Chapter 176: Boys Will Be Boys
"MANNA, n. A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the wilderness. When it was no longer supplied to them they settled down and tilled the soil, fertilizing it, as a rule, with the bodies of the original occupants." – Ambrose Bierce
"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water." – W. C. Fields
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." – Henny Youngman
"Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food." – William Hazlitt
Weiss returned a while later, with huge bags of food in his hands.
"Ok…I got everything we need…" he said, ceremoniously placing all the food on the coffee table.
He distributed all the food and then got up and went to the refrigerator. He came back with three bottles of beer, and handed one to Will. Then he stood in front of Vaughn.
"How 'bout a beer?" Weiss asked, enticing Vaughn by moving it hypnotically like a pendulum in front of him.
"Ok, greasy food I might get away with…but a beer? Syd'll kill me."
"It's just ONE beer…it's been five weeks and that's just from when you got to the hospital…ONE beer…you are so whipped!"
"Ok," Vaughn relented again with a roll of his eyes, "but if Syd finds out and is mad – I'm sending her to you…"
Weiss did another little dance and popped the top for him before handing him the beer.
He sat down with his own and started to unwrap his food.
Will took over helping Vaughn, unwrapping his burger and moving the fries closer to him. "You need more ketchup?" he asked.
Vaughn smiled, "Yeah…"
Will got up and returned with the bottle of ketchup, and stood by the couch for a minute. He turned around and walked back to the kitchen.
Vaughn looked back at him in confusion, but Will reappeared a moment later with a bowl. "There…" he said as he set it down.
Vaughn looked down to see a bowl full of ketchup. He smiled, "Good plan."
"I thought so…"
Weiss smiled, "K – we all ready for hockey?"
"Yup," Will and Vaughn answered as they ate and watched, yelling at the television.
They were about halfway through the meal when the door opened.
"Ah shit!" Weiss said loudly.
At first, Sydney and Francie just thought they were yelling at the game, but then they witnessed a torrent of movement as Will and Weiss frantically tried to hide the evidence of their meal. They were completely unsuccessful, and besides that, there was nowhere to go with the food.
Weiss and Will finally just stood guiltily looking, eyes downcast at the women.
"What is this?" Sydney asked, picking up a cheeseburger wrapper, "It's SOAKED in grease!"
Weiss looked up at her, "I just wanted Mike to have a nice…meal…"
"A NICE MEAL?" she said loudly, "His arteries will clog in a few minutes…I can't believe…IS THAT A BEER?"
"WILL!" Francie yelled, making him jump, "I thought you were more responsible!"
"But…I…well…I…" he just stopped, looking down again.
Sydney looked to Vaughn, "And what do you have to say?"
He looked at her as well, "It was really good…" he said with a small smile.
Weiss piped up, "I did it Syd…I got the food, I talked him into it…and the beer. It's my fault."
"No it's not," Vaughn asserted, "I ate it…and I drank the beer too…" he looked at Sydney, "and ya know what?"
She stared him down.
He didn't back off, "It was the best damn beer I've ever had…and it was the best cheeseburger too…one meal that deviated from the 'prescribed plan' is NOT gonna kill me! I wanted the damn food and I ate it!"
Sydney burst out laughing. She looked at Francie, who was giggling too, "Well…I guess we were told…"
She smiled down at Vaughn, "You can eat whatever you want honey…just…well – I wouldn't give you that shit to eat, but if it made you happy, then that's fine."
All the men smiled triumphantly. Weiss looked at Vaughn and Will, "I think we won…"
Francie looked at Weiss, "You never win…you're male…"
Weiss smiled, "Good point…we won the battle but not the war."
"Even that's debatable Eric," Sydney said.
"What did you guys do? Your hair looks great baby…" Vaughn said as Sydney came and sat down with him on the couch.
"Well…we went to Rita's…got our hair and nails done…then we had some other…essential things done…then we had a nice SALAD and came home…"
Vaughn chuckled, "I liked my meal better than your salad."
Sydney smiled, running her hand through his hair, "Just so you don't get sick. You're not used to that kind of food now."
He smiled, "I acclimate well…"
Francie sat down with Will and Weiss took his cue that it was now safe to sit as well.
Sydney looked over at Weiss, "So, where did you get all this crap?"
