Chapter 190: Don't Close Your Eyes
"The sun's rim dips; the stars rush out: At one stride comes the dark." – S.T. Coleridge
"Our dreams are the source for those illusive, below-consciousness feelings that tend to dive for cover when they meet the light of day. If we are persistent about searching for and seeking our dreams, and our inner self, the line between the conscious and the unconscious will blur." – Julia Chiapella
"Greater is our terror of the unknown." – Titus Livius
"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable." – Madeleine L'Engle
"To love at all is to be vulnerable." – C. S. Lewis
The room was warm and lit by the soft light of the one lamp in the corner. Sydney was sleeping peacefully, snuggled close to Vaughn. She woke slightly and noticed that he seemed to be more fidgety than usual. He was mumbling something too, words tumbling out in rapid succession, but she couldn't make out any of what he was saying. She smiled, 'it certainly wasn't don't frost the pie.' She watched him for a few minutes, his breathing slightly elevated, his skin moist. He moved every so often, and didn't look like he was resting. He was still sleeping, he didn't look like he was having a nightmare; he just looked…restless. As she watched, she debated whether or not to wake him. If it was nothing, then she'd wake him for no reason.
She decided just to wait it out a few more minutes. She lay down on her own pillow, watching his chest rise and fall, his breathing getting more rapid.
The silence and seeming peace of the room erupted in a sea of chaos when Vaughn suddenly bolted upright in the bed screaming. The scream was like nothing Sydney had ever heard, and certainly not anything she'd ever heard come out of Vaughn. Never had any other nightmare sounded like this one…and it didn't stop – he just kept screaming. Sydney shivered as she sat up next to him, words of comfort starting to roll off her tongue immediately. "Vaughn…it's ok," she said reaching out to him. His shirt was plastered to his back, his hair matted on his head, and still, he kept screaming.
Will and Francie were banging on the door within seconds, the blood chilling scream forcing them out of their own slumber to her door. Will didn't wait for Sydney to answer. He pushed the door open, and that only set off Vaughn more.
Will and Francie stood in the doorway, looking to Sydney for answers, but she didn't have any at the moment. "What's going on?" Will tried to ask over the screaming.
Sydney tried frantically to calm Vaughn, rubbing his back; "It's just a dream honey…easy…"
A new wave started, his throat constricting with more screams, bone chilling beyond belief. Francie attempted to cover herself more with her robe as the goosebumps broke out on her skin.
Sydney tried unsuccessfully again to comfort Vaughn, touching him and telling him that it was just a dream, but he only became more inconsolable, jerking away from her, moving in an attempt to get away, his screaming louder and more insistent. His gaze fixed off on something non-existent in the room, a slightly crazed and terrified look in his eyes.
Fear took hold of Sydney's heart, the blood in her veins running like ice. She had no idea what to do, this wasn't an ordinary nightmare and it seemed it wasn't about to end.
"What the hell's going on?" Will asked frantically as he and Francie stood helpless by the door.
Sydney looked at them in fear and uncertainty. She grabbed the phone off the nightstand, not even looking at the clock to check the time. Each successive ring made her heart sink.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, the phone clicked, "Barnett…" a sleepy voice said.
"DR. BARNETT!" Sydney yelled over Vaughn's screaming.
"Hello? Sydney?"
Screams echoed through the phone, "Dr. Barnett, I don't know what's wrong with Vaughn. I think he's having a nightmare but he won't stop screaming."
"Is he awake?"
"I think so...his eyes are open." Sydney yelled while Vaughn screamed.
"Is he responding to you?"
"He won't stop screaming!" Sydney yelled frantically, "Not really. I tried to get him to calm down. I tried to tell him it was just a dream, but he pushed me away and now he's just screaming more. I don't know what to do!"
"Okay. He's having a night terror, Sydney. Just try to stay calm, it'll pass soon," Barnett said calmly.
"A night terror? What is that? You mean he's not having a nightmare?" Sydney asked confused, plugging her ear to try to hear Barnett.
"No. He's technically still asleep; he doesn't know what's going on. Is there any way you could hold him or touch him? Or is he resistant?"
