Chapter 139: All the Things We Never Said
"Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again." – Willa Cather
"Sweet is the memory of past troubles." – Marcus T. Cicero
"There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery." – Dante Alighieri
"We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget." – Joan Didion
"Unless we remember we cannot understand." – Edward M. Forster
"It is surprising how much of memory is built around things unnoticed at the time." – Barbara Kingsolver
"Did I tell you that I almost resigned as your case officer because I thought that I'd screwed up so bad?"
"I remember we talked about what happened, what changed your mind?"
"Weiss of all people…"
She smiled, "What did he say?"
Flashback
Weiss: (reads) "Okay, you can't show him this. No, I'm serious. If Kendall sees this–"
Vaughn: "He needs to know why SD-6 has the real gyroscope."
Weiss: "I agree. I think so, too. But this requires a little creativity. Look, tell him it was my fault, okay? Tell him that, um, grinding the lenses took a little longer than expected and we weren't able to make Sydney's plane."
Vaughn: "I won't let you cover for me."
Weiss: "I'm not but it's partially my fault too. I'm the one who told you to take her on a date."
Vaughn: "You told me to tell her how I feel."
Weiss: "Whatever. I'm three-months past a near death experience, what the hell are you doing listening to my advice for?"
Vaughn: "I'm recommending that I be replaced as her case officer. "
Weiss: "Okay, now you're just being stupid. I'm sorry, but that's ridi–"
Vaughn: "I nearly blew our entire operation inside SD-6. Not to mention putting Sydney's life in danger."
Weiss: "Hey, she wanted to go to dinner, too. She's a big girl. She knew the risks."
Vaughn: "My point is that my judgment was compromised."
Weiss: "Not to mention the fact that all the damage that you and Sydney have done to SD-6 – have you given any thought to the fact that maybe all that work was done because of the way you feel about each other? How's that for spin."
Vaughn: "It's not bad."
End Flashback
Sydney smiled, "Well…I hate to say it, but I think Eric was right for once."
"Let's not tell him that…"
"Ok sweetie, we won't tell him."
"Can I just tell you how much I've loved spending today right here…"
"I did too…I figured you needed a day to just chill out…"
"Yeah…thank you."
"You're welcome," Sydney said kissing him softly.
They lay there just smiling deliriously at each other for a few minutes.
"What else can we talk about?" Vaughn asked after the pause.
"Hmm…let's see…what else haven't we talked about…"
"We haven't talked about our first kiss…"
"Or the first time we really made love…"
They both smiled, "Should we start with kiss?" Vaughn asked.
"Well, sequentially, that did happen first…"
"Sequentially that fat ass touching you happened first, and the most jaw dropping moment of my life as well!"
Sydney smirked, "What do you mean?"
"OH MY GOD! He…he…EWWW…I mean – first he made you put on the other negligee…what a pig…I mean… you looked BEYOND gorgeous! And he had the nerve to tell you to change into the other one! I wanted to KILL him – ask Weiss – if I would have been on that plane – he would be DEAD NOW!"
Sydney was blushing half from the string of compliments and half from his macho nature at the moment, "A bit possessive, aren't we?"
He stared her down, "You. Are. Mine."
She smiled, "O. K." she paused, "I loved your speech to me…"
He returned the smile, "What Eric dubbed the flirting corner?"
Sydney giggled, "Yes, I needed you to tell me…and he interrupted…"
"Well I mean, I couldn't start making out with you right then, although I totally wanted to…"
Flashback
Vaughn: "I'm going to say something and it will either be obvious to you or seem presumptuous. Either way, I got to say it. This isn't working. I've been thinking about this for a while. I don't know what the hell to do."
Sydney: "What?"
Vaughn: "I think you know what."
Sydney: "I need you to tell me."
Vaughn: "You need me to tell you what? That when you're on operations, I can't sleep at night. That when we're in debrief I have to force myself to remember what the hell we're supposed to be reviewing. When all I want to do is kiss you."
Sydney: "Sometimes it is hard to remember what we're supposed to be talking about."
Vaughn: "That's what I'm talking about. And the thing that makes me crazy every day is that the people who would kill us if we're seen together – the Alliance, SD-6, Sloane – are the very forces that brought you into my life to begin with. What kind of a sick joke is that?"
