Unforgettable Nights, Unforgivable Mistakes

Chapter 16: Home, Horses and Unicorns

Emily woke up early the next morning at the hospital where Bay had gotten another round of chemotherapy just a few days before, and she had been a little fussy and under the weather. Bay had wanted her mother with her all night, and it had been a difficult night for both. Bay had begun to develop a few side effects to the chemotherapy, and she had spent most of the night with an upset stomach and vomiting. It really pained Emily to see her little baby girl so sick even knowing that it could happen at any time as explained by Dr. Bergman; Emily still wished she could take Bay's pain away. Doctor Bergman had explained that the vomiting and stomach pain were normal, as well as Bay's whiny mood...she had hardly let anyone touch her or even talk to her that night, except her mother, and when Emily didn't have her in her arms, Bay was crying and uncomfortable. Emily had never held her so much, even as a baby, and knowing that Bay was really hurting was devastating for her; fortunately for Emily, Bay had yet to really experience any hair loss, she did, however, have more bruising and occasional nose bleeds. Emily also knew she truly needed to dedicate more time to Bay...her baby girl needed her more than ever. Although Emily literally lived at the hospital and was with her all the time, it wasn't enough. She did have to leave for cases a lot and while her mother and her friends had been amazing with each other and rotated to help with Bay, it wasn't the same...even Clyde had flown to D.C. a few times and stayed with her.

But, Emily wanted to spend quality time with her daughter and show her that she was the most important thing in the world, because Bay couldn't understood why she was sick and what this illness was doing to her body. Bay was surely scared and confused, so her whiny mood was very understandable, and even the few temper tantrums she had thrown while at the hospital made Emily wish she could split herself in two and be at the hospital all day with her daughter and perform her work, too. Emily was desperately tired, she literally had no time for herself, her time had been divided between work and Bay, she hardly slept or ate, and she was pushing her body to the brink.

This morning, however, she had requested the next few days off, the team was on stand down, and she wanted to take the opportunity to spend the entire day with Bay and to take her home for a few days. Emily believed Bay needed to go home and sleep in her cozy bed and have some mommy cuddle time, as well as late mornings and early nights, and Emily just wanted some quality time with her. She had spoken to Doctor Bergman the night before about taking Bay home for a few days, and he believed it was a great idea...and he thought it would help her feel better. So, she woke up with a big smile on her face, as tired as she was, and with only a few hours of sleep she got up quietly without waking up Bay and went into the bathroom they had in the hospital to take a shower and to get ready for the day. A few minutes later, she came out freshened up and ready to have a great day. She left to get some very strong coffee, and when she got back, Bay was turning over on the bed, hardly waking up. She walked toward the bed and leaned down to press a few kisses on her daughter's face and forehead.

"Morning, my love." She said, waking up the little girl gently.

Bay pouted and hid her face on the pillow...Emily knew she was a little upset about the night before.

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" She said, as she removed her hair from her sweet face.

Bay didn't respond, she just pouted deeper and turned over on her bed showing her back to Emily.

"What is wrong, are you mad at mommy?" Bay shook her head 'no', but remained with her back toward Emily.

"Is your tummy still bothering you?" Emily got closer to her and rubbed her back gently.

"You know I was thinking we can have a day together, just you and me...we can do whatever you want...and go wherever you want." With those words, Bay turned back facing her mother with a smile on her face.

"Can we go to the zoo!?" She asked, excited.

"If Doctor Bergman says it's okay to go, then yes, we can." Emily smiled wide watching her daughter's face light up.

"You won't have to work?" Bay asked, sitting up in the bed.

"No, baby, mommy is going nowhere, in fact, you and I will spend the next two days together...all day."

"All day?, and we can watch movies late at night like we used to in our other house?" Bay's mood had completely switched to overjoyed.

"Yes, my love, we can do anything you want." Emily said, picking her up in her arms and hugging her close.

"Can I sleep in your bed with you?"

"Yes, we're going home for a few days, okay, sweetie?" Bay nodded contently.

