A/N- Chapter by The Mysterious Q. Also a Winter chapter :D (Love this thing it's my life in a nutshell)

Chapter 4- Her Virtual Alter-Ego

Breathe.

Winter stared at the cover of Glamour, barely recognizing herself. Her brown-gold eyes had been heavily mascaraed and lined with glittery blue eyeshadow. Her mouth was brightened with a red that looked like blood. Cheekbones had been accented and blushed. Every little alteration, pushing her towards a perfection that didn't exist.

And that dress. Stars. Thousands and thousands of dollars, that could have been used to feed the starving and research cures to cancer, instead used to make a flimsy gold dress with impossibly thin straps and disgustingly short hem. Her neck was draped with gold and diamonds, her wrists circled with sapphire bracelets.

It wasn't her. It couldn't be. Winter wanted to mock the girl on the cover. Her heart sank as she realized what everyone in the world thought of her, all seeing her in the same, shallow ways, and forming their own opinions of hatred or admiration or jealousy. She would be speculated about: what next movie she'd star in, who her next boyfriend would be-

She'd never even had an actual boyfriend. Her agents forced her to pretend to date some guy or another at intervals for publicity, and she'd felt sick holding their hands with no emotion at all. She'd had to kiss random strangers, her first kiss stolen by a celebrity whose name she didn't even remember. When to be truthful, all she wanted was Jacin. Aces, Jacin…

Who was probably back home right now, holding the magazine. Who was looking at the picture with a betrayed expression on his face. Winter had promised Jacin that she'd never change, and because he'd been her best friend since birth, he believed her. She wanted to believe he still did, but how could he? Not when their phone times became more and more limited, when texting wasn't enough, and when the media screamed otherwise.

She missed him. He was tucked in the distant suburbs of Chicago, far away from the sparkle of the city, living in a plain, two-story town house. She was in Hollywood, in a five-star hotel, unable to escape. She missed him. She missed everything… wearing funny sweatshirts without anyone telling her not to… binge-eating bags of Goldfish and joking about cheese slaughter… the media not caring about her… gah. Feels.

She feared revealing herself to the world, because she knew no one would quite understand. She had woven her own trap and then proceeded to entangle herself into it. No… not quite, the trap wasn't her own doing. It was someone else's, ever since Winter's mother committed suicide.

Thank the constellations that the media didn't know about that yet.


When Winter auditioned, she had a panic attack.

It sounded so irrational, she knew. But at her point of misery, she was definitely entitled to be hiding in the bathroom, in a mess of tears.

Ironically, she'd dreamed of being in this. Her favorite series ever, The Star Chronicles, by Reyem Assiram, which she'd written fanfic and baked constellation cupcakes for, was finally being made into a movie. And she had a chance to be in it. So… why was she sobbing her guts out?

Because her journey there was just so twisted and messed up and wrong that the destination didn't even matter anymore.

Starting with the fact Jacin wasn't there to wipe the tears off her face- no, if Jacin was there, she wouldn't even be crying in the first place.


The story started when Winter was twelve years old.

It was Christmas, the last Christmas she'd ever get to celebrate with her mom.

Her mom… had a soft-spoken, kind personality, and reminded Winter of warm cookies and freshly fallen rain. Winter missed her so much.

Snow swirled outside the windows, glass panes coated with frost. Winter was on the floor, wearing fuzzy socks and sweatshirt. She hummed along to Christmas carols while wrapping gifts for the children in hospitals.

Winter liked to give… it was the only way she felt she was any use to the world. She liked to think that she helped put a smile on someone's face, so she put heart and soul and dreams into the crinkly red wrapping paper, hoping someone would like what was inside.

She'd received goofy, endearing gifts from Jacin: a card satirizing Frosty the Snowman, a game piece from "Trouble", and a hilarious video of him singing opera.

Winter had probably loved Jacin her entire life, but only now were the crush symptoms beginning to show, and they were annoying. Her mind seemed to enjoy glitching at all times, whether he was or wasn't around. She wondered if he thought she was pretty, which was ridiculous. She blushed a lot around him, which was also ridiculous. And she thought about kissing him, which was embarrassing beyond belief.

She was turning thirteen in a month. The word teenager had certain connotations. Winter was an avid reader, so she already knew that it would bring certain unwanted symptoms, but she supposed it was a disease everyone would get diagnosed with at some point or another.

So for Christmas, Winter gave Jacin two presents. One was a signed copy of an Imagine Dragons album.

The second was her heart. But she supposed he'd always had it.

Winter's mother had given her a winter-themed pack of nail polish (Winter's nails were now painted snow white, ring fingers had blue snowflakes), and a paperback copy of Astrological Committee, a book she'd been wanting for some quite some time.

Winter skimmed the blurb before going to bed that night. Since it was nine o'clock at night and she was kind of tired, she decided to read twenty pages or so.

