...Hi, Luka.
You're probably wondering why I'm writing to you. To be completely honest, I am too. I could just, you know, come up to you in real life, and tell you all this stuff, but I might not get the chance to. I'll talk more about that later.
...This is, like, the fifteenth time I've tried writing this letter. I was going to throw this draft away too (excuse the crumples and the ink smudges there) when I realised I had no paper left, and I can't go out because Mother might see me. So I'm gonna have to continue on this one. Ignore all the scribbles. Oh, and if any sentences don't make much sense, don't blame me. I've never been the best at English. Even though I've been learning it since I was about four or something. And I can't use my arm properly. Ah, well.
...Do you remember that day three years ago, when I just came back to school after that man did… stuff? Yeah, on that day, I was so terrified. Everyone tried talking to me, asking me random questions that bought up bad memories and stuff, and I didn't know what to do. So, then I just ended up trying to shoo them away politely. It kinda worked. I wish that Rin and Len were there. But then their parents got a job offer and they had to move all the way to France.
Oh, I've just realised that you don't know who Rin and Len are, because you didn't really talk much. Wait, no, I'm not trying to imply that you're a loner and that you have no friends, I'm just saying that you keep to yourself, and you prefer being alone to being with other people. Yeah. That sounds alright. Wait, ignore that last sentence too. Man, I knew I was bad at writing, but not this bad, y'know? Meh, ignore me.
Anyways, they were those blonde twins I used to hang about with. Rin was the girl, and Len was the boy, but he looked a lot like a girl. We used to make fun of him for that. Me and Rin would gang up against him. It was really fun.
They were the only two people in the whole school I could act normally around. They bought out the loud, shouty side of me that barely any people see. You know, I think I've shown only four people that side of me: my little brother, Rin, Len, and you. Well, it would be you, if this letter's coming off like how I want it to come off. Eh, it probably isn't. I really can't write letters. When I write one, I wanna write all formal-like, and it isn't good in this context, 'cos I'm trying to be chatty, and all...
...I've gone completely off track, haven't I? One minute I was talking about that man, the next I'm talking about how I can't write a letter properly. And now I've got barely any space left on this piece of paper. Great.
I can rip out pages of my school exercise book, can't I? It's not like I'm going back there. I don't need these books anymore. But I'll talk about that later.
So, yeah, that day when we had music. I walked into music, took my usual place. You were already there, sat where you usually sit. The teacher started talking, and then, after a while, he told us to get into pairs. I looked at Rin and Len's usual places across the classroom, only to see that the chairs were empty. Yup, I forgot they left. Stupid me.
Then, I looked around the classroom, and saw that everyone was already in pairs, except for you, me, and that boy called Kaito.
Rin and Len used to tease me endlessly about how I had a crush on him. Well, I did kinda have a crush on him, but it faded. My interest in boys in general faded after that… incident.
I was terrified of him. As he walked up to me, I was reminded of the man that tried to… rape me. They both had the same blue hair, they both had the same blue eyes, and they even walked in a similar way. Y'know, I wouldn't be surprised if he was Kaito's creepy dad or something. Of course I was gonna be scared!
I am so, so, so grateful that you came and stopped him. I was confused as to why you did it, 'cos I noticed how you always worked by yourself. I remember how you talked to him, and the look on his face was actually priceless! You then sat down next to me, and didn't even look at me. I was slightly scared - I still remember when you told me to "get lost" when we were kids, you know. I could never forget that.
I just looked down at my shoes while listening to the teacher tell us what we had to do. Then, I heard you take in a breath. In that split second, I was curious. I mean, you saved me, but you didn't say anything, so I wanted to know what you'd say to me, and if it would be happy, or sad, or scary, and stuff.
"I'll write the song. You just sing it."
To be honest, your tone of voice frightened me a little. It was so flat and monotone. But, it wasn't cold. You came off very differently to what the rumours about the school's resident "pink-haired devil" was like.
You got up, and walked into the practice rooms. I looked at the teacher out of confusion, but he saw you walk out and didn't even bat an eyelid, so I thought it was alright. Kaito started to approach me when the door shut behind you, and I was scared. Again. Out of panic, I literally charged into the practice room that you were in.
You turned around and looked at me, and the face you had on was so scary, my knees actually wobbled a bit. Literally, it looked like you wanted to rip my throat out! And I knew that you were capable of it, after what I saw you do to that man. I really, really didn't want to get on your bad side.
