Chapter 115: Concern and Care
"If you cannot convince them, confuse them." – Harry Truman
"Realize life as an end in itself. Functioning is all there is." Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
"I don't need a friend who changed when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better." – Plutarch
"What you are afraid to do is a clear indicator of the next thing you need to do." – Anon.
"The other thing – this is another reason why I was crying..."
Vaughn turned serious again too, "Of course," he said looking at her intensely, "Tell me."
"Don't get mad, but I...I called Barnett..."
"Sydney," Vaughn started but she cut him off.
"No. I was worried and I thought, I felt, that I needed to call – that I needed to know, ok? I had every right because I love you, ok?"
He smiled and nodded.
"Ok...so...everything was fine. She was ok with me calling and everything. Here's the thing...there's no easy was to say it, plus that's not our style, so I'll just say it, ok?"
"Sure," he said.
"Ok...the next session – on Friday, I can't be here..."
"What do you mean, you can't be here? Where will you be?"
"Barnett has requested a completely closed session. She's asked that I not be in the house."
"Why?" he asked.
"Something with the session...I'm not sure," she lied slightly, but he couldn't know that Barnett was going to 'break' him. "I thought it would be better, easier, if I told you. I didn't think it would have been fair to just drop it on you as she came in the door, you know what I mean?"
"No, it wouldn't have been...I...I don't understand," he said confused, his eyes pleading.
Her heart broke for him, "Vaughn, I'm sorry I don't know more...I just know that she's asked me to leave and I really have no choice. She's said it's best..."
"Why is that best? What is she going to do? I don't like this Sydney," he said honestly.
"I don't either, but neither of us really have a choice. I'm sorry honey...I know you'll be thinking about it now. It was killing me; deciding when or whether to tell you, but I figured the sooner the better plus I couldn't take not telling you. Do you understand? Are you mad at me?"
His confusion was still evident, as he grappled with figuring out why Barnett would make such a request, "No...I'm not mad at you...thank you for telling me..."
He slipped back into thought then 'Why would Barnett do that? She knows how much Sydney means. Was she trying to scare him? Trying to make him feel unsafe? Why would she want to make him feel that way? Was this all part of her elaborate game – more cross-talk?'
Sydney noticed his demeanor, "Vaughn?"
"Hmm, yeah?" he said looking back at her.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, just thinking," he said, "Processing, you know..."
She smiled and kissed him, "Yeah, I know honey. We should really try though, not to over think it. I know it's futile and stupid to say this to you, but try not to let it bother you. You'll drive yourself completely insane by Friday."
"Yeah, I'm still gonna think about it though."
"I'm sorry baby...maybe it would have been better if I wouldn't have said anything...or waited longer..."
"NO, I'd rather know..."
"Well, we'll just have to find ways to keep you occupied."
He smiled, "Yeah ok."
Sydney glanced over at the bedroom door, "Hey – didn't I leave that door open?" she asked.
"It's almost 7:00 now, Will and Francie are home..."
"Oh...wow, we slept a long time...are you hungry?"
"Yeah, definitely."
"I'll see if I can find something quick."
"Ok," he said.
She kissed him and then moved off the bed.
She opened the door and walked out into the kitchen.
"Hey guys," she said to Will and Francie as she caught sight of them in the living room on the couch.
"Hey!" Will said.
"Hi Syd," Francie said, "You guys were really out..."
Sydney moved into the living room to talk.
Will smiled as she came in, "Yeah, I came in and I started saying hello really loudly," he chuckled, "I came into the bedroom and stopped mid sentence. You still didn't wake up – didn't move a muscle. Francie shut the door and started yelling at me, hissing, trying to be quiet as she wailed on me in the hall."
"I was NOT 'wailing' on you! I simply instructed that you were being an ass – as usual."
"Hey, I was just being friendly."
"Friendly is a nice, quiet hello, not bringing the bar with you!"
"Guys!" Sydney said.
They both turned to look at her.
"We didn't wake up – it's fine."
"See!" Will said, looking at Francie, who just rolled her eyes in response. He smiled, happy that he seemed to have won that round, "So...why were you guys so quiet – usually, I mean, well usually, you're not sleeping too...bad session today?" he asked concerned.
"Well, I mean, he doesn't tell me a lot, but there was some yelling and stuff today. And..." she looked at them wavering.
"What?" Francie asked.
Will nodded, "Yeah, what?"
"Well I should tell you guys too actually, I was concerned because Barnett lately...well...she keeps...confusing Vaughn."
"What do you mean confusing him?" Francie asked.
"I called her finally. She just has him second guessing, questioning things."
"Questioning what?" Francie asked.
"Me...us...this," she said motioning to herself, them and the house.
"What do you mean? Why?" Will asked.
"That's why I called her. But you can't tell Vaughn this next part, ok?"
They both nodded.
"She's been working on breaking down the walls he's put up and she's planning on breaking them down on Friday."
"Walls?" Will asked.
"Walls he's put up to protect himself...because of the torture. He won't talk about it. So she's using me, Vaughn and my relationship, and you guys..."
"Us?"
"Yeah."
"Why us? And why you?" Francie said angrily.
"Because she's trying to make him lose control."
"What does she say to him? Is it wise for him to lose control?" Francie was getting upset.
