SIMON
Once I've made up my mind to go, I just go. I run out the door and down the stairs. I hesitate when I reach the street, wondering whether to hail a cab or take the tube, it's only one stop. In the end I decide to get there under my own steam because it just seems simpler. I take part of it at a fast walk, and start running when I get impatient.
It's late afternoon and the sky is beginning to darken as I make my way through the city. When I round the corner into Baz's street I feel a momentary flood of relief when I see the light on in the window of his flat, he's home. Then I remember that he's not the only person staying there at the moment. He might not be home after all, and I'm really not in the mood to deal with Fiona. I stop dead, staring up at the window as if I'll be able to figure out who's inside if I just concentrate hard enough. If I still had my magic maybe I would be able to figure it out from here. Correction, if I had Penny's or Baz's magic. With my own I'd probably end up doing something entirely more dramatic and less helpful. I sigh. Do I wait here until Baz shows up? It's a good bet that he'll either need to go out to hunt before too long, or that he hasn't made it back here yet and I can catch him on his way in. Knocking on the door is really out of the question, so it's either wait or go home.
I wait.
I wait for a good forty minutes, at least. It's really getting dark now and I'm beginning to wish I'd brought my coat with me. On my way out I vaguely noticed Baz's by the door, but it didn't register enough to make me stop for my own. I still run fairly warm, even without my magic, but it is early spring and I'm starting to feel the chill. I find that I'm worrying about Baz, what if he hasn't gotten home yet and he's out here somewhere without his coat too? If that even matters to him. Baz always feels cold to the touch, but even after seven and a half years in the same room and a year plus as his boyfriend, I'm not entirely sure how much being in the cold actually bothers him. Admitting when he's suffering from physical discomfort is not something he's ever been particularly good at. According to Penny, Baz's aversion to admitting discomfort is pretty much exactly what's caused this ridiculous situation that has me standing out on the pavement in front of his flat as night falls, but in this case his discomfort is emotional, not physical. I don't think I should tell her, but I'm glad Penny intervened, I don't want Baz fretting over something that we can probably work out together.
BAZ
I've been in the shadows across the street from Snow for about 20 minutes, waiting for him to go away so that I can get home. I don't think I can face him right now after the way I behaved earlier. Initially I was surprised to find him here, I thought he'd still be at home sulking. The more I think about it, though, it's really not surprising at all. This is Simon bloody Snow we're talking about, the hero of my story, so of course he's done the noble thing and come out to find me. I've spent the afternoon worrying that he's not good enough for me take to a concert and here he is, standing out in the cold, reminding me yet again that he's actually the better of the two of us. I feel grateful, and annoyed, and I wish he would sod off so I could get back into my flat. I'm freezing.
I watch the light from the street lamp reflect off of his bronze curls as he tips his head up to look at the window of my flat. If I have to stand out here lurking in the shadows, like a fucking vampire, at least the view is good. He starts to pace and rub his hands along his arms. He must be cold too. I assume he'll be too cold to stay much longer and then I'll be home free. I can wait.
But not for long, apparently.
He runs his hand through his hair and I crack. Not completely, just enough to change my mind about staying in the shadows until he packs it in for the night. I'm feeling like Snow has the advantage over me right now since I've been doing such a piss poor job of controlling my emotions, which means I'm not prepared to just walk up to him and be nice. I mean, I even started spilling my guts to Bunce earlier, what the Oliver Sacks was that about? (Even though I didn't manage to say much to her I'm forced to admit that something about it felt good. I think I would have said more if it weren't for her close relationship with Simon, I didn't want to risk anything I said to her getting back to him and hurting him. I'm good enough at doing that without any help.)
Snow is so preoccupied with looking at my window that he's not paying as much attention to his surroundings as usual. People who don't know him well sometimes have the impression that he's oblivious, maybe even a bit of an oaf, but I know from years of watching him that he's always tuned in to his surroundings, just as much as I am-you don't live in constant fear of being killed for the better part of a decade without learning to keep your eyes and ears open. But I've caught him in a lax moment. I take advantage of it to cross to his side of the street and lean against a fence a few yards down from him. I put my hands in my pockets and wait for him to notice me.
It doesn't take long and when he sees me he starts, which is satisfying.
