New chapter already! You betcha! I have a clearer idea of what I want to do with this story now and even came up with a clever way to end it. But it also means that this won't be a long story. Sorry about that! Anyway, chapter time! I'll shut up now!


Chapter Two: Sue


Fred barely noticed himself catching the miraculously clean trolley home. He sipped his coffee, his mind whirring at a thousand miles an hour. It took him a moment to realize that the coffee in his hand was the best he'd ever have. It was so delicious, he almost didn't want the pizza after all. He chalked it up to Peri's influence, of course. She made everything better.

It wasn't that Fred disliked happiness. No one did. But to be constantly happy, to have a silly, glazed over look the way his friends had, that wasn't real happiness. That was downright frightening. But, for some reason, this bothered Fred on an even deeper level. He wouldn't have been able to explain it to anyone who asked but something about this was deeply disturbing.

He finally arrived home and ignored Heathcliff's happy whistling. He barely noticed that the house was perfectly clean or that his clothes somehow had become soft and fluffy. And speaking of clothes…

Fred decided to bounce around in his super suit and breathe fire in order to blow off steam (pun intended). He was relieved to find his suit still hanging in its secret location. For a moment, he'd been terrified that Peri had somehow gotten rid of it with her magical happiness powers.

In his back yard, Fred gave himself a few bounces before he activated the fire breathing. Instead of fire, something bright and multicolored exploded out of the mouth of the suit.

"All right," Fred said irritably, finally returning to earth, "that does it."

Fred put the suit back with disgust. The ground was littered with what could best be described the depiction of "everything nice" in the opening to The Powerpuff Girls, a show Fred liked very much. Ordinarily, this would have sparked an excited humming of the theme song but Fred didn't feel much like humming.

And speaking of Powerpuff Girls, maybe he could read some fanfiction to get his mind off of his problems, since his super suit had lost its appeal. Hiro certainly wouldn't fix it with this Peri person influencing him.

When he got to his computer, he scoured the internet until he came across his favorite fanfiction website.

Except now it was different.

Instead of a blue banner, the banner changed several times, flashing with rainbows and occasionally allowing unicorns to prance across the screen. Rather than the words "Unleash your imagination," it read "Happy stories galore!"

"You've got to be kidding me! She's ruined fanfiction too?" Fred growled under his breath.

Sure enough, he clicked on a few of his favorites and was horrified to see the changes that had been made. My Immortal was now about a happy girl from Hufflepuff who convinced the Slytherin "goffs" that they needed to embrace love and happiness. No problems with the canon or the fanfictions were present at all. One of Fred's favorite series of all time, Growing Up Haddock, featured a big, smiling, happy family instead of the dark, brooding story he loved. They'd even embraced the villains.

On and on he went, staring in horror at the changes in the fanfictions. At laura and Legolas being a much more age appropriate couple, at Jenna and Link swapping out the smut for chaste kissing, and the grammar in stories like "tontun needs a new carput" being cleaned up until the stories were either wrecked entirely or almost laughably altered to make originally written content seem ridiculous and nonsensical. What was even more terrifying was the distinct absence of flames.

Out of curiosity, Fred decided to check the news and was even more horrified. The weather forecasted seven consecutive Saturdays which would be 75 degrees and sunny. Vermin Supreme was now topping the presidential polls and promising free ponies for all. Donald Trump had apologized for his arrogance and respectfully bowed out of the race. Hillary Clinton had turned herself in and, rather than face criminal charges, had been forgiven and was now working at a homeless shelter. And, most terrifying of all, High School Musical 4 and a sixth Twilight movie were in the works.

Fred was on the verge of shutting off his computer when a thought struck him. It was a crazy thought. An insane one. There was no way this could be true. But it was the only explanation possible.

Going back to his computer, he looked up a few more fanfictions and thought that perhaps he would scour them for one common trope.

The Mary Sue.

Fred reviled Mary Sues. As he skimmed a few stories, he made a mental checklist.

Absurdly long name, check.

Unrealistic beauty, check.

Exotic, color changing eyes, check.

Romance with the most attractive male, check.

Vague supernatural abilities, check.

Universally loved despite no discernable personality, check.

Fred knew what she was. It was an old enemy, a terrible one. Somehow, he'd landed in the middle of a fanfiction, a terrible fanfiction. And yet…

"How am I immune?" Fred asked. "How come I can tell I'm in a fanfiction?"

The answer came to him in a split second. Peri Day… parody! Fred was in a parody! He wasn't immune because he was special! He was immune because of a poorly executed deux ex machina!

"I have to tell my friends about this." Fred muttered. Then he caught himself. He'd muttered needless exposition to no one in particular! What crazy hack job was writing this story, anyway?

Fred ran out of his house and leaped down the last few stairs. He hopped on the trolley once again, now decked out in Hello Kitty decorations, and rode it back to the Lucky Cat Café. When he arrived, he could see Peri right away. She was practically glowing next to his friends. Then Fred realized that she really was glowing. Her Mary Sue powers were intensifying. Fred feared that he would be too late.

"You're back!" she exclaimed happily, her voice like the loveliest strums of a harp's strings.

"Yes I am!" Fred narrowed his eyes at his foe, his expression deadly. "Hello Peri! Or should I be calling you Mary… Sue?"

Peri let out a heavenly sounding laugh, revealing dazzlingly straight, white teeth. "Whatever do you mean?"

"Stay away from her!" Fred ordered his friends, who were goggling at him like he'd just gone made.

"Thou dost talketh like a fool!" Wasabi declared in his absurd accent.

"Yeah, what's the big idea?" asked Baymax, who now sounded an awful like a post mind transfer Max Flight of the Navigator.

"Don't you understand?" Fred pointed dramatically at Peri. "All the out of character dialogue, your insane adoration for her, everything being happy! These are all signs of the presence of a Mary Sue!"

"Why Fred, I believe you need to sit down." Gogo said, pulling out a chair. "You sound delirious."

Fred rounded on her. "And you'd slap yourself silly if you could hear yourself talking like that!"

"You're reading too many comic books, Freddykins." Honey shoved something into Fred's hands. "Read that instead."

Fred looked at the book she'd given him. It appeared to be a biography on Barney the Dinosaur.

"No!" Fred exclaimed. "Listen, you have to help me stop her! All of this is completely unrealistic and ridiculous!"

"No it's not, Fred." Hiro said coolly. "Know how I know that? I'm a scientist. I know when things are realistic, that's how I graduated high school when I was 13."

"See?" Fred pointed at him. "Stupid exposition! That's just the tip of the iceberg! I'm telling you, we're in a Mary Sue story! A Parody Sue story, actually! It's all on TV Tropes, actually."

"He speaks lies!" Peri shrieked. "Arrest him, officer!"

The police officer Hiro had gone to about the microbots advanced.

"Wait!" Fred cried. "I can prove she's a Mary Sue! I know what can defeat her!"

Peri fixed him with a glare. "Hit me with your best shot, geek boy."

"First of all, weak insult that plays off the most basic thing about me and implies I have no character outside of being a geek. Typical Mary Sue writing. Second, this is a sure fire way to stop you."

Fred smirked. He hoped this new approach would do the trick. It was the last weapon against her.

But before he could open his mouth, he felt the scene end in an annoying cliff hanger.


Wow, this was fun to write. I know no one will read this now because there are way too many 4th wall jokes but at least it was fun! And check out my shameless plugging of my own series! I'm a drama queen and you know it!

Let me know what you thought if you stayed around to read it!

~KateMarie999