Chapter 124: Kitchen Calamity

"On this hapless earth / There's small sincerity of mirth/ And laughter oft is but an art / To drown the outcry of the heart." – Hartley Coleridge

"Our sincerest laughter / With some pain is fraught." – Percy Shelley

"I remember, I remember / The house where I was born/ The little window where the sun / Came peeping in the morn." – Thomas Hood

"Out of the cradle endlessly rocking/ Out of the mocking-bird's throat, the musical shuttle… / A reminiscence sing." – Walt Whitman


"Do you remember that Michael?"

"What?" he said smiling.

"You tried to make that dinner for…what was her name…Sandy?"

Vaughn started to laugh, "Oh man…when I tried to make meatballs?"

Amélie laughed even harder, "I swear Michael, at that age, you couldn't make toast!"

Will and Francie and Sydney all sat laughing, but having no real clue what was going on.

Vaughn said, "Her name wasn't Sandy…it was Candy."

Sydney snorted, "You dated a girl named Candy?"

Vaughn grinned, "Candy Cooper."

Will burst out laughing, "That's a terrible name man…"

"What's this about meatballs?" Francie asked.

Amélie started, "He invited her over, claiming he could make like a banquet…and really, he couldn't make toast…so I offered to help, but he was a big man, so he had to do it himself…" she stopped snickering, "I heard pots clanging, stuff falling, I was sure the kitchen would be Armageddon when I got in there…I went to check on him, it was so funny," she broke down in giggles, "There was smoke everywhere, pots boiling out of control, spaghetti noodles on the floor, sauce all over…" she shook her head, "and there's Michael, standing in the middle of it all, with sauce all over his face, I think there was even a noodle in his hair…and he's standing at the counter, trying to make these meatballs…they looked like baseballs…they were so big…I mean, these were not meatballs…they would have exploded into a meatloaf in the oven."

Vaughn sat there shaking his head as his mother recounted his shady cooking past, while Will, Francie and Sydney seemed to find delightful joy out of the whole story.

"I tried so hard no to laugh. The kitchen is a mess and he has no food…and Ms. Cooper was supposed to be there in like a half hour. I asked him if he wanted help, and the defiant little shit that he was, said he was fine…I mean…I started to just howl with laughter, and I finally just grabbed him and marched him to the mirror, I mean…once he saw himself, he just cracked up with me…and then I told him I'd make the spaghetti. He helped me clean in up and then went to shower. We got it all done just in time, and he was an honorable boy, but he told her the truth – he tried, but mom made the meal. And he must have pouted for about three days…mumbling, 'I could have made the spaghetti if I would have had more time…'"

Will was on the verge of falling over, Francie was leaning on him and Sydney had doubled over on the bed. Vaughn and Amélie shared happy glances and laughed as well.

When they had all calmed significantly, Vaughn remarked, "We are so having all of your parents over to tell stories about how stupid you were when you were young."

"Oh man, no way…never…" Will said as he thought about the prospect, "It'd be way worse than your stories…my mom would go on and on about little naked Will…"

Francie snorted, "She does…really, I think that's all your mom remembers, you must have been naked a lot…"

"I was not!" Will said, sounding about the age of "little naked Will."

Francie just laughed harder.

Sydney looked over at Amélie and snuggled closer to Vaughn, "Tell us some more…"

Will and Francie retook their seats on the floor and Amélie sat down in the chair again. It looked like all four adults were sitting down for children's story hour.

Amélie smiled, "Should I tell them about when you came home drunk?" she asked Vaughn.

He smiled, "Yeah…go ahead, apparently, I have no shame…"

Amélie grinned, "He was about 16 I think…" she said thinking out loud, "Yes, 16 because he had just got his license. He went out one Friday night with some of his friends and I was never particularly strict with curfews, but I think I told him to be home by midnight or something like that…anyway, it was about 12:30 and he wasn't home yet. Now, Michael was a very prompt boy, he knew I'd worry and so he always tried to make it home on time, or he'd call…so I thought it was strange that he hadn't called. I got really worried about 1:00 am and I was on the verge of calling the police, when I heard the front door shut…and it sounded like someone was falling up the stairs. I came out into the hall and looked down the stairs, and there was Michael…" she stopped shaking her head, "drunker than a skunk."

Sydney started to giggle.

Flashback
"Michael?" Amélie said as he attempted to climb the stairs.

"Heeeeeeyyyyy mom…" he said with a slight slur.

"Michael, do you know what time it is?"

"Heh…um…'bout…leven?"

"No Michael, it's after 1:00 am…you always call if you're not going to be home, but obviously you were too busy drinking to do that…"

"Ahhhh…mom…I'm not drunk," he said as he missed a step and wound up facing away from her as he landed on the step below. He broke out in a fit of giggles, "Ooooppppssss…"

"Michael…"

"I just had a feeeww…" he said as he stood up shakily again and reattempted to climb the stairs that would take him to his bedroom.

"A few? Tell me you didn't drive Michael," Amélie said worried.

"Naaaaah…I took a cab…" he said as he hiccupped.

