Chapter 2: Grieving moon.
Each footstep sounded like impeding doom in his ear. Is he really going to do this? Should he do this? What right he had, how dare he even try to face her after what he's done? These thoughts surrounded him like vultures from a carcass. He ignored the stinging behind his eyes and shook his head as if trying to dispel the thought physically, as if that was possible.
His step faltered as he realized his body carried him to his destination without his conscious consent. Honey colored eyes that he inherited from his mother, which showed so much of emotions when he tried to hide it, widened in naked pain and horror as if he was reliving the ordeal once again. Wasn't the nightmares enough? Wasn't feeling worthless every moment of his life enough? It was not enough, deep down he knew, it was not. How can it be? When he murdered the sun? Once open a time his life was illuminated by the ray and warmth of the sun. When she smiled and tended to his wounds, it didn't matter if he was crying or how much he got beat up, he'd feed off on her energy and try to smile like her. Her smiled had the power to calm the world around him and make him feel at peace... Shit, how many years passed since he felt that? Would he ever feel that again? Did he deserve to?
Looking over the river he crouched down to the bank and sat there with his knee hugging his chest and head buried in the space between his knee and chest. He fought the urge to lie down and never get up again. This cursed riverbank was both a shrine and graveyard to him, shrine to his sun and graveyard of his innocence. No matter what anyone said, after that day Ichigo was never the same again. He didn't knew how to laugh anymore, how can he feel the elation in his chest when there's a large gaping hole there that won't stop bleeding, won't stop leaking?
His friend took notice but she was a toddler and hardly could do anything that adults haven't tried. He became distant, a fierce scowl took place where that heartwarming smile resided. Faint golden orb which was a window to his soul, shut out completely and an apathetic and bored look replaced those warm gaze. His heart which he wore in his sleeve, now in the iron clutch of his anger and depression, he couldn't afford it, bearing his heart to anyone and letting them see there's nothing there.
"Kaasan..." He whispered barely and hoarsely with tears now free-falling from his face. Suddenly he looked like that 9 year old who lost his mother and couldn't understand why she couldn't be with him anymore... He allowed his mind to return to his happy days when he could laugh and smile happily, he knew he'd pay the price by reliving these memories. But right now at this moment he'd do anything to fill the gap in his heart and his mother even in death had the ability to that...
AN/ So... Yeah, Ichigo has deep seated issues which wasn't apparent when he had the ability to protect but now when he does not, its all coming back with vengeance. And quite the story chapter, I know but please bear with me as i see this story heading somewhere but for that these things are necessary.
Syborg signing out.
