Very important A/N at the end

Chapter 4: Compassionate sun

Ichigo woke up groggily, with fluttering eyelids he tried to make sense where he was and he got squat. Groaning he half sat up and saw blades of glass on his right and a steady river flowing on his left and immediately everything snapped into place, how he was here, why he was here, everything. Clutching his head in agony he mumbled "No no no no.." And resigned with each arm falling in each side he laid his back onto mother earth's embrace and stared at the dying sky with unfocused eyes. Faintly he could make out that the sun was just about to go down and he thought he heard his mother's laugh in the background, the kind she gave when she was ecstatic, the kind she gave when he was ranked first in math test in 3rd grade. A four year old couldn't remember things that clearly but to Ichigo his clearest memories are with his mother. He forgot many things in his span of life but he couldn't forget his mother, her laugh, her scolding, her gentle cooing. He couldn't forget, he tried to... As shitty as that sounded, Ichigo was ashamed to admit that he tried to forget his mother because he couldn't take it anymore! The guilt, his failure, he couldn't take it anymore but he found out that the thought of his mother disappearing, even from his thoughts was agonising and painful stabs to his heart. He vowed to remember her, no matter what it did to him, he vowed. As he was thinking these, his eyes sharply focused on a rough patch of cloud dinging just above the river, in the dying sunlight that roughly looked like his mother, he knew that was impossible but right now he'd take anything. It looked like she was smiling and in retrospect he smiled sadly and spoke hoarsely for crying and not using his voice for extended period of time "Kaasan... I haven't atoned enough yet, nothing could ever be enough for what I've done to you. I know i don't deserve your forgiveness..." He closed his eyes to try and stop the tears from falling but the flight could not be won and he resigned and sobbed lightly.

After the sun went down Ichigo sat there for quite some time and when it became dark he got up and he suddenly realised a foreign sheet. He clearly remembered he didn't bring anything like that. So where did it come from? He took the sheet in his hands and the pattern was vaguely familiar to him but for the life of him he couldn't remember where he has seen this. He took the sheet to his nose and suddenly was invaded by this sweet aroma, this smelled faintly like lavender and some unknown spice. He knew this but darn it! he couldn't put a face with it. It was from someone he knew, at least of that much he was sure. He took the sheet and folded it nicely and started walking to his house pondering who might've seen him in that state?


He didn't even realize he was inside his house until the crazy old goat-face decided to drop kick him yelling "Ichigoooooo, prepare to yourself!" His body sprung into action. Years of shinigami training has honed his senses to the limit and then some. Is a split-second action he grabbed his father's leg, sidestepped and using the momentum swung him into the wall with full force. It looked like his father had become a permanent part of the wall and just as he was walking away with his back to his father. The crazy goat-face recovered and decided to sucker punch him, Ichigo sensed that and angled his neck to the left and grabbed onto his father's hand and in a classic judo fashion, threw him over his shoulder. With a loud thump his father descended onto the floor and got his breath knocked out of him from such heavy impact. Ichigo looked positively livid and screamed "Why can't you ever behave like a normal father instead of sneak attacking me?" His father got up and brushed himself off of imaginary dusts and said "I do it to keep you sharp and beacuse I'm such an awesome father!" He gave Ichigo a thumbs-up and beamed at him. Ichigo looked exasperated and tried to make his way into his room but a firm hand on his shoulder stopped him in his track. He looked back and saw his father with a serious expression, he gulped. His father was never serious save for a couple of things and he had a pretty good idea where this conversation was headed and he didn't need any more of that.

"Ichigo..." His father started with somber voice, "We missed you at the wake today... Karin and Yuzu wouldn't stop asking about you, you should know better than to make your little sisters worried about you!"

Ichigo looked ashamed and hung his head, with a small voice he said "Yeah Otou-san... I'm sorry, I couldn't attend beacuse there was a pressing matter at work..."

A blatant lie, they both knew this. Ichigo was fortunate that he was looking down at the floor, he couldn't see the pity reflected in his father's eye. He absolutely loathed that look, early in his life he understood that pity doesn't help anyone, it only makes the sufferer even more sad.