SIMON
I look down from Baz's window to see...Baz, not ten feet away from me, leaning casually on someone's front gate. His mouth is pressed closed in a thin line, and one eyebrow is slightly raised, but his eyes look warm. "Snow," he says when he sees I've noticed him.
"Baz!" I say. "How long have been there? Are you just coming home, or...is Fiona...why did you run out like that? What's wrong with...I can't believe you..."
Both eyebrows are up now, and the he's staring down his nose at me like he's just waiting for me to stop talking, so I do.
BAZ
Snow finally shuts his mouth.
And I make the mistake of opening mine.
"Fiona did waste the money on you." Shit. How can I be worse at this than Snow is?
"Yeah. Penny told me that there's a ticket for me. Why did you lie to us?"
Us. Brilliant. Now its Penny and Snow against Baz the villain again. I thought we were past this.
"I don't know, Snow...Simon. I guess I freaked out about it. I'm not used to thinking about you and music in the same breath. Music has always been rather...personal."
"You should have said something to me. I'm on your side, you know. I haven't tried to kill you, even a little bit, in like, two years."
SIMON
Baz looks away before he speaks again. "I suppose I could have used some time to think about how to approach it."
"Baz, we're talking about a concert, not invading Russia. How much finesse do you really need to talk to your boyfriend about going to a concert with you, even if you're feeling complicated about it? I know you don't approve of the way you think I just bluster my way ahead through every situation without thinking, and probably you're right, but sometimes just going ahead and doing it, that's the best way to get through something."
"That works for you, maybe. But how can you say that being direct about my problems has ever been a viable option?"
I sigh. I think about what Baz's problems have been: loosing his mother, and (possibly) his soul, while living in a house with an unwritten rule that neither was to be spoken of, being secretly in love with me for years-in our tiny dorm room, having to navigate life as a vampire with the fear that revealing himself, even enough to ask for help, would mean his death. "Yeah, I get it." I've closed the distance between us, and now I reach out to rest my hand on his shoulder. He feels like ice through his shirt. "But you've kept an awful lot of things inside, for a long time. It's not good for you. It would have been better to let some of them out."
"And you'd have loved it, would you, if I'd walked right up to you as soon as I figured it out fifth year and told you I was in love with you?"
"Ok, maybe not that. Not in fifth year, anyway," He raises an eyebrow at me, "but, Merlin, it can't have been good for you to be thinking those thoughts all of those years and not doing anything about them."
"I did do something about them."
"You tried to kill me!"
"Among other things." He doesn't quite smirk, but his lip twitches up at the edge.
I furrow my brows at him, but decide to leave that for now.
"So, Snow, are you trying to make me believe that you've never kept anything bottled up inside? Because that's patently..."
"No. No, you know as well as I do there's a lot I never really talked about, but just...sometimes...if the thing you're worried about is staring you right in the face, it's better to just go ahead and address it, you know?"
"Possibly."
"I have to admit, though," I say quietly, "I've been realizing recently that maybe there were a few things staring me in the face that I chose to ignore too."
Baz looks at me suspiciously. "Like what?"
"Well, let's just say that I wasn't as surprised to find myself kissing you as I should have been."
BAZ
Simon put his hand on my shoulder a minute ago. I've been enjoying the warmth. Now he uses it to pull me in closer, and I don't even hesitate, I never have.
"So, do I get to go to this concert with you, then?"
"You do."
Maybe it won't be so bad. This is Simon, the only person in the world who has seen all of my good and all of my bad and decided to embrace it, every last bit. How can I think he won't be capable of embracing other things about me too? And if it turns out he hates the music, doesn't feel anything special when he's in the middle of it? Well, I think, even if comes to that, I can probably keep on loving this crazy idiot who's been standing out in the cold waiting to talk to me.
We're nose to nose now. He slides his hand around behind me and begins drawing it up the back of my neck, his grip powerful and firm, and I yell, jumping away from him in pain.
"What the fuck, Baz! Are you ok?"
"Fiona," I say, sheepishly.
He raises his eyebrows.
"She tried out one of her new vampire subduing techniques on me, at least that's what I think it was. Very effective."
He laughs and moves his hand more gently through my hair. It's still somewhat painful, but I manage not to show it this time.