Sydney: "So what are you thinking? That maybe we shouldn't be working together?"
Vaughn: "That's what I was thinking but then I thought, we are great together."
Sydney: "I know."
Vaughn: "And the more we work together, the sooner the Alliance gets destroyed."
Sydney: "So what are you suggesting?"
(Weiss enters.)
Weiss: "What is this, the flirting corner?"
Vaughn: "Uh, we're talking."
Weiss: "Yeah, I figured that out. Uh, there's a meeting. National security, remember that? It's important... for the people?"
Sydney: "We'll be right there."
(He leaves. They smile at each other and leave as well.)
End Flashback
"So, what WERE you suggesting?" Sydney asked with a sly grin.
Vaughn raised an eyebrow, "Simply, that it wasn't going to work for us to try to take down the Alliance and Sloane when all I could think about was what you were wearing under those conservative CIA suits and how many different positions you could twist your flexible body into and what your very nice lips or hands, or legs, or anything would look like wrapped around a VERY nice part of me…"
She slapped his shoulder, "You are so bad…"
"You SO thought about that too…"
Sydney gave him a sideways glance, "That's not the point!"
He giggled, "You asked!"
"I did…and I must say, I did enjoy the answer…you had it bad…"
"You NEEDED me to tell you…"
She smiled and kissed him impulsively, making them both giggle.
"And after that damn red and black lingerie…damn woman…I mean…" he shook his head.
"So which did you like better?" she asked.
He grinned, "You'll hit me again…"
"Vaughn, just tell me…"
"The red…"
She slapped him playfully again, "You're just as bad…"
"I am not!"
She smiled, "No…men…" she shook her head, "Why?"
"Cause you looked so hot in it Sydney…I mean…DAMN…and well…I got…" he stopped.
"What?"
"Um…well…you had those earrings on…"
She smiled, "I know…"
He looked over at her, "Aren't we just full of surprises tonight…you knew I could see you?"
"Of course…I would have taken them off otherwise…"
"You do realize of course that Eric was sitting RIGHT there…"
Sydney's eyes got wide, "I…OH MY GOD…I…I totally…DIDN'T think of that! Not at the moment!"
Vaughn was giggling.
"This is NOT funny!" Sydney said angrily, "I can't believe you didn't say anything!"
Vaughn dissolved into a fit of laughter that ended with a few short coughs as he tried to calm down.
"Are you ok?" she asked.
He nodded, "I'm just kidding…just teasing you…when I saw what you were doing…I made him go to the bathroom until you were done…"
"Oh thank God!" Sydney said as she let out a sigh, "You ass."
"Thank you…After that though…Sydney…I thought you were dead…I mean…when you jumped…" he shook his head, closing his eyes to rid his mind of the memory.
She stroked his face, "I'm ok…I was ok…and plus…you brilliantly gave me the out when you told me to throw the gun – saved my life…"
He shook his head again, "That didn't mean I didn't shit my pants when you jumped," he motioned with his fingers, "This close Sydney…another few feet and there would have been nothing left of you…my stomach lurched…I didn't breathe right until I saw you safe on the ground again…"
She smiled softly, "I'm sorry…"
"Wanna know what the best part was?" he asked after he rid his mind of the painful image of Sydney's jump.
"The kiss?"
"That too – but before that…"
"What?"
"Kendall's speech – it was just…" he stopped and then started again, "The words, the Alliance will no longer exist…just…"
"I know…" Sydney said quietly.
"When it was over…"
"Yeah…"
"And I looked at you…"
"Our eyes met…"
"I started towards you…"
"No one else existed Vaughn…"
"No one else mattered…all I wanted was you…"
"We could finally be together…"
"Together…"
She smashed her lips to his, trying desperately to mold them together, their passion igniting like it did thousands of times before, but yet each time different.
They parted as they usually did, breathless, and rested their foreheads against each other as their breathing returned to normal.
They were both grinning like fools.
"SO good," Vaughn said quietly.
"I know…after that kiss Vaughn…my whole life changed…"
"Mine too…and I'm thankful every day for it."
"Me too." She paused and then added, "The next morning…I'd never been so happy to have a car ride before."
