Chapter 90: Creeping Pangs

"You're one of God's better people / And you don't know / That's why you're special
And I cry so I can talk like this / From my downbeat existence
And I know that you can make my wish / If my wish is pure
But I don't know / I just don't know / I don't know
Let me love you so
Now I can't live this without you / I'd die without you / Without you, without you
You're one of God's better people / And you don't know / That's why you're special
It must hurt to see your favorite man/ Lose himself again and again
And I know that you're my only friend / From way back when
My wish was pure / It was oh so pure / It was pure
I couldn't love you more
Now I can't live this without you / I'd die without you / Without you
Now I can't live this without you / I'd die without you / Without you, without you" – "One of God's Better People" – Robbie Williams


"Unfathomable sea, whose waves are years; Ocean of Time, whose waters of deep woe / Are brackish with the salt of human tears!" – Percy Shelley

Sydney was sitting by the kitchen table, perusing some more of the files when Francie and Will entered.

She quickly disposed of them, dropping them quickly by the computer and coming out with a smile that looked like she was the guiltiest person alive.

Will smiled, "Hey Syd."

"Hey Syd," Francie echoed.

"Hey guys."

"How'd it go with the shrink?" Will asked, turning serious.

"It went ok…it actually went better than I thought, but today was more of informal introductions and stuff, so he really didn't have to talk about anything…"

"Oh…well I'm glad it went ok," Will added, "Vaughn sleeping?"

"Yeah…I don't know…I think something's up with him, but unless he tells me or I can see it, I can't do much for him."

"Why do you think something's up?" Francie asked, sitting at the table.

"Just the way he was acting…he seemed to be in more pain…and his breathing wasn't too good either…"

"Poor guy just can't catch a break, huh?" Francie added, smiling sadly.

"Apparently not," Syd agreed.

They chatted about dinner and the rest of their days until Will and Francie started making dinner and Sydney excused herself to check on Vaughn

She entered quietly, and padded over to the bed, expecting him to be sleeping.

His eyes were open though and unfocused; he seemed to be looking off at nothing.

When he felt her presence, he brought his gaze to her and it focused on her. He smiled, "Hey…" he said quietly.

"Hey…you're awake…" she said surprised.

He nodded.

"How long you been awake?" she asked.

"Not long…"

"You ok?"

He didn't respond right away, "Is it time for the pills yet?"

She looked at the clock, "Yeah, you could have more…why?" she asked sitting down on the bed. She moved closer when his eyes dropped to look at the comforter. "Vaughn?"

When he looked at her again, she could see the moisture that was threatening to fall, "It…it really hurts Syd."

She moved next to him, "What hurts baby? Your back?"

He hiccupped, "Everything hurts…"

"Oh sweetie…did you wake up this way?"

He shook his head no.

"When did it start?"

He averted her gaze.

Her head rose with realization, "Oh Vaughn…why didn't you tell me? I would have stopped!"

"I didn't want you to stop…"

"Honey…if it hurts you…we have to stop…no matter how much either one of us wants it."

She looked away, "I should have never rolled you like that…you made a noise…I knew it hurt you…"

"Takes two…" he said softly.

"Well…the one party should have been more careful and aware of injured party number two!"

He was silent.

"What do you mean everything? Your back and ribs? Something else hurts too?"

"I mean everything. If I move, it hurts; ribs, chest, back, even my shoulder."

She moved over and hugged him in a comforting gesture. Then she moved away, "I'll get the pills."

She walked quickly to the kitchen.

Will and Francie were laughing about something while making dinner. When they saw Sydney,
Will said, "Hey…dinner's almost ready."

He noted that she wasn't really paying attention to him.

Her face was a mix of determination and concern. She was flying around the room gathering pill bottles, ice packs, and a glass of milk.

"Syd?" Will said.

She finally turned to him, "Yeah?" she said rather impatiently.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine…Vaughn's not."

He moved over to her, "What's wrong?"

"The thing from before – when he was acting weird – yeah, I think it just exploded. He's in a lot of pain."

"Oh man…should we hold dinner? Bring it in? What do you want us to do?"

"No, no guys eat…I don't think he's gonna want to eat. I'll eat later."

"Oh, ok," Will said exchanging glances with Francie.

"Is it bad?" Francie asked.

"I'm not sure…it must be, otherwise he usually doesn't say anything."

Sydney offered them a small smile and then went back to the bedroom.

Vaughn was right where she'd left him, staring off again at nothing. That disturbed Sydney when he did that; she always thought he was thinking about torture when he did it, but he turned his gaze to her when she entered, so she figured the staring must be due to the pain.

She helped him down the pills, giving him everything they had. Normally, she wouldn't give him both the Vicodin and the Percocet, but she could see the pain in his eyes and made an exception.