His father pressed lightly in his shoulder, causing him to look up and his father gave him a light pat on the back and beckoned him to come closer and then his father embraced him, more like gave him a bear hug to which Ichigo embraced him back and tried to find solace in the only pillar of guiding light he had left. His father maybe a goofball most of the time but when it counts his father was the most reliable person possible. He never forgot that his father never blamed him for his mother's death but he must've, right? It's because of him he can't see his wife anymore, its because of him that Karin and Yuzu can't feel the love of their mother. The small hope that Ichigo was cultivating died and left a sour taste in his mouth. He quickly disengaged from the hug and said his goodnight and practically ran upstairs to lock himself inside his room. When it was dark enough and he was sure everyone went to bed, he took a fresh towel and made his way to the bathroom. The warm water did little to soothe his nerve. He was still spent from the emotional turmoil he had to go through today, he just stood under the shower and let the warm water do its work, he wished that the water might wash away the filth he felt. But he knew the stain is too deep for any wash. He closed his eyes.


Ichigo thought he knew the meaning of the word "dread" he was dead wrong. The dread be felt when confronting kenpachi is minuscule compared to what he is feeling now. Shit.. Maybe he wouldn't go there today, maybe not ever. If he quits now he'll have to sleep with one eye open for the rest of his life for the fear that she might do something unholy. As he was thinking morbid thoughts he vaguely recognised the store in front of him and cautiously made his way into the shop and was greeted by the faint smell of lavender which soothed his otherwise agitated nerves. He was looking for a certain violent shopkeeper and she was nowhere to be found. He made his way into the room that's was her temporary office and saw the diary in which the schedules of upcoming jobs was written. He thought "If i do some extra job maybe she'll spare me one good eye" taking action he read that there's already more than twenty deliveries pending and all of them scattered across karakura. He groaned, and took all the delivery item and their addresses and took off on the van that was promptly parked right outside her house but not before he left a note saying he was out doing deliveries and will be back for more work once finished with the deliveries.

Ikumi had her hand full with groceries and she wobbly made her way to the kitchen and started making breakfast and thought of the previous day. It was quite an incident with Ichigo, she never thought that Ichigo would be a big softy. He was certainly damaged but not to extent of unrecoverable, last afternoon was proof was that. He was hurt but ungraciously accepted the warmth and care she was providing, albeit unknowingly but still he reciprocated. This boy, no this was no boy this was a man, a boy wouldn't understand the depth of emotion Ichigo felt at that moment or what she thought he felt. A boy wouldn't have the courage to face and sort out his emotions. It was messy, dangerous and utterly taxing. She thought what would reduce one of the strongest person she has ever met into sobbing and mewling pile of mess? Standard direction would be to ask him but Ikumi knew better than that. Her only option was to wait and see if he comes to her. She didn't know why she was getting so worked up over her assistant/slave/punching bag but after last day it didn't seem appropriate to call him any one of those. Last day her idiot assistant pulled a string in her heart, she knew about suffering all too well and no one should go through that alone. She thought that from now she'd be more supportive and be a bit respectful towards him, she wanted him to come to her, she wanted Ichigo to share his problem with her but he wasn't going to unless she initiated something, she thought that she'd start but calling his name properly. "Ichigo" yes, that sounded much more better than anything she has ever called him.

After making breakfast she made her way to her office and found it missing of one very important schedule diary and started searching frantically for it. After she had tossed most of the office away she saw a small note in the mirror that said "Ikumi-san i found the diary and I'm going out to do deliveries. I'll be back once I've finished them" Ikumi smiled at the note.