"I was elated that I could drive you…seriously, something so simple…we turned into a great step, and speaking of steps… Yeah, let's discuss not only your striptease on the plane, but your blatant flashing me at Cayo Concha."
Sydney giggled, "I'm sorry…I couldn't resist…"
"And then I had to just go on like nothing happened…"
"I'm sorry honey…I made it up to you with dinner later…and other things…" she said with a wink.
The gleam in his jade eyes deepened, "Yeah, the food was great…"
She smiled, "That was an amazing night."
He smiled coyly, "Yes it was…and the reheating worked great for later…"
"We spent the WHOLE night…"
"Yes we did…and many since then."
She snuggled closer to him for a few minutes before saying, "I should make dinner…"
"Mmm…ok…what are we gonna have?"
"What would you like?"
"Pizza…"
"What?"
"Pizza…mmm…or cheese fries – do you have any cheese fries?"
"Ugh Vaughn, no…grease…ick…not good for you."
"Aww," he whined, "Sydney…please?"
She smiled looking down at his little boy face, "I'll go check," she said with a sigh.
She went out to the kitchen and opened the freezer door, "Damn," she said to herself, "Damn Will and his junk food…" she grabbed the cheese fries out of the freezer and got them started in the oven. Then she walked back to the bedroom, "You can thank Will when he gets back – he's adding to your clogged arteries."
"Yay!" Vaughn exclaimed with a smile, "Thank you…"
She smiled, "You're welcome…"
She went back to the kitchen and started to grab drinks and then was waiting for the cheese fries to be done. She stood thinking about the topics they'd discussed; Vaughn seemed better today, more together, more himself. The simple fact that he talked to her all day definitely made her feel better…she looked at the clock, wondering how long Will and Francie would keep Amélie away from the house. She smiled thinking about her friends as they took it upon themselves to keep Amélie occupied today. Her thoughts also started to wander to what else she and Vaughn could do today. He was too emotionally distraught the previous night for her to offer any effective physical remedy, and besides that, that wasn't what he needed. Today on the other hand, they were much closer on that level…she smiled as she took the cheese fries out of the oven and began to cut them into strips. 'Hmm…finger food,' she thought with a smile, and decided Vaughn was going to have a nice, relaxing, yet fun, evening at home.
She grabbed all of the dinner and walked back to the bedroom. He smiled when she walked in and accepted their shared plate, holding onto it until she sat down and held it for him.
He grabbed one of the strips and she watched with an amused look as he literally shoved the whole thing in his mouth.
"Hungry?" she asked.
"Mmm…mfph…it's breeeely gof."
She smiled and grabbed one, eating it much more daintily than he had.
She grabbed another one and brought it to his mouth. He took a bite eagerly and then smiled at her.
"Aww man…that is really…greasy."
"I told you! Do you feel sick now?"
"No…it's great," he said with a satisfied smile.
She smiled and brought it to his mouth again, "Speaking of greasy," she said.
He looked at her, as she gave him the last bite of the cheese fry. She presented her hand to him, "My fingers are awfully messy…"
It only took him a minute to figure out that she was turning the cheese fries into some kind of foreplay. He smiled and took her hand, bringing it to his mouth and proceeded to lick her fingers clean.
She smiled appreciatively and continued her feeding regiment.
She reached for his pills and had him take them and then deliberately placed her hand high on his thigh to give him his drink, holding onto the glass while he drank, which she never did anymore.
She put the glass down then and went on with the meal as though nothing had happened.
He wasn't about to be outdone however, and two could play that game, so he grabbed a cheese fry and presented it to her as well. She smiled appreciatively and took a bite, holding on to the hand that was feeding her and inching upward slightly, making goosebumps rise on his arm.
She kept up her movement on his hand and arm until the fry was gone. Then she proceeded to suck the grease off of each one of his fingers, taking each one in turn and hollowing her cheeks, instantly reminding him of another talent she had.
She kept her eyes locked on his hooded ones, he could feel the hair on his neck start to stand up, and a similar reaction was occurring on a lower portion of his body. She smiled and sucked his finger until she let it out with a wet pop.
She took the plate of cheese fries and sat them on the table and then moved back to him, sitting herself on his legs as she sat him up.
"I know what you need baby…" she said seductively as she peeled back the covers…