I don't know why you didn't kick me out. You looked like you wanted to. I was really happy when you just sighed, and let me stay. After that, I just watched you work. All those pieces of paper with all those random musical symbols on them were really confusing. I still don't understand how you manage to understand it all. I definitely don't.
You then played the song through after about fifteen minutes. I was really shocked that you managed to write a full song in such a small period of time. I could never, ever do that.
I was so excited to hear what the lyrics were. I just knew that they were going to be deep and meaningful, maybe a bit mysterious, like you are.
...Imagine my surprise when you had to restart the song a bajillion times because you couldn't think of lyrics.
I was like, woah, I thought Luka was supposed to be good at everything! And she can't even write simple song lyrics!
Your face became more and more red with every time that you had to restart the song. I don't know whether you were red because you were annoyed, or because you were embarrassed. I figured that you probably didn't have people watch you work for musical magic very often.
Wait, again, I didn't mean to say that you're a loner again… Ah, hell. You get what I mean. Hopefully.
To be honest, I was actually getting bored of hearing that same intro over and over again, only to be cut off when you couldn't think of what to say. I mean, the song was catchy and all, but you were testing the limits of my patience. So, I took matter into my own hands, and started singing some lyrics.
I still remember every word of that song, you know. That song's really special to me. For a couple of reasons. Two, to be exact.
Do you know what that song is about? Actually, scratch that, of course you don't - I never told you. How are you supposed to know?
Anyways, it's about my little brother. I mentioned him earlier, I think…? Yeah, him. He was born when I was four, literally two days before we moved here from Japan. He was sooooo cute! He had a little, scrunched up face, the cutest little button nose, and he made the cutest noises ever!
We were so close. We were almost inseparable.
But then Mother got to him.
She originally wanted to have a little girl, and older boy, a loving husband, a nice house, and everything else everyone else dreams of, but that was shattered when Father did some… stuff, yeah, stuff, to her, which made her go a bit mentally unstable, and stuff. She was already a bit upset when I was born. I remember hearing one of their arguments one night, which was about the fact that I wasn't a boy, but she got over it, but then she got pregnant with my little Mikuo instead of the little girl she always dreamed of, and got pushed over the edge.
She tried to love him, she really did, but when he was eight, and I was twelve, she got angry, and…
Oops. Ignore that smudged ink there.
Anyways, she… drowned him, in the bathtub, while I was at school. I got home, and I found him there, his once gentle eyes staring up past me, lifeless and glassy, all the brightness gone.
And then, literally a week later, I find out my best friends, my only friends, are leaving, and then, on the first day they aren't there, I end up getting harassed by some random old man. My life was going soooo well, right?
I thought up those lyrics as Mikuo was, like, the light of my life. He'd make me feel happy when I was down, with his cheesy, youthful smile, and his jokes, which made no sense whatsoever, and I'd help him cheer up when his day had been bad, too. When he died, I was close to breaking down completely, and losing all my sanity. Life was so dark, and I'd walk home, expecting to hear Mikuo's silly new nickname of the week for me when I got in, only to have the deafening sound of silence greet me. After he died, all I could do was go up into my pathetic excuse for a bedroom and cry. And soon after I'd even have to stop crying 'cos Mother would come home.
She was even more angry after. She knew what she did was wrong, and she knew that I knew she had done what she did, and she didn't want me "babbling to the people at school" about it. So, she kept me from telling people by threatening to take away my food (which, to be honest, wasn't really that great in the first place) and then, when she thought I was getting too rebellious, she'd threaten to…
...She'd threaten to do what she did to Mikuo to me.
I wasn't even safe in my own house. I didn't know that there would be anywhere where I was safe.
I wasn't allowed to grieve for Mikuo, or do anything at all against her. So that song, it was like a tiny little act of rebellion I could have against her. My grieving for Mikuo is in that song. That's the first reason as to why that song is special.
The second is that it was the first time I got to know you.
The rumours going around school about you made me think you were a nasty person, and that thought was only supported by what you did to me when we were kids (like I said, I remember that day, you know?) so I was touched when you treated me nicely.
And then, a bit later, when you sat near me at lunch, I was so happy, you don't even know-
I'm sorry. I just heard Mother come in through the door. That means I've got about half an hour before she comes upstairs.
Wow. That means I've been writing all night. Just... woah. If only I worked as hard at school as I did with this letter, huh?
..I should mention why I've been down these last few weeks before... anything happens. So, I was diagnosed with cancer a few months after Mikuo died (my life keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?), and Mother lied to the doctors about these "treatments" I was receiving (I wasn't really getting treated at all). So, I had to hide all the pains I got.