"He was before - let me try again," Sydney said, moving closer to Vaughn, sitting with him.
"Okay. Just do anything you can to try to calm him. It might help, but he'll come down on his own."
Vaughn's blood curdling screams continued, "What do I tell him? Should I tell him it's just a dream?"
"No, just tell him everything will be okay. Keep reassuring him that he's okay."
Sydney put her hand on Vaughn's back, "It's ok Vaughn. No one can hurt you," Sydney said soothingly.
"Good Sydney. Keep talking to him."
"Shh...it's ok...you're ok...just relax..."
Vaughn's screaming stopped suddenly, and he started to ramble. "The snakes…chasing me…crawling…"
"Dr. Barnett?" Sydney asked in a worried voice.
"Just agree with whatever he says Sydney."
"I should tell him that the snakes are chasing him?" she said quietly so he wouldn't hear her.
"Keep talking to him, agree with him, it'll help him calm down. Tell him you won't let the snakes chase him."
"I won't let the snakes get you Vaughn."
"They're chasing me!" He yelled frantically, "Crawling, get them off!"
"Keep talking Sydney."
"It's ok, I won't let them get you. They're not going to get you," she said soothingly, reassuring him, rubbing his back and running her hand through his hair.
"Snakes are everywhere! Crawling."
"I won't let the snakes get you. You're safe. You're safe with me Vaughn."
Then, as if nothing happened, Vaughn blinked and looked at Sydney strangely, "Syd? Who are you talking to?" He said before he lay back down and closed his eyes.
"I'm talking to Dr. Barnett..." Sydney said as he lay back down, "Ok, he's awake…I think…Dr. Barnett…he just laid down again – and I'm pretty sure he's asleep again. What's going on?" she asked, trying to understand, her heart still racing, her voice laden with fear, "And why was he screaming like that? He's never done that before."
"He was just having a night terror. We don't know why they happen, I know you're worried, but they can't hurt him. Tomorrow morning the chances of him actually remembering what happened are slim to none."
"Ok, but I remember. He's not going to remember this at all? Like nothing?"
"He might remember being scared for some reason, or remember seeing people or animals, but the chances of him remembering that he screamed like that and what he said or did is unlikely."
"So am I supposed to ask him about this? Tell him about it? Tell him that he told me snakes were chasing him? He looked terrified, I can't believe he's not going to remember."
"I'm not saying I'm positive he won't remember, but most people who experience night terrors don't remember anything. They are still asleep when this occurs. It's just like sleepwalking, they don't remember it and unlike sleepwalking it's not dangerous to wake a person up from a night terror. If he mentions anything about it, don't keep what happened from him. And if he doesn't ask, you can tell him."
"Is he going to have these a lot? And nightmares too?"
"It's hard to say. He will have nightmares, I'm almost positive of that. I don't know if he will have any more night terrors. No one knows why they happen, or how to prevent them. It doesn't mean he has psychological problems; they can just happen. A number of things can contribute to being more susceptible to them, but they don't bring them on."
"What things? I don't know many more 'things' I can handle here." Sydney said honestly, and then realized that she should probably move into the hall if she was going to talk with Barnett.
Will and Francie searched her face frantically for an answer as to what was going on, only picking up bits and pieces of information.
She looked at them and attempted a shaky smile, and she realized her hands were shaking as she motioned for them to go back to sleep. "I'll have to talk to you guys in the morning," she said, while listening to Barnett.
"Stress, being over-tired, eating a lot before sleeping. These allow terror to be able to manifest itself."
"It's one thing when he's just injured – then he's injured and psychologically injured too. Now, he's having night terrors he won't remember – but I will. He can't move around, he can't do things by himself; he's just gotten rough with me after a nightmare, now this...what more can there be?" Sydney said, the words just pouring out unintentionally. Tears inevitably started to fall as well.
"Take a deep breath Sydney. It'll be okay. I promise you he's going to heal, it will just take time. I know you're scared; it's okay to be scared. He's been through a lot too, so it's going to take time. I can't make promises on what will and won't happen again, but it will get better. It's okay to cry, be scared. It's okay."
"But he needs me to be there for him...to be strong for him," she choked through her tears, quietly sobbing in the hallway.
