"Lucy remembers"
As if sensing Lucy's internal torment, the weather also got unstable. The wind howled between the icy caves, the snow whirled around, the cold was stinging her ears and slowing her down. But the gate was right there, Lucy could see its smooth surface, waiting. Nobody stopped her as she touched it and to her relief, she came through easily. The other side didn't seem much warmer. Jadis' old castle's walls were as unwelcoming, as before and Lucy realised that she didn't want to come back there. The gate that was now on the wall in the throne chamber didn't disappear yet and Lucy quickly jumped back. If she ever wanted to get some peace back in her life, she couldn't leave now. Not without the answers. Shaking, not only from the rage, but from the cold as well, she hesitated. What in the world she was doing?! There she was again, in the realm of the White Witch, who, so far, treated her kindly, but made everything that Lucy believed in, to collapse. What if Jadis was tricking her after all, all this time? Before she was Lucy The Valliant, the queen of Narnia. Now she was... what was Narnia? The moment of the creation came back. As much as the overwhelming feeling of anger, hatred and fear, coming from Jadis' mind. Jadis, who was ready to destroy the entire world in order to not be overpowered. As Lucy came back to this thought, the image of the red sky and the ruined city reappeared and her knees bent.
"Are you going to leave her there?"
"Ozz, have you been eavesdropping again?" Jadis smirked at the bear's white head appearing behind the terrace's fence.
"What can I say, it was hard to not notice... Well, anyway. She ran to the gate, but she came back here. And the weather got bad."
Jadis sighed.
"Alright, alright, get my sleigh ready."
The images of the red city were mixing with different ones. Another city was now in Lucy's head. A loud, deafening sound was coming from the sky. She saw people running around, screaming and looking up with fear. She saw black monsters in the air, they appeared above them like strange, fat dragons, they dropped something on the ground and flew away. But all the places touched by those falling things, exploded with even louder and more scary sounds. The crying around got deafening. Lucy thought she heard her name. And then Susan's and Peter's and Edmund's. Somebody was calling her. Everybody was hiding in the shelters underground or in the cellars. The monsters were coming back. The noise got unbearable and Lucy suddenly knew. That was a war. A war much worse than the battles in Narnia. And they all were in it. She sat in the snow, shaking. Lucy reminded her childhood.
When Jadis found her, the girl was still in the snow, hiding her face in her hands. She didn't hear the queen coming until Jadis stood right next to her. Lucy straightened up and turned away from her.
"Leave me alone!"
"If you think I am your enemy, why have you come back?" Jadis said sharply.
"I remember everything! We got to this world through the wardrobe, there was a gate like here. I was eight years old. We are here for fifteen years..." Lucy thrilled.
"Calm down." Jadis stepped closer and put her hand on Lucy's shoulder. "It's alright."
Lucy felt the strong arms closing around her in embrace. She didn't oppose, too overwhelmed with her memories. Finally she raised her eyes and looked at Jadis closely. The queen was a head taller than her, yet at that moment there was some kind of similarity between them. Perhaps the memory of the great war and the city torn apart by exploding things, perhaps the loneliness. Or just the golden hair, very much alike in colour, getting tangled together in the wind as they both had them loose.
"Now you are doing everything to catch a cold. And how would you explain it in Cair Paravel?" Jadis spoke partonizingly.
Lucy didn't protest when, taken by the hand, she was led to the queen's sleigh.
"England," She said slowly, as they headed back to the palace. Jadis looked at her inquisitively. "That is the name of my country."
The queen nodded. Lucy felt very weak and her head hurt.
"You have indeed a talent of breaking spells." She felt Jadis' arm around her and leaned on her shoulder. "I can't let you out of here before you calm down."
Distant pictures rushed through Lucy's head and most of them were visions of the attacked London city and the big house in the village when she, Edmund, Peter and Susan were hiding in the wardrobe. Strangely, she felt those pictures unreal now. The longer she thought about them, the more they all seemed like a very old, childhood dream, this kind of dream that you remember vividly just after you wake up, but you forget it an hour later. Jadis knew it. She also knew the other spell was still working and although her scroll broke it enough to give Lucy these visions now, she could tell by the girl's face softening that the hidden memories were fading away again.
Soon Lucy was lying in bed, covered and feeling relieved by the warmth and softness. The queen sat beside her. The girl stared at her with big, wide open eyes, hiding not the fear but a kind of stubborness. Jadis thought they were absolutely wonderful.