It worked for a bit, but then, a few weeks back, it suddenly got worse. I think it's spread to some other parts of my body, but I'm not too sure. I found it hard just to get out of bed in the mornings, and even harder to get to school. Weird marks and bumps starting appearing all over me, and I didn't know what to do. Mother noticed, but threatened me with my life and the person's life who I told if I told anyone what was up. So I kept quiet.
I would've told you, you know. But I don't want you to get hurt. I would rather die a slow, painful death by the hands of the one I love the most because they hate my face than let you get hurt.
By the way, you're the one I love the most.
Yeah, it's sudden, but I've noticed you since we were kids, and I've always known that I'm not like most other people when it comes to what kind of people I like, but I don't care. You're you. I'd love you no matter what you do.
...So, I'd better wrap this up now. Mother'll call me down in about ten minutes, and I still have to think of what to write.
Nevermind. I hear her coming upstairs now. Sorry for the abruptness.
Love you. Really.
-Hatsune Miku
Miku signed off the letter hastily before grabbing the cream envelope next to her. Wow, she thought, I am so lucky that I decided to write her address on this before I tried writing the letter.
She folded up the paper unevenly and forced it into the envelope, then practically spat on it to seal it. As her fingers folded the flap over, Miku cringed at all the spit. Well… there's nothing I can do about it now…
She heard the slurred voice of her mother through the door. "Miku... "
In seconds, the door burst open, and Miku's drunk mother staggered into the room. Not wanting her mother to see the letter, she shoved it into the waistband of her school skirt behind her back. It was lucky she did this, as her mother immediately walked straight up to her. Miku cowered slightly.
"Go to the shop and buy some leeks, you worthless bitch!" she slurred, her unpleasant breath invading Miku's senses. Miku had to force herself from gagging and recoiling in disgust.
"Y-Yes, M-Mother."
"Good kid." Her mother ruffled a dirty hand through Miku's long, teal hair before staggering back towards the door of the small bedroom.
The door slammed shut behind Miku's mother, and Miku sighed worriedly. The clock on her desk read twenty five to seven in the morning. She'd have to leave for school in ten minutes if she didn't want to be late.
Sighing, she looked between the little amount of money she had to her name, the slightly scrunched up letter she had just pulled out from behind her back, and her schoolbag. She didn't know what to do…
Then, it came to her. She still needed a stamp for the letter, and, if she went to the shop and bought a stamp, she'd be able to post the letter at the mailbox near there, then come home, give her mother the leeks, then still get to school without missing too much lesson time!
She smiled, and picked everything up. The money in her hands and the letter in her bag, she strolled out of her bedroom and down the stairs to leave the house. She pushed the door open in front of her and set off to the shops, hiding the growing pain she felt wash over her body with every step with a forced smile.
Getting this done will let Luka know how I feel. And, if she gets the letter soon enough, and I'm, by some miraculous miracle, still alive, then we'll be able to be together!
This thought alone made her feel stronger, and the smile on her face turned genuine.
Yeah. Luka's worth this pain.
Watching from inside the house, Miku's mother scowled. Why's that girl so happy for?
She scrutinized her only daughter as she walked away, a slight spring in her step. Miku was starting to do her head in. She thought cancer killed people quicker than this. Miku should've been dead ages ago.
An idea came to her. She smirked, and walked over to the kitchen. Pulling out the sharpest knife she could find, the small smile on her face evolved into a dark, sadistic grin.
This'll give her something to be happy about.
A/N: ...Yeah. This happened because I really, really wanted to write Miku's letter. So I did. :DDD
A massive thanks to AngelicPanda (your review made me grin like a madman for the rest of the day once I read it!), chi2lyn (I'm happy that my writing makes other people happy(or sad... or whatever you feel)!) and Azhenet (no, thank you for reviewing!) for sparing the time to write me a review. I'm also thanking those of you who favourited or followed this story (I'm not sure why people followed, though - I wrote that this was a oneshot in the summary...?), because you people make me smile too.
Thanks for reading, and please review and favourite (I assure you, I'm not continuing this on now, so there's no point following. I swear down.)!
Disclaimer: I swear, I haven't bought the rights to Vocaloid or the song 'Hope' by Yuyoyuppe in these past eight (I think...?) days. So I don't own Vocaloid, or my favourite Miku song, 'Hope'.
Edited on 28-5-16 for grammar and other bits I felt needed improving. Tell us if I've missed anything out!