"Let's get you showered and all pretty, okay?" She carried Bay to the bathroom to give her a bath.

A little while later, Emily was walking to her car with her baby girl in her arms, ready to have a great day. She was so glad she could have a whole day to dedicate to Bay and most importantly, that she could take her out of the hospital and give her a different picture than a hospital full of doctors and sick kids. After she sat Bay in the back of the car and secured her in her child seat, she got in the car with a big smile, ready to have a girl's day with the most important person in the world.

"Okay, what does Princess Bay want to have for breakfast?" She asked, turning her attention to her daughter on the back seat.

"I want pancakes, mommy, with chocolates chips." Bay cried happily, it had been a few months since Emily had seen her so happy.

"Okay, chocolate chip pancakes it is." Emily said, starting the car and driving away.

After they had a very hearty breakfast with extra chocolate chips, Emily decided to take their "date" to the next phase and started driving toward the aquarium. Doctor Bergman told Emily the zoo might be not appropriate because of the sun's exposure; however, since the aquarium was indoors, Bay wouldn't be directly exposed to the sun. When they arrived, it was a nice quiet morning, which was a great opportunity to appreciate the fishes and other aquatic creatures better. Bay got to feed some of the fishes and even touch the stingrays. She even got to see a couple of the other animals such as the polar bears and seals, and even a few tigers that went in the water. Bay was beyond mesmerized with the penguins and the whales. Emily was so happy to see her laugh and smile, it was helping her feel better, and she knew Bay was overjoyed.

They spent most of the morning at the aquarium and had a small snack picnic inside. Around four in the afternoon, they headed out of the aquarium and to the car. Emily had pushed Bay in the stroller almost all day because she knew Bay was not strong enough to walk around all day. That really made Emily want to cry...the little ball of energy she had that used to run around all day and bounce around nonstop, could hardly do any of the things she once did without getting tired quickly. She wanted to see her daughter healthy again, so, she prayed to God every night that this would be over soon; she wanted to see her daughter full of life and energy again, no matter what she had to do...she would get her daughter's health and happiness back.

After they left the aquarium, Emily took Bay to a toy store to get a new horse for her collection. Bay, unlike most girls her age, wasn't attracted to dolls and princesses. She did like them, but she was obsessed and fascinated with horses, but Emily couldn't figure out from where she got the love of horses. Her room had been painted light green and pink and was filled with horses of all shapes and types; her wall decals were unicorns and so was her night lamp. Emily was sure she had at least a hundred horses in that room, if not more, from very tiny figurines to very big stuffed ponies. She got her a couple of different ones, one was a pretty Kona horse with purple wings and mane, and one was a stuffed white pony. After they paid, they made their way home, Bay was so happy to be home for a few days, and Emily wanted to make sure she made the best of it. They still had a whole night and another day to make her feel better, and Emily wanted to make Bay understand how much she really loved and cared for her. Once they got to the condo, Emily carried Bay upstairs along with Bay's new ponies.

"Do you want find a place for your new friends while mommy puts our other shopping away then we can talk about dinner, okay, baby?" She asked, getting on her knees to kiss her baby girl. Bay nodded and started getting her toys out of the bags. Soon, Emily was in the kitchen putting away some of the groceries she had gotten when Bay walked in slowly, her eyes watery, with a small pout on her face.

"Mommy?" She said quietly.

"What is it, love, are you all right?" Emily asked, concerned.

"I'm tired, and I don't feel so good." She said, her lower lip quivering.

"It's okay, love, come here, we had a very busy day, come on...let's take you to bed so you can take a nap, okay?" Emily said, picking her up in her arms and taking her back upstairs.

Emily took Bay to her room and lay in bed with her, covering her with the blanket and pulling her close.

"What about our movie night?" Bay asked sadly.

"Well, it's not even night, baby, sleep a little bit so you feel better, and then we can have dinner and a movie after your nap, okay?" She said, kissing her forehead and checking to see if she had any fever.

Bay cuddled closer to her mother, and getting comfortable in her embrace.

