Lucy woke up and the intensity of the light in the room told her immediately that she overslept. She jumped out of bed feeling the increasing panic. How did that happen? A moment later she sat back. Something was happening to her. Her body was weak since the previous day, but she took it as a sign she overworked herself on trainings. She felt like all her bones hurt. Not the muscles, the bones. She was covered in sweat and her throat also hurt. She was sick. Using her last reserves of energy, she took a piece of paper, an envelope and wrote a short letter with apology for her absence. Creating the gate made her dizzy. She threw the envelope through the mirror and crawled out of the wardrobe just in time.
"Lucy, are you there? Everybody is waiting for you!"
She opened the door. Susan rushed in and one look at her was enough.
"Peter, Lucy is sick, call the medic!" Susan called into the corridor.
"I don't need a medic!" Lucy protested and coughed. Apparently raising her voice was a bad idea. Her oldest brother appeared and shook his head with worry.
"How did you do it? To catch such a cold in a hot summer..."
"I told you I will be fine, don't make such a big deal of it." Their concern irritated her. Now she will be constantly watched day and night and that was the last thing she wished for. She took out the bottle with her healing potion and was about to open it when Peter held her hand.
"What are you doing? Lucy, are you out of your mind?" He took it away.
"Give it back!" She yelled and the coughing came back.
"It is not to be wasted for a stupid cold. Stop behaving like a child and go back to bed! Lucy, that's an order." He said sharply. Lucy clenched her fists with fury.
"I am not taking orders!"
"Lucy, please..." Susan took her gently by the arms. Lucy wanted to struggle against it, but her body didn't listen to her. She felt like fainting. They helped her get back to the bed.
"What is wrong with her? Lucy never behaved like this..." Peter was still squeezing the potion and looked worried.
"She is ashamed; I guess..." Susan mused. "She is working out like crazy for this tourney, even at night, and barely sleeps. I don't know why it is so important. We are not participants anyway... I will talk to her later."
Lucy lay down. She felt hot and cold at the same time, her body shivered and all she wanted was to be left alone and cry. She never felt so lonely like at that moment when she realized she couldn't cross the gate that day. And maybe also that week. As long as she was sick there would always be someone watching her. She wanted to scream. The very thought that she couldn't go to the Sanctuary probably for longer time, made her instantly miss the icy field, various, white, fluffy animals always making her laugh. The chilly and refreshing air, the light of the rising sun coloring the snow. Jadis running through the snow. Jadis... Lucy curled up under the blanket.
In the next couple of days, she was served lots of food that she was unable to eat, along with some strange potions that tasted horrible, and she slept. Long and hard and had many dreams which she didn't remember except of a constant vision of one person.
"She has nightmares. Like you did. She spoke the name of the White Witch in her sleep. I have heard it. You need to talk to her." Susan told Edmund who nodded, trying to control his emotions.
His own nightmares were his personal secret and nobody knew about them but Susan and Mr. Tumnus. He was hiding them especially from Peter, as there was always a part of him that wouldn't let the oldest brother see his weakness. Edmund dreamed about the White Witch and the addictive Turkish Delight and each of those dreams ended with him waking up in sweat and enraged. The one thing he regretted the most was that it was not him ending her life. He felt defeated and his guilt never got weaker, only increasing the hatred towards the past. Now, thinking that Lucy might have suffered because of the same person, he wanted to destroy something to release his rage. Lucy was very pale, but after a few days she slept more calmly. They breathed with relief as it appeared the cold was really just a cold, after all.
Finally, Lucy felt good enough, that after another soup they served her, she was sitting on the bed and her cheeks seemed to return to the normal color.
"How are you, sister?" Edmund sat by her bed.
She looked at him with a surprise. So far it was always Susan sitting by her bed, not Edmund. This time she felt her brother didn't just visit her for a while to check how she felt. He was there for hours. She reminded her fight with Peter. As her thoughts got more clear, Lucy regretted losing her temper like that.
"Much better, thank you. Please, tell my apologies to Peter. He was right." She confessed. Edmund winked at her.
"I bet he deserved whatever you said, Peter The Almighty."
Lucy giggled. It was their secret nickname for the oldest brother since they were children. Even Susan didn't know it.
"Some things never change, do they?" She said brightly.
"They won't." Edmund admitted and leaned over her.
"You had nightmares, didn't you? We have heard you talking in your sleep. Are you alright?"
Lucy paled. What could they hear? She never thought about that. So far she didn't have to, nobody ever shared the bedroom with her since... She took a deep breath.
"What did I say exactly?"
"You said the name of the White Witch. There is nothing to be ashamed of, Lucy. It happened to me as well. Many times."
"What did you dream about?" She asked eagerly, hoping to avoid more questions.
"That I was killing her. Or she was killing me. They were different. Sometimes...," Edmund's voice turned into a whisper, "...I couldn't stop thinking about her. It was like... the world around me got dull and boring and I felt everything in her presence had brighter colors and no taste could be compared with the taste of her food. Her spell I guess... I feel like it is still inside of me. Like a part of me still dreams about her." His voice turned into a strange tone, as he was breathing faster and speaking with an affection of someone who was hiding his thoughts for too long. "I wish she were alive so I could get to her and defeat her. To feel her under me struggling... She deserves that, you know? Lucy, are you alright? You paled so much."
"I am fine." She managed to speak although she squeezed her hands together under the blanket so strongly that they hurt. She wanted to punch him for those words. "I think I want to go back to sleep." She turned to the side. As Edmund left her room, Lucy wept into the pillow.
A soft ruffling in the wardrobe drew her attention. Lucy froze. She knew that sound. Feeling her heart jumping of joy, she was conscious enough to check if she was alone in the room. She was. Although still found it difficult to move, she stood up and locked the door.
"How did you get here, Tom? The gateā¦" She stared at the white fox, she wanted to hug and kiss him, at that moment she felt he was the most precious and beautiful thing in the world. Tom spat out the envelope Lucy had previously used.
"Of course!" She grinned with excitement. "The paper came from this room, so while holding it, you could come here too! How clever!" Tom nodded and wiggled his puffy tail as the sign of pride.
"I have tried to deliver it several times, but you were never alone." He said. The envelope was thicker than before. Lucy opened it impatiently.
"Dear Lucy. I hope you will recover soon. This might help. But be careful and give the bottle back to Tom after you use it."
With shaking hands Lucy took out a little, flat bottle. Not thinking, she unscrewed it and swallowed a shiny potion that tasted like a crystal clear water from a mountain stream. She felt it was delicious. With a hint of regret, she returned the empty bottle to Tom and quickly wrote the answer.
"Thank you. I am looking forward to seeing you soon. Yours, Lucy."
It was almost painful to watch Tom disappearing in the mirror with the letter in his mouth and not to follow him.