"I want to know more. About you."
"Why? Why, Lucy?"
It was the first time Jadis called her by name. That wasn't unnoticed. Lucy wasn't the little one anymore. It was the queen to queen talking now and her confusion got replaced by the rush of self confidence.
"About you and the world you come from. And what changed you. And why, if you were in Narnia from the moment of the creation, you were hiding until that time over a hundred years ago. And why have you decided to take over it. And why are you taking care about me? And..."
"And which question would you like me to answer first?" Jadis interrupted her, laughing softly. Lucy felt like an invisible wall between them, the kind that had nothing to do with the ice gate, wasn't there anymore. "Charn was a cruel world. Not that I am trying to explain myself. But there you could either enslave, or become a slave yourself. Even if you belonged to the royal family." Jadis's voice was soft and distant, as if she was telling someone else's story. "It was a dying world. The red sky was burning, but it was not the kind of fire that gives you warmth. When the sun turns red it means the end of the world. They didn't want to accept it and killed everyone who would reveal the truth. I also killed many and was ready to do anything to not let anybody have power over me. So I turned to dangerous sources. They have tought me how to turn everything into a stone and gave me the power to see beyond the world I was in, so I knew one day I would get out. I froze the city and put myself to sleep hoping one day I would be woken up and get out of there. And I did. You saw what happened next."
Lucy nodded, afraid if she would ask Jadis any more questions now, she wouldn't continue. The queen seemed to be deeply in her mind, staring at Lucy blankly and not really seeing her.
"During the battle I would have killed your brother easily if I wasn't interrupted. Don't look like that, I didn't promise you would like my story, did I? You have to realise, how much all four of you were naive at that time. You think four children were a threat to me? No, you were not. Someone else however was. He returned to destroy me. He comes and goes as he pleases and punishes everyone for not obeying him."
"Don't say that! Aslan is kind, I..." Lucy couldn't stand it anymore. She tensed and sat on the bed.
"Don't speak this name!" Jadis shouted, but then she controlled herself and continued silently. "His name is not to be spoken in my realm. Ever. He has no entrance here."
Lucy sighed. She felt there was no point to try to discuss with Jadis on that matter.
"After your dear lion friend jumped at me (Lucy thrilled at the hatred in her voice), all I knew was I couldn't move and that must have been the end after all. And suddenly I felt something I would never expect. I was looking forward to it. Strange thing, since I always wanted to live forever. I felt curious if, when I die, I would have peace. I waited. But that moment wasn't coming. Then somebody found me. One, then another, and another. You don't want to know what a group of centaurs and fauns is able to do with a woman's body. I couldn't move, or scream, yet still, I couldn't die.
Lucy listened to this completely pale, and her shock must have been visible, because Jadis looked at her much softer. "I warned you wouldn't like this story." She added after a moment of silence.
"Finally I was blessed by loosing the consciousness. Then I woke up in the snow. Surrounded by these furry friends here and it took me a while, but eventually I understood, what happened. "Asbjørn and the others took care of me. When my powers got back, there was only one thing I could do, as, obviously, I couldn't die. I wanted to protect them in return. This is my Sanctuary. I cannot leave this land, but anyone who needs this little shelter, can find it. In fact it was Asbjørn's idea."
Lucy smiled at this thought, promising herself to ask the bear more on the next occasion. In the meanwhile, she gazed at Jadis and her emotions overwhelmed her. That night they talked much longer. Lucy learnt how Jadis created the ice palace and that returning to Narnia through the "shortcut" led always to the same spot where she previously had come from. But although the gate in the Sanctuary was only in the cave, it could appear at any place on the other side, depending on the person's abilities. So, basically, if she only would concentrate enough, she could form the ice wall in her own bedroom. Lucy hoped she would learn it quickly as she was now sure she would be visitting the Sanctuary more often.
In the morning she woke up feeling very tired, but Jadis didn't let her stay.
"I am sure soon enough they start to wonder, why their queen disappears once for so long," she commented as she drove her to the gate. The sun was shining and the wind was gone. The Sanctuary was as peaceful and bright, as Lucy could only dream of. As they approached the wall, she felt regret. They stood still for a while.
"Go, little queen." Jadis said finally, like the last time. Lucy blushed.
"I will visit you again." She whispered.
Jadis nodded.
Lucy jumped through the gate.