"It's always harder to be the witness of a night terror than the victim. I know this. You need to calm down; it's okay now. You don't always have to be the strong one Sydney. As much as Michael has been through, you can still lean on him. It would probably make him feel a lot better if you did lean on him a little. You don't have an easy job there Sydney, and Michael knows that. It's okay to cry, it's okay to be scared, and it's okay to lean on him and ask for his comfort as well."
"But he has so much else going on...and now he has more. I just, I don't want to add to the stress," she said, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.
"He does have a lot to deal with, but I have no doubt that he can handle it. You're only going to be able to get through this together. Remember what I said earlier? Don't shut him out because you think he's been through enough already. If you don't let him in, he won't let you in. You both need each other. Take strength from each other, even if there's only a little to give, it helps."
"I'm never going to sleep tonight," Sydney said as she wiped at more of her tears, a short laugh of realization following.
"I'm not going to force you to sleep Sydney, but you should at least try. He's okay now, if that's what you're worried about. I know it's hard to sleep after living through one of someone else's night terrors. I'm going to send you an email right now. It has a link to a great website that has information on night terrors, ok? If you can't sleep, you can read up on them for morning. And the next time I come over for therapy, I'll bring a great book for you and Michael to read."
"Ok…thank you…"
"Anytime. Are you ok now?"
"Yeah, I think so…it was just…scary…"
"I know it was…try to get some sleep now. Call me if you need anything else."
"Thank you. I'm sorry I called you so late," Sydney admitted, finally looking at the clock.
"It's ok. Anytime. Goodnight Sydney."
"Goodnight Dr. Barnett."
Sydney hung up the phone and leaned against the wall, her body slowly slipping down the wall until she hit the floor. She held the phone in one hand while her other covered her eyes. She had no clue how long she was sitting there, but eventually, the tears started to fall again. She covered her mouth, not wanting to wake anyone up again, the sobs quietly filling the hallway as the thoughts and memories started to invade her mind. It was like every bad thing that had ever happened to either one of them was on constant replay at the moment, and she couldn't shut off the flow of tears.
Quietly, Francie's bedroom door opened and Will padded out. Sydney tried unsuccessfully to stop crying, but it didn't work very well. Will said nothing, but shut Sydney's door, peering in at Vaughn and then offering Sydney a hand. She took it and he pulled her up, supporting her as he helped her walk to the living room. He sat her on the couch and walked off, returning with a box of tissues.
She laughed and took one, blowing her nose and wiping at the tears. He smiled softly and sat down next to her, pulling her over to him. He held her as a new batch of tears hit, knowing that she was far from done. He said nothing, but kept up a steady rhythm of rubs to her back. She curled her legs under her and burrowed into him, the stress and fear of the last few months finally pouring out on Will's tee shirt.
After a while, the tears slowed, the sobbing stopped, and the hiccupping lessened. Will just held on, handing her tissues every so often and letting her get out whatever she needed to. He risked a glance down at her and smiled when he realized that she had fallen asleep.
He carefully picked her up and carried her back to her bedroom, tucking her in next to Vaughn. He was about to walk away, but stopped, looking with interest when he noticed the way that they both seemed to seek each other out on the bed. In no time, they were intertwined, sleeping mostly peacefully, together.
He chuckled quietly and walked out, musing what a perfect metaphor that made. He closed the door softly and walked back to Francie's bedroom.
She looked at him, "She ok?"
"Yeah, I think so…just cried a lot – I think it all caught up with her."
"Wow…yeah…that was…scary…" Francie said, burrowing into Will's chest.
"Hang on," he said, moving to grab another shirt, "That one's a little moist."
Francie smiled, "Well…I'm awake…how about you?"
"Yeah, I don't think I'll sleep…kinda…all I can hear is him screaming."
"Yeah…can you imagine? What would have made him that scared?"
"I don't know…"
"What should we do?"
"Wanna play 20 questions?" Will asked.
Francie laughed, "I think I can think of something better to do than 20 questions…unless it's the 'adult' version."
Will smiled, "You think I'd play the other kind? God…you're really dense…that was a total come on!"
Francie giggled, "Well…COME ON then…"