"Well – like I said, he doesn't tell me it all, but from the kinds of questions he's asking me...I can gather she's saying something about us not really wanting him here or me getting frustrated...stuff like that..."
"That's why you asked me if said something to him, when we were in the car..."
"Yeah..."
"Wow," was all Will said after a few minutes of thinking.
"Does Michael really think that we don't want him here?" Francie asked in disbelief.
Sydney smiled, "He's knows you do...he's just confused...she's got him very confused," she paused, "Look – I said I was getting stuff to eat, so I should get something before he starts to wonder why I've been gone so long." She got up and started to head back to the kitchen, but stopped, "You can't say anything to him...ANYTHING. He doesn't know..."
"Yeah," Will said.
Francie nodded and then said, "I'll make you guys something."
"No Fran, I can do that."
She smiled, but Sydney knew the look, "I'll make you guys something."
Francie got up and went to the kitchen, clanking a few pans.
Sydney looked over at Will who was already looking at her.
"You ok?" he asked.
She smiled, "Yeah, I'm ok..."
"You sure...you..." he trailed off not wanting to embarrass her.
She kept smiling, "Really Will, I'm ok."
He returned the smile this time, "Ok."
He looked away and then looked back at her, saying quietly, "So this is really gonna suck for Mike, huh?"
"Yeah," she said slowly.
He nodded, "I could take Friday off...if you need me..."
"That's sweet Will, but I don't know what you'd be able to do. I'm don't even know what I'm going to do."
Will nodded again.
Francie reemerged with two plates, "Here ya go – quick, easy, hamburger casserole. It's my dad's recipe," Francie said.
Sydney smiled, "I'll get drinks, you take it in. The one who prepares should get the credit."
"Ok," Francie said.
Sydney and Will went off to get the drinks and Francie walked into the bedroom with both plates in hand. She smiled at Vaughn who looked rather surprised that she had come in. She set one plate on the table and handed the other to Vaughn. He took it and set it on his lap and then accepted the fork that she handed him as well.
"Thank you," he said. "I thought Syd...I hope it wasn't too much trouble..." he said quietly, not looking at her.
"Michael," she said, waiting until he looked at her, "It was no trouble."
He smiled at her but Sydney and Will came in before he could say anything else.
"Hi sweetie," She said as she sat down next to him, accepting the plate that Francie took off of the table and handed to her.
Vaughn was quiet while they ate. Will and Francie made quiet conversation with Sydney, and they largely gave Vaughn space. Sydney kept glancing at him and he knew she was doing it, but he didn't feel like chatting.
Francie took his plate when he was finished. He looked up at her, "Thank you," he said.
She smiled warmly and sincerely, "You're welcome."
Sydney was starting to get worried by Vaughn's behavior. She kept trying to include him in the conversation, but he was just silent.
Will seemed to pick up on what was happening. He smiled at Sydney and then looked at Vaughn, "Did you like all the hockey Mike? Pretty cool that Eric found that set, huh?"
Vaughn turned to him. For a minute, Sydney thought maybe that topic would get him talking but his reply was a soft, "Yes."
They both waited but he didn't offer any other response.
Will didn't stop there though, "We stopped it when you fell asleep, so you didn't miss anything. Just so you know..."
Vaughn looked at him once more, "Thanks...and I'm sorry," he added.
Will looked confused, sharing a glace with Sydney, "For what?"
"Falling asleep – that you didn't get to finish it...and for using you as a pillow."
Will smiled broadly, "First of all, I was half asleep too, so it was good we stopped. And second, you can use me as a pillow any time you want. What I'm about to say I mean strictly in that manly, non-gay, friend way...but...you were very warm...it was...snuggly."
Sydney cracked a smile, "Snuggly?"
"I'm sensitive, ok?" Will said.
Vaughn managed a smile, "Thanks."
Francie entered the room again, "So...you're mom is coming over tomorrow, right Michael?"
He nodded.
"Well...I better clean up a bit...Will – you wanna help?"
"Sure...lord knows how much I love housework," the minute after it flew out of his mouth he winced. He'd meant it as a joke, but Vaughn might not take it that way.
He looked over at Sydney and she said, "I'm gonna get rid of these dishes, I'll be right back Vaughn..."
He nodded again and she got off the bed, following the other two out of the room.
She put the dishes in the sink and then moved into the living room where Francie and Will were standing. Will was covering his eyes, shaking his head.
"What?" Sydney asked.
"Did you just hear what I said?" Will asked, hitting his head with his palm.
"What?"
"I just said sarcastically that I didn't like housework. Now Vaughn's gonna think I don't want him here because it's like an inconvenience to do housework cause his mom's coming over...geez, I'm an idiot!" he said hitting himself again.
"Well, I've been saying that for years honey," Francie said, but she smiled and hugged him.
"Look guys...he's really quiet, and I think at this point, he's really starting to believe Barnett. He thinks that we don't want him here...but we can't watch every move we make and every thought we have. He'll realize eventually that's not the way we feel. Don't walk on eggshells – just say what you normally would. Normal is better for him. If we start to act careful around him, try not to say things that will upset him, it's just going to seem to him that Barnett it right."
"Yeah, you're right Syd," Francie said as Will nodded.
"I'm gonna go back in there..."
"Yeah, we'll clean up and then we'll be in to say goodnight..." Francie said.
"Ok, thanks guys," she said, giving each of them a warm hug.