"Vic's Diner…it's like the best place for burgers and fries…"
"Mmmhmm…I see that…"
Weiss stopped the game and took the tape out. When Will looked at him strangely, he said, "Can't watch it with the girls here…"
Will nodded and smiled.
Sydney leaned over so only Vaughn could here her, "You getting tired?"
"Not especially…"
"Well, remember that before you go to bed, you're supposed to write…and you have therapy tomorrow."
"Yeah, I remember…"
"K," Sydney said, kissing him lightly.
"So, Will…" Weiss started, "I hear that you and I have something in common…"
"What's that?" Will asked.
"We both seem to be witnesses to the Syd and Vaughn show…"
"What do you mean?" Will asked confused.
"We are subjected to our friends antics…of the sexual nature."
Francie burst out laughing at Weiss' statement, watching as realization hit Will.
"Yeah…what did they subject you to? Cause I found THE CHAIR and her PANTS in the backyard…and then they, of course, had to tell me about it…"
"Yeah – well – guess what – someone was getting more than his mind blown when I was on the phone with him earlier…"
"OH GOD!" Will said, "At least I'm not the only one…"
"Nope…apparently not…"
Sydney and Vaughn sat proudly on the couch, smiling and looking at each other knowingly.
"Well, Duckie, looks like you got a friend…he's the one…he makes–"
"I'm gonna hurt you," Will said with a grin.
Sydney started to laugh, Francie joining in.
"Bring it on Duck man!" Sydney yelled through her giggles.
Will just shook his head.
Weiss looked at him, "Why do you live here? You wanna live at my place?"
"I'm seriously debating right now Eric…SO debating…"
"But you'd miss me," Francie said.
Will looked at her and then at Weiss, "Sorry man, she wins…"
"I never win!" Weiss said with a clear sense of distain.
The group chatted for a while yet before Sydney announced that Vaughn needed to get some rest.
Weiss got up and hugged Vaughn.
"Thanks for everything Eric."
"Yeah, I hope I didn't get you into too much trouble," he said with a wink.
"Nah…I'll be ok."
"Good…take care, ok? I'll call ya…or maybe – maybe you should call me – just so we don't have a repeat of earlier…although…I'll call you," he finally decided with a mischievous smirk.
"Yeah ok…bye Eric."
Weiss waved and walked out the door.
"Well…let's get you to the bedroom…" Sydney said, pulling Vaughn off of the couch.
Will smiled, "Hey – if you aren't awake when I leave in the morning, good luck tomorrow Mike…"
Vaughn smiled, "Thanks Will…"
Will and Francie bid them goodnight and walked off to Francie's bedroom.
Sydney and Vaughn walked slowly back to their bedroom, "So…what other 'essentials' did you have done today?" he asked.
She smiled sweetly, "Well honey…I had my hair done…and my nails…we also had pedicures…"
"Mmmhmm…and?"
"What else would I have done?" Sydney asked innocently, batting her eyelashes at him.
"You tease…"
Sydney chuckled, "I may have invested in some waxing…"
"Mmm, we gonna have show and tell?"
"Later – after you write."
"Wow, you know just how to turn me on Syd," Vaughn deadpanned.
Sydney laughed again, "Later baby…you have other things you must do."
"Yeah, yeah," Vaughn said submitting to his fate.
Sydney helped him to the bed and then smiled at his pouting.
"Here," she said, placing the laptop on his lap.
"Can I maybe get my pajamas on first?"
She smiled, "Sure baby," she said, moving the laptop off of him and starting to pull out pajamas for him.
She took off the sweatpants and left him in his boxers before removing the long sleeve tee shirt and replacing it with a short sleeve, comfier one.
"K, there…" she said smiling and placing the computer back in his lap, "You want me to leave?"
"Um…well…no…I don't want you to…but I don't think I'll be able to do this with you sitting right here…" he said, looking up at her.
"It's ok Vaughn…you don't have to explain, I'm sure it would be easier if I just left you alone for a while. You call me when you're done…or I'll check on you in an hour…ok?" Sydney asked understandingly.
Vaughn smiled, "Ok, thanks Sydney."
She smiled and kissed him softly before walking out of the room and gently closing the door behind her.