She ended up staying up until four to finish the book. Her mother found her next morning, making muffled whale noises into her pillows.

"Something wrong?"

Winter pointed towards Astrological Committee "I have to wait AN ENTIRE YEAR FOR THE NEXT BOOK? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?"


Which birthday was the most important?

People would give a variety of different answers, all with sets of reasons, but Winter would definitely say thirteenth.

Now, she was entitled to relating to the so-relatable posts floating around the internet, and teenage angst with an actual reason. Her Gmail account was no longer illegal, (whoops), and neither was her Tumblr account (double whoops). But mostly, on her thirteenth birthday, she was finally allowed to have a Fanfiction account.

She couldn't wait for the second book. It was agonizing. So one day, when she was bored, she searched up some of the characters online… and after twenty minutes or so of digging around, she found Fanfiction.

At first, the writers on there seemed like celebrities, something she could never become. But as she became more familiar to the site, she began leaving reviews, realizing that not all the stories were good, and getting tired of waiting for her favorite stories to update. So she decided that on her thirteenth birthday, as a gift to herself, she'd make herself an account.

So on Winter's birthday, she woke up at 8:51 AM, consumed three pancakes that were drowning in syrup, and had a phone call with Jacin, who was currently vacationing in Florida.

Winter: Hey guess what day it is.

Jacin: National Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day. *Pop pop*

Winter: Really?

Jacin: Yeah, look it up. But anyway, happy birthday!

Afterwards, Winter went through the process of signing up for Fanfiction. She chose the username PrincessOfTheMoon, because she figured all the constellations were already taken. Then, she fiddled around with her account, getting confused with all the forums and private messagings and communities, and the fact she had to wait a good twelve hours before publishing any story.

Then Winter shrugged. Whatever. She had time to learn.

Opening a new document, she began to write her very first fanfiction.


Winter missed those days where no one knew her name.

For two years, she a loner at her school… no one really wanted to talk to her, because they thought she was weird. When middle school started, she realized it. Winter tried hard not to care… she didn't even want to be popular… she couldn't stand girl locker room talk.

"This boy is cute. That girl is so this, she's so that. My Uggs are tailor-made… OMG did you hear that Celeste and AJ are going out? (Something about makeup)."

Winter spent most of her time outline. Online, people were themselves, unrestricted by looks and awkwardness and popularity. Online, it didn't matter that if your hair was frizzy or curly… it mattered if you were interesting and kind and sarcastic. Online, she met her friends.

She loved how reviewers would go out of their way to put a smile on her face, and how her Tumblr friends would just go crazy during midnight, reposting and partying and spamming and laughing. Winter became best friends with Revolutionary26, who drew fanart and had the most wry sense of humor, peonyflowers22, Cinder's fangirling stepsister, RedFire79, who was never afraid to speak her opinion and whose fanfiction always played on the dangerous side, and ComputerHacker, who was a the epitome of the phrase "Precious Cinnamon Roll".

They were the ones who were there for her when tragedy struck.

One morning, Winter went to go wake her mom up. When she opened the door to the room, she was greeted with the sight of her mom lying in a pool of blood, and her father and some strange lady in bed together. Winter screamed, threw up on the ground, and ran into her room and refused to come out, crying until her eyes were puffy and bloodshot.

Winter wasn't stupid. She put together the pieces easily- her father had been cheating on her mom for quite some time, and when her mom found out, she killed herself.

During that time, Winter's life took a downward spiral. Her father married the woman- Levana. Levana forced her to audition for movies and advertisements, and to dress in provocative clothing. Levana never allowed Winter anywhere Jacin again… conversations were now held over texting.

As Winter's fame grew, her sanity crumbled. PTSD and stress and hallucinations plagued her every night. She was unable to escape.

The internet became Winter's sanctuary. She could say what she really felt there, what she couldn't in a million years say in real life.


The day before Winter's audition, she was on her laptop.

Revolutionary26- I'm so excited for the new TSC movie! You guys?

peonyflowers22- Sameeeee.

Revolutionary26- Ugh did you hear that Winter Hayle-Blackburn might play the role of Pisces?

RedFire79- OMS that's not acceptable. She can't.

ComputerHacker- That is SO not acceptable. She'd completely mess up the part. Like, there's way too many beautiful girls on screen nowadays, and Pisces isn't like that. Pisces has an average face, and so does Scorpio, but she and him both have amazing personalities and that's why we love them. It's going to make me sick watching Winter trying to act like her.

RedFire79- Hollywood. *smh*

Revolutionary26- Amen.

Winter stared at the screen in shock.

It was then when Winter felt completely alone. No one in the world knew who she was… those who knew her as a celebrity didn't know her personality, and those who knew her personality hated her celebrity persona. Two alter egos warred, and no one knew about both of them.

Except Jacin.

Where was he tonight? Winter didn't want him to deal with her anymore… she should've stopped talking to him, stopped dragging him into her screwed up life.

What kind of monster was she?