After the pills he shifted uncomfortably and the shift caused a wave of pain. He groaned and Sydney moved over towards him, enveloping him in another hug as he pressed his head into her chest. She could feel his hot breath on her chest as it came out in heaves.

"Should we try to lay you down?" she asked.

He nodded against her chest and she cupped the back of his neck, keeping him close as she maneuvered him into a laying position on the bed.

Once she let his body lay fully on the bed, he let out another yelp of pain and grabbed onto her. She grabbed him back, holding him up a few inches so he wasn't fully on the bed.

"Should we try a side?" she asked, trying to remain calm.

He responded weakly, whimpering at the thought of lying on one of his sides again.

She eased him to his right side, supporting his frame so they wouldn't strain anything else.

Once he was on that side and Sydney let go, he let out a howl as sharp, piercing, stabs of pain racked his body. It scared her so much that she moved him back to her arms quicker than she thought possible. He started to mewl softly as Sydney tried desperately to find a comfort zone for him.

She tried a valiant last attempt by asking, "Should we try the left?"

His mewling became much harder sobs, but he let her try to turn him. Sydney thought that if his shoulder hadn't been injured, this side would probably have been alright to lie on, but once again as he rolled and used his shoulder as the pivot point, he let out another wail of suffering as pinching and shooting cramps caused his brain to send distress signals to his limbs.

Sydney didn't move him right away, thinking that perhaps they could try propping the shoulder with a pillow or something, but anyone could see the unbearable pain he was in.

He reached out for her again, grabbing blindly, trying to find his lifeline, his sobbing becoming harder as he screamed with the pain. She knew that had he been able, curses and pleas would have been emanating from him, but all he could do was press his face into the pillow and let out more cries.

With an agility she didn't know she possessed, she had him turned in her arms in a few seconds. In this new position, she was holding his head in her lap, his neck supported, resting on her thigh so his head was relatively flat but his back was not resting on the bed.

His sobs of agony lessened somewhat, but they by no means stopped.

Sydney kept up a steady pace of stroking a hand through his hair while the other rubbed up and down his heaving chest.

If either he or she would move in the slightest, he would grab onto her as the pain racked his tired body.

"It's ok honey," Sydney would say, "just try to lie still," but that was getting old; she started to sound like a broken record.

She broke the pattern with, "Oh Vaughn, I'm so sorry…"

Had he been able to talk through the pain, he would have told her that it wasn't her fault, but he couldn't force himself to say any words, so he just went back to the soft mewling, pressing his head into her body.

She cradled his head and tried rocking gently but stopped when even that caused him to cry out in pain over the movement.

"I'm sorry Vaughn…" Sydney repeated for the hundredth time.

He reacted in frustration by burrowing further into her. Tears that she'd been holding in started to fall and he stopped his own crying to look at her.

She smiled down at him, wiping away a few of her tears and then wiping at his too.

He shook his head in a negative manner, but he couldn't vocalize what he wanted to say, so he went back to his position of pushing his head into her frame.

She couldn't stand to see him in this much pain anymore. Enough time had elapsed for the pain medication to start working, but they obviously weren't strong enough.

"Will!" Sydney called wondering why neither of them had poked their heads in yet.

Both Will and Francie appeared at the door, Will holding his napkin.

"I'm sorry…I know you're eating…"

Francie said, "Not really…"

Sydney looked to her, "I'm sorry about that to, but there isn't anything either one of us can do…"

Francie looked at her surprised, "No, that's not what I meant…I didn't mean to make it sound that way. I–"

Sydney cut her off, she had much more important things to worry about, "Will – go get the morphine!"

Will looked at her strangely, looking between her and Vaughn, who screamed suddenly in pain, causing Francie to jump.

Sydney looked down, "What honey? We didn't move sweetie," she tried to reason.

His body seemed racked with new pain stemming from nowhere but she could tell by the way he started moving and the look in his eyes that this pain was even more excruciating than the last.

"Will! Morphine! NOW!" Sydney yelled.

Vaughn screamed again and that set Will off.

He ran to the kitchen and grabbed a few syringes.

He came back to see Vaughn struggling on the bed, the pain making him move, but the movement only causing him more pain. Sydney was trying as hard as she could to keep him still, but it wasn't working.

Francie looked terrified by the whole scene.

He brushed past her to the bed and held out the syringes to Sydney.

Sydney was more than occupied however, trying to get Vaughn to keep still.

"Here Sydney," Will said hand still outstretched.

She looked over and tried to grab the syringe, but Vaughn moved again, screaming in anguish. Sydney moved her hand back to him.

She shook her head, "You're going to have to do it Will," She finished looking at him.

He stared back at her in disbelief and fear…