Chapter 170: Frozen Inside Without Your Touch
"She waits for me at night, she waits for me in silence
She gives me all her tenderness, and takes away my pain
And so far she hasn't run, though I swear she's had her moments
She still believes in miracles while others cry in vain
It's all about soul
It's all about faith and a deeper devotion
It's all about soul
'Cause under the love is a stronger emotion
She's got to be strong
'Cause so many things getting out of control
Should drive her away
So why does she stay?
It's all about soul
She turns to me sometimes and she asks me what I'm dreaming
And I realize I must have gone a million miles away
And I ask her how she knew to reach out for me at that moment
And she smiles because it's understood there are no words to say
It's all about soul
It's all about knowing what someone is feeling
The woman's got soul
The power of love and the power of healing
This life isn't fair
It's gonna dark, it's gonna get cold
You gotta get tough, but that ain't enough
It's all about soul
There people who have lost every trace of human kindness
There are many who have fallen, there are some who still survive
She comes to me at night and she tells me her desires
And she gives me all the love I need to keep my faith alive
It's all about soul
It's all about joy that comes out of sorrow
It's all about soul
Who's standing now and who's standing tomorrow
You've got to be hard
Hard as the rock in that old rock 'n roll
But that's only part, you know in your heart
It's all about soul" – "All About Soul" – Billy Joel
"This time what I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
This time you burn me with your eyes
You see past all the lies
You take it all away
I've seen it all
It was never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you
Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away
I try to make my way to you
But still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
Cause I've seen it all
It was never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you
Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away
Don't give up on me yet
Don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
But don't let me stay here alone
I've seen it all
And it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you
I've seen enough
And it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you
Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away
Take me away
Take me away" – "Take Me Away" – Lifehouse
"Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray
And it shines on you baby can't you see
You're the only one who can shine for me
It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me
Come to me
When your soul is tired and your heart is weak
Do you think of love as one way street
Well it runs both ways, open up your eyes
Can't you see me here, how can you deny
It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me
Come to me
Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray
It takes a lot to laugh as your tears go by
But you can find me here till your tears run dry
It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me" – "Private Emotion" – Ricky Martin
"Vaughn? Aww honey," she said softly, gently closing the laptop and setting it on the chair before sitting next to him on the bed and pulling him in her arms.
"Shh…" she whispered as she rocked him gently, "It's ok…they can't hurt you…"
"I could…" he hiccupped, "have…" sniff "lost you…"
She held him tightly, "Lost me? I could have lost YOU Vaughn…they took YOU."
He lost it again, crying harder, burying his head in her chest.
She rubbed his back, trying to help him calm down, but she also realized he needed release, "Just let it out baby," she whispered as she cradled his head, running her hand through his hair.
He didn't stop crying for a long time, clinging to her, wanting nothing more than to be locked in her arms.
When she noticed that he seemed to be stopping, she eased her grip on him, trying to see if he was ok.
His breath hitched as he tried to breathe normally again, his eyes slightly red-rimmed, his body tired, his mind tired.
She stayed close, keeping her body in contact with his, running her hand through his hair again, "You ok?"
He nodded, "I'm…just…tired…"
"Maybe two times in one day was a little too much, huh?"
He looked over at her, "Once might have been too much…" then he looked down.
She smiled empathetically at him, lifting his chin to look at her, "Let's go to the Pier…"
His face brightened immediately, the tension easing slightly. He heaved a sigh of relief, "The Pier…yeah…"
Sydney moved down on the bed, taking him with her, keeping his head on her chest.
She let him lay for a minute before asking, "So what should I do?"
"Just hold me…talk to me…"
"Ok," Sydney said starting to play with his hair, "Should I talk about the pier?"
"Tell me to breathe in the good and out the bad…"
She smiled, "Ok baby…we should do breathing exercises?"
He nodded, snuggling into her more.
"Ok, close your eyes baby…"
He complied and she started, "Ok, when you inhale honey, I want you to think of only good things…all the places we've been together, all the things we've done together," she said, stroking up and down his chest with one hand, the other coiled in his hair. "When you breathe out…let go of all the tension…all the thoughts of torture…no more of that now…concentrate on your breathing…" she stopped, letting him relax, listening to his breathing deepen.
