Readers! Firstly, thank you for reading this story. I promised a chapter and here it is. Also, if you didn't know, I went through my old chapters and fixed some grammar and structural issues (some, it's not perfect) so if you're feeling nostalgic go ahead and give it a re-read! Also:
This story has been nominated for awards in several categories! I'm so shocked and humbled, so thank you to all my readers and supporters!
The categories are:
All-Time Favorite Vampire Academy Fanfic - Win a Kiss
Favorite Comedy Fanfic - Win a Kiss
Favorite Complete Fanfic - Win a Kiss
Favorite Romance Fanfic - Win a Kiss
Favorite Veteran Author - GuardianD
If you would like to vote for my story, please go to: awards. fanaticfanfics. com and click the purple vote rectangle!
And finally, your story.
Cards Against Humanity
"No."
"Yes."
"No!"
"Yes Roza."
"Don't you Roza me, you know that's my weakness." I glared at Dimitri. He smirked down at me, hands on his hips and shaking his head.
I was currently laying on the ground, protesting anymore running. I was also admiring the view of my strong and very attractive Russian teacher/boyfriend/half vampire… it's complicated.
"Come on Rose, one more mile." He bargained. I squeezed the grass beneath my fingers and shook my head.
"You're acting like a child." He sighed.
"That's not what you said last night." I felt the need to point out. I could see him fighting the urge to smile at me while trying to be stern.
"Alright, you run one more mile with me and I'll buy you pizza tonight." He said finally. I leapt up in a flash, brushing grass from my backside and turning to start jogging back towards the school.
"I'm not tired anymore suddenly." I tell Dimitri as he easily catches up with me. He chuckles.
"It's always the pizza." He says matter-of-factly.
##
Dimitri entered my room with several boxes of pizza in his arms. I jumped up to greet him, nearly kicking Mia in the head on the way.
"Settle yourself." Mia snapped and smoothed her hair.
"Sorry, I just can't control myself around pizza." I half heartedly apologized as I took a box from the stack. I bound back onto my bed, and whistled approvingly as I opened the box.
"Yeah, we've noticed." Lissa retorted while scrunching her nose up at the smell of the pizza.
I didn't even roll my eyes at her. Mental high five.
"I smell pizza!" Eddie burst into my room, the door slamming on the wall with his entrance.
"Crazy Dhampirs." Mia grumbled under her breath as Eddie ran over to the boxes that now sat on my desk. Dimitri had joined me on my bed and was silently chuckling at me while I was gazing at my slice of pizza.
"Honestly, you're all animals." Christian says after entering my room and closing the door behind him.
"I don't recall inviting you two to eat my pizza." I protested. Christian clutched his chest.
"I'm so hurt." He says in a monotone voice.
Eddie grinned at me, cheeks full of bread, cheese, and sauce. Grease dripped down his chin as he spoke.
"Can't say I'm sorry about it." He managed to speak. I snorted at him in return.
"I don't know why I love you." Mia joked as Eddie sat beside her on the floor. He smiled at her and offered a half eaten slice of pizza. She pushed his hand away.
"Ew, no." Mia decline. Just then my door opened again and Adrian walked through.
"Did someone say devilishly handsome, because here I am." He raised his chin and winked at me. I rolled my eyes.
"Actually Mia said 'EW' and you appeared, but frankly I'm not surprised." I told him. He just smiled at me and took a seat on a beanbag chair in the corner of my room.
When we were done eating (the first round, I'd be hungry again in an hour) we sat in the room watching some movie that was on. I was leaned back against Dimitri's chest while he played with my hair and I wasn't really paying attention.
"I'm bored." Adrian whined from his corner. I picked up an empty soda can and threw it in his general direction.
"Fetch." I told him. I could practically hear his eyes roll. Eddie snored and jerked up, as if he was sleeping.
"What?! Did I miss something?!" He blinked obnoxiously. I threw a full soda this time. He caught it and cracked it open.
"Honestly, I agree. This movie blows." Christian agreed. Lissa turned and smacked his chest.
"Don't you dare say that about The Notebook." She was appalled.
"Oh, hell no." I grabbed the remote and flicked the TV off.
"Hey!" Mia and Lissa turned on me and yelled. I shrugged.
"Let's play a game instead." I reasoned.
"A kissing game?" Adrian questioned, flashing his eye brows. I sighed dramatically.
"Actually Rose, do you still have that game we played once when we…ah…ran away?" Lissa questioned. I let out a barking laugh.
"Lissa, such a dirty game. I'm surprised at you." I scolded. Her cheeks got pink.
"Dirty game?!" Adrian sat up in the bean bag chair.
"Well, it was quite amusing." She reasoned, ignoring Adrian's outburst. I went over to my closet to dig through some things and pulled out the game box.
"Cards Against Humanity?" Christian read. I nodded.
"Gather round little vampires…we're going to play a fun game." I laughed evilly. The group arranged in a circle on the floor. I placed a large stack of white cards face down.