"Thank God you had enough sense for that…"

He smiled, "Sense enough…I'm very senseful…sensical…whatever…I'm full of sense."

"That is a fact Michael," Amélie said dryly.

"Would you mind telling me why you thought it necessary to engage in underage drinking?"

"Could you repeat that last one mom…you lost me in the middle there…" he said as he maneuvered around an imaginary object on the stairs.

"Last time I checked Michael…"

He was investigating something on the stairs.

"Michael…" she said, trying to get his attention.

"You know…these stairs are brown…I never noticed," he said giggling, "Are these wood?"

"Michael!" she yelled.

"What?" he said looking up at her.

"Why were you drinking? You are NOT 21!"

He waved his hand, "Ahhhh…just a few of us…guys…just had a few…"

"Who bought it?"

"Ummmm…don't member…"

"You accepted alcohol from…" she stopped when she realized it was fruitless to have this conversation with him now, he wouldn't remember any of it anyway, "Just go to bed Michael…sleep it off…we'll talk in the morning."

"Weeeelllll…you don't have to get so huffy!" he said as his mother walked away back to her bedroom.

She shut her door and listened to make sure he'd make it to his room all right. She heard stumbling and a few expletives as he must have hit something and then silence.

She went out of her room to his and checked on him, he was laying half on the bed, already asleep. She took off his shoes and maneuvered him so he was on the bed and then went back to her room.

She started to giggle after she shut the door and stood there for a moment, shaking her head.

"Oh William," she started, "If you could only see your son at the moment…" she said as she giggled even harder.
End Flashback

"I cannot imagine you drunk Vaughn," Sydney said as she tried to stop her tears of laughter from falling.

"Well…after that, and the morning after, I had my fill for quite a while."

"We had a nice chat in the morning, after all the ickyness…" Amélie said.

"And what did you and Vaughn discuss?" Sydney asked in an innocent tone.

"Oh, well…we had a nice, long discussion about how he wouldn't be driving despite his license for a week, and then we discussed respecting your mother, and I believe we also had the 'dangers of alcohol' talk that day. Does that about cover it Michael to you recollection?"

"Um, yeah, except you forgot the 'if you ever come home drunk like that again I'll ground you for the rest of your life' part."

Amélie chuckled, "Well…sometimes parents need to give incentives…or threats…"

"Threats…yeah – I remember those…but my parents most famous one was 'we'll pull over this car if you and your sister don't cut it out.'"

Sydney and Francie and Will laughed and talked quietly with Amélie until Sydney noticed that Vaughn had been largely quiet.

She looked over at him, "You ok?"

He smiled at moved down a little on the bed, resting his head back farther, "Yeah…"

"You sure?" she asked.

"Yeah…I…I just don't feel too well…"

Sydney turned instantly concerned, and talked to him softly so the others wouldn't hear, "How don't you feel well?"

He shrugged, "I'm really tired…that could be it…"

"Is there more?"

"I just feel…my back hurts…and…I'm kinda nauseous."

"You think it was the spaghetti?"

He shook his head no.

"If it wasn't the spaghetti…the garlic?" she asked.

"I don't think so…I've had stuff like that before…"

"Hmm…" she sat thinking about other things he ate, "Maybe it's the pills…the Amoxicillin?"

He shook his head again, "It's never bothered me before."

"Well…what could it be then?"

He looked at her for a moment, his eyes boring into hers, "I don't think it was the food Sydney."

Realization hit her, "Oh, honey…"

He was quiet and looked over to make sure everyone else was still talking, "I'm scared Sydney…"

She moved over instantly, touching his head and running her hand up and down his chest, "I know honey…but you have to try to relax…you can't let it make you sick…"

"Well I don't mean to…I just…I can't help it…" he dropped his head down more on the pillow and closed his eyes briefly, "Oh man…"

She moved her hand to his stomach and moved it in soothing circles there instead.

"Is this helping at all?" she asked after a few moments.

"Mmm…yeah…little bit, but not much…"

"Should we get you to the bathroom?"

"I really don't think moving is a great idea at the moment…"

"Ok…are you gonna get sick?"

"No…not right now…but…yeah…"

Will looked over at the couple and seemed to notice something was off, "You guys ok?" he asked quietly, drawing Francie and Amélie's attention as well.

"What's wrong?" Amélie asked with a motherly look of distress.

"Will…can you get a bucket?" Sydney asked, her eyes never leaving Vaughn's.

"A bucket?" he asked confused, "Um…a bucket?"

"Yes Will, like a pail, a bucket…something…"

"Ok…um…why…" then he figured it out and literally ran out the door.

Will came back second later with a bucket and handed it to Sydney gently, "Here ya go…"

"Maybe you guys could…go in the living room…for a while," Sydney suggested.

"Sure," Will said, as Francie nodded in agreement.

They turned to Amélie and Francie said, "Why don't I make some coffee…"

Amélie seemed reluctant to go, but Sydney had everything under control and there wasn't really anything else for her to do. She nodded and headed out. Will closed the door quietly as they left.