Vaughn slowly started to relax, the tension, the thoughts of horrible pain, all slowly ebbing away. He could hear Sydney's breathing, her heartbeat, a steady thumping in his ear, soothing him and lulling him slowly into repose, his muscles loosening, his mind letting go…
"We're walking on the Pier…holding hands…" she stopped, imagining with him, "Now we're on the beach…walking in the sand…can you feel the sand? We took our shoes off…"
Vaughn smiled, this was significantly more intimate than Barnett's run through.
"Mmm…the sand is warm…we run into the water…but we still have our clothes on…"
Vaughn chuckled.
Sydney smiled at his reaction, "Concentrate on your breathing…" she said, half teasing.
He hugged her more, burrowing further so he could hear her heartbeat.
"We start to peel off wet clothes while in the water…and then we move back to the sand…it's a private beach…our private beach, by our house…so we have all the privacy we need…" she paused, "Wanna make out with me in the sand Vaughn?"
He opened his eyes, and turned his head up, looking up at her, "We gonna have sex on our private beach?" he asked quietly.
"Of course…"
"Can I just hold you for awhile?" he asked, his eyes pleading with her.
She smiled, and cupped his cheek, "Yeah, sure honey…" She looked down at him for a minute, "Why don't we get ready for bed…"
"It's early…"
"It's never too early…"
He smiled and let her help him sit up. She removed his clothes, leaving his boxers on, and then went to fetch him some pajamas. When she came back with them and was about to redress him, he stopped her hand.
She looked up at him, questioning.
"Can…can we lay without those…"
She smiled, "Yeah, sure baby," she said tossing the clothes away.
"I just…I need to feel you…nothing between us…just skin to skin."
She leaned down, catching him in a slow kiss; "There's never anything between us…never…"
He smiled and watched as she removed her shirt, discarding it on the forming pile next to the bed. Once she was undressed, she helped him take off his boxers and then reclined him on the bed.
"I wanna take this off," he said, pointing to the oxygen tube that seemed a permanent fixture since his hospital stay. They'd gradually started to taper it off, usually during the day. He needed it more at night, his breathing more labored. Even if they tried to go a night without, on the occasion they tried it, Sydney always wound up replacing it at some point early in the night.
She regarded him a minute, "You sure you're gonna be able to breathe ok?"
He nodded, "Yeah, I want it off..."
She smiled, "Ok," and helped him remove the tube. She turned the oxygen off and lay the tube within reach in case she needed to replace it.
Once he was laying; he turned on his right side, and waited for her to join him. She lay down, letting him hold her, her back to his chest, his body conforming to her shape. His left arm coiled around her in a light grip, his stiff fingers dancing on her stomach. She brought her hand down to lay on his arm, running her hand up and down, making him spoon even tighter against her.
His right arm was under her, keeping her as close as possible. She could feel his breath on her neck, in her hair, his face gently pressing into her. They stayed spooned for a long time, the only sounds, quiet breathing and the soft beating of their hearts in tandem.
Eventually, Sydney began to feel Vaughn's lips gently moving over the back of her neck. He slowly moved his hand from her stomach, gingerly maneuvering the shoulder until he could use his hand to move the hair out of his way. She began to feel him move from the back of her neck to the side, picking his head up off the pillow and running his tongue behind her ear as he moved his hand back to her stomach.
She leaned into him, moaning, feeling the rising of his erection as it pressed against her. She brought her hand back to run in his hair, encouraging his actions before her hand moved down to his slowly engorging member. When he felt her hand wrap around him, he jerked his hips forward gently, desperate for her touch. His right hand began to work its way down, grasping her right breast and gently squeezing in time with her own ministrations on his cock before he rolled the nipple between his fingers.
"Oh God Vaughn," she rasped, clenching her hand roughly on his cock.
She ran her finger over the tip, feeling the moisture beads there, and ran the pad over the slit, making him hiss into her ear.
"You wet?" he whispered sexily, making her shiver.
"Mmmhmm…"
"Good…" he said shortly, before gingerly moving his arm from her stomach to her left leg. He ran his fingers over her thigh before telling her, "Put your leg over mine…"
She did as he instructed, craning her neck to look back at him.
He smiled and took the opportunity to kiss her, their tongues dueling for a moment until their position forced her to turn back. She leaned back into his chest, his breath hot on her ear, "Put me inside you…" he said slowly and forcefully.
She smiled and reached for him as he nibbled on her shoulder, loving the feeling of her gripping him again.
"Mmm…now…Syd…now," he told her.
She complied, placing him at her entrance, her juices already leaking down onto her thighs.