"Everyone gets five of these white cards. You have to always have five, so once you use one, you take another. Now notice they all say something funny, or gross, or totally weird. If it's your turn you take one of these black cards." I set a smaller pile of black cards next to the white ones. I flipped a black one over to show the group.
"Now it's asking a question. You have to put down the best answer for the question, or fill in the blank." I told them.
"The funnier, the better." Lissa added. I nodded.
"So this black card says: What did I bring back from Mexico? Now we all put down a white card, face down…it's anonymous. Now I get to look at all of them and decide which one is the best. Your card wins, you get to keep the black card. Person who reaches ten black cards first, wins." I finish. "Any questions?" No one answers so I hand out five white cards to each person.
"Lets do this one first." Lissa gestures to the Mexico card. I nod.
"Okay…everyone put one down?" I ask and grab the new pile of white cards. I flip them over, one by one.
"Okay, what did I bring back from Mexico? My boyfriend, Sean Connery, a baby llama," I snorted at that last one. "The south, Herpes, and…fiery poops." I paused and re-read the last one. All at once the room burst into laughter. I clutched my stomach and felt tears in my eyes, even Lissa and Mia were dying laughing.
"It's funny because it's so accurate!" Eddie cried. I laughed harder and harder.
When I was finally able to breath again I picked up the last card.
"Who had fiery poops?" I giggled.
"Unfortunately, me." Dimitri laughed from my side. I gaped at him and then laughed some more.
"Of course he wins the first one." Adrian grumbles jokingly.
"Alright, Lissa. Your turn." I look at her on my right side. She picks up a black card and places it in the middle for everyone to see.
"What are my parents hiding from me?" She reads aloud. We all bend over our cards, searching for the best one. I place mine down, grinning and waiting for the other five cards to be put in. Once they are, Lissa gathers them up and places them down in front of her.
"Okay…What are my parents hiding from me? An atomic bomb, Christmas…Getting Naked and Watching Nickelodeon." Lissa laughs at this one before continuing. "The American Dream, George W. Bush, and The Mona Lisa's smile." Lissa pushed forward the 'Getting Naked and Watching Nickelodeon card.
"This one wins." She laughs. I jump up in victory.
"Yes!" I hold the black card in the air. "Power couple!" I brag and I sit back down next to Dimitri. Christian makes a gagging sound and I shoot him a quick finger.
"You're up, fire boy." I tell him. He takes a black card, cracks a smile and lays it down.
"Alright, what will always get you laid?" He reads. I scramble to find the best card. He picks up the white cards after we've all picked one and starts to read them.
"What will always get you laid? Morgan Freeman's voice," he pauses and nods. "True." I laugh and he continues. "A good sniff, Justin Bieber, Daddy issues," Adrian and I snort in unison at this one. "Road head, and Sarah Palin." He looks them over once more and then holds up Morgan Freeman's voice. Mia plucks up the black card in victory.
"Alrighty, my turn." Adrian rubs his hands together and picks a card.
"We need to protect future generations from…?" He places the card down and we all make our selections. I'm feeling pretty confident as he reads them.
"We need to protect future generations from: Teenage pregnancy, a lifetime of sadness, old people, the placenta, Tom Brady, and" Adrian burst out laughing and had trouble saying the last one, "Being a dick to children." I grinned as the group laughed.
"Alright, the children one wins." He says.
"Yes, I'm killing it." I grab the black card.
"It's funny because you are a dick to children." Eddie laughs. I stick my tongue out at him.
"What are you talking about, she is the child." Christian adds. Dimitri lets out a sharp, unexpected laugh. I glare at him and he lazily smiles back at me.
"Okay, okay my turn." Eddie scoots forward to grab a black card.
"I'm not racist or anything, but I really don't like…" He waits as we put cards down and then spreads them out to make his decision.
"I'm not racist or anything, but I really don't like, a middle-aged man on roller skates, African children," he pauses and chokes. "Oh no…too real." Adrian chuckles and he continues, "Harry Potter erotica, Shaquille O'neal's acting career, Bob Saget, and white privilege." He chuckles at the last one and pushes it forward as the winner.
"Thank you," Lissa takes the black card. I shoot her a glare.
"Come on, Bob Saget was definitely the winner of that round." I grumble. Eddie clicks his tongue at me.
"Now now Rose, children have to learn to share and play nice." He scolds. I refrain from punching him right in the nose…but just barely.
Mia leans forward to take a black card and clears her throat before reading it aloud.
"What do old people smell like?" I choose my card carefully before she picks them up and sorts through.
"Alright, what do old people smell like? Smallpox blankets, women in yogurt commercials, a super soaker full of cat pee, broccoli, a 7/11, and my grandpa." I crossed my fingers.
"Hmm, well I feel like a lot of old people do in fact smell like cat pee so," she pointed at the super soaker full of cat pee one and I yelled in victory. I tucked the black card into my bra with the other one and Dimitri rolled his eyes.
"I gotta remember that one next time I tie Jessie to a tree." I mention, referring to the super soaker. Eddie laughs and Dimitri glares, unimpressed.