"Mommy, I love you so, so much." Bay said, hugging her mother.

"I love you, too sweetie, with all my heart and soul." Emily said, as quiet tears slid down her face; she hated to see her daughter like this, sick and vulnerable,...she would give her own life to save her if she could. Within minutes, Bay fell asleep...she was exhausted, the aquarium visit had definitely worn her out, but Emily knew she had a lot of fun and it had been worth it. She closed her eyes pulling her daughter close, then, she, too, dozed off for about twenty minutes until her phone vibrated on her hip, waking her from her peaceful slumber. She looked at her caller Id and a huge smile appeared in her face. Emily slowly got off the bed without waking Bay and stepped out of the room, closing the door gently.

"Hello." She answered tiredly.

"You sound like crap." Clyde said, in his usual chirpy, British voice.

"Hello to you too, Easter." Emily said letting a small smile dance across her sleepy face.

"Hello, beautiful...how's it going? By the sound of your voice, I'd say 'not too good'." He said, knowing Emily's expressions and tones.

"It's just been a long day." Emily said, walking out on the balcony because she needed some fresh air.

"What's wrong? Is it work? Is Bay ok?" Clyde asked worriedly.

"She's fine, actually...we had a girl's date today with a visit to the aquarium, and I was allowed to bring her home for a few days." Emily said, trying to hold back the tears.

"That sounds like something you both needed, Em, I'm sure my little princess appreciated the mommy time." Clyde said calmly.

"Yeah. she did." Emily said, as silent tears slid down her cheeks.

"Em, what's wrong, why are you crying?" Clyde knew something was wrong...he could hear it in her voice.

"It's getting worse, Clyde. The chemotherapy is making her very sick, she can barely walk around without getting tired, and she's not my same baby anymore." Emily said sadly, as tears started to run freely down her face.

"I know she can hardly understand what's going on, this damn illness is eating my baby, Clyde, it's getting worse, I can tell it is, I can see it, and I don't know what to do." Emily sobbed.

"You need to tell him, Em." Clyde said softly.

"What good is that going to do? It's not going to change how she feels and what this damn thing is doing to her!" She cried.

"No, it won't, but he can be there for you and for her, and he can and will help." Clyde pointed out.

"You don't know that, Clyde, you don't know if he is going to walk away the minute he knows he is a father." Emily said, wiping her eyes.

"And you'll never know what choice he'll make if you don't tell him. It's not fair, Em. For you, or for Bay...even for him." Clyde's voice was calming and very comforting.

"It's complicated, Clyde. What am I supposed to say, 'Hey, I need your reports done tonight, and oh, by the way, you have a daughter who is struggling for her life.'" Emily asked, frustrated.

"It might not be a bad idea, the longer you wait, the worse it will be."

"I know, I want to tell him, it's just...things aren't exactly good between us right now...they're getting better, but..." Emily said, looking out over the skyline at the beautiful night lights of D.C. from her balcony.

"Are you still on bad terms? I thought being the leader would soften things between you two?"

"It has somewhat. I think...it's just...I don't know...things are weird."

"Oh no." Clyde said worried.

"Oh no, what!?" Emily questioned.

"I know that tone...something happened, didn't it? You slept with him." It wasn't a question. Emily just stood quietly.

"You did, you banged him, didn't you? Was it good, at least?

"Dammit, Clyde, I hate you!" Emily yelled, irritated.

"Hey, it's not my fault you got laid!" Clyde teased, and Emily remained silent.

"So, do you want to talk about it?" His tone was soft now.

"Not particularly, I haven't even digested this myself, everything is so crazy right now." She said sincerely.

"Okay, you know I'm always here, to talk, or not to talk...whatever." He was truly concerned about her.

"I know, Clyde. I have always known that. I also know I need to tell him...I just don't know when or how yet. I'm so exhausted." She was so tired, she felt like her brain was shutting down.

"Okay, well, get some rest and have fun with Bay. I'll call tomorrow so I can talk to her." Clyde said soothingly.

"Thank you, I know she'll love to talk to you."