Once he felt the head penetrate her, he thrust his hips forward, sending him crashing inside her, his head grazing against her whole front wall.
"Jesus Vaughn…" she said shocked, after her cry of surprise left her.
He smiled and began a slow pattern of thrusts, always sending him into her front wall. His right hand continued its assault on her nipple, alternating rolling it and pinching before he matched his thrusting.
"Touch yourself…" he told her.
She groaned, tonight's vocal Vaughn was being particularly bossy, but she was so aroused, she would have done whatever he asked. She brought her right hand down to her clit, rubbing it in time with his thrusts.
Her other hand corded around to his neck, pulling him closer, sending him further inside her, his tip piercing at sensitive spots deep within her.
"Vaughn…" she chocked out after several more minutes of his onslaught.
"Yeah…" he whispered knowingly.
"I'm gonna come…come with me…"
She felt him shake his head, "You come…I'll come later…" He thrust powerfully inside her, her walls clamping down on him as they reeled from his attention. She came in a flash of blinding light, her orgasm tearing through her as he thrust gently inside, keeping her on the edge of bliss for longer than was normally possible.
He stayed inside, throbbing, aching, her muscles slowly rippling around him, the dissipating rhythm less intense, but still potent.
"God Vaughn…" she said breathless, but didn't have a chance to finish as she felt him withdraw from her. She turned to look at him, wanting to know what was going on, but all she saw was his arm, braced next to her head.
She looked up, and there he was, poised and ready between her legs, already slowly sinking into her.
She arched up, the shock evident on her face, but the feeling of him penetrating her too intense for words at the moment.
He waited until she could look at him again, just content to stay deep inside her.
When she opened her eyes, she reached out her hands and made him look at her, "You be really careful…" she said.
He nodded and smiled, "I know Sydney…" as he pulled out and crashed back inside her, her cervix taking the brunt of the impact. She'd never felt anything so achingly delicious in her whole life. She lifted her hips, meeting his thrust as he leaned down to kiss her, his cock nudging past her cervix as she lifted up further.
"God Sydney…" he moaned as he moved back to his position suspended above her.
Her hands moved to his chest, gently tweaking his nipples as his hips pushed him in and out of her dripping core.
"You're so wet…" he whispered, his eyes slipping closed, his head falling backward slightly as he rammed himself in her drenched center again and again.
"More…God…more…don't stop…" Sydney begged as her muscles fluttered over him.
Vaughn grinned and sped up his actions, before leaning down and pressing his mouth to her neck, the angle making his cock rub against her clit on every stroke.
Her hand ran through his hair, down his back, her nails gently grazing across his skin, making him shiver inside her.
The throbbing in his cock had to stop soon, "Sydney…" he whispered in her ear before he pushed himself up again.
She looked up at him, the jade fires zeroing in on her, "What baby…" she breathed.
"Come with me…take all of me…"
"Always," she replied, thrusting her hips forward, her muscles rippling for the second time.
He let out a straggled moan as the tension worked itself out of him, his climax releasing everything as he spilled inside her.
Her muscles trembled around him, feeling the warmth slowly spread deep inside her, swallowing his seed with greed, merging with her own warmth.
He stayed above her for a moment, drinking in the vision of her lying beneath him once again.
She looked up at him, the face of the man she loved more that life itself. "Come here…" she whispered, easing him down onto her chest before he collapsed.
He stayed firmly planted inside her, his cock still twitching with the force of their shared climax. She wrapped her legs around his, pulling him tightly to her, pressing her lips to his damp forehead.
"You ok?" she asked after a few moments of shared silence.
"Mmm yeah…"
"You didn't hurt your shoulder?"
He smiled into her chest, "Maybe a little…but it was worth it…"
"Vau–"
"No," he stated firmly, his head rising from her chest to look into her eyes, "No…"
She smiled, "Ok…"
"I love you…"
"I love you too honey…that was…incredible…and surprising…"
He smiled, "Yeah…it was."
"I liked seeing 'take charge' Vaughn again…"
His eyebrow rose, "Mmm…did you?"
"Yeah…did you plan this?"
"No…but can I tell you something?"
"Anything…"
"I think I just completed my homework…one of them anyway…"
"What do you mean?"
"Barnett told me I was supposed to do something where I have control over the situation from beginning to end…"
Sydney smiled, "You remind me to thank Barnett for this assignment…and you tell her – I want more of those…"
He chuckled, "I will…"