"Your turn, Cowboy." I pat his cheek. He picks up a black card.
"I drink to forget," he reads. Everyone puts in their cards.
"I drink to forget, guys who don't call, hurricane Katrina, sad hand jobs," he fights to control his face on this one. "bees, the south…and his ones blank." He questions.
"Oh, that means someone gets to make one up. So who's is it?" I ask. Adrian leans forward.
"Me! And the card says 'Rose Hathaway' on it." He smirks at me. Christian laughs.
"I drink to forget Rose Hathaway. Too accurate." He leans back, hands behind his head. I let out a calming breath before opening my mouth to answer but I never manage to get any words out. Dimitir is handing the black card over to Adrian casually. I snap my mouth shut and look between them. They're fighting smirks.
"I hate both of you." I say finally.
I snag the next black card and read it aloud.
"The things I do for…" Everyone sets their cards in the middle and I shoot a glare at Adrian and Dimitri before picking up the cards and reading them.
"Okay, the things I do for: the female orgasm, waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot," I pause and shake my head, smiling. "menstrual rage, Jesus Christ, Michelle Obama's arms, and my humps." I look through all the cards again.
"There are so many goods ones!" I say in frustration. "I think I'm going to go with…Michelle Obama's arms, cause damn…have you seen those guns?"
Eddie whoops and plucks the black card out of my hands.
"To be honest…I'm pretty jealous of them too." He flexes his own arms.
It's Lissa's turn and she takes a black card while Eddie is still admiring himself.
"Okay, okay. Women get turned on by…" she places the card down and we make our decisions. She scans them briefly and lets out a laugh before laying them out.
"Okay, women get turned on by: Nickelback, children on leashes, sexting, powerful thighs, sexy pillow fights, and an erection that lasts longer than four hours." Adrian flinches at the last one and I laugh at his pain.
"Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and say powerful thighs." Lissa pushes all the other cards away. I whistle low and Eddie whoops.
"Damn Christian, I learn something new about you every day." I say. He rolls his eyes and surprisingly leans forward to take the black card.
"I know what she likes." He shrugs.
I gape at him and Eddie rolls on the floor, practically in tears.
"Christian." Lissa whines, her cheeks tinging pink. Christian winks at her and kisses her forehead before taking a new black card.
Three hours and four more pieces of pizza later and we're down to the final round. Mia is leaned against Eddie half asleep and even I'm fighting a yawn.
"Okay…it's between Rose, Christian, and Adrian for the final round. If one of them win, it's game over." Lissa yawns out. I rub my hands together and blink my eyes to wake my self up. It's Mia's turn so she leans over to pick up the final black card.
"Why am I sticky?" she reads it and places it in the middle of our circle. I smile and place down my card. Everyone else follows and we watch with eager eyes as she lays them all out.
"Okay, why am I sticky? Non-casual sex, shit…just everywhere. All over." Mia pauses after this one to snort. "TGI Friday's Rockin' Reggae Ribs, humping in space, and the person to your left." Mia glances over her left shoulder at Adrian who grins sheepishly at her.
"Ew." Mia wrinkles her nose. Adrian rubs the back of his neck.
"I swear I didn't put that one." He chuckles.
"Well, it's not going to win anyways." Mia pushes the card away with distaste. I jump from my spot on the bed.
"What?! Come on, that was so funny!" I reason. Mia sends me an unimpressed look before choosing the shit everywhere card. Christian casually takes his winning black card.
"No! I can't lose to fire boy!" I groan and fall back onto my bed. Christian sends me a present that looks suspiciously like his middle finger while grabbing Lissa's hand with his other.
"Well, time for my kiss. Goodnight freaks." He waves as they move towards my door.
"Takes one to know one." I call back and blow Lissa a kiss. She rolls her eyes but waves at me before leaving. Eddie and Mia follow suit and I find myself literally pushing Adrian out the door.
"There's still a lot of pizza left-" Adrian whines as he holds the door frame in support as I push him out.
"Get out, loser." I chuckle and and close the door on him.
"Love you too!" he calls from the other side. I smile and turn to Dimitri, who is lounging on my bed and looking through the white card deck.
"This is a seriously messed up game." He says without looking up. I slowly make my way to him, waiting for his eyes to notice my movement.
"Hey Comrade," I say, waiting at the end of the bed. He looks up at me with dark eyes. "Why am I sticky?" I wiggle my eyebrows.
His eyes don't leave mine as he sweeps the cards, pizza box, and empty soda cans off the bed.
"Let's find out Roza."
Thank you for reading! Hope you liked it, this game makes me die laughing every time. Please, please vote if you enjoy this story!
The categories are:
All-Time Favorite Vampire Academy Fanfic - Win a Kiss
Favorite Comedy Fanfic - Win a Kiss
Favorite Complete Fanfic - Win a Kiss
Favorite Romance Fanfic - Win a Kiss
Favorite Veteran Author - GuardianD
If you would like to vote for my story, please go to: awards. fanaticfanfics. com and click the purple vote rectangle!