"I'm trying to find some time here to come and see you both, okay, love?" He knew he had to go and see them again; she needed him more than ever.

"Nothing will make me happier. I really need you."

"Good night, darling."

She wiped away the last of her tear stains and walked back inside the apartment. After checking on Bay who was still sleeping deeply, she went into the kitchen and started dinner. She knew her daughter loved spaghetti and meatballs, and she wanted to spoil her tonight and give her what she liked the best.

When Bay woke up from her nap, she was feeling much better, even a little more energized. Both Prentiss women had a nice dinner and chatted about what they wanted to do tomorrow while they ate. After dinner, Emily took Bay upstairs for a warm bubble bath and both of them got into their pj's so she they could relax and feel better. Then Emily went into her bedroom and placed all her fluffy blankets on the bed making it cozy and comfortable. Mom and Bay both cuddled under the blankets with a big bowl of popcorn starting their first movie...Spirit, of course, since it was about horses and one of Bay's favorites.

They watched the entire movie and then switched to Madagascar. Emily actually enjoyed watching kids movies, especially with Bay. It was their favorite cuddle time, Bay was cuddled as close as she could be with her mom, her head leaning on her mother's chest. She was beyond happy to have the night alone with her mommy; Bay was watching the movie happily while her mother ran her hands through her hair. After dinner and two movies, Bay was beginning to drift to sleep again, but she was just so happy.

"Did you have fun today, baby?" She asked, rubbing her daughter's tummy softly.

"Yes, can we do a lot of things tomorrow, too?" Bay asked tiredly.

"Of course, sweetheart, I was thinking we could go to the circus. I know you wanted to go."

"Can Uncle Dave come, too? He said he likes circuses, I want him to come."

"Of course, he can. We'll ask him tomorrow, is that okay? Why don't you try to go to sleep, okay?" Emily encouraged her, kissing her cheeks.

"No, I want to watch the movie." Bay pointed to the television, and although Emily could see she was clearly fighting to stay awake, she let her watch the remainder of the movie. She usually didn't allow her to stay awake past bedtime, but this was a special day for both of them, and she was willing to make an exception. Her phone buzzed on the nightstand. Bay was still fighting to stay awake, and Emily grabbed the phone without looking at the caller ID...sitting up on the bed and answering.

"Prentiss." She answered.

"Why so formal, I thought we were friends now?" A big smile spread across her face against her will.

"Good evening, Hotchner." She said nicely.

"You know I it like better when you call me Aaron, especially when we're...you know." Emily burst into laughter.

"You are impossible, you know that?"

"I've heard that a couple of times." His voice was sweet and sexy.

"How are you, I just wanted to check on you, to see if you needed anything." Aaron asked.

"I'm okay, thanks for calling; I was allowed to bring my daughter home for a few days, and it was good for her." She said, as she ran her thumb over her now sleeping baby girl's face.

"I'm glad you got some time off for you and her; listen if you need to take more time off, you can, Dave and I are taking care of everything, and I took the liberty to do the stack of files you had at your desk."

"Oh, Aaron, I really appreciate that so much, but you didn't have to do that."

"I know I didn't, but I wanted to...just take the rest of the week off for you and your daughter. We have everything under control here." He reassured her.

"Thank you so much, Aaron, you have no idea what this means. I have no way to repay you for this." She truly was grateful...taking the entire week off for her and her daughter didn't sound like a bad idea at all.

"Perhaps, you could let me take you out for dinner?" There was something in his voice that made her melt, and she laughed into the phone and blushed.

"Please?" He insisted.

"We'll talk about it when I get back, okay?" She said, smiling.

"Okay, have a good night, and just remember that I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Aaron, thank you very much, good night."

"Goodnight, beautiful." He said, and hung up the phone.

She got up and placed the phone back on the nightstand and closed her eyes. Emily truly did care about him and wanted to trust him and believe in him, but it was more complicated than that. She had to figure out a way to tell him that Bay was his daughter, and she knew that when he did find out, he would possibly hate her for keeping Bay away from him all these years.