is gonna work all night?"

"I'm ok now…I don't know about all night…"

"Well, let's just take it a little at a time…"

He was lying with his head facing away from the bedroom door, nestled under Sydney's chin. Sydney made sure that his shoulder wasn't at a bad angle, and the arm was lying limply at her side. His other hand was curled slightly under the pillow that her head rested on. One of her hands roamed pattern on his back and up to his hair, and the other rested on his neck, cradling his head into her.

"Syd?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure I'm not too heavy for you?"

"No sweetie, you're not…you haven't ever been too heavy before…"

"But usually my whole weight isn't on you then…"

"It's fine Vaughn…I'm good…I'm comfortable…are you?"

"Mmm hmm…"

"Good," she said happily, "You get some sleep now, ok?"

"Yeah…"

She stayed awake for a while; just waiting to make sure he was going to be ok for the night.

Will and Francie poked their heads cautiously into the room before they went to bed.

"He ok?" Francie asked.

Sydney whispered, "Yeah…I think he's ok…"

"Are you gonna be able to stay that way all night?" Will asked.

"We'll be fine," Sydney assured them, "but I'll call if we need anything…"

"Ok," Will agreed, "Night Syd."

"Night Syd," Francie echoed.

"Night guys…thanks…"

They smiled as they shut the door and went off to bed themselves.

Sydney allowed herself to sleep after a few more minutes, after reassuring herself that Vaughn was ok.