Ichigo was exhausted, there was no other word for it. Being a martial artist he had impressive endurance and that was only enhanced by his brief shinigami life but even with all that he was at his breaking point. He somehow managed to do the last delivery and made his was back to Ikumi-san's house, haphazardly parking the van he made his way into the house fully intended and prepared to be on his knees to ask for forgiveness and ask her mercy to let him go today because god help him, he wouldn't be able to do any strenuous activity he was sure she had planned for him. Maybe with the promise of working extra extra hour tomorrow she'd let him go today and that was if she was in a charitable mood. He spotted her bending over her desk to scribble something down and noticed she was in the telephone. He briskly made his way to the sofa, opposite of her desk and was greeted with a nice view of her backside. Now Ichigo wasn't a prepping Tom but dammit be was fully healthy red blooded male and sometimes when his eyes wondered on their own he found himself looking at his boss in a very inappropriate manner but begrudgingly agreed that she was very beautiful. Maybe the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Too bad her temper left everything to be desired.

Ikumi finished the call and took notice that Ichigo was here, she looked him square in the eye with no malice and she saw him flinch and thought "poor guy must be feeling guilty about yesterday"

But before she could say something Ichigo stood up and beat her to it, "Ikumi-san.. I'm very very sorry, I shouldn't have ditched you but it was a very important personal thing that it could not wait. I know I'm making excuses and I shouldn't be but I want you know that it wasn't my intention to cause you trouble, I'm aware that for me you have to compensate for a considerable amount of things than you would do and you sacrifice a lot for me and..."

Ichigo couldn't finish his speech that he had prepared earlier to avoid her wrath. He was looking down at his feet and thus couldn't see Ikumi invade his personal space. He saw another pair of feet right opposite of him and looked up when he did Ikumi stepped even closer to him and took one of his hand in both of her hand and clasped it. The sharp intake of breath from Ichigo made her feel hesitant about what she was about to do. But she had decided that she'll be supportive and listen to him, now's the time to put get words into action

She never realised that he had almost 4 inches over her and as a result she had to look up to look into his eyes which was a beautiful shade golden brown almost honey colored. She intertwined their hands and looked straight into his eyes and said "Ichigo... I don't care for whatever reason you had to go its fine, I know you're a responsible young man and wouldn't have left at the last minute if you had any other option, I'm just a little sad about the fact that you couldn't trust me enough to tell me."

She looked a little bit sad and Ichigo tried to dispel the thought about embracing her because if she knew she'd probably kill him. But that didn't stop him to give a light squeeze on her hand which she faintly returned

She resumed "I know sometimes I get a little... Enthusiastic about work but that didn't mean I loathe or hate you and you should know that you can talk to me about anything you want to, if you have any problems, lean on me."

She suddenly finished and looked a little embarrassed and averted her eyes from him, had she looked a little longer she would've seen Ichigo's normally half-lidded eyes grow to comical proportions. He was having trouble believing this new and compassionate Ikumi-san, she always had temper like a hell beast but now she looked even harmless then Hanatarou. He couldn't find anything appropriate to say so he cleared his throat and that made Ikumi look at him, he cursed his involuntary action and quickly scrambled to say something, "Ikumi-san... Thank you for your kind words, I'll remember them and if I encounter any problems you'll be the first person to know" finishing embarrassedly he gave her a small tentative smile

His breath was taken away when she smiled at him, not the throaty laugh or the snicker but an actual closed lip smile that seemed to reverberate with her being and at the same time she gently squeezed his hand as if to reassure him that this was not a dream. He found himself smiling despite nothing to smile about. Not the half-smirk or the condescending laugh but a smile from his childhood. Ones he used to give until his innocence was taken away and his life was torn apart.

Both realizing that they're a little too close for civil conversation, disengaged gracefully, smile still hovering around both of their lips. They looked at research other's eye and instantly knew that their emotions were mirrored, this was acceptance, this was the promise to listen and understand and solve the hurdles of life for each other.

They said their plesentaris and Ichigo started waking home with one of the most plesent mood he has ever experienced.


A/N: So yeah guys and gals, story is progressing slowly but surely. I'm seeing a lot of hits and visitors but no one said anything. Normally I wouldn't think much of it but since this is my first foray into the crazy labyrinth called Fanfiction, I'd like some feedback about my story and my writing. Was it good/bad, do you love it/hate it? Don't fear to comment as i don't bite except inside bedroom :D

But seriously though, constructive criticism is welcome and any other pointers about my story or my writing is more than welcome.

Till next time

Syborg